Hello everyone! I know, I know - I'm super late again. Once again, I've just been very busy with school. So let's just all assume that I'll be a little late with each chapter, because this is obviously becoming a trend with me. But, I do hope that you all enjoy this chapter nonetheless and a big hug to all of you loyal readers who stick through with my untimeliness. Ya'll are amazing! :D
I will answer the reviews for this chapter in the next installment, so stay tuned!
"Hey," I blurted out to Sir Didymus, "P. Diddy."
We were walking down yet another identical Labyrinth corridor and the boredom was eating me alive, not to mention my stomach kept growling. So, the idea occurred to me: I'm an entertainer. Why don't I do some entertaining? I certainly could use it.
My squirrely companion gazed at me in such bewilderment, his small nose twitching and his little eyes wide, that I dissolved into giggles.
"What didst thou refer to me as?"
"P. Diddy. He's a rapper. It's an honorable title... sort of," I said between giggles. "Anyway, I don't know if I mentioned it earlier, but back in the... what's it called? Aboveground? Oh, whatever - well, I'm a comedian up there."
"Comee-dan?" Ludo inquired from Sir Didymus' left. "Ga-Wen tell jokes?"
"Bingo," I said, feeling the familiar bubbly excitement rise inside me. It was almost relieving, like coming home after a long business trip. Or from a nightmarish Labyrinth... pretty synonymous, really.
"Art thou like a royal fool?" Sir Didymus asked, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "Oh, how I love a good fool! Some art atrocious but I have seen some with true talent in my time as one of the grand knights."
I highly doubted that Sir Didymus had ever sat around a round table with one-hundred fifty other knights and laughed at a pale, skinny man dance around in a ridiculous costume with an odd hat with bells hanging off of its horns, but I decided to stay on P. Diddy's good side and just roll with it.
"Well, I don't do costumes, but sorta. I mean, I have a lot more respect than a royal fool would've had... well, respect is a strong word, more like I get paid. Anyway, you guys wanna hear some stand-up comedy?"
"Stand-up? Canst thou speakest whilst sitting?" Sir P. Diddy asked, the reins to his dog-steed in one steady paw.
Mild irritation pricked the nape of my neck. Let me talk, dammit.
"Well yeah, but it's traditionally done standing up. Now do you wanna hear some badass jokes or not? I mean, we could all use a break, right?"
"Jokes!" Ludo exclaimed, clapping his hands. He promptly plopped onto his backside in the middle of the corridor, making the ground quake, and bobbed up and down in excitement like a child watching a magician for the first time, his eyes wide in wonder. "Jokes! Jokes! Jokes!"
"Halt, Ambrosius! We are about to be entertained!" Sir Didymus proclaimed, to which he hopped off the white, shaggy dog and took a seat next to Ludo. I had to hold back laughter at the sight of them sitting beside each other: one mammoth, monster-like yet childlike creature with a sweet, toothy smile and one puny squirrel-dog creature with Renaissance clothing and a twitchy nose and big eyes. It was like seeing a sumo wrestler and a small child sit together to listen to the teacher read a new story.
For the first time in what felt like an eternity, warm happiness sparked to life inside me and I felt a big smile stretch across my face. It was one thing to go and perform for people who were paying to see you for something to do on a Saturday night, and another thing to perform for people - or creatures, for that matter - who just genuinely wanted to hear you because they appreciated you as a person.
"A'ight, gentlemen," I began, striding in front of them and clasping my hands behind my back. "Prepare to be amazed by how awkward I can be. Trust me, it is quite the spectacle."
With a rough pang, I remembered the night I was booed off stage by the people who couldn't take a joke... nervous tried to rain on my happy parade, but I continued talking before any gnawing thoughts could distract me. I set my gourd and sword down at my feet.
"I see it is a full house tonight," I began, pretending to gaze out over a large crowd. "Well, I've never done a show in the Labyrinth before, so let me say this now: gents, never take a vacation here. Why, you ask? Well, first of all, you will get lost. And no, there are no roadmaps or exit signs, so it's practically a death trap for stupid tourists. Not to mention a Goblin King may keep you here against your will, but y'know, minor details."
Sir Didymus snorted in derision and Ludo laughed raucously, clapping loudly.
"Anyway, the locals are pretty chill," I went on, gesturing to Sir Didymus and Ludo, the first giving me a tip of his hat and the latter smiling like an idiot. "I mean, one of 'em rides a dog and the other is over eight feet tall, but again, minor details."
"'Tis true!" Sir Didymus cried happily. "I do ride a canine steed, and Sir Ludo, thou art a towering beast."
"TOW-WER!" Ludo exclaimed. "LUDO TOW-WER!"
"The big one's not too gifted in simple grammar, I must say," I went on once they quieted down. "But the small one is so freakin' sophisticated I keep checking my watch to see if its tea time yet.
"Can I just talk about the Labyrinth a bit more for a sec? No? Well, too bad because I'm the one with the mic so just sit yo ass down and listen, a'ight? Anywho, lemme say a few words about this place. Just imagine Willy Wonka's chocolate factory mixed with that creepy ass movie Coraline... essentially, this place is like a wonderfully cheerie nightmare, for those of you who are culturally inept - no, Ludo, it's okay, you're fine, don't worry. I swear, everything looks the same. Would it have killed the people who built this death trap to at least hang a few pictures? Like, damn, it'd be nice to at least tell if I'd been down the same corridor or not. But nope, this place just screws with you until you're ready to just repeatedly hit your head against a wall. Oh, and don't even get me started on the Bog of Eternal Stench. I mean, who the hell was like, 'Hey, y'know what a great addition to a forest and a maze is?' 'No, Fred, what is it?' 'A river that makes you smell like shit for the rest of your life if you touch the water... pretty romantic right?'"
Sir Didymus was on his back, cry-laughing at this point (once I got past the movie references, he was laughing at each joke) and Ludo was letting out bark-like laughs and clapping loudly.
I was about to continue when I glanced to the side-
"Hoggle?" I called out at the sight of the wrinkled face and baggy, old-fashioned clothing. He jumped at the sound of my voice and shuffled from the wall he was peering around, both arms folded behind him.
My euphoric happiness faded like vapor in the wind. Something seemed off about him; his face seemed strained and sweat circles were forming on the pits of his baggy white shirt.
"H-hey there, Gwen," he said awkwardly. "Same to you, Sir Didymus. Ludo."
"The feeling is mutual, dear Hoggle," Sir Didymus responded cheerily, expecting nothing suspicious as he hopped to his little feet and trotted over to Hoggle. Ambrosius, who had been sitting off to the side the whole time, lifted his head up for a moment in mild interest, then thought better of it and lowered it onto his paws again and fell back asleep.
"Hoggle!" Ludo exclaimed, waving a huge, hairy hand at him. Hoggle waved back warily, visibly sweating on his face.
"Gwen," Hoggle began, turning to me again. "I, uh, wanted to give you this. Thought you might be hungry." He unfolded his arms and brought forth something that looked like a peach. I immediately felt my stomach growl and my mouth water; how long had it been since I'd eaten last? I vaguely remembered grabbing an apple before running to my failure of a show... how long ago was that? Hours, days, weeks?
I was about to snatch the peach from him and devour it whole, when I glanced at his face. I wanted to ignore but, but I kept getting the vibe that he was hiding something because he kept his eyes lowered, shifting them around to anywhere but to me.
"Hoggle," I began reluctantly, "are you... hiding something?"
He immediately gazed up at me, then back at the ground, then puffed himself up in self-defense.
"Me? Hide something? Never! I may be a coward, but, I would never bring you to harm, Gwen. I was simply bein' a good friend, is all. I felt bad about leaving you alone with Jareth back there and I wanted t'make it up t'ya." He thrust the peach forward, making eye contact now and smiling big, almost forcefully.
As my stomach let out a loud growl, I lost all resistance. I took the peach from Hoggle and scrutinized it for a moment. Its fuzzy skin was a light pink-orange color and it was about the size of a baseball - exactly like a peach. But I hesitated; something still felt off.
Oh, c'mon Gwen, my mind chastised me. It's a freakin' peach. This place has gotten your brain all scrambled.
"Dearest Gwen," Sir Didymus said from beside me. I gazed down at him. "That is, indeed, a safe fruit to eat. I knowest from experience - 'tis not a poisonous fruit, but one that is juicy and delectable. 'Tis quite good, and 'twas very knightly of Hoggle to bring it to you."
I shrugged in agreement. It's just a peach. A peach is a peach. I brought the fruit to my lips and sunk my teeth into its fuzzy skin. The sweet juice poured into my mouth like water from the Fountain of Youth, and I stood there savoring the sweet taste in ecstasy before chewing the bit of fruit - quite like a peach, yet sweeter and a little tangy - before swallowing.
"Damn, that's good," I remarked, my taste buds alight with the sweetness.
"Dearest Gwen," Sir Didymus began in a shaky voice. Something inside me dropped like cutting the rope of a heavy weight. "I don't mean to alarm you, but there is something wrong with that fruit."
I looked down at the peach-
I screamed and dropped it, watching it thud thickly on the stone floor. The inside of the peach had turned a sickly black and was beginning to ooze black goo onto the stone floor. It had gotten on my hands and I desperately wiped the awful stuff on my jeans.
"Hoggle, what did you give me?" I exclaimed in horror, gazing up-
He was gone. I looked around, but there was no sign of him.
"Hoggle?" Ludo called out, his voice shaky with fear. "Where he go?" He kept glancing at the oozing peach, then up at me as if he expected me to ooze black goo, too.
Hatred erupted inside me and inflamed my cheeks and exploded in my chest, mixing with slight dizziness. I balled my fists at my sides and picked up the sword.
"I'm going to kill him," I vowed, my tone wavering with fury.
"Dear Warrioress, I do not believe-"
"I don't give a damn what you believe!" I hollered at Sir Didymus, startling him into falling onto his backside. "He did something to me, that cowardly little piece of shit!"
I took a step forward, and a wave of nausea smacked me up side the head. I felt myself tilting until something hit the side of my face, and it occurred to me that I was on the ground. Big, brown eyes were gazing at me... Sir Didymus was hollering something, Ludo was shaking me, his eyes shifting between mine in terror...
Y'know, a nap sounds pretty good right now. We must be pretty close to the beginning, so a nap can't be that bad, right?
The big brown eyes began to blur into two large brown blobs, then blending with the darkness that was creeping in from the corners. In the distance, I started to hear the soft chimes of music.
Yeah, I feel... tired... a nap would be nice... it's okay Sir P. Diddy, I'm just going to sleep for a little while... just a little while... such nice music...
What do you all think is going to happen to Gwen? Let me know in a review or a PM! :) I love hearing from you all, you all always have something wonderful or constructive to say and I love it! :)