Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.
Warning: This chapter contains a vast number of curse words and I urge you to not read it if you're uncomfortable with bad language.
P.S: Natsu, I absolutely love you. Sorry about this! ^^
"Hello and welcome to 'GUESS THAT CURSE WORD!'" Happy screamed through the mic as the audience cheered and applauded. "I'm Happy the Exceed and I'll be your host for today!"
"Today's special guests are Natsu Dragneel a.k.a The Walking Flamethrower Idiot and Lucy Heartfilia a.k.a Fat Ass!"
Before Lucy or Natsu could protest, the crowd cheered even louder.
"Thank you, Lucy and Natsu, for willingly coming on our show tonight."
"We were brought here against our will, you stupid cat!" The two forced contestants tried to reach for Happy and failed, seeing how their feet were tied with magic repelling rope (where Happy got it from, they'll never know).
"Now, now, you two," Happy grinned from ear to ear, seeming more obnoxious with that fish-mic in his hand. "No need to get violent."
"Son of a-"
"Hold it, Natsu! The game hasn't started yet." Happy flipped through his cue cards. "But I guess you could swear all you want."
"-bitch."
"Sorry, my mom was an exceed not a dog." Happy happily hummed as a vein popped in Natsu's forehead. Why this damn cat…
"Anyway, let's go on ahead to our game, shall we?" Happy flew over towards Lucy and Natsu, a remote control in hand. "Please fix your eyes on the screen as I read you the rules to our wonderful game~!"
"I will be reading situations in which a curse word or curse words are said, screamed or shrieked like a little school girl. I will be giving three hints. The first one to press the buzzer will be the first one to answer."
"Oh, this'll be easy as hell!" Natsu said confidently. Lucy rolled her eyes and swatted at the pink haired loser.
"You'd be surprised at how good I am at this," Natsu raised his eyebrow at Lucy's comment. No way Lucy could guess as fast as he can!
"We'll be starting now!" Happy said. He pointed at the screen and read in an irritating squeaky voice: "Ow! I just stubbed my blank toe on the blank table! It's hurts so blank much!"
"Fucking, damn and fucking." Lucy quickly said after she slammed her fist on the buzzer. Natsu was in shock. His hand was right above the buzzer just as Lucy had answered.
"…Correct…?" Happy murmured under his breath as he flipped through his cue cards. "Ah, ah, yes, it's correct! Congratulations, Lucy. You just got a hundred points!"
"Wait, wait, wait! How am I supposed to know whether it's damn or fucking or shit?!" Natsu protested. Happy ignored him as the number 100 flashed on Lucy's screen. The crowd cheered, drowning out Natsu's stupid complaints.
"Next one is worth two-hundred!"
"Wait, wait, I'm not done yet, let me think!"
~X~
"And that's the end of the game, my friends!" Happy happily shouted. The crowd cheered, as did Lucy as the winner sign flashed on her screen.
"I won and you lost! I won and you lost!" Lucy was dancing now. Natsu had to cover his eyes to prevent them from melting. It was a truly terrifying sight.
"Yes, that's right. Natsu lost by three-hundred and thirty-five points! Hah, who would've thought?" Natsu grumbled as Happy continued to announce his loss with amusement and happiness. "Now for the punishment!"
"Punishment? What punishment?" Natsu started freaking out at the word 'punishment.' "I didn't know there was a punishment!"
"You'll find out after the break!" Happy said. Natsu clawed at the ground, trying to stay while he was being dragged away by two buff men in black suits.
"NO NO YOU CAN'T DO THIS I COULD DIE I SWEAR I'LL SUE YOU ALL!"
"He doesn't even know the punishment yet…," Lucy laughed as she watched Natsu be dragged away. "Oh, the idiot."
"Gate of the Maiden, VIRGO!"
~X~
"I'LL KILL YOU ALL! I SWEAR I WILL! YOU'LL JUST BE A POOL OF MELTED WHATEVER AFTER I'N DONE WITH YOU CRUEL, CRUEL PEOPLE-OH, NO! DON'T YOU DARE PUT ME IN THAT ELECTRIC CHAIR YOU MOTHERFUCKING SONS OF BITCHES! I WILL PUT YOUR FACE ON FIRE RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW-"
"Ah, ah, ah," Happy clicked his tongue at Natsu who was thrashing around as he was strapped onto the electric chair by two men in black suits. "This is national television! We can't have something like that happening, now can we?"
"Nope, absolutely not." Lucy agreed. She laughed, watching Natsu shoot glares at her and Happy.
"TORTURE!" Natsu screamed. "THIS IS FUCKING TORTURE!"
"Shall we put it on max?"
"HAPPY YOU STUPID ASS CAT DON'T YOU DARE PUSH THAT BUTTON-"
"Let's,"
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT-"
~X~
"Virgo has the best punishments," Lucy chuckled as a half-fried Natsu crawled back onto the stage.
"Now, while the Fried Flaming Idiot is still recovering, let me explain the next part of our show!" Happy said cheerfully. Natsu groaned, only hearing the words "idiot" and "next part."
"Since Lucy won, she will be playing in a bonus game. She will be given a minute to say the most curse words she can, all the while she's insulting Natsu! And since Natsu lost, he will be takin on the roll of counting how many she got."
"Ooh, I like this game~!"
"That's not fair!" Natsu whined, trying his best to stand up. "That'll be so boring. Where's my challenge?"
"Well, seeing how you have trouble even just counting to ten, I'm pretty sure this is challenging enough for you." Happy countered. Natsu gaped at the insult. Of course he could count to ten…right?
"One, two, three," Natsu began counting. "Four, fifty-two, six, eight and… twenty?"
"Stupid," Lucy muttered.
"Let's start the game!" Happy said, ignoring Natsu as he continued to work on his counting skills. The audience clapped as Lucy walked over to the middle of the stage and cleared her throat. She looked calm as the screen counted from three and beeped, starting the one minute countdown.
"Natsu, you motherfucking piece of shit idiot. Do you have any fucking idea how much shit I've went through because of you? How much money I fucking lost because you're such a stupid shit that eats too fucking much? You can be such a bitch sometimes too. It's so fucking annoying.
"And your hair irritates me so fucking much. That pink color is stupid as hell. You stupid ass bastard. Squinty-eyed, walking flamethrower with nothing else to do but take my money and not even pay me the fuck back. Holy fucking shit, that's so fucking annoying!"
Twenty seconds…
"You think you're fabulous? Well, bitch, I've even more fabulous than whatever the hell you are. Why can't you just fucking pay me back already? I need those jewels so fucking much. I've gotten so much shit from the landlady because I couldn't fucking pay my rent yet!"
Five…
"Natsu, you-"
Four…
"-fucking-"
Three…
"-bitch ass-"
Two…
"-idiot-"
One…
"-fuck you."
"AND TIME IS UP!"
"GO LUCY!" Gray popped out of nowhere (again), holding up a poster saying, "INSULTING NATSU IS LUCY'S SPECIALTY!"
Erza appeared behind him, bloody gloves covering her hands. "That was really inspiring, Lucy."
"What's with the bloody gloves?"
"It was those stupid yellowish rocks in this stupid guy's mouth. They were really hard to take out." Gray said nonchalantly.
"You mean his teeth?"
"Those were teeth? They looked so yellow, they looked more like hard cheese."
"The last thing he said was, 'I'LL SUE YOU! I'LL SUE YOU BOTH!' It was kinda scary." Gray shuddered at the memory.
"Guys, someone sent a letter saying you're being sued." Happy flew over to them, holding up a white envelope.
"Ugh, not again."
"Again?!"
A/N: Sorry for the wait~! Hopefully, this made up for the previous short chapter. Again, I freaking love Natsu to death. If this somehow offended you because he's your favorite character, I'm really, truly sorry.
Thanks for reading! Reviews are very much appreciated~