Chapter 15: Trust Your Struggle
The sound of the cabinet doors calls me from my sleep. I frown when my arms reach out to an empty space then I open my eyes. The feeling in my apartment is different; the polar opposite of the feeling I got when I opened my eyes to my nightmarish old bedroom. I hear more sounds coming from my kitchen and avert my eyes in that direction. The muscles on my face perform the first stretch of the day as an unstoppable smile has me beaming brighter than the morning sun. Sesshomaru is comfortably making his way about my kitchen. His hair is damp from a shower, and his tie is hanging undone on his neck. My face flushes, and I am a deer in the headlights when he turns around to reveal that his white dress shirt is unbuttoned, revealing his perfectly sculpted torso. I quickly turn my head so that my hair falls on my face when he looks in my direction.
"Sakura, are you awake?" he asks, and I watch through my hair as his head cocks to the side.
I do not respond, and he slowly walks over to the side of my bed. He has a bag of ground coffee in hand.
"Sakura, you're going to make the both of us late if you don't get up," he says and waves the open bag under my nose.
"Alright, I'm up. Where's your undershirt?"
"Someone drooled all over it last night. I had to discard it," he responds with a smirk and turns around.
I chuck a pillow at his back then hop out of bed. After my shower, I dress in the bathroom and walk to the kitchen island where Sesshomaru places a cup of coffee in front of me. Unfortunately, his shirt is now buttoned up all the way. He sits adjacent to me and eyes me intently with his lips molding to the edge of his mug.
"Umm, can I help you?" I ask him with slight irritation.
"What was your nightmare about?"
"I don't want to talk about it right now," I sigh. "That's not how I want to start my day."
"Understandable. Just answer this for me: Do you often have nightmares?"
I stir the cream and sugar into my morning perk as I think about his question.
"In all honesty I do, but none of them were that intense. Often times, I know that I'm dreaming, but this one was different. It felt so real, and I couldn't will myself to wake up like I normally can."
"Interesting. Will you tell me about it all later?"
"If you insist. I guess."
Sesshomaru drops me off at the train station to create the illusion that I took public transportation to school. I walk the couple blocks to the academy and ready my mind for the usual routine of first hitting the lockers, walking to homeroom, and sitting through the scheduled classes. I feel like I hit a wall by the end of the day when Haru-kun loops his arm around mine and walks me to the auditorium. "Honestly, I wasn't going to skip out on Music Club!" I think as he nearly drags me through the double doors.
Everyone is seated on or around the stage. Shimizu-sensei is perched comfortably on a theater chair to observe. She smiles brightly when we make eye contact.
"Now that everyone is here, shall we start?" the familiar face says once Haru-kun and I take our seats.
"So, we are going to perform five songs for the Cultural Festival. Have we decided on a set list?" Haru-kun asks the small group.
"We're going to cover songs, right? The Cultural Festival is in two weeks. That's nowhere near enough time to write, compose, and rehearse. That's also cutting it very close to even do covers!" says a second-year boy.
"Yes, we are going to cover. Besides, I believe that more people will be interested when they hear songs they are familiar with," responds Haru-kun.
"Are our Alumni's going to perform the song we open with? Do we have to pick that one out?"
"I spoke with Yumi-senpai this morning," says familiar face, "She said that she already has a song picked out for her, Takako-senpai, and Sakura-senpai."
"I'm technically not an Alumni," I state while straightening up my body, "and I would be better working in the back and nowhere near the front of the stage."
"Sakura-senpai," familiar face begins to plead, "please, our hopes are on opening our show with the performance that made the newspapers two years ago when-"
"Isuzu-san, let's just focus on our end of the show," Haru-kun interrupts her.
The familiar face that is now known as Isuzu retracts herself, and the group begins to pick out songs that they have played with from the beginning of the year until now. No one notices as I slip away from the group and sit on the stairs that lead to the stage. "Two years ago when I was at my prime," I nostalgically muse to myself and lean against the railing. My wistful eyes fall onto the group as they happily plan out the mini concert. Haru-kun and a girl from another third year class grin from ear to ear when the group nominates them to perform a love song duet, and a tinge of pink graces the girl's cheeks. They pick out more songs and performers; by the end of the day everyone knows what they need to rehearse and what their duties are. By the end of the day, the dose of myosotine I had to take is in full affect.
Like on autopilot, I follow as the club leaves the auditorium. Shimizu-sensei walks next to me, and I nod at her gentle words that I do not really hear. My mind is focused on the vision that plays: Yumi, Takako, and myself are standing in the living room at my old home. The furniture has been pushed into the hall so that we have an open dance floor. We practice a routine. During our rehearsal we are mostly serious, but we fool around here and there. When we are serious about rehearsal for the last time, the room morphs into the very auditorium I was just in. Now, the place is full of people. I cannot see them, but I can hear their cheers echo off the walls. Every turn I make, I see the flashing of cameras that leaves my vision spotted. In spite of that, I gracefully move and my voice does not falter. If I could feel right now, I would feel joy and excitement. I would feel exhilaration from performing in front of a large crowd, and I would feel pleasure that they are awed by our performance. Deep down in my heart, I wish I could feel all of that again. Then plays the last part of that memory. The part that makes me glad I cannot feel a thing.
The three of us are off the stage. We stand in the hall as people swarm in and out of the auditorium. Many of them cheer at us as they walk by. Then a couple makes their way towards us, and my heart wrenches a bit. The familiar glasses and tousled hair of the man fish for the tears hiding under the sheet of icy myosotine, and the woman's long platinum hair so much like my own and joyful smile manages to draw one out as I stand in front of my locker while the memory plays. The woman is holding a video camera in one hand and records the whole thing. The man walks up to the three of us carrying himself like a reporter.
"Congratulations, ladies, on a stunning performance for this year's Japan Record Awards," says the man holding a large hairpin with a pink cherry blossom on the end to act as his microphone. "What does it feel like to have the number one single in all of the country?"
"We feel very happy that so many people like our song and find joy in the music," Yumi playfully says into the man's 'microphone'.
"The three of you, Gal Trio, are the new kids on the block [so to speak]," the man says pulling his microphone back. "Did making it all this way come easy?"
"There were long nights of practice, and not enough coffee," Takako jokes. "Now that we have a small break before our first tour I think I will spend it sleeping!"
"Catching up on much needed rest; a splendid idea! How about you, quiet one. What would you say to young girls who aspire to be famous pop stars?"
"I would tell them that things get difficult," I say into the man's microphone, "but always trust your struggle."
He gives a prideful smile to my answer, "I wonderful word of advice, indeed."
The woman flips close the pop-out screen of the video camera and beams brightly at us.
"There is still some time left. Would you girls like to see what your classmates have put together before it's too late?" she asks as she puts the camera back into the bag slung over her shoulders.
"Yes! Kyo's cooking club has four entire banquet tables set up in the cafeteria!" Yumi exclaims.
"I saw his brightly bleached hair in the crowd as we performed! He must've snuck away to watch us," Takako adds. "Let's go see him!"
The three of us turn to make our way to the cafeteria with the man and woman following close behind.
"Anata, now that you are finished interviewing our daughter may I have back the hairpin she gave me before you lose it?"
"Ah, you mean my microphone?"
"Yes, that is what I mean. All equipment must be packed away together so that nothing is lost."
The playback ends and I find myself crumpled against the lockers. I blink a few times and the dried traces of tears come to me as a surprise. "I didn't even know they were falling." I quickly change out of my school slippers and grab my bag. Slightly sluggish, I make the trek home.
It is 1800 hours by the time I reach my building. I am greeted by two beings sitting in the lobby.
"How did you find me?" I ask defensively.
"Yuzuki-sama gave us your address as part of your new orders from the doctor," Yumi cheerfully says while wrapping her arms around my shoulders.
"We have some practicing to do," adds Takako before changing composure. "Have you been crying?"
"That's not important right now. What do you mean we have some practicing to do?" I quickly change the subject.
"We are the opening act for the Music Club!" they reply in unison.
With no other choice, I lead them up to my apartment. After taking off their shoes they scramble about the place excitedly pointing things out. I smile at the joy they radiate while I put my things away.
"So what do you gals have in store for me?" I ask curling up on the couch.
"There are two songs we will perform before our kohai go on. We have one picked out already, but the other is still up in the air," replies Yumi as she takes a seat next to me.
"What song did you guys pick out?" I ask successfully masking the shakiness in my voice.
"Real Emotion by Kumi Koda! Remember when Kyo and I would not stop playing that video game?" Yumi says excitedly.
"Yeah, you two even cosplayed as Yuna and Tidus and got professional photos done," Takako happily recollects. "Which Yuna were you again?"
"I was Final Fantasy X Yuna. Mom and dad would have locked me up if I ran around dressed as X-2 Yuna!"
"Remember when we got blue tinted lights to use in Sakura's green house to make it look like Macalania for your shoot?"
"Oh, those were harder to find than I thought they would be!"
They reminisce for a while longer until the shaking of my pill bottle draws their attention.
"Oh, I'm sorry Sakura. Are we upsetting you?" Yumi asks me with concerned eyes.
"No, no. Go on. Please. I should hear things like this."
"Then, why are you about to take one of your pills?" Takako asks.
"Sometimes… Sometimes it's hard to look back. These help."
"But should you be taking them so much? Aren't you worried about becoming addicted?"
"Sakura, you can be very compulsive. Remember the ice cream buffet we went to during our trip to Tokyo?" Yumi asks with a raised eyebrow.
I fit of giggles escape from me along with tears. "Such bittersweet memories…"
"How could I forget? That was the best night ever. Until I got a sugar migraine."
"We kept making you drink water to help dilute it, but you kept saying nothing else is going in there," Takako laughs.
"Everyone else on the trip with us were so astonished when you wanted to go back after you got better. Takako and I had to regulate your portions!"
The three of us laugh. Tears slip out of my eyes that are mixed with joy and sadness. My two best friends each grab one of my hands.
"We know that we weren't really there after the accident, and we're sorry for that. We just didn't know how to cope ourselves, but we're here now," Takako says and Yumi nods in agreement.
"If you don't feel up for practice or talk about the Cultural Festival tonight, that's perfectly fine. We can do other things."
They spent the night with me. Up until a little after midnight we talked about numerous things. Often, we reminisced about things in the past, and they held my hand through all my tears.
Hi guys!
I'm sorry for not updating in so long! I didn't realize how busy I would be this month with birthdays each weekend, having to go out of town, and having to double up on shifts at work to make up for requested time off. That young adult/college student life ya' know? Work hard to play hard!
So, I have a wedding to go to this weekend, school starts the following Monday, and I will be leaving for Los Angeles the following weekend. I'll be busy, but I'm ready. I am going to try to update consistently on Wednesdays, but if there's a problem I will leave a note at the end of this story's summary.
I hope all of you enjoy this chapter!
Take care