It's been a while hasn't it? Sorry for the wait but I got quite busy with the last of my Senior year of high school. I realize this only needed one last chapter, as i left it on a rather sour note. That's not what I wanted to portray, so here it is.
{Dream}_%h83200#$2_Location: Spring_{?}_He-Who-Dwells-Within
It seemed logical to believe being brutally stabbed within a dream would wake him. Yet Aiden knew before he even opened that such wasn't the case.
The feeling wasn't unpleasant, in fact, it was comforting. A soft heat warmed the skin beneath his clothes, a gentle breeze brushing against him like it didn't want to be rude. He finally opens his eyes, a blue sky above him. It's clear of clouds, of complex colors, of anything resembling the delirium of the past few dreams.
He takes a couple extra seconds to roll upward, sitting in grass just a hair too long. It feels so real under his hands. Even the sun seemed to truly be there, lacking the intense heat he felt when he met Dauntless. His muscles, so trained to remain tightened like bowstrings, lay relaxed. The place seemed to prompt such relaxation, demanding it on entry.
Yet the field wasn't extraordinary, it was normal. Normal grass, average sky, a delicate spring morning. But this was foreign to him, an unrecognizable calm.
"Alright…" the hacker whispers to himself, unintentionally attempting to maintain the peace in the quiet place, "let's get this over with."
He walks across the field, looking for any sign of life. Or at least, what ever he could consider the sentient parts of his mind. He ascends and upcoming hill, pausing there, seeing Chicago just by the horizon. Watching the sun rise beside it locked him in place.
"It's funny, isn't it?"
The sudden voice makes Aiden twitch, looking beside him at a man he hadn't seen when he walked up. As expected, he looked exactly like him, but somehow completely different. He was looking out as the city, eyes soft, muscles relaxed, younger. He doesn't move his gaze as he continues speaking, "Looking at it from this distance…you wouldn't know how much shit is going on there. It's just like any other picture perfect skyline you put on postcards."
Aiden glances back at the skyline, "But I know it isn't. I want it to be, but it's not." he sits down beside his twin, unable to get angry or confused at this point.
"You do," his twin looks at him now, "It's full of corruption and ugly crimes, dirt and secrets. Just like you."
The last comment bugs him, but he rolls his eyes. It's all a game. "Who are you supposed to be?" the hacker questions bitterly, "Careless, Mindless, Witless—"
"Victimless."
"Victimless?"
"That's my name. Well…That's what you call me."
"I don't—" Aiden groans, standing again, "look, I just want these damn nightmares to end. So give me your philosophical rant and let me wake up."
But Victimless doesn't move, just releasing a breath, "That attitude is the reason you're having dreams like this."
He stands, slipping hands in the pockets of his worn jeans and walking down the hill. Aiden watches, not understanding. How could his attitude possibly effect his dreams? Either way, he was getting out. With a slight reluctance in his step he follows his twin. Victimless doesn't speak, only walks. There was something so different and unfamiliar about him.
"…What does the name Victimless even supposed to mean?" Aiden asks after the silence begins to frustrate him, "Tell me so I can wake up."
His twin stops just as they reach the Chicago river, glancing back with a scoff, "You're asking me what to do? Incredible."
"Now you sound like Defenseless." Aiden replies, simultaneously annoyed with himself for referring to another fragment of his dreams, "What, is this about me? Am I supposed to have some sort of epiphany now?" He waits for an answer that doesn't come, speaking sharply, "Tell me—!"
"The answer is in my name." Victimless interrupts him, not harshly, sternly, like a father, "Think about it. You're a man that runs on emotions, yet uses none of them. You're so many things at once you can't decide who to be."
"What are you talking about? I know who I am!"
"Then tell me!" his twin turns to him fully, "Who are you?"
Aiden opens his mouth to speak, but words don't come. He's silent. What kind of question was that? A stupid one. Why should he have to explain who he is? Why should he be defined like that? He was whoever he needed to be, no matter what it took.
"You can't answer that, can you?"
He meets the eyes of Victimless, who returns them with a disapproving gaze, "Does it matter?"
"Does it— of course it matters!" somehow Victimless' voice isn't lined with anger when he speaks, "You can't just be no one at all. You just can't answer me, can you? You know why? Because you're trying to be a million different people at once."
Aiden was clenching his fists now, grinding his teeth. A part of him wanted to punch him. Yet another part wanted to listen, another didn't care either way.
Dauntless, Defenseless, Emotionless.
Which one was he?
"Fine, "Aiden suddenly finds himself speaking, "I'm whoever I need to be to keep my family safe."
"You can't have it both ways."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm what keeps you sane." Victimless speaks as if he had the upper hand, "I'm what keeps you human."
"You're nothing!" Aiden was shouting, then he was silent. These words, this conversation, it was so familiar. It was the exact conversation he had with Restless in his very first dream.
But now, the roles were reversed.
The slow realization makes him sit on the concrete docks, by the river. He hadn't changed, nothing had changed. He was just as fucked up in the head as he was before. The thoughts were killing him now. Was he really so merciless? A million thoughts swim in his head that he can't control. He wanted to hide them away, he wanted to face them, he wanted to ignore them, he wanted to destroy them.
"You don't have to listen to him."
The voice was cold. Aiden turns, meeting the dark eyes of Restless.
Restless was grinning, looking more demon-like then human, leaning back and laughing quietly, "Why are you so surprised? I'm part of you too."
"No, he isn't." Victimless speaks, glaring at Restless, "He doesn't have to be."
"Liar. He needs me. Don't you?"
"No he doesn't! You don't, do you?"
They were both looking at him, but he couldn't answer them. He was entranced by his own inner conflict, dying from an unknown disease from the inside out. He couldn't think, couldn't concentrate. He gets to his feet.
And runs in the other direction.
He needed to go somewhere. Maybe if he ran himself to exhaustion, he'd wake. But what would keep him from having the very same dreams? Nothing. He'd have them ever day till he couldn't take it anymore. Somehow he was driving himself to the edge with his own thoughts.
Around him everything was changing. The sky darkened, buildings cracked and fell apart, clouds gathered and rain began to fall. All of this, he didn't notice. He jumps over stalled cars, rushing into a road tunnel.
Finally he slows, hearing the rain rush down and breathing heavy. He couldn't face it, it was too much to take. All the people he killed, all the crimes he committed, was it all worth it? Of course it was, but as the same time, it meant nothing.
Nothing he did would bring Lena back.
He stops walking, smelling fire, gasoline. Turning, he realizes he's in the very same tunnel he crashed in, where she died. A burning car lay flipped over and in flames. The scene was all too familiar, making him remember. He was laying just where the driver's door flung, reaching out to his niece, even in half consciousness knowing that she was dead.
Everything was so fragile in him right now, he felt like he could snap. It wasn't sadness or anger or nothingness, it was a fierce hallow pain in his chest. Even someone who was emotionless could identify as such, but he couldn't. He drops down by the fire, watching it with lifeless eyes, not knowing how he could possibly be sane when he wakes.
A soft light rises beside, a gentle warmth. He glances to his side, startled by the sight of Lena hugging his arm.
"Are you sad uncle Aiden?"
Her voice was the same sing-song trill, a sound he so clearly remembered. Aiden shifts suddenly, finding himself not trusting her. It had to be a trick.
Lena looks back at him with a frown, "Are…you scared of me?"
"What? No! Of course not!" despite his suspicions just a second before, Aiden retracts them, "I'm just…" he trails off, not really knowing what he's feeling.
But his niece grins, "Good! Cause Uncle Aiden isn't afraid of anything!" She giggle, sitting beside him and watching the fire as he does.
He didn't know what to say. A spirit maybe? Or perhaps simply a fabrication from his memory. Whenever he was on the verge of having a meltdown, memories of her and his family brought him back. This was his defense.
"Lena…" he starts to speak, taking a second to form his question, "Did I do the right thing?"
"What? All the bad stuff?" she looks at her toes, swinging them back and forth, "…I think you did what you thought was right."
"But was it the right thing? I need to know if I did it right."
"Does it matter what I think?"
"What— yes, it does."
"Not really."
"What?"
She sighs, standing and looking down at him. She spoke as if she was older, but with the idiosyncrasies of the child she was, "Everyone has their own definition of what's right and what's wrong, what's a good thing and a bad thing, who's a saint and who's a devil. You've never really followed the crowd uncle Aiden, maybe this is the same way."
He stares, trying to piece it together in his head. Alive and Restless, they weren't purely good and evil, they were both shades of grey. Alive was somewhat good, Restless somewhat evil, but both had positives and negatives.
"I have to choose, don't I?" Aiden asks, not directly to Lena, but to himself as well, "I have to choose who I am."
"Pretty much." Lena shrugs as she responds, "You know yourself better then anyone."
"How am I supposed to chose?" the man turns, looking straight at Lena as if she held the answer, "Restless…he's what keeps me alive in that damn city, in the real world. But Victimless and the others…they keep me alive on the inside. They keep everything together."
She looks back at him, then suddenly smiles, "That's it!"
"What…What's 'it'?" Aiden looks back at her in confusion, "Did I say something?"
"You found your answer, you already know it! In here!" She pokes his chest, apparently going for the heart but being slightly off, "So choose."
"That doesn't—" He stops, a chill abruptly halting his speech.
He stands, backing up as Restless appears, bringing the storm with him, still grinning a wolfish grin, "Did you have some alone time?"
Soon after Victimless shows, some warmth with him, a calmness, "Will you tell this inner demon to leave now?"
Aiden looks between the both of them. One carried more light then the other. One carried more strength then the other. He had to choose; it was the only way to end the nightmares. Yet he struggled to find the answer.
He looks down, seeing Lena touching his hand, smiling gently up at him. She said he had the answer, that he already knew, but how could he?
"You know you need me." Restless speaks, lacing and unlacing his bloody fingers, "You wouldn't be alive without me."
"Don't listen to him" Victimless spouts sternly, eyes intense, "I keep you grounded, sane. You wouldn't be alive without me."
You wouldn't be alive without me
Suddenly the answer is so clear. In an instant, Aiden knew his choice.
He looks at Restless, "You help me survive anything. I have to be ruthless to stay alive in this fucked up world."
Restless' grin widens, "I knew—"
"But." Aiden interrupts him, looking to Victimless, "I can't stay alive without feeling remorse."
Victimless smiles a bit, "So your choice?"
At this point, Aiden smiles, taking Lena's hand, "Both." he closes eyes, speaking softly, "I'll become exactly what I believe I need to be. Compassion and malice, suffering and victory, they'll all be things I experience and give to others." he opens his eyes again, raising his head, "And I'll do it with both sides as one. I choose to be Alive."
Both entities stare at him, baffled, then somehow both take on the same expression of understanding. The nod, with neither sadness nor happiness, never truly revealing if he made a good choice. And, as soon as they were there, they're gone.
Aiden sighs, then feels Lena's fingers clasp his hand tighter. He looks down at her smiling face, keeping his own, "Why don't I tell you everything?"
Her smile grows, "I'd like that."
{Reality}_%^83604# _Location: Kia's Home_{Alive}_He-Who-Walks-Unraveled
Aiden wakes on Kia's couch.
The smell of incense is strong still, though a different scent then before. An acoustic song is playing quietly though out the house, in a language Aiden couldn't place. Kia watches him from the chair across the couch, speaking gently, "You looked refreshed."
"You could say that." Aiden finds his own voice lighter, "Let me tell you everything."
The hacker recites the events of his final nightmare to detail. Kia doesn't say a word, not even asking a questions as she listens, only occasionally nodding.
When he finishes, she's just as silent for several seconds before finally speaking vaguely, "…Your dreaming spirit is set free." She rises, "there's nothing more I can do for you. Now, if you please…" she walks to the door, gesturing to it, "I need to do some cleaning."
Aiden smirks, but nods, leaving without another word to her, somehow knowing she didn't require a thank you. As he steps outside in the crisp early morning air, he feels everything more clearly.
And he was definitely was feeling for a good cup of coffee.
With purposeful strides, he heads down the street, distracted by a vibration in his pocket. He takes out his phone, a crime alert on the screen. A small smile creeps on his face.
This is what he lived for.