A/N Well I couldn't think of something normal and lately I've been reading Bellamione stories which are somewhat cute at times but have a lot of violence in them so blame that not me for this, and moods do affect how I write so as you might guess guys I'm not in the best mood. Sorry I'm blabbing on but I just wanted to warn you there's self harm in this and depression and some of the many other problems that sprout from depression, so if your sensitive to those things it's not a good idea to read this story. Somethings will be different from in the show.

Normal POV

The brunette sat down on her throne, or as close as it could be to a throne. Yes, she was the proud leader of her people the Trikru, of course she would be, they were all surviving fine and now that the Skaikru or some of the Skaikru were added to their ranks the ground was much safer for them all, but it's never that simple even though they had united the tribes to battle against mount weather and defeated them in a bloody battle.

The other tribes now parted ways to become their separate tribes once again and since the treaty was only for the battle of mount weather, the ice nation had stabbed them in the back after it was over as they hated the leader, not that she didn't hate them back, in fact she hated them back so much more, they had taken many things from her, Costia now being at the bottom of the endless list, at the top right now would be the ability to walk properly.

Many of the ice nation attacked but alone, the rest of tribes already set off for their separate lives and most would have sided with the Heda after all she was in charge now that most of the commanders of the other tribes had died in the missile attack, the only tribe that stayed was the Skaikru and all because of a certain blonde and her determination to end all of the fighting and help them keep peace, the blonde wouldn't leave then and she insisted that she wouldn't leave now but the stubborn brunette now continued to push her away,certain that Clarke wouldn't want her now, her people wouldn't want her either now that she had lost her left leg, Lexa could no longer fight to the fullest, doubting herself deeply after they had defeated the ice nation.

Your just useless now, nobody wants an injured commander. You'll weaken the tribe, end it leave them to deal with the mess you'll leave behind. Once it's done no one will care, no one does now not even your little girlfriend, only she's not your girlfriend so stop thinking it will become reality, snap out of your little dreamland Lexa your not worthy to be commander anymore, not worthy enough to get Clarke, she'll never truly love you back, just end it all now, so quickly you won't feel a thing. A voice screamed through the brunette's head she was still in deep thought, swaying her legs over her throne casually, if anyone came in they wouldn't suspect the inner turmoil that was taking place inside of her head at that moment.

The brunette screwed her eyes together trying to block out the voice, trying to focus on something else anything else but she was fighting a losing battle against herself and now doubt was turning to hate, all different types of hate. She hated Clarke for not knowing her true feelings, The ice nation who had caused her so much pain, they had tortured her with image of Costia's head on the floor in everyone of her dreams until she had met the blonde.. adding all this hate together and it still didn't get close to the amount she hated herself for letting this all happen, she had failed as a commander, as a friend, as a warrior.

The brunette felt a warm sensation trickling down her cheeks as she thought about it more, the voices were right, she was useless to everyone now it might be better if she just ended it, ended it all here right now, quick and easy.

The black war paint she always wore now sliding down her cheeks with the droplets of tears she shed, it would stain her clothes but Lexa didn't mind, I mean she was thinking about killing herself that's one of the less prominent things that would stain her clothes.

The voice echoing through her head was a sly sounding voice, whispering things in her head, it always had and helped her to be this person that she had turned out to be, the one who now saw love as a weakness and now it was turning her against herself almost emotionless as usual.

The brunette's warpaint was now smudged and trailed down her face stopping on her neck, some dying the torn fabric she wore at current, red streaks replaced where the war paint had disappeared and the brunette didn't look nor did she seem her normal self, this Lexa sitting in the throne was broken, she thought she was from the time she lost her leg but only now was the commander truly broken down to a feeble girl, a shadow of her former self.

Lexa finally realised all this and lets the sobs rack her body, normally she would shout at herself for letting her feelings best her but after everything, the wall she's built up has finally come crumbling down.

Wiping her eyes she does her best to calm herself before standing up and disappearing behind the curtain of fur pelts to her sleeping and planning quarters, it's darker in here then in the previous space of her tent and the noise she previously heard from the Trikru and Skaikru having fun outside is drowned out, it's late into the night so she hopes she won't be disturbed although she doubts she will since the two tribes now merged as one are celebrating and most likely drunken, too drunken to find her in time anyway.

Her footsteps are heavy as if she carries a burden, she feels that she's the burden to the rest of her people as she limps with the help of make do crutches, curtesy of Clarke. Finally after what seemed an eternity for Lexa with her leg missing it's a lot more effort to move even the slightest, she flops down on to her so called bed though it isn't much like a bed any of the Skaikru would be used to.

A shining object gets her attention and she digs about for it and although she can see it shine so much it not easy to grab, she's tired and is stuck into believing what the voices in her head were saying about her, she really didn't want to be a failure but she believes she is, her left leg is now amputated from the knee down so she can't do much anymore, it's all that's repeated in her head since it all happened a few days ago or maybe was it a week, her memories were becoming blurry and slurred into a mixture of what Lexa can only describe as confusing shit because none of it makes sense, it's all useless like her.

After what seemed like awhile but was probably actually just 5 minutes of digging through the pile of clothes, clothes she wouldn't use again, hence them being tossed in a pile on the floor, her battle armour clothes which she used to wear to battle, of course she could no longer wear these, she wasn't fit to fight nor did she deem herself worthy of being the Heda anymore, she pulls out the gleaming object, it 's shiny for certain the metal it's made from looks pure silver as it reflects the brunette's damaged image, it shows her what she truly believes she is but doesn't realise she's the only one that thinks such things.

Lexa stares down at the knife in her hands it was already free from it's sheath as though it was waiting for her to take in order to do this, she twirls it in her hand slightly like she normally does as a dead feeling inside her lays heavy on her heart, emotions swarm her and once again tears run down the girl's face, everyone forgets that in the end she's just a little girl under that tough exterior, she's not even passed the age of 20 yet.

The feelings crowd her and she's even more broken but a piece is missing as if there's a dark abyss in Lexa heart from all the pain she's been through, the dark abyss is maybe how hurt the girl is, after all she's been through countless things, all of those painful to remember.

Cold steel pressed against one of her arms, her sleeves ripped off in frustration since they were in the way and it's wasn't like they would be used again, cold metal already sharpened against a rock, a grinding noised usually so satisfying to the commander as it signals that swords are drawn and it's time to fight but this time she doesn't have the energy to fight anymore, she's giving up and the voices are egging her on.

She snaps, the cold steel cutting through the top layer of fresh as the sting of it slipping easily through the delicate skin is present but she looks at herself again, halting the blade that pierced the skin slightly, her breathing irregular as her heart is beating rapidly, the emptiness fills her against leaving her cold as her breath hitches and the voices starts taunting her again, twisting words as they try to trick Lexa into doing it, they always had been able to tricks her into things like they were real people, cunning people at could manipulate her so easily.

They start persuading her, lying to her, dragging Lexa down into her empty shell, trying to hollow it even more with memories, horrible memories that haunt her. Lexa come on you can do it, you know you want to... Feel it again, feel the sting of that knife against your skin, nobody will notice.. They won't care in the slightest.. Do it, you can finally see Costia again! And Clarke will love you, you'll see she'll be there and you'll choose again, choose between Costia and your little blonde that you think oh so highly of.. Why do you? She probably doesn't respect you back that's why she stopped you killing Octavia, maybe she likes her instead.. You should just forget about Clarke Griffin, she'll soon forget about you. The voice chuckled darkly through her head as she struggled to understand anymore.

"No, I don't believe you. Clarke may not love me back but she doesn't love Octavia, they are friends and it is not my place to judge her on that even if she did... Leave me alone" The girl finally snapped back to her senses realising how stupid this was, she frowned as she hears them chuckle again, this time they sent chills down her spine. Nice try Lexa but you've already lost, look it's too late you already decided your fate, your wrists aren't so clean anymore, the crimson river is flowing.. See you in awhile Lexa where you belong.

It sounded as if it was grinning as she slowly realised why, her arms felt warm and sticky as something trickled down them at a rather fast pace, her eyes darting to her arms seeing blood flow down her fairly tanned skin littered in scars, she now panicked as more blood ran down her arms staining the clothes she wore, the fur pelts on the bed, the clothes piled on the floor, the blood landing everywhere, settling as puddles on the ground that was covered in bark and leaves and other rotting forest debris.

It snapped within her that she had nothing to stop the bleeding and even if she did she couldn't walk to get it, she would die eventually so instead of struggling about and messing up the place she lay back on the fur pelts beneath her, clutching her hands to her chest and facing up.

Occasionally she would glance beside her at the knife that started this, it was now covered in a thin layer of blood, giving off a crimson glow on top of it's already silver glow, after a few times of doing this Lexa finally shut her eyes laying back as she awaited fate.

Of course Lexa's fate is not only determined by her, the blonde she had been thinking about bursts through the door to an unexpected sight, I mean she expected something but nothing like this, it's shocks her to think that it's this easy for the normally strong, stoic commander to just give up and break down, but like always Clarke is determined to save everyone she can.

The blonde dashes over to the weakening commander, it pains her to see that all of this affected the brunette so much that she was driven to this. "Lexa, come on open your eyes and stay with me. I'm not going to let you die this easy, your strong warrior and if you died like this it would be a dishonourable way to die." Clarke yelled shaking the commander, eyes flutter open revealing the blonde she couldn't help but fall in love with the more they got to know each other.

Lexa smirked looking up at her angel, or at least that's what she thought Clarke was fiddling about with her bag, luckily for Lexa she had been collected medicinal herbs that the grounders used. "I think it's a little too late Klark of the Skaikru, I just want one last thing" She coughed, lossing blood would weaken anyone and this was a significant amount of blood to lose.

"Nope, I'm not letting you give on yourself.. Yu gonplei Leksa, it's not ain, it's yun. Yu ste yui gona... Kik thru Leksa, bilaik yu don tel ai op otaim" Clarke struggled to say the words correctly but Lexa knew what she meant even if she couldn't think of the correct words for the sentence so added english for those parts, it made Lexa chuckle slightly but she didn't want Clarke to see all of this.

"Gon we Klark" She commanded the blonde, who just gave her a look of 'I'm not leaving now no matter what you say' it was Clarke so she really isn't surprised at the refusal of her request, so Lexa repeatedly commanded her to leave in Trigedasleng, she knows that Clarke doesn't know a lot of their language yet but she knows what this means. "Em pleni!" Clarke shouts before turning quiet.

Clarke is already working on the bleeding of her wrist, rubbing some crushed up herbs that were like a paste on to the wounds, it was cool on her heated skin and calmed the panicked commander. "What is that Clarke?" She asked the girl who was now wrapping bandages around her wrists.

She Looked up gazing into the brunette's green eyes for a moment before replying, the commander wouldn't admit it out loud to anyone except Clarke, but the blonde blue eyes were calming to her like a body of water that conveyed all the blonde emotions, and right now worry was the only one, worry for the commander not for anyone else though. "It's coagulant, it's supposed to clot the blood so it will stop you bleeding to death Lexa. Just don't do this again, what if I hadn't come in to check on you? You could be dead." Clarke cried out, hugging the surprised brunette.

"I'm fine Klark of the Skaikru, mochof.. For saving me." Lexa smiles before falling quiet again, Clarke replies quietly looking away from Lexa. "Pro, Leksa."

Clarke turns to Lexa before moving to the exit of the tent to leave her again, this time with the knife in her possession. "Ai hod yu in Klark." Lexa muttered, thinking the blonde didn't know what it meant but she had been learning more of the language with Lincoln and Octavia so she knew what it meant very well, they both said it to each other enough.

"En ai hod yu in Leksa" Clarke smiled, looking behind her at a wide-eyed Lexa who was now blushing furiously which became very visible since her war paint wasn't there to hide it anymore.

"Yes I knew what it meant Lexa, I know more trigedasleng then you think I do, you should careful what you say." Clarke chuckles sitting next to Lexa on the fur pelts covering the makeshift bed.

Green eyes turn to blue full of emotion at the whole situation, hands seek each other out and both hold each tightly as if any moment they would be ripped away from each other. Both leaned closer in a hug, a tight hug that seemed warm to both of them as they inch even closer together.

Each other's breath brushing the other's face mixing together like chemicals, intoxicating chemicals that affect them both, betting closer and closer until they're pressed so tightly against each other, their bodies moulding together as their lips finally meet and fireworks are set off or at least that what it feels like for both of them, lips move together in sync as if they're one, they now how the other will move, fitting together like pieces of a puzzle.

Minutes pass but feel like hours with both of them pressed to each other, until they finally need to breathe air again and separate, foreheads pressed together as eyes connect once again and hearts beat in unison.

"Never believe that your are useless Lexa, because your not.. You'll always be useful if to no one else then to me" Clarke whispers just loud enough so Lexa hears, though she is met with a confused look and only sighs before responding properly. "Is that not the reason you did all of this?"

"Well at first I suppose it was but I don't know understand it all anymore." The brunette replies laying her head on the blonde's shoulder, who doesn't seem to mind and gently rubs the brunette's back in a soothing way, like her mother and father use to do for her.

"I had Monty and Jasper work along with Raven and Wick.. I got them to make a leg that's somewhat like Raven's so you can at least get around properly.. You'll have the purpose that you think you don't have, but your the only on that thinks that way because all your people look up to either way and so do I Leska, Heda of the Trikru" Clark muttered, saluting like you would to a higher up even though Lexa didn't let Clarke class her as higher up, after all they were both the leaders of their people still, but now they could do it together, they could be stronger together.

A/N so pretty long, I hope you liked it though It seems quite dark throughout but it just has to have a happy ending for those two, ^^ they're so cute together, next one might be out sometime in soon because exams are over, though I have to get some ideas together, I really should change some of the ideas I have for Mikannie to Clexa but I feel as though it's wouldn't fit them as well as they fit Mikannie, troubles of writing fanfiction.

Trigedasleng to English phrases:

Yu gonplei Leksa, it's not ain, it's yun. = Your fight Lexa, it's not mine, it's yours.

Yu ste yui gona... = Your a strong warrior...

Kik thru Leksa, bilaik yu don tel ai op otaim. = Survive Lexa, like you have always told me.

Gon we Klark. = Leave Clarke

Em pleni! = Enough! (As a command)

I'm fine Klark of the Skaikru, mochof.. For saving me. = I'm fine Clarke of the sky people, thank you.. For saving me.

Pro, Leksa. = Your welcome, Lexa.

Ai hod yu in Klark. = I love you Clarke.

En ai hod yu in Leksa. = And I love you Lexa.

Well this is what they're supposed to mean, since this is how some of the phrases are spelt out but it's hard to translate, I assume you guys know the simpler terms in Trigedasleng if not just ask, I put them like this because they make a lot more sense when in the sentence.