PART 1

I slept for about four hours. When I woke up the headache was gone, so were the weakness and nausea, but remembering everything I had done recently made me want to sink deep into the bed mattress and stay there all day long.

The sun was shining bright outside, Legs was at the side of the bed looking at me with big eyes and her head tilted. When was the last time I took her for a walk? I didn't feel like doing it then, I didn't feel like doing anything. I covered my head with the blanket and stuffed my face into the pillow.

I couldn't believe I'd said all of that to Dante... and then to mom. I had really crossed the line with her. I thought of my brother. I felt disappointed and sad, and grossed out with myself. I wanted to cry again, but didn't let the tears win. Not again. Not ever again.

I got out of bed, took a shower, and got dressed. Life had to go on. No matter how shitty, it had to go on,and I had to be strong enough to roll with it. No more crying for me.

Thinking of everything at the same time was overwhelming, so I decided to break it into sections. First thing up, I had to get rid of those hickies.

I called Gina, she's the only one that came to mind, and asked what was the magic trick that had to be done. She laughed first, but could tell quickly that I wasn't playing. She told me something about a penny, step-by-step, this is gonna happen, so you have to do this. I didn't understand any of it. I wanted to go to her house so she could help me, but there was no way my mom would have let me. So I did the total teenager-y thing to do.

I went back to my room, locked the door, thought of it for no more than half a second, and jumped out of the window. I had seen people do it on television, but had never tried it myself, had never actually had to. Maybe I didn't have to do it that day either, but I didn't feel like seeing anyone, didn't want to have to explain anything, so I choose the easy way out instead of having to ask for permission. I hit my knee on the window pane, lack of practice I suppose, and took off jogging to her house before anybody saw me.

I thought of many things as I slowed down to a walk a few blocks down. I thought of how Dante didn't trust tapes and didn't like Mexican nicknames. There had to be something wrong with him. I mean, who likes pronouncing five syllable names when you can call people something with two? I thought of school and Gina and Susie. Why would Susie like him? Do other girls like him too? I wondered what Bernardo was feeling as he pounded that man to death. The anger he must have felt, is it the same type of anger I feel? What if it somehow is hereditary? Dad killed who knows how many in Vietnam, my brother killed one in the United States, so who will I kill next? To kill someone you have to have many feelings for them, the feelings need to be pouring out of you, you must not be able to control them, because I don't think someone can kill someone while in control of themselves. Unless they are preprofessional assassins or something, and even then, they must feel something... Anger?

No. It's best not to think of that.

Gina was waiting for me in the front porch, still in her pajamas and hair up in a mess of a bun. She jogged over with a cute smile that quickly disappeared.

"What's up-"

"Nothing."

"-with your face?"

"Oh..." I thought of lying, but didn't, "Dante punched me."

"What did you do to him?"

"You know, for once I would like someone to ask me, what did he do to me? I'm the one with the fucked up face, and everyone instantly assumes that I'm the one at fault for it."

She pouted her lips and squinted her eyes, "So then, what did he do to you?"

"Nothing!" I yelled, then lowered my voice again, "I'm just saying I would appreciate the benefit of the doubt."

"Oh."

"Oh."

"Well let me show you how to take everything else off." When she said "everything else," she was looking around my neck- probably counting the dark marks- and making this weird face. "Wow," she said. "So Dante's rules include, first I punch you in the face and then I suck you up like Dracula?"

I followed her inside her house, "Dante didn't-" I rolled my eyes, might as well say the truth. "It wasn't him."

She turned to me like she wanted to say something, but didn't, "Oh." I could almost hear her thinking, so that's why you ended up with your face like that. I wasn't going to correct her.

"Yeah. Everything is just so..." I was out of words.

"Fucked up?" She finished. "Does this have anything to do with Friday?"

That question got me thinking. Everything did kind of start on Friday, when I got so angry at Susie, but I really didn't want to think of that.

She taught me the technique, scrape the hickie with the penny (don't be scared to really get in there) just be careful not to take the skin off, because that leaves a mark and is really gross. At first it will get super red, but within an hour or so the irritation will settle, and the hickie will start to fade. Hickies are just an accumulation of blood after all. Do it over and over again until the hickie, or in this case hickies, are gone. So there I was- my best friend: a random penny I found in her room- scrapping at the hickies that some random girl left on me, on some random drug trip, on some random day, and with Gina, still in her pajamas at six in the afternoon on a random Sunday.

Three hours later most of them were gone, and I was performing what would be the last "penny session" before they all disappeared, when Gina and I got to really talk about what was going on. I didn't want to, but she has a way of pushing, of digging into you and pulling the answers out. I opened up and told her everything. It was the truth, so there was no reason to hide it, besides Dante already knew, so what else mattered? I told her about Friday and Saturday, and T and Dante. I completely skipped the part about my mother though, no matter how good of a friend she was, I could never tell her that.

She listened as she scraped at my neck. Occasionally telling me to tilt my head, and occasionally gasping in shock with eyes wide open. I closed my eyes at times, talking while internally listening to the songs playing on the radio. I guess that's a thing Gina and I had in common, we liked having the radio on all the time.

"You mean T, the little short one with the really pretty face and big boobs? She has a lot of tattoos?"

"Yeah, that's the one," I answered.

"She just broke up with her ex. She was going out with that guy no one likes from the other side of town. So yeah... Everyone here was all psyched she finally left him. Now they'll be able to beat him up in peace if they want to." She laughed, but I could tell she was bothered. "Ari, that girl, she's crazy. Don't mess with her. She has this fama of jumping girls she doesn't like. And she's always with her group of friends, all of them are bad. She's not good for you."

"She doesn't seem that bad-"

"Hey! What happened the last time? Care to remind me?"

I rolled my eyes, "that's different, Ileana-"

"Did exactly what I told you she was going to do. You need to trust me. I've been out there in the world while you've been hiding in your room, I know these people."

"You sound like an old lady."

"So? I rather be old than dumb. Besides, you're with Dante. I mean, yeah he punched you in the face, and left pissed off today, but he hasn't broken up with you yet, has he?"

"Well, no. I don't think so. He didn't say it but..."

"But what?"

"I don't think those technicalities matter with Dante."

"So... Tell me how did that happen? I want to know."

I pushed her hand away and got up from the bed, "There's nothing to know, Gina."

"Ahhh, I just want to know how someone got inside your little black heart when no one else had been able to. You know, you're kind of a loner and always look miserable as shit."

"I think we all know that."

"But when you're with Dante you look happy." That shut me up. "Do you love him? Like really love him? The way some people say? Like, that they know they want to be with that person forever and they can't be without them?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"I just want to know... Since when have you liked boys anyway?"

"I don't like boys, I just like Dante." That shut her up, "But that doesn't matter now that all this shit happened. He probably hates me."

I sat back on her bed, she sat next to me. She let out a deep breath as if resigned to an outcome and spoke, "look, I know this is bad, this isn't the right thing to do, but you're my friend, not him. So I am going to back you up. Stick with your story, say you don't remember, you don't remember, you don't remember, and no matter what don't change it. Because if you change it, he's going to know you're lying, and you're going to be completely fucked."

"But I don't want to lie to him."

"Then don't. Then tell him the truth, but what do you think will happen?"

I shook my head, "he won't forgive me."

She frowned and rubbed my back with a gently touch, "Ari, you did a very stupid thing. A very, very stupid thing, Ari. But I don't think you should lose the person you care about so much, over a very stupid decision." She hugged me with both arms, "Don't worry about it. We'll find a way to make him forgive you. I'll help you, I promise." She kissed my cheek and hugged me tight, "I love you, you know? If you ever decide to start liking girls again, we should kiss or something."

When she said it, it felt real, and it made me smile.

Just at that moment that stupid song started playing in the radio again, Alone by Heart. I rolled my eyes, I'd had it with that song. How many times had it been in the last few days, in the last few months?

"Ugh, I hate this song."

"Alone?" She asked, "I love this song!"

"Of course you do."

I hear the ticking of the clock, I'm lying here the room's pitch dark...

"Can you take it off?"

"Is it that bad?"

"I can't fucking stand it."

"Alright, calm down. I'm going."

And the night goes by so very slow...

"I don't understand how you can hate it? It's like they're singing about you and Dante."

"What?"

"Have you even payed attention to the lyrics?"

"Yes. I know the whole song, they're always playing it on the radio. I just don't like it."

Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you, And now it chills me to the bone...

Gina lowered the volume, but didn't change it. "You know what, Ari? It is like this song is about you and Dante."

"Gina, please."

"Shhh... Listen."

You don't know how long I had wanted to touch your lips and hold you tight, you don't know how long I had waited, and I was going to tell you tonight...

"I GOT IT!" She literality screamed. "We could give him a serenata! With this song, that you probably hate because it subconsciously makes you think of him."

I wanted to correct her and tell her that nothing makes me think of him, because I'm already always thinking of him, but I focused on "serenata" instead.

"What?" was my latened reaction.

"Yes! We go over to his house, my radio has batteries, I'll lend you the tape. You stand outside his window and turn the volume up-"

"Just stop talking-"

"Why not?! "

"Because that is so stupid! What kind of guy takes serenata to another guy?"

"The type of guy that is in love with another guy! Besides, there are no rules! Where did you hear that things should be different just because your dating a boy? It's the same thing! And who wouldn't like a serenata? Ah, I wish someone would do that for me, come to my window with a beautiful song, and lift the radio over his head when I look out the window."

"As a friend I am letting you know right now, that you need help."

"Ari, lets do it! I'll help you."

"No!"

"I know he'll like it. No one does these kinds of things anymore-"

"There is a reason for that."

"And you did something very shitty, you need to do something like this to even get another chance."

I listened to the sound of the guitar in the song, how do I get you alone? How do I get you alone?

"I don't know," I told her.

"You should buy him something too, something meaningful. A ring or a bracelet, something."

"You're going way over board."

"Write him a poem, or draw him something. No, don't buy him something. Make him something yourself instead."

I walked to her and covered her little mouth with my hand, "stop it Gina, no one is going to write a poem or take a serenata to anyone. Now, I'm going home," I let go of her. "Thank you for helping me with the Dracula issue."

"Ugh, whatever, but don't say I didn't try to help."

"Gina, you're just too much," but the whole thing made me smile. I liked being with Gina, she was cool.

PART 2

As I walked back into my house, I wasn't surprised to hear the ever popular, "Where were you?" At least that time she was alone.

"I was with Gina." I looked at the clock, ten thirty at night.

"You didn't even tell me you were leaving, and you're grounded anyways."

I know I shouldn't of, but I laughed, "I'm grounded?"

"Yes."

"At age seventeen?"

"Yes."

I shook my head and chuckled in disbelief, "Mom, you can't ground me if I'm seventeen and already have a job. Aparte, you're the one that wanted me to go out, and the day I go out, I get grounded?"

"You didn't get grounded for going out, you got grounded for smoking weed and drinking alcohol."

"Ugh."

"At least you got rid of those things on your neck."

"Mom-"

"Dante wasn't even with you that day."

I walked over to the counter and poured myself some cereal. I was hungry, but it was more to avoid the subject.

"Did he see them?" She asked.

"Yeah," I answered flatly, grabbing the milk.

"Then you're grounded times two."

"What does that even mean?"

"I don't know, guess we'll find out as we go."

"You can't do that."

"Oh yes I can, one of the many privileges of being a mother."

"Mom."

"Ari."

"Shit," I said.

"Shit," she said. "And go to sleep, you have school tomorrow."

PART 3

I thought about it over and over again before I finally decided to call Dante, then I dialed and hung up before the phone rang.

I gathered all my strength and dialed the number again, only to hang up again. That time I felt completely stupid because the phone had already rang once.

What the heck, I thought, and dialed again. That time I let it ring, and it rang, and rang, and rang, and nobody answered.

I called again, and again it rang, and it rang, before Mr. Quintana finally picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi, it's me, Ari. Is Dante still awake?"

"Well, I don't like lying so I'm going to tell you the truth. He's right here by the phone, but he's just letting it ring. I'm trying to go to sleep, so it's kind of bothering me. Could you call him tomorrow instead?"

"Yes, I understand... But then, he's there right now?"

"Yes, he's right here."

"And he doesn't want to answer?"

"I'll check again, 'Dante, it's Ari.'"

"I know, that's why I didn't pick up," Dante said.

"Could you tell him that I say, 'please?'" I asked.

"Dante, he says please."

"Just hang up, Dad."

"Dante just five minutes," I tried again.

"He says, it'll only be five minutes," Mr. Quintana repeated.

"No," was Dante's answer.

"It's fine, Mr. Quintana. Thank you anyways."

"I'm sorry, Ari. Try calling tomo-"

I hung up on him.

I smashed the phone back into the box.

I couldn't believe I fucking begged like a child, I hated myself all over again.

TBC...

Song used: "Alone" by Heart. I decided to use it because of page 5 in the book, and because I really do feel like it goes perfect with them. Thank you for reading.