Chapter 24 - Into the Madness

EDWARD

What the hell had I been thinking? 'Call me if you need a tutor'. What if she called? I would be just as lost as she was. Probably more so, because I hadn't gotten anywhere with Gianna, so I had never seen her thing or whatever down there. Maybe if I did some research on the subject. Oh god, was I really going to find a way to sneak porn into my aunt's house? Maybe Carlisle had some I could steal, or borrow as Jazz said. I would give it back. I couldn't imagine keeping it and trying to get off to Carlisle's porn; that was just wrong on so many levels.

Maybe if I just never brought it up again, she wouldn't ask me for help. I couldn't believe I was hoping a girl wouldn't call me to ask me to help her get off. I was freaking nuts, but there was just too much pressure! Call me if you need a tutor…right.

I decided in the end I needed to know how to get a girl off, even if she didn't call; just because she didn't call me now didn't mean she would never call me. I tried to think of where Carlisle would hide his porn. Obviously, somewhere Esme didn't go that often.

I looked across the hall and realized that would most likely be his office. I looked left and right, and then I snuck across the hall and quietly shut the door behind me. I looked around and didn't see any obvious hiding spots. I ended up breaking down and just checking his desk drawers. I didn't find anything and decided to go for the filing cabinets. I was halfway through the second cabinet, when I hit the jackpot. "Ah HA!"

There was a file labeled 'Porno, Mia,' and I was sure that was Italian for my porn or something. I grabbed the file, just as Carlisle came in.

"What is god's name are you doing in my office? IN MY FILES!" He became progressively more pissed. He snatched the porn file from my hand. "Why do you have Mrs. Porno's file? You don't even know her. This is breach of confidentiality! Did you look at it?" he shouted louder.

"Honey, what's wrong?" Esme came running in. "Edward, what are you doing in here?"

"That's exactly what I'd like to know!" Carlisle yelled.

"I was looking for something," I mumbled.

"Looking? There's nothing in here for you…" He stopped and looked at me wide-eyed. "You were looking for drugs!" he accused. "Goddamn it, Esme, I knew taking in those brats was a mistake!"

"Carlisle!" Esme snapped.

"I wasn't looking for drugs!" I shouted.

"Then what, my prescriptions pad, so you can write them for your buddy's at school?" he sneered. "You could cost me my license, my livelihood, and the one thing standing in between you and the damn street!"

"Carlisle, please, settle down," Esme pleaded.

"I will not settle down, and why the hell do you have Mrs. Mia Porno's file!" he shouted at me. "Are you looking for someone to blackmail? God, do your unscrupulous ways know no bounds?"

I knew at this point, there was no talking to him, and there was no way I wanted to tell Esme what I was doing. I went to leave the room, but Carlisle grabbed my arm, and I completely lost it. No one touched me.

"Get you're fucking hands off me you bitter, jealous loser. I wasn't looking for drugs or your prescription pad, or someone to blackmail. I was looking for your porn stash! I had some questions about sex that I knew you would never answer, so I was looking for another source. Now stay the hell away from me!"

I stormed out of the room, leaving him quiet and stunned. I slammed my door so hard it bounced back open, damn door. I heard Esme speaking to Carlisle.

"You were completely out of line. You shouldn't have flown off the handle like that, Carlisle. He's not your brother! He's just a boy, in desperate need of guidance, and because you're a pompous ass, he couldn't come to you for help! You failed him! Maybe that's why god wouldn't bless us with children, because he knew you were a bastard."

I heard her take a deep breath; I was surprised Carlisle didn't say anything back to her. Of course, he would raise his voice to me, but I had never heard him raise his voice to Esme, or Alice even.

"Edward is doing everything he can to make himself a better man. He's in counseling, grieving group therapy and anger management. He's obviously trying desperately to be a good boy. Why can't you see that? Why can't you see past the fact that he's related to your brother and just love him?" I heard her sniffle.

"Mae, oh, Mae, I'm so sorry. You're right. I'm just so..."

"I know; you need to talk to someone, Carlisle. The way you treat him is not fair. He's not your brother, Edward. He's Edward Jr. and now your son. It's time you start acting like the father he needs. These are the only children we'll ever get, Carlisle, please don't make them hate us. I want them to come home for holidays, and I want to attend their weddings and baby showers. I want to be a grandmother to their children, and if you don't get help, that won't happen. Please see the gift they gave us in naming us the guardians of their children. Elizabeth and Edward loved us, why can't you see that?"

"I'm sorry," I heard Carlisle say, and he sounded choked up.

I knew Esme loved us, but to hear how she wanted to be in our lives forever felt good. I'd felt so alone since I had lost my mother and father, and to hear Esme begging Carlisle to get help, so she could be part of my life for as long as possible, felt really good, like I wasn't so alone in the world anymore.

A light knocking on my doorframe brought me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see Esme and Carlisle standing there, both looking a bit watery-eyed. I gave Esme a soft smile, and she ran over to me and hugged me tightly. I squeezed her back just as hard, unable to hold back a sob, wishing she was my mom and knowing that she would do anything and everything she could to help ease the pain of losing my mother.

"We're so sorry, baby," she whispered and kissed my cheek. I didn't realize I was crying until she wiped the tears from my cheek. "You know we love you, don't you, sweetheart? I love you so much."

"I know," I whispered softly.

She glanced over at Carlisle, who stepped in with his hands shoved down in his pockets. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Edward."

I just nodded at him, not really wanting to talk to the asshole yet.

He suddenly started laughing. "Mia, Porno?" he chuckled louder. "I never realized her name sounded like that. She says it with such a thick accent." He shook his head. "I don't think I'm going to ever be able to look her in the face again." He ran both his hands through his hair. He sat down on the couch and looked over at me. "I'm sorry I lost my temper, and I hope you'll trust me to answer your questions. I can tell you right now, I don't have a porn stash, and I doubt they'd answer any questions for you, anyway. From what I understand, they're mostly pictures and fake gibberish about cosmetically-enhanced women."

I blushed a little.

He scooted to the edge of the couch. "You know the mechanics of sex I assume, and to be safe with foam and condoms to prevent STD's and pregnancy?"

I pinched my nose, wishing he would just shut up. Did he not see Aunt Esme sitting right next to me?

"Yeah, I know that stuff," I said with a huff and glanced at Esme.

He cleared his throat. "Ah, Esme, do you mind stepping out for a moment?" Thank god he got the clue.

"Are you okay with that, Edward?" she asked.

I nodded yes tightly.

"Okay, just, you know, if you need anything, I'll be in the kitchen working on dinner."

"Sure, thanks," I said, and she smiled.

Once the door was closed, I looked over at Carlisle, and he grimaced. "Do you think you've caught an STD? Is there something wrong with your…"

"No, god no, I just..." I felt my face heat up and decided the floor would be the best place to look as I said this, because I didn't think I had it in me to see his reaction to what I was about to ask. "I was just wondering…how to make a girl feel good."

I heard Carlisle gulp loudly. "Uh, well, um…have you studied the female genitalia in biology?"

"We went over the parts if that's what you're asking. They don't exactly say touch here for orgasm or label anything the 'G-spot.'"

"Right, well, yes, um…" Carlisle squirmed.

"Do you not know how, either?" I asked wondering why he was squirming so badly.

His eyes shot to mine. "Esme is fully satisfied, I assure you. I just don't know if this is knowledge you need before marriage."

"So, is there somewhere or someone else who'll tell me?" I asked.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Can I ask why you need to know this? Are you planning on having intercourse?"

I shook my head no. The most Bella had agreed to was messing around, not the full-blown sex act. "No."

He let out a relieved sigh. "So, is this just normal curiosity?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, a guy wants to know how to do it right if given the opportunity."

"Are you a virgin, Edward?"

I blushed again. "Yes."

He smiled and chuckled lightly. "Good, that's good. Don't lose your virginity on a hormonal whim. It's something special that's taken too lightly nowadays." He pinched his nose again. "So, Edward, could you tell me how far you've gone with a girl, just so I can gauge how much you already know."

"Um, well, see, there was this girl, Gianna, who'd sneak onto campus at night, when I was in school in Seattle." I rubbed my face, trying to find a way to word this. "She'd kiss me, and I'd touch her chest. She'd touch me, and she put her mouth on me once, but I didn't…" I couldn't believe I was talking about this.

"When you say 'put her mouth on you,' do you mean on your penis?" he asked.

I nodded yes.

"But you didn't what? Did you not like it?"

"No, I did, it's just…she, um, stopped. Anyway, that's it; can we not discuss this anymore? I just want to know where to touch a girl to get her off."

"Is there someone special you want to touch?"

I dropped my head into my hands, this was freaking torture.

"Well, I'll tell you, Edward, the best thing to remember in every aspect of your relationships is to use communication. Everyone is different. Your best bet would be to ask her what she likes."

I looked up at him pained. I should have known better. He was no help at all. Maybe I could drop by Planned Parenthood or something and get a pamphlet on it. On second thought, I just hoped Bella didn't call. Yeah, definitely not going to be of any real help to her there.

Man, I sucked.