Chapter 11 - The Profound Music of Silence

BELLA

It was dark by the time I arrived at the Cullen home again. There were still some lights on, as I stood at the end of the drive, but I lost my nerve. I couldn't go to the door. They were nice, but nice in a way that they asked you how your day had been and expected you to reply with fine, even if it wasn't. They didn't want you to expound. They didn't really want to know how my day had been. I leaned against the tree at the end of the driveway in the darkness. I watched in silence, as the house lights slowly went out one by one.

They were asleep, and I was still alone. I had no one.

I had walked all this way and decided I at least wanted to get one look at Edward. I wanted to see if he was real. I half expected him to have a planning board with the words "How to make a fool of Isabella Swan at the dance" scrawled across it. It would kind of make my life easier if he had one. I would know not to trust him. I would know not to open myself up to him and his sister, but as I stood outside his window, that was not the case. There was no board. Just Edward sitting on his bed, plucking on his guitar, and I was once again silently cursing the soundproofing of his room.

I didn't know how long he played, but I sat and watched, and then I frowned, as I saw his lips begin to move. I couldn't hear him. I wished I could. I let out a sigh and watched his face change as he sang. His expressions were amazingly heartfelt, and I wanted to know what song he sang that was affecting him so strongly.

I leaned back and tried to read his lips, but I couldn't. He would often look down at his guitar as he sang, and it made me feel frustrated and ignored. I almost banged on the window and told him to look up, or better yet open the damn window so I could hear, but I didn't. I stopped myself before the insanity set in. I separated myself from him for a moment. I turned my back to his house and leaned on the wall next to the window, not realizing in my frustration that I had slid down the wall until my hand came in contact with a piece of tissue.

I jumped, thumping against the wall for a second time. I was so stupid. I needed to get out of here. I had started walking away, when I heard the window to his room slide open. "Hello?" he said and looked out into the darkness. I stepped into the shadows. "Is anyone there?" he asked. I shook my head no in answer. No, I was not here.

He stood there for much too long of time. I felt his eyes find me in the darkness; he was staring at me, but I knew he couldn't see me. I hoped he couldn't see me. If he did, he didn't call out to me or let on that he had seen me. He finally moved back into his room, but left the window open. I was about to leave, but I heard the opening strains of a song.

He was playing again, and now I could hear. I was drawn back to his window by an invisible force. I had to hear him.

I woke up cold and damp on the grass. I heard Edward's alarm clock going off and looked around confused. I guess I had fallen asleep listening to him play. It was still kind of dark outside. I assumed Edward would be getting up for his run soon, and I needed to get out of here before he found me.

I stumbled to my feet, and I realized I was standing back away from the house and was in plain view of him if he woke up, or in view of anyone who looked out the window. I had settled down out here last night to avoid the tissues. I just hoped no one saw me. I quickly ran to the forest edge and made my way off their property. I didn't know what time it was, but I knew I had to get home and get ready for work again. Today was my second day, and I would be getting paid. I felt excitement build in my stomach. My first paycheck, that was something, right?

I was smart this time and avoided Edward's jogging path. I didn't want him to catch me out here again. Between thinking someone was outside his window and finding me, who just happened to be on this side of town, it would be too many clues.

I finally made it home and let my tired legs carry me up to the bathroom. I sat in the tub, letting the warm water relax my tight muscles. I reached my toes and stretched, realizing how screwed I was, because I was supposed to be up and walking around for five hours dressed as a giant strawberry shake in that heavy costume. I was sure I was going to die, or my legs fall off. I really needed to get over my obsession with Edward Cullen. My legs just couldn't handle it. I think sleeping in the cold had just made the pain worse.

I finally got up and got ready for work. I looked at my mother's old green station wagon and sighed. I used to call it the booger mobile. She would laugh, and we would go and have fun anyway. I missed how we used to do that. I think that maybe my dad was right. Most kids my age had their license, and right now, as I walked to work, I wished my mom was here to give me a ride. I wished she was here to help me figure out if Edward was really a nice guy, and I hoped she got better soon, so we could go dress shopping together. We always had a good time going together. I knew my hoping was in vain, though. My dad had already let me know that she couldn't take me. I frowned and straightened my shoulders, trying to shake off the sudden lonely feeling. I was seventeen, in less than a year I would be eighteen and considered an adult. I could take care of myself.

The ringing of the bell on the diner door brought me out of my thoughts, and I smiled at Sue, as she walked over and gave me a hug.

"How are you this morning?"

"Okay," I said. I didn't say fine. She gave me a hug, and I think I hugged her back too tight for too long, because I was missing my mom. She didn't pull away, just kissed my head, and when I finally let her go, she gave me a teary smile and brushed the hair off my face.

"I'll have something for you to eat when your shift is up."

I nodded okay. "Thanks," I said. It had been a long time since someone had looked after me like Sue, and it did help ease the pain a little.

I put on my shake outfit and started up Main Street. I passed out eight flyers and felt like I was doing better this time around. I was at the far side of the town; it was only about two miles long mind you. Really not a bad walk compared to the one to the Cullen house. I leaned against a building to rest, because my legs were sore, and I felt stupid for walking so far last night and this morning. I was not there long, when I heard someone talking, but I didn't know who it was. They sounded familiar, but they weren't in my sights. I could only see straight ahead, not to my side, which was where they were coming from. I knew it sounded stupid now, but I stood completely still, so they wouldn't notice me. Yeah, just ignore the giant shake.

Okay, they must have been stupider than I was, because they kept talking, and after a moment, I was able to place the voice. It was Tyler Crowley. He was talking with his lackeys about getting Edward at the dance. Tyler was pissed that Edward had broken his nose and made him look like a fool in front of his girl.

"There's a rumor going around that he's taking Smella to the dance."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, this is perfect. We can get them both at the same time," Tyler squealed like a stupid giddy girl. "She needs to go down for good," he clapped his hands. "Oh, genius idea! We'll make it look like Cullen did it. Her dad will put him away for good."

"Awesome! Two birds with one stone. You rock, Tyler."

"I know, dude. I know."

I stood there, stunned and terrified. I couldn't move. I didn't want them to notice me. I heard them start talking about stupid video games, and their voices started getting faint. I finally took a deep breath and realized I was crying. Why couldn't those assholes just leave me alone?

I got up and started walking down the other side of the road. By the end of my shift, I had passed out twenty-six flyers, and Harry greeted me excitedly, telling me they'd had fifteen people come in with the coupons. The shake outfit was working. I was boosting business, and he paid me one hundred dollars. The bonus was because I had taken the initiative to leave the diner and seek more people out for him. I also suspected my dad might have told him I was hoping to by a dress.

Sue served me dinner at the bar and slipped me a piece of berry cobbler. "You look like you could use some cheering up."

I shrugged.

"You know, I get off here at four thirty. If you want, I could drive you into Port Angeles to find a dress."

I looked up at her sadly. I didn't want to waste my money on a dress if it was just going to get ruined by the likes of Tyler Crowley.

She came around and hugged me again. "Listen, baby girl, your mom wouldn't want you to be this upset. You know she's going to be fine with time."

I nodded, not sure what to tell Sue.

"Why don't you go home and take it easy for the rest the day. You call me if you change your mind. I know Harry wouldn't mind letting me slip out to go shopping with you."

"Thanks, Sue."

As I walked home, I realized I had to find a way to get out of my date with Edward. I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I guess I had proved myself right. Nothing good could happen in my life without something worse coming to ruin it.