Chapter 17 - Guess what's for Dinner?

EDWARD

Jazz, Demetri and I went over the plan one last time, before we headed into the house. Esme came walking in with hors d'oeuvres, only to halt her steps, when she saw Demetri eyeing her like he was hungry for more than a snack. My aunt was a gorgeous woman, but I didn't think she appreciated his appraisal.

She cleared her throat, trying to maintain her composure. "Edward, dear, who are your friends?"

"This is Jasper Whitlock and Demetri Jackson," I introduced.

"It's a please to meet you, Ma'am," Jasper said with a little bow, thick on the accent. The fucker must have been horny or something. I didn't know what was worse, him looking at my aunt or my date. I was ready to poke his fucking eyes out the way he was taking off Bella's clothes in his head.

"Yeah, the same, pleasure and all that, honey," Demetri said with a wink.

Esme looked a little startled. Fuckers had better cool it, or I was sending them to the bushes with bottled water and tissues. I knew being in an all boys' school was tough, but this was getting to be a bit much.

Esme smiled tightly, set the tray down on the table and walked out. Demetri actually leaned to the side to keep his eyes on her. I punched his shoulder. "What? You got one nice MILF," he said pissing me off more.

"She's my aunt," I snapped.

"Fine, AILF then, it's all the same to me."

Esme came back in with a tray of drinks, and Carlisle came to join us, I was sure at Esme's request. Once she headed back to the kitchen, Carlisle glared at Demetri, who was watching her again. "I'll thank you not to look at my wife like a piece of meat."

"Mmm mmm, yeah, she does have a nice rump roast now doesn't she?" Demetri said grinning a little too widely at Carlisle.

"Why don't we all go to my room, guys? Emmett will be here soon, and we can discuss what we're doing tonight," I said pushing them out of the room and down the hall to my bedroom. I didn't trust Carlisle not to lose it with Demetri. And he'd deserve it.

I shut the door and smacked Demetri on the back of the head. "What the hell, man! The last thing I want is that bastard of an uncle on my case again. You need to back off."

He shrugged, mostly ignoring me and taking in my room. "What's with the funny walls?" he asked pointing to them.

"They're soundproof," I stated plainly.

"Oh, nice, I'll bet that's perfect for when you have your girl over. You can really get her going. 'Oh, Edward! Oh, yes, fuck, yes, pound me harder, uh, uh, yes," Demetri went on faking his orgasm, and I was mortified when the bedroom door opened and Emmett came in. Not so much that Emmett could see what was going on, but the girls could be heard laughing hysterically in the hall behind him. Yeah, so not cool.

"So, that's how you stay satisfied in an all boys' school. Sorry, Edward, if this is some dick pulling party, I don't yank that way."

I threw a pillow at his head and told him to shut the fuck up, and then I threw a book at Demetri, because the two pillows I had already tossed at him had no effect on his fake orgasm.

"You seem to be really enjoying yourself over there," Jasper said with a smile and sat down causally. Demetri immediately stopped and scowled. It was amazing the kind of control Jasper had over people. I wasn't happy he had brought Demetri, who was a loose cannon, but at least Jazz was there to keep him under control. Some of us attended military school because our families sent us, others because the state sent them. Demetri had been sent by the state for boosting cars. They were hoping it would straighten him out. It probably would have, if he hadn't met Jasper.

BELLA

So Rose was being a complete bitch. I understood that she didn't want to be here, and she had been taken against her will, but it wasn't Alice and I who had done it. She was slamming things around like mad and grumping like crazy.

"That's it!" Alice snapped. "You need to calm the fuck down. There's no reason for you to be so mean to Bella and I. We had nothing to do with your kidnapping. You're here already, so why not make the best of it, and let's have some fun."

Rose crossed her arms, still mad.

Esme came in looking a little shook up. I was nervous as all get out meeting Edward's aunt and uncle. I mean that was the equivalent of meeting his parents for him. She grimaced when she looked at me, and Alice put her arm around me a little defensively. She looked at Rose, and her brow furrowed. "Dear, you're not dressed for the prom."

"It was a bit of a late decision to bring her, Esme. Do you have something nice maybe she could borrow?"

"I suppose, but I don't think it'll fit as snuggly as it should."

"If you have a needle and thread, I could do a baste stitch that you can let out, but it'll hold for the evening," I offered.

Esme looked at me like I had grown a second head.

"I think I have a needle and thread," Alice said ignoring Esme's look.

Alice pulled out a small sewing box and handed it to me.

"Where did you get that?" Esme asked.

"It was my mom's," was all Alice had to say. Esme's expression softened and she motioned for us to follow her.

Esme pulled out three dresses, and Rose picked out a long black one that was really beautiful and went well with the black heels she was already wearing. I had her put it on inside out, and Alice held the other side, since I didn't think we had time for pins.

"I'm making the knot with large loops so you just have to snip one side and then pull the other to have the dress back to normal," I explained to Esme. She watched me work curiously. It didn't take me more than ten minutes to get the dress to fit Rose like a glove.

Rose seemed to relax a little once we had the dress turned the right way, and she saw that it fit beautifully and looked amazing on her.

We started back to Alice's room, but Alice saw Emmett from the landing and waved hello. "Edward is probably hiding in his room. It's the door right under this landing here," she explained.

We waited to make sure Emmett could find the room, and we knew he had, when the house was filled with a moaning of Edward's name and begging him for what sounded like kinky sex. The bedroom door shut too soon, so we didn't get to hear the rest of the "orgasm."

"Well, that was interesting," Rosalie said and continued to the room.

Alice and I were laughing so hard we almost fell off the stairs. I would have to find a way to ask Edward about that later.

The next thirty minutes were a whirlwind of activity. We were all dressed and had our faces left to do. Alice had taken it upon herself to slather me with "makeup" of all kinds, but the girls insisted I looked great. Rose was working on my hair, while Alice did her own. She used something Alice handed her and ran it through my hair, instantly taming my wild frizzy mess and making it smooth and shiny. Alice handed Rose six bobby pins with gems attached from my dress to put in my hair, and then Rose fashioned my spiraling curls into a partial up-do that cascaded down my back in smooth ringlets. She also passed me a pair of earrings made out of the same gems from my dress.

When Rose finally finished my hair, I tied the choker on, and Alice smiled widely. "You look like a princess."

I looked in the mirror and smiled, seeing she was right. I did look like a princess, a very well-endowed one with a tiny waist and sparkly huge breasts. Alice had gone a little crazy with the sparkly glitter powder.

"Now if I could just get your aunt and uncle to like me," I pouted a little.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Just show them you're smart. I think they'd be impressed if Edward was dating a girl with a brain. That rarely happens."

I nodded okay, trying to think of decent dinner conversation that would make me look smart. Maybe if I used some Latin. I knew a few Latin words from my studies of animals. That was a snobby language, right?

I picked up my shoes, but opted to put them on after I made it down the stairs. I didn't want to tempt fate. I was coming down the stairs, when a few flashes went off. I looked up to see my dad standing there smiling. He took another picture of me smiling at him. I gave him a hug and kissed his cheek.

"You look beautiful, honey," he said softly.

"Thank you, Daddy." He took my arm and walked me to the dining room, where he sat me in a chair and then took my shoes from me and put them on my feet.

"Your ankle is looking a lot better. How is it feeling?" he asked.

"It feels fine," I said.

Our quiet conversation was interrupted by a loud, "Damn, Ms. Hale, you look fine enough to eat! And look at that little Cullen Dumpling! I want to dip you in chocolate sauce and lick you clean."

I heard Alice giggle and stepped in behind the boys to see her give Demetri a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you," she said with her sparkling Alice smile.

I would swear Demetri blushed.

"Don't encourage him, Alice," Edward growled.

Alice smacked Edward's arm, but before she could reprimand him, he asked where I was. He actually looked nervous. "Rose didn't upset her did she? She's still here, right?" The poor boy looked tortured. My dad smiled, a little too happy about that, and released my arm so I could go put him out of his misery.

I tapped his shoulder, and he spun around like he was on fire. The movement knocked me off balance, but he quickly caught me in his arms. He smiled so wide and sweet with relief. "You're here."

"Yes, I am."

He took a step back and looked at me. "You look amazing."

"Thank you."

"Oh, sweet child…" Demetri started.

"Don't even think of commenting on my date. It's bad enough that you complimented my sister the way you did," Edward cut him off.

As soon as Edward turned his back again, Demetri gave me a few good hip thrusts, tweaked his nipple, and then licked his lips and winked at me. I guess that meant I looked good.

My father cleared his throat, drawing attention to himself for the first time. It was comical how the boys instantly straightened up at the sight of my father in uniform. I think Demetri was actually sweating and thumped Jasper's side a couple of times, before nodding sharply in my father's direction.

"Chief Swan," Edward said coolly. I think Demetri actually paled more. "I'm glad you could make it. Did you want to take some pictures in the garden before dinner?" Edward offered.

At the word pictures, Esme popped in excitedly. "Oh, yes, we must have some pictures in the garden."

She noticed Demetri looking firmly at the ground, as if he didn't know what anyone was talking about. Esme smiled over at my dad. I had a feeling Esme wasn't fond of Demetri's vernacular.

After a few pictures in the garden, we all descended upon the dining room. Esme asked Carlisle to help her bring in the roast duck and came back with a huge platter with a beautiful-looking bird on it. Everyone started making comments on it, so I decided to join in and use some of my Latin as well.

"Your anas looks amazing," I said smiling.

Everyone looked at me confused.

I cleared my throat; maybe they had misheard me. "Your anas, it looks absolutely delicious. I'm sure it's finger licking good," I said a little worried.

Demetri broke the silence. "That's right, girl. Her anus is finger looking good. I told you, Edward, your aunt is an AILF."

I looked at them confused. I looked over at my dad, who had his hand over his face chuckling.

"Your girl is freaky, Edward," Demetri went on, "You hang on to her, or I'll snatch her away."

Edward looked just downright sick.

"Duck," my dad said laughing out loud, smirking even wider at Carlisle's guilty-looking, red embarrassed face. "She's using the Latin term for duck, spelled A-N-A-S. I know it, because I helped her study them."

It suddenly all clicked in my head that everyone had thought I was complimenting Esme on her anus.

Oh, my god. I was going to die.