PART 1

I woke up early the next morning, which must have been out of nerves because I hadn't gone to sleep until almost four am the night before. I opened my gifts- which were a lot more than I expected- walked Legs, took a shower and went to the kitchen to heat up some tamales. For most of the holidays, tamales were my thing.

"You sure you're going?" Mom asked.

I stopped short at the fridge and turned to her, she was drinking coffee, dad was watching TV. "I don't know yet," I lied. I felt like it made me look less desperate, but everyone already knew I had made my decision to go since the second I heard the proposal.

"What about Tere?"

"What about her?"

She stomped her coffee mug down hard with a loud thud, some of the coffee spilled unto the table "You know, you're becoming a real big ass."

"That's your son. Ari, king of the assholes."

"I'm not trying to pick a fight with you, Ari. I just don't like seeing you like this."

I threw my hands in the air. I really didn't understand, "like this how?" I thought I looked fine.

"Like this!" She waved her hands up and down. "Half dead! If you only saw yourself from the outside... You're not living, you're surviving. When was the last time you really laughed? The last time you looked forward to something? You're walking around with a girl you don't love-"

I gave up on the idea of breakfast, and went to my room to get my wallet, then walked back out to the kitchen. "I'm going. I'll decide what to do along the way."

"Ari..."

"I love you."

"I know," she looked like she wanted to cry.

Just like tamales, crying was in on that season.

PART 2:

I didn't know what to do. I had the three gifts, two for his parents and one for him, but those were from my parents. I hadn't gotten him anything. Should I even get him something? What if he just throws it at my face and kicks me out. The possibility wasn't minimum. I drove around and around, clothes, cologne, a book, nothing felt right. I looked at the time, I had twenty minutes left.

The steering wheel of my truck was taking a beating due to my frustration, when I drove by the flea market and remembered that the last time I was there I had seen some really pretty bracelets, the unisex ones for both boys and girls. They could even add pendants to them. The idea excited me, I knew he would like it.

I looked at all the colors and choose baby blue, he loved the water. I looked at all the little things I could add to it. Rhinestone and letters, tiny decorations. There was one of the world, and I immediately thought, 'he is my world' so I got it. I also got the letters to spell his name. When I was done, I loved it. A baby-blue bracelet with his name in silver letters and a little pendant of the world hanging from it. I put it in my pocket and went to his house.

It was going to be eleven when I got there, I hoped with all my heart his parents were still gone. I gathered the three original gifts, mixed them with all my courage, and walked to his front door. I raised my hand to knock, and then put it down. What was I wearing? Was it good enough? Why did I wear this sweater? I should have worn the other one. I hadn't brushed my teeth in three hours, I should of done it before leaving, but what was I thinking? I hadn't even had breakfast-

Just knock... knock... knock on the door.

I did, and then again about ten seconds later.

I held my breath, shook in place a little, and then he opened the door. His eyes squinted into the light of the cold winter sun as if he hadn't seen it in days, face tired, slightly blushed as if he had just woken up, and maybe he had. He was wearing dark blue pajama pants and a light brown sweater, brown hair even messier than usual, and it had grown a little, he had grown a little, he was a bit taller.

His face completely changed when he saw me, form half-asleep to complete shock. We both kind of stood there, in the cold wind of Christmas day.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. I had missed his voice so much, I wanted to smiled like an idiot at the sound but held my lips.

"I brought presents from my mom and dad to your family. I came to drop them off."

"Oh..." He stared at me for a little, then opened the door all the way, and motioned for me to come in. "You can leave them under the tree. They're not here right now, but I'll tell them you came."

I did, and when I turned back around he was staring at me nervously backed up into the wall, staying as far away from me as possible, his big eyes shaking. "There's one for you too," I told him. We hadn't closed the door and the cold was getting inside. I shuddered under it's wings, and so did he.

"Is it from your parents?" He asked. That voice again, I don't even understand how I ever thought I could be without it.

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"That one is," I nodded at the Christmas tree, "but I got you something too."

"You did?"

"Yeah."

He tilted his head to the side, "Why?"

That was a very good question. The truth is that I didn't even know, so I answered stupidly, "It's Christmas."

"I know that."

"Can I give it to you?"

"What is it?" He asked, unconsciously taking a step towards me. His face had lit up like a tiny bulb in the Christmas lights.

"Come here," I said, and he did.

He stood but a foot away from me and held out his hand. I pulled his sleeve up and pulled the bracelet from my pocket. He immediately smiled.

"It's so pretty."

I placed it in his wrist, and when I was done I couldn't let go of his hand. He felt so warm, warmer than the nicest day of summer, warmer than the plants mom leaves outside "to get sun," warmer than you, warmer than me. He stared at me holding his hand, and I stared at my hand holding his hand, and neither of us pulled away.

"Maybe you should leave," he said.

I rubbed my fingers against his palm, " But I don't want to go."

"You really should leave," he said, but it was too late. I closed the gap between us, a small step to the naked eye, months to our souls.

"I don't want to go," I repeated into his ear.

"Why do you do this to me?' He asked, his voice cracking, and I couldn't stand it anymore.

I kissed him. I held his waist, and his back, and his arms and I kissed him. I pulled him to me, and pushed myself on to him, and savored the sweet taste of his saliva and kissed him still, and he kissed me back. He threw his arms around my neck and fell into me. I was there to catch him, to support him, to love him. I felt his fingers in my hair, the breath leaving his lungs on my face, I heard the soft sounds of life coming from the very depth of his throat and my soul called out to them.

Damn had I missed him! It was love, crazy, stupid, full of flaws between two people that maybe shouldn't love each other, but it was present. It was the truest of feelings, the one that takes over your whole being and flips you around like a ragged doll making you lose all reason. It was love.

"I've missed you," I told him between kisses. "Damn, had I missed you." I kissed him deeper, more, my arms covering the whole of his back with force. I wanted to dig myself into him, I wanted him more than I had even wanted anything else. I walked him to the couch and placed him down, he let himself fall under me. It was the best feeling of delight.

"The door, close it." He told me.

I walked to the door and slammed it shut. I locked it just in case, but I knew no one was coming, at least for a little bit. When I returned to him he was on his feet again, and a lot more aggressive. He pulled off my sweater and tossed it to the floor, then pulled off his own, he was wearing a plane white shirt underneath. How very Dante, to lazy to dress up even for Christmas.

"Lets go to my room," he invited. The words sounded so far away. I had heard them only in the mist of my dreams and between daydreams as I stared into the empty ceiling of my room, but he was asking me for real, and I got so nervous I froze.

"Are you sure?" I asked, the confidence from earlier deleted completely. He had all control again.

He grabbed my arm and pulled me away. When we entered his room he was laughing, he spined around and threw himself on the bed, "Come and get me," he said in a comical way, like something you hear in a bad movie.

That made me laugh and regain my confidence a bit. He was Dante. I knew all about him, I loved him, so I was going to make out with him, and that was ok. I closed and locked the door behind me and pulled of my shirt, he stopped laughing. He looked me up and down and blushed.

"What?" I asked. Did he not like me? Was he expecting something else? Had I done something wrong? I wanted to cover myself again.

"I can't believe you're here," he whispered and I realized he hadn't stopped because of me, he had stopped because of him. I walked to him, he got up from the bed and walked away. A big lump formed in my throat, I was certain he would kick me out at any minute. "I don't know, Ari." He said, looking out the window at the trees that whooshed with the freezing day's wind. "I mean, what are we doing?"

"We're making out." I tried to play with comedy, "and hopefully in the middle of doing very dirty and nasty things."

He laughed, and then stopped laughing. He looked me straight in the eyes, "Do you even like me?"

I couldn't believe it, "What?! Of course I do! Dante, I don't only like you, I love you. I adore you, you're everything to me!"

"Then why-" he turned away, he couldn't say it.

I shook my head, I understood how he felt. I walked to him slowly, and hugged him from behind resting my lips on his neck and hoping really bad for him not to accidentally step back and feel what was bulging in my jeans. I was convinced that wouldn't have helped my cause. "I know many things have happened."

"Many." he agreed.

"But I know how I feel. I love you, more than anything and anyone else in this world. And this time without you has been hell, it's been hell to me. And just you opening that door earlier, and you allowing me to hold you in my arms like this, it's bringing me back to life." He turned to me, his face was red and his eyes glittered. "That's what I feel, Dante. What do you feel?"

"What I feel?" he murmured. "I feel what I haven't felt since you left." He took a deep breath and left it out into my face, it felt wonderful, "I feel alive." I held his face in my hands, felt his hair against my fingertips. My Dante, mine, mine, mine. "Why did we break up, Ari?" he asked.

"So we could learn that we can't be without the other."

He answered without a single strand of doubt, "but I already knew that."

His face was so close to mine, I could see his full perfection, "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry."

"Never again, Ari." He shook his head, "never do anything like this again."

"I won't."

"Ok..."

"Ok."

He kissed me first, rubbed my chest with both his hands, then tied them behind my neck. He pulled at my hair as I eased him to the bed, but instead of letting himself fall down he turned on me and pushed me down first.

I sat at the edge with my shirt off, the world closed, his face close, and my reason gone. He straddled me, and what I was feeling was not of this earth, it couldn't have been. My entire body trembled, the slightest touch of his body to my pelvic cavity made me shudder under him, pushing myself up into his body in the hopes of getting some more drops from that fountain of ever lasting life.

I held his hips and moved them towards me, up and down we bumped into each other, the both of us hard and panting, and completely stupid.

I pulled off his shirt and kissed his chest, his head flew back, the noises that I love so much began falling from his mouth. C'mon, I told myself, make him feel better. Please... Please... I had to hear him more.

"Ari," he told me. "I've missed you so much. Every day... Every day I wanted to look for you."

I moved his hips towards me, "Can I touch you?" I asked.

"You are touching me."

"Can I touch you there?" He thought about it, "I want to stick my fingers in." It was not the nicest way I could have said it, but my mind and body where boiling and I said the first thing that came to mind.

To my surprise, he agreed, "If you want to do that you have to wash your hands."

I picked him up with both arms and sat him on the edge of the bed. I quickly washed my hands in the restroom. As I scrubbed, I thought about what we were doing, what was about to happen. I had no idea what to do. I mean, I knew the general thing, and for some reason I wanted to stick my fingers inside of him, and for an even stranger reason thinking about it made me so hard that it hurt, but I didn't know exactly what to do.

I was really doubting the whole thing, but when I walked back into the room he was sitting there- just where I had left him- but he had taken off his pants and boxers. He was waiting for me: naked. A song started playing in my heart, I don't remember the tune or the rhythm or lyrics or if it even had lyrics, I just remember it was very calm and soothing, it relaxed me. Without thinking much, I unbuttoned my jeans and shook out of them, did the same with my boxers, and there we were, two very strange boys about to discover how to have sex with-

Oh shit.

I froze solid.

This was my first time, but was it his first time?

I didn't want to get mad, I didn't want to ruin the moment, he look so beautiful and he was waiting for me, but I had to ask. "Have you done this before?"

He pursed his lips, he knew where this was going. He sighed and looked to the side. "I've-" he shook his head, he looked disappointed, "I have."

"With who?"

"Ari-"

"With who?"

"Daniel."

"You had sex with him."

"Oral... Not all the way."

"What do you mean 'all the way?'"

"Look, you can't get mad at me because we weren't together, and I really don't want us to fight."

"Then answer the question."

"Ari-"

"Answer. The. Question."

"We've had oral sex, and hand jobs, that's it. Nothing else, I promise. I couldn't do it." His head fell, he couldn't look at me, "I wanted to... To try to forget you, but I couldn't do it with him."

I was still mad but...

I walked to the edge of the bed and lifted his face, "But you want to do it with me?"

"I want everything with you, Ari. Everything."

I kneeled before him and decided that if I ever saw Daniel, I would beat him so hard no one would be able to recognize his face. "From now on, only me. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"I don't care who it is. If you are ever with anyone else, I will walk up to both of you, push you out of the way, beat the living shit out of him, and steal you back."

He laughed, but I wasn't joking.

"You can't solve everything with violence, Ari."

Then maybe I should just kill them, I thought, and I scared myself.

He kissed me, and I forgot any ideas I was preparing for the gruesome demise of anybody who dared to touch him.

TBC...

Next time the much awaited love scene (blush), and soon the last chapters of this story where everything will wrap up! Thank you so much for reading like always, it keeps me going. Since this semester in school is a lot easier than the last three, I will attempt to make a more flexible schedule and try my best to update a lot faster. So lets hope that works... :)