Alright guys warning...this chapter has some things that some of you might not like...like depression and a little talk about suicide. Nothing big of course but I just wanted to let you know if you are ify about blood and cutting, but don't worry it is not a major part of the story it just helps get into a better mind set of someone who has never had a place to fit into. Plus he did just have a really bad first day at school after all! But like always thank you for reading! Reviews are appreciated. :D Enjoy!
Jackson pulled into his driveway when relief flew over him. He was home…he survived his first day of Monster High. Jackson took at deep breath and walked into an empty house like he was more then used too. His mother must be at an interview or with an old friend…walking into the kitchen there was a note on the refrigerator door conforming what Jackson thought. Sighing Jackson rubbed his arm where Manny dragged him down the hall way. He felt himself getting angrier as he remembered him telling him to leave him alone, when his tormenter seemed to not care. Jackson made his way up the stairs to his bathroom, taking one look of himself in the mirror he fell to the floor and leaned on the wall with his knees to his chest.
He felt like this more than once…how many times have he been in this same position…after the same or worst day at school. Why was it so hard for him to fit in? All he wanted was just to fit in somewhere! He didn't care where at this point…as long as people left him alone and didn't hurt him…Jackson reached inside his pocket for the razor he carried everywhere with him. He never understood why it made him feel safe but it did. Pulling it out, he studied it testing the sharpness of the small blade. He knew this wasn't right…he wasn't stupid. He knew that people would think of his as a crazy and it would result in more people making fun of him. He bit his lip wanting to do it…how badly he wanted to do it. But he promised his father four years ago he wouldn't do it anymore…it was a long broken promise but there was no denying how it made him feel. Like he was alive and finally in control of everything, like nothing could hurt him as long as he was hurting himself. His father told him that it was okay to feel depressed but talking about it was better than doing this. Talking…who was there to talk to now! His father is dead! Murdered…and his mother would never understand… she couldn't even talk about her family all she did was make a face, stare at her hands then get up and leave. Putting the cold razor to his scared flesh before he pulled it towards himself, he closed his eyes as the comforting pain washed over him. Why did it have to be this way? Sitting in the same position for a few more minutes he felt that guilty feeling go over him like it always did. How disappointed his father would be if he saw his son sitting like this. Laying down he placed his arms over his eyes to try to shield out the world. It wasn't like he didn't like Monster High…he did have worst days at school.
Grumbling he looked over the cut on his arm. It didn't make him feel any better looking at it; honestly it made him feel worst. It was still bleeding when the door bell sounded through the house. No one ever came over to his house…Jumping up he ran to the sink cleaning the blood off his arm. Wrapping it up in a quick makeshift bandage, pulling his long sleeved shirt down past it, he ran to the door and looked out seeing Heath and Deuce. Opening the door Heath pushed past Jackson into the slightly messy from a move house.
"Oh nice place cuz!" Heath said looking over to the kitchen, "Where is Aunt Sydney?"
"She is at an interview." Jackson said slightly annoyed at his impatient cousin, he looked back at a sheepish Deuce, "I tried to keep him from rushing in."
Jackson took his glasses off rubbing his eyes, "its okay I'm used to it, but you can come in."
Heath walked over to the living room where there was more boxes and slumped down on the couch. "So cuz you want to go play a game of casketball?"
"Casketball?"
"Oh right!" Heath exclaimed slapping himself, "it's like the normie basketball!"
"I know what casketball is Heath." Jackson said smacking his cousin feet off the couch so he can sit down.
"Then why did you say it like that?"
"Because he isn't used to people asking to do things," Deuce said noticing Jackson looking at his feet. "Dude it isn't that hard to read you."
"That's true it's been awhile since anyone even thought about me." Jackson said miserably, ignoring the fact that Deuce can read his emotions so easily.
Deuce placed his hand on Jackson's shoulder, "well we are thinking about you now so are you coming or not?"
"Of course!" Jackson said getting up and grabbing Heath pulling him off the couch. He landed on the ground with a bang making him rub his shoulder.
"I was getting up, sheesh!"
"Not fast enough slow poke!" Jackson yelled his mood was already getting better from the aftermath at school.
It was a short walk to the court where it seemed that was long abandoned. "Are you sure this place is safe?" Heath asked looking over the rusted fence.
Deuce laughed at their faces, "Yes it is safe…the only reason why no one comes down here anymore is because of Daculaura's father lives next to you dude."
Jackson wasn't too surprised by this news it explained the overly creepy house right next door. "So is he really that scary?" Jackson said when both boys turned to him and nodded.
"He is Dracula!" Heath whispered to Jackson.
"Sure…" Jackson rolled his eyes, "well Deuce I think I am more scared of your girlfriend then of Dracula…at least him killing me will be quick."
"What did Cleo do?" Deuce said looking surprised by this news as Heath got ready for the game. "She had Manny tape me to the lockers in the men's locker room."
"Oh, dude that isn't cool I will talk to her. But do you know why she did it?" Deuce said trying to figure out why she would do something like that.
"Because I wouldn't get out of a seat she wanted." Jackson said shortly.
Deuce rubbed his face careful not to move his glasses, "I will make sure that doesn't happen again." He walked over to Jackson, and looked him in the eyes, "she won't do that again I promise."
"Don't promise for someone else," Jackson mumbled as Deuce looked slightly hurt by Jackson not really trusting his word when Heath, already bored with all their talking, throw the ball at Deuce making him turn a catch it. "We came to play ball and forget school!"
"See this is why we don't invite you places Heath!" Deuce shouted as he tossed the ball back.
"I'll play winner!" Jackson said laughing when Heath caught the ball making an angry face.
"It will be more and likely me!" Deuce said positioning himself when Heath let out a booming laugh. "You might want to win first! I am feeling lucky today!"
"Like every other time you lost to me?" Deuce taunted back making Heath start the game.
The game didn't take too long, they played to ten points leaving the win to Deuce and Heath scoring six points. "You are getting better." Deuce teased, "You at least scored!"
"Oh shut up!" Heath joked pushing his friend as he walked by to take a seat next to Jackson. "Your turn cuz. Good luck you are going to need it."
"Thanks Heath you are so kind," Jackson said rolling his eyes, "You can at least have some faith in me."
"I will have faith in you if you beat that smug look off his face!"
Jackson gave Deuce a few minutes to take a drink as Jackson removed his bow tie and vest; he unbuttoned a few buttons of his shirt. "Why don't you just take it off," Heath suggested since his was on the ground near him. "Because I am not hot enough to take it off." Jackson said
"You just don't want to show off that white ass skin making us all go blind!" Heath taunted making Jackson push Heath's head down as he passed. "You are lucky I have no water near me at the moment."
Deuce was already standing in the middle of the court waiting for Jackson. "Well I will try to go easy on you."
"Why didn't you do that for me?" Heath yelled over pouting a little.
"Because I don't like you," Deuce joked when Heath throw a fireball towards them, "No need to be a sore loser Heath!"
"I will warn you Deuce I am a lot more athletic than you think." Jackson said as Deuce chuckled, "I guess we will just have to see if that one is true."
Deuce let Jackson have the ball first but soon regretted it as Jackson made the first score of the game. "So I guess you weren't joking when you said that." Deuce said throwing back to Jackson who caught it easily. "I did warn you."
The game went longer then Heath's and Jackson's yellow button up laid forgotten next to Heath. "Last chance to catch up cuz!" Heath yelled as Jackson was two points down as Deuce only had to score one more.
Jackson got the ball and dribbled to his hoop and went to throw the ball in when Deuce got the ball scoring the last point of the game.
"Wow! Jackson you didn't tell me you were that good at casketball!" Heath shouted rushing over to congratulate his cousin on his lost. "Yeah…not a lot of monsters can keep up with me." Deuce said holding up a fist for Jackson to hit. "Not a bad game. Maybe you should join the team."
"Oh no!" Jackson said looking horrified, "just playing for fun I can do but add pressure and the crowd I become super clumsy and it would be a mess."
Deuce laughed as he gathered his things and went to pick up Jackson's shirt when he noticed blood on the sleeve. "Dude did you cut yourself while playing?" He asked handing the shirt to Jackson who quickly placed his hand over the fresh cut. "I…Uh…" Jackson saw no answer come to his mind as both boys watched him.
"You didn't do it did you?" Heath asked making Jackson pale. This was it…he was going to lose his only friend because he was weak…and his cousin would hate him.
"I…" Jackson sat down and took a deep breath, "Yes I did."
"How?" Deuce asked not fully getting it.
Heath sat down and placed his arm around his cousin. "Why?" Was all he asked when Deuce understood and sat down across from Jackson and remained quiet.
"Because…I don't know! I am weak and it is the only way I feel…" Jackson mumbled into his legs making both of the others strain to hear him.
"You aren't weak you know that?" Deuce said making Jackson slowly look up at him, "You are stronger then you think, I mean have you ever thought about…ending it?"
Heath looked horrified about to go off on Deuce for even saying that when Jackson cut him off, "No I haven't…I guess that's why I hate myself so much more for doing it. I don't want to die… I just want to fit in…that's all I want." Jackson laid his head back down in his arms.
Heath and Deuce both relaxed at hearing their friend say he didn't want to die. "If you hate yourself after then why do you still do it?" Heath asked hoping he could help his cousin.
Jackson didn't immediately response but when he did it was in a whisper, "It makes me feel like I'm finally in control of my life."
"I hate not having anyone to go to…I hate being second choice for everything as well as not having a place to call home."
"Have you tried talking to your mother?" Deuce afforded getting a snort from Jackson.
"She can't even talk about her family what makes you think she will be able to understand how I feel when she had everything for her."
Jackson's bitterness in his voice made Heath shudder…Jackson has always been happy from what he remembered. Always laughing and making jokes…but this was the first time he ever seen his cousin like this. Interacting with people…having people respond to someone like him. It was all new to Heath…he didn't know it hurt Jackson to not really fit in anywhere.
"Well cuz you do fit in somewhere!" Heath said getting up making Jackson make a disgusted sound. "And where is that Heath?"
"With us." Deuce said for Heath making Heath's flame die when Deuce stole what he was going to say.
"Wha-?" Was all Jackson was to get out when Heath started talking.
"Clawd likes you and Gill is pretty cool it might be a little before he warms up to you!" Heath started talking faster, "Deuce is surely your friend or he wouldn't have afforded to let you come with us! And then there is me, who come on cuz, do you really think I let you go anywhere fun without me?" Heath said winkning.
Jackson smiled feeling better as Deuce held out a hand helping Jackson off the ground. "Just one thing okay?" Deuce said making Heath stop talking, "you have to promise us that this," he showed Jackson his arm, "will stop…at least try. If you need to talk no matter what time, I live right there." He pointed to his house that was right across the street Jackson could walk there if he didn't want to wake his mom with his car. "And you always have me cuz no matter what, I might be really bad at listening, but I am here." Heath said coming into the conversation more seriously.
"I promise I will stop." Jackson said looking over his arm seeing all the little pink lines, he felt disgusted by them but he knew he had people watching out for him now. First day at Monster High…he already made friends…let's hope they stick…he won't be able to stand if he got stabbed in the back again from people who he thought he trusted especially his cousin. Last time he opened up to someone they took everything from him.