Chapter 9: Anniversary

The food is cold, and the candles on the kitchen island have melted down to half its original length before burning out. My apartment has a bluish glow as the midnight moon's light peers through the panoramic windows. All is quiet except for the soft piano keys playing on a loop through my laptop. I am slumped on the side of my bed with my hands clamped around my arms as if I am cold. Sesshomaru… Inutaisho-sensei never showed up.

My mine wonders as I contemplate the position I am in. Perhaps this is karma for using that teacher back when I lead my all girl gang. Now I sit here, with no intentions of such manipulation, wondering what would be happening now if he came. I was so sure that he would. He did, after all, pursue me first. One would think that he would leap for a second chance. I find myself going through a vivid scenario in my head.

He would knock on the door and listen to my eager steps as I go to let him in. We would sit at the kitchen island, and he would enjoy the food I put so much love and care into making. He would show me an amused smirk as I pour Italian sodas into wine glasses because I am not of drinking age. I would ask him what made him decide on teaching as a career. He would tell me about his life, likes, and dislikes. I would happily listen and revel in solving the enigma that has kept me distracted thus far. We would move to the couch and continue our conversation; just exchanging stories all night long. Maybe, we would laugh, and I would see a side of him no one has ever seen before.

The reverie comes to a halt when the piano music stops playing, and I am left alone in my apartment feeling like a foolish adolescent. I feel like even more of a fool as I go to clean up the mess I have made. I throw the candles and the food into the trash making a mental note to take it out tomorrow. Then I put away the syrup and sparkling water. Finished ridding of all the evidence, I change into my sleepwear and nurse my wounded confidence until I fall asleep in bed.

The month off for summer break passed quickly. I nervously make my way through the halls at school until I reach my homeroom. Everyone in class talks about what they did during the break. They share photos with each other, show off new accessories they got, and compare tan lines.

"Uematsu-senpai! What did you do over summer break?" Girl Number One asks me. She has Haru-kun and Girl Number Two on either side of her.

"I watched all of the movies I own," I reply back sitting at my desk with my chin resting on my wrist.

"That's all you did?" Girl Number Two asks, and I nod my response. "We should've exchanged numbers. The three of us took a trip to the beach. We would've loved for you to come with us!"

"That sounds like it would've been fun, but I don't have a phone."

"You don't have a phone?" Haru-kun asks in awe.

"Never thought I would need it."

The trio gapes at me, and I just shrug. "Well if you count stolen burner phones…" The chatter around the room stops as Inutaisho-sensei walks in. Everyone takes a seat at their desks and turn into androids; blank faces stare ahead and hands fold in front. I, on the other hand, have my eyes glued down to my planner with my fingers fiddling with the hem of my skirt. "If you can't see him, he can't see you," I repeat in my head hoping that there is truth behind it.

"Good morning class," he starts off, "I trust that you have all had an enjoyable summer break. Even those of you in summer school."

Vaguely, I feel two pairs of eyes land on my back to burn holes. I realize—unfortunately—that the Dreadful Duo is back. Inutaisho-sensei continues with taking attendance (silently, not calling out anyone's names) and finishes with a few announcements. The day cycles through like normal with added nuisances from my favorite couple of gals. I hold my own, though. All they can do is glare at me anyways. I can bear seeing their pinched faces every now and then. Finally, the day ends, and I walk out of the school relieved that I survived being in the same room as him after being stood up. However, I still hurt.

Instead of reminiscing about the past I find myself re-imagining our last interactions. I bend them to create more favorable outcomes and wish deep down that all of them were true. I wonder if I would ride home with him instead of taking the train. "Safely on our side of town, would we act more like a couple?" I question as I pass the café he took me to. Standing in front of my building I feel a little glimmer of hope that he is waiting for me in the lobby. My eyes scan the room as I head for the stairwell. With no sign of long silver hair in the lobby, I ignore the crushing feeling inside as I climb to my floor. When my door comes into sight, so does the image of the two of us standing there after our first date. He stood so close and the look in his eyes held so much meaning. I woefully watch as the scene plays out, and I want to slap the Sakura before me just after she slapped him. "Just let him kiss you, dammit!" I scream in my head. "The stinging feeling of swallowing your pride is nothing compared to what you will feel. Listen to me!" With a huff, I walk through the apparitions and they disperse in smoke. Inside my apartment, I lean against the door. Before I know it I find myself sliding down the door with regretful tears and sobs escaping the cage I kept them in.

I am wounded, like any girl out there who has developed unrequited feelings for another. In my case, I never wanted these feelings but they disguised themselves and found a secret way in. Those are the most dangerous as it begins as a seed of curiosity that plants itself in your heart. I made the mistake of feeding into the curiosity, and it grew like a plant being watered and given sunlight. The roots of these feelings grew deep, and—like the fool that I am—I grabbed it at the base and ripped it from the surface; leaving behind a tattered and open wound. I have no one to blame for my misery but myself. In that split moment, I chose to push him away. He is a man, not a boy, so of course he would accept my answer right there and move on. Men do not have time to play silly games back and forth. Of course he would not come knocking on my door that night before summer break began.

Wiping away my tears, I stand up and take a deep breath. "This is ridiculous. I have greater things to worry about such as getting through school and getting far away from him," I think to myself. I force myself to revert back to the freshly reformed yankii who is ready to stay in line and graduate from high school upon given a second chance. I ignore the aching feeling in my chest and push forward.

I am no stranger to loss. That much I know. I fall deeper into the fabricated life I created as the school days progress. I no longer sit in my seat hoping like a helpless schoolgirl for a man to notice me. I hold my head high and act as though I never dabbled in a forbidden tryst. There is an aura of confidence around me, and I can even look him in the eye; matching the blank stare I know so well. Deep down, I am still the hardened yankii I was growing up. I am just pulling her back to the surface. Well, most of her.

"Uematsu-chan, so you decided to come to school today," I hear Kokubunji-sama call out to me as I pass through the front doors.

"Of course," I answer a little confused. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I just assumed you would want to take the day off," he slowly says with visible concern. "After all, today is…"

I tilt my head to the side waiting for him to finish his sentence.

"Never mind, it's good to see you keeping up with your schooling," he turns away with a wave and walks off.

"That was… odd."

Things get even stranger once I step into the classroom. Everyone is already in their seats, and many of them seem surprised to see me. I brush them off and take my seat.

"Do you think she knows what day it is today?"

"Should we tell her?"

"No, that's totally insensitive."

"Gotta hand it to her for being tough… Still showing up to school and all."

I hear them whisper behind me and pull out my planner to check the date. The 27th of September. I feel a vague sense of significance for today. Then realization hits me harder than a sledgehammer. My eyes widen as a crushing feeling around my chest makes it hard to breathe. I wrap my arms tightly around my body to keep it all inside. Drops of acid from a life I tried to cover up leak through each protective brick of my fabricated life and burn at the back of my eyes. I can feel my face scrunching up into ugly proportions in an attempt to keep the acid from rolling through my tear ducts. The grip around my body grows tighter.

"Uematsu-senpai, are you alright?" I hear Haru-kun ask from his seat next to me.

With my face aimed downwards and hair draped around to cover my pained expression, I slowly shake my head no. "I… I can't breathe," I manage to choke out.

"I'll get the nurse!" He exclaims and I hear him run out the door.

"Haru, class is about to start!" Inutaisho-sensei scolds him.

"Uematsu-senpai needs the nurse! She can't breathe!"

"Uematsu. Uematsu, can you hear me?"

I can hear him, but my energy is focused on formulating a new scenario to cover up the significance of today's date. My imagination rushes to my rescue but to no avail. The truth is out like a pesky beast that refuses to go back in its cage. My arms tighten even more around my body, and I feel pain from my nails that happen to be clawing at my chest as if trying to pull out the broken shards of my heart that stab everything inside.

"Uematsu! Uematsu!" I hear Inutaisho-sensei's voice in front of me, but my eyes are tightly shut. I cannot see it, but I hear concern in his voice; somehow, hearing him calling my name—with worry—is a breeze of cool air on a scorching day. It is just a shame that it is not enough to save me from the hell I am reliving.

"Everyone! Wait out in the hall!" I hear a feminine voice (the school nurse) say to the students. "Uematsu, I need you to lie down straight for me."

I faintly realize that I have somehow made it to the floor. I do not listen to her, and maintain my crunched up position.

"Nothing is physically wrong with her," Yuzuki-sama's familiar voice rings in, and I hear her kneel next to me. She places a hand on my shoulder. "You're realizing the truth again, aren't you?"

The tears finally escape my iron grip, and I nod my head yes.

"Nurse, please move the students waiting out in the hall to another location; the computer lab perhaps. I need to get Sakura-chan out of here safely and without an audience."

I hear the door slide open then close as the nurse leaves.

"Sakura-chan, can you get up?" she asks and I shake my head no. "Sensei, would you mind helping me get Sakura-chan to my car? We have to hurry; before she starts convulsing."

"Sensei? Who…?" I feel strong arms underneath my body and then they lift me up. Through my tears and reddened eyes I see the gold hues of Inutaisho-sensei look back at me. His eyes show clear signs of disapproval when he looks down to my chest that is red with irritation and sprinkled with specks of blood. Embarrassed with the state I am currently in (and the fact that he is holding me bridal style) I avert my gaze.

"She appears to have calmed down a bit, but it will start back up again. It always does," Yuzuki-sama hurriedly says as we make our way through the halls.

Inutaisho-sensei gently sets me down in the passenger seat once we reach Yuzuki-sama's car. His face is blank save for a tense jaw line. He buckles me in, and with such close proximity, I inhale the familiar scent of Chrome by Azzaro. When he pulls away, I feel fresh tears begin to stream down my face. His brow furrows just before closing the door, and I catch a glimmer of a familiar emotion in his eyes through the window. Yuzuki-sensei ignites the engine, and I watch his figure shrink in the side mirror as she drives off. When I can no longer see the school, I turn to look at my therapist who wears a smile like she knows of a secret she can use to her advantage.

Hi!

Sorry this took a while, but thank you all for being patient! I got over my dilemma sooner than I anticipated, and I hope all of you like where this story is going to go!

'Til next time!