Hello my faithful readers! I love you! Thank you for all of your thoughtful words… Even those who didn't agree with me having Bella with Edward at the courthouse.

As always, thank you to Brie and kitchmill for making my words pretty…I try not to mess up their hard work too much.

For those of you not familiar with how C-sections work here's a couple of fact for you: At 46, my mother agreed to do the most selfless thing for her sister, she agreed to be her surrogate. Being the fertile myrtle that she was, the IVF took on the first try with both eggs implanting successfully. It wasn't an easy pregnancy at all, but she did everything in her power to keep those two little gifts safe until it nearly took her life because she developed fast on setting pre-eclampsia and required an emergency cesarean. I borrowed from that experience as well as my own C-section to give you the most realistic view of what happened during the birth of Libby and Katie. Both experiences required my husband, who was with me, and my aunt, who was with my mother, to leave the operating room once the baby/babies were taken to the nursery and NICU respectively. So that is why Edward actually left even though he truly didn't want to. Hope that helps clear that bit up!

Anyways, on we go! Enjoy! xx

Chapter Twenty-One

Confession #21: I am the protector, the king of our castle, but even I'm not indestructible or without feeling when it comes to my girls and my woman.

The weather reflected the heaviness that followed the birth of my daughters. Rain fell in curtains unlike anything Los Angeles had ever seen before, and it was as if Mother Nature was reflecting my sorrow. It had been twenty-five long and excruciating days since the girls' arrival, and my family was in an emotional upheaval. I didn't know what the final outcome would be, but I wasn't giving up.

Most importantly, neither were they.

Their early arrival had been truly bittersweet. We'd been waiting for them, anxious and excited, but seeing them in those isolettes and with all those tubes and wires connected to them crushed me. It was dizzying to deal with all the emotions that were racing through me, overlapping each other so fast I could hardly keep up. Nothing prepared me for coffee girl's meltdown when she visited our daughters for the first time, however, her face contorted in anguish as she stared at their little bodies.

"I failed them, Eddie. They're in here because my body wasn't capable of protecting them anymore." Tears poured down her cheeks as she spoke, and it broke me even further.

I hated pulling her attention from our daughters, but I need her to see and understand exactly what I was saying. I shook my head as I held her face in my hands, forcing her to identify how serious I was when I replied.

"This is not your fault. It's mine. I let myself be controlled by public opinion instead of doing what was right for us. We shouldn't have been in that courtroom. Alice has been unstable for a while, and I should have never allowed her to be in the same room as you after she'd already hurt you. That was my mistake. One I've made too many times already."

"But, Eddie—"

"No buts. We need to just step back from all of the outside drama and focus on the girls, Caleb, and you getting stronger. Nothing is more important than that."

Bella squeezed my fingers as she nodded. We had a long road ahead of us. There was no place for blame on her, but I still carried guilt deep within my heart and mind.

Time would be the defining factor in the survival of our little family. I didn't doubt us, just myself.

~o~o~o~

There I was, walking into the NICU once again. Coffee girl and I had basically been ships passing in the night, navigating a road we never expected to be on. One of us was always with the girls while the other spent as much time with Caleb as possible. We didn't want him feeling abandoned through this whole ordeal. Before I could make it to the door, my phone buzzed.

It was my father.

I hadn't talked to him in weeks, not since the day of Libby and Katie's arrival. I didn't want to talk to him now, either, but I knew he would keep calling and I just wanted to focus on my girls.

"What?" I snapped.

"Edward, you need let this go. Your mother and I never would have asked you to be there if there had been any indication that something would happen to the babies. We—"

I couldn't let him continue. "No. I don't have time for this. My focus will not be redirected to your needs right now. This is your daughter's fault, once again, but at least I can thank the judge for having revoked her bail and I can breathe slightly easier as a result! After the girls finally come home, then and only then will we have this discussion, but for now I am only going to focus on my wife and daughters."

My anger gave way to exhaustion and I sighed. I was over it all. "Look, I need to go. You're keeping me from my girls. Goodbye."

I didn't give him a chance to reply; I just disconnected the call, turned my phone off, and slipped it back into my pocket. I collapsed against the wall that led into the NICU, my fingers automatically finding my hair as I focused on calming myself down. I was never more grateful for Alec and Jane; they kept me in the loop as far as Alice's trial was concerned. My sister needed help, and it was more than obvious to me that my parents were not capable of giving her what she needed. I just hoped that the judge wouldn't be lenient and that Alice would figure her shit out. I pushed all thoughts of my extended family out of my head and focused only on my immediate family.

It was strange, the moment I realized there had been a change in my family structure. It was as if the minute I became a parent and my parents became grandparents, a new family tree sprouted. I was no longer the trunk of their tree, just a branch off of my child's. Everything was new and life had changed for the better once more.

And now I had two more beans that had become saplings, two more little ones to love and nurture and help grow into strong and giving people.

This parenting thing was hard and required more sacrifice than I ever anticipated, but the reward was endless. My parents and I would eventually be okay; it just couldn't be about me and them right then. I had to focus on my wife and children.

I couldn't see my girls when I was this discombobulated. They all deserved to have me at my best.

When I was finally calmed down, I picked up the phone to be let into the NICU ward.

After I scrubbed up, I made my way over to the corner where our girls were. Bella was in the process of changing Libby's diaper.

"Hey, love, how were the girls last night?" I could see the dark circles under her weary eyes.

She was exhausted. Even with all the help available through the nurses, Bella wanted to do as much for the girls as she could. I stepped up as well, but I was still afraid I might hurt them since Libby and Katie were so much smaller than Caleb had been.

"As good as can be expected. They were under the bili lights for a bit last night and are still having a hard time remembering to breathe on their own sometimes, but they didn't need any additional oxygen again," Bella informed me as she tossed the soiled diaper in the trash.

Although I'd read up on premature babies and what to expect, I wasn't grasping the information as much as I did with Caleb. I thought it was the exhaustion, but deep down I firmly believed that in the end the girls would come home without needing to know all of this temporary information—at least that was what I hoped and prayed for.

I'd already taken a seat in the rocker that had been placed between the two girls, and my coffee girl joined me. Her arms tightening around my neck were very much needed. Even the hospital antiseptic smell couldn't compete with her comforting scent. I breathed her in, finding peace in the noisy room.

Bella centered me; she kept me balanced in a land known for its chaos. We just sat there, holding each other and reconnecting for the few minutes we allowed for ourselves each day we spent apart while the girls continued to grow and mature outside of her womb. It wasn't enough, but there was no way we would allow this temporary situation we found ourselves in to destroy the essence of who we were as a couple and as a family.

After ten minutes of reconnecting and sweet stolen kisses, Bella said, "Today should be a fun day for you. I know the nurses have a surprise for you. Enjoy it, Eddie."

Coffee girl didn't give me a chance to question her before she headed out to spend the day with Caleb, who was with the part-time nanny we'd hired for now. I turned my attention back to my daughters, but still wondered what my lovely wife meant. With a shrug, I let it go. I was ready for any task the nurses would allow.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen. Would you like to try and feed Katie this morning?" the day nurse asked, causing me to glance at her in shock.

"Wha—how? Huh?" I was obviously not very articulate at that moment, but I managed to get control over my surprise rather fast. "Are they getting their feeding tubes removed?"

She shook her head. "Not yet. We won't remove them until we are sure they've mastered mature sucking and swallowing all while remembering to breathe. Those are skills that most preemies need to be taught. We've been working on that for the past few days by introducing a pacifier during their routine feedings."

I nodded in understanding, although like most men, my mind was stuck on her choice of words. Sucking and swallowing were two things I never intended to think about when it came to my little princesses, but in this case I grasped that it was something they needed to do successfully in order to come home.

"I think it might be better to wait until Bella is here. I know she'd want to be the first one to do it."

Because I wasn't sure I trusted myself with the task. Katie was still so tiny in my eyes.

The nurse smiled. "Mrs. Cullen mentioned you might say that and asked me to inform you that she fed Libby last night. She wanted it to be a surprise for you and allow you to give Katie her first bottle feeding."

A huge smile took over my face. This was exactly the news I needed to put me in a better mood. My girls were thriving, they were meeting milestones every single day. And now I would get to be a part of one of those moments.

I gave myself an internal pep talk and then rubbed my hands together. "Let's do this."

The nurse giggled at my excitement, but prepared Katie for me to hold since she still had some wires attached that were monitoring her oxygen levels and breathing output. Katie blinked her dark blue eyes at me, her lips puckered in an oohing motion. She was so beautiful. The nurse handed me the bottle she'd prepared with Bella's breast milk and led me through the feeding.

I may have been a pro at feeding Caleb, but this was a different experience all together. Katie was new to this so it was trial and error. She'd suck too hard sometimes and flood her mouth or forget to breathe at other times. She would make herself cough when she took in too much to swallow as well. Needless to say, it wasn't an easy first experience for either of us, but in the end the nurse praised both of us and said it was a very good first try.

Since Katie didn't take all the milk, the nurse put the remainder in the feeding syringe and attached it to her feeding tube. She explained that until both girls were able to take the full feeding by bottle, they would supplement after to ensure the girls didn't end up losing weight in the process.

The entire experience was feeling more like a marathon than a race...in this case the tortoises were my daughters who were content to grow and mature at their own pace, regardless of what Bella and I wanted.

I would take it, though; slow and steady was definitely better than setback after setback that we could see some of the other parents around us going through. I couldn't imagine going through their trials and tribulations...witnessing this was hard enough for me.

Still, that had been the best day I'd spent in the NICU with the girls so far. I fed Libby during her next feeding. I changed poopy diapers. I talked quietly to my girls and even sang to them. It may not have been my area of expertise, but I enjoyed singing to my little rays of sunshine.

The bond between my daughters and me was already growing, and I couldn't contain my contentment when I left to meet coffee girl and Caleb at home. Every night we spent dinner together before she left to be with the girls and I took over Caleb's care. We cherished that hour together before we started the cycle all over again.

I couldn't wait until we were all home as one unit.

All together now, "Aww!" lol. Hope you all enjoyed this. See you in a couple weeks... Hopefully I'll actually have more words for you so there isn't a delay after that. xx Dee