At nearly five thousand words this is my longest chapter yet but I had a lot to say. After that cliffhanger in the last chapter I kind of owed you guys. Enjoy! (sorry just reposting for typos)

Sunday morning Regina observed her housemate with a furrowed brow as they sat at their booth in Granny's. After her date with Jefferson Belle had been practically glowing but after Snow and Emma left she suddenly became withdrawn. She didn't even come down for dinner that night. And it seems her mood didn't improve with sleep. She still seemed despondent.

"Are you okay Belle?" asked Regina.

"Hmm?" said Belle pulling herself out of her thoughts.

"You haven't even touched your breakfast," observed Regina. "I think Granny is starting to get offended."

Belle looked down at her plate with a sigh. She couldn't find her appetite if she tried. After what she'd discovered about Jefferson's past she couldn't keep him off her mind. They'd had such a good time on their date but how could she continue to see him knowing what he'd once done to the people she cared about?

"Is something bothering you?" asked Regina.

"As a matter of fact there is one thing," said Belle.

Regina raised her eyebrows signaling for her to continue.

"I'm being forced to keep my friend's pregnancy a secret because she's too afraid to tell the baby's father and it's just killing me," said Belle with a sly smile. Regina still didn't know that she'd found out about Jefferson's actions and Belle wanted to keep it that way until she was sure of what to do.

Regina rolled her eyes at Belle's words. "Okay first of all, I am not afraid. I am just waiting for the right moment."

"Okay. Do you think that moment is going to come before or after the baby is born?" asked Belle cheekily. "Regina, when it comes to things like this, you can't wait for the right moment. You have to create it. Just tell him."

"Tell who what?"

They both looked up with wide eyes as Robin slid into the booth next to Regina and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Um tell you… how much we admire… that shirt you're wearing," stammered Belle uncertainly.

Regina gave Belle an incredulous look. Her friend was a lot of things but a skilled liar would never be one of them.

"Yes dear," she said, resting her hand on his knee and forcing a chuckle. "Green is certainly your color."

"Oh well, thank you," said Robin taking a quick glance down at his shirt. It didn't seem like anything special to him. "You both look lovely today. I hope your morning is going well Belle."

"I'm sure it'll be a clear blue day of positivity," said Belle with a mischievous smile. She internally laughed at the face Regina made to her allusion to popular pregnancy test brand. Belle groaned through clenched teeth as the queen's pointed heel swiftly connected to her shin. She quickly disguised her outburst as a coughing fit for Robin's sake.

"Are you okay Belle?" asked Regina with mock innocence.

"I just had the sudden need to clear my throat," she said sending a glare her way.

Regina quickly asked Robin to grab Belle a bottle of water before leveling her gaze at the librarian. Belle met her gaze with a smirk.

"Now was that kick really necessary?" she said.

"About as necessary as that pun," Regina shot back.

"I think my greatest regret in life is that only you were there to witness it," said Belle playfully. She stood to gather her things. "I need to head to the library. Regina… tell him."

She left before the queen could respond. She really hoped that Regina didn't let her fear hold her back anymore.

XXXXXXXXXX

Regina's secret keeping only provided Belle with a distraction for so long. It was a slow day at the library so not much time passed before thoughts of Jefferson filled her mind once again. She found herself going over every minute of interaction she had with him trying to find one thing that would confirm her greatest fears. That he wasn't who he said he was. She was so deep in thought that she didn't even notice him come into the library.

"Hello there," he said with a smile.

For a split second she thought he'd summoned him up with just the power of her thoughts but then she noticed the takeout cup in his hand.

"I thought you could use a pick me up," he said handing her the Styrofoam cup. She could smell the familiar scent of Granny's tomato basil soup leak through its plastic cover. It was her favorite soup but it was coming from what was currently her least favorite person.

"Thank you," she said coldly. She set the cup on her desk and went back to restocking her books without sending as much as another glance his way. She couldn't look at him right now.

Jefferson was confused by Belle's odd behavior but he just thought that maybe she wasn't a morning a person. "I was hoping that maybe we could have lunch together today."

"I'm pretty busy here," responding Belle shortly.

"Well perhaps I could meet you some other time today?" he asked hopefully.

"You know, I just don't see that happening," said Belle violently shoving the books into their proper places.

Jefferson furrowed his brow in confusion. This woman wasn't the same one he had taken out the day before. While yesterday Belle had been warm and playful today she just seemed distant and harsh. "I'm sorry have I done something to offend you? Because I thought we had a good time yesterday and now you're just being… cold."

Belle sighed as she set her final book in its place and finally turned to look at him with her hands on her hips. "Did you drug and kidnap my friends?"

Jefferson felt his heart clench at Belle's question. "What?"

"Snow and Emma," she said crossing her arms and looking in his eyes. "Did you hold them hostage during the curse?"

Jefferson met her gaze and pressed his lips together nervously. "Belle I… I don't… it's complicated."

"It's a yes or no question Jefferson," she said softly. "Did you do it?"

Even though she knew what his answer would be there was still a part of her that was hoping he would say no. That what she had heard was a misunderstanding. But he wouldn't lie to her like that.

"I did," he said in a trembling voice.

Belle shut her eyes at his words, as if blocking out the sight of him would block out the pain she felt.

"Belle please! You have to understand," pleaded Jefferson. He tried to reach out for her but she stepped out of his reach. "I was just trying-"

"Leave," said Belle, still not looking at him.

"Belle…"

"Just get out of my library!" she said forcefully. "Please!"

Seeing that she was unmoved Jefferson walked out of the library with a melancholy look on his face. Once she heard the library door slam behind him Belle opened her eyes and took a deep trembling breath in an effort to push back the tears in her eyes. As she collapsed into her swivel chair she thanked the gods that no one was in the library to see that. She was taking a moment to calm herself when her gaze fell on the tomato soup that he had left for her. She grimaced as she grabbed the Styrofoam cup and angrily threw it in the trash.

XXXXXXXXXX

After her confrontation with Jefferson in the library the last thing Belle wanted to do that night was go to dinner at Snow's loft. The idea of being around the people she cared about and attempting to shield them from how she felt sounded exhausting. But she had missed the last two dinners and she'd promised Regina that she would come to this one. That promise was the only reason she headed for the loft after work instead of crawling home to her bed.

The loft was already full of laughter and cheer when she walked in. A stark contrast to the turmoil that was currently filling her soul. Killian and Emma were in the kitchen with Henry cooking up dinner. Charming and Robin were at the table talking about how the merry men were adjusting to their new jobs. Snow was sitting on the floor with Roland reading a popular children's book while Regina sat on the couch letting baby Neal play with her hair. Regina quickly noticed her entrance and sent her smile.

"Hey! How were things at the library?" she asked.

Belle sighed before taking a seat next to her on the couch. "They were… slow."

Regina quickly picked up on Belle's unimproved mood and sent her a concerned look. Ever since Rumpelstiltskin's banishment she and Belle had maintained a non-verbal agreement to let each other know how they were feeling if the other asked. It was the only thing that helped them survive when Belle was still mourning Rumple and Regina was still worried about overcoming her darkness. They'd really leaned on each other during that time. Since then the two of them had been really in tune with each other's feelings. Each knowing when the other needed to talk. Usually if Regina asked her Belle would be willing to open up at least a little. But now Regina could see that she was completely closing herself off. And it all happened after that date with Jefferson. She was about to ask what was bothering her yet again when Snow came over.

"It's almost time for dinner. Can you guys help me set the table?" she asked.

Robin nearly knocked over his chair rushing over to Snow's side. "Roland and I can do that. She- I mean they don't have to get up."

Regina gave him a strange look. "Robin I really don't mind helping."

"Please it'd be my pleasure," insisted Robin. "Belle just got back from the library where I'm sure she worked hard all day and you…"- Regina sent him a warning look- "spent all day walking around town taking care of those buildings for Henry. You both deserve a little rest."

"Okay," said Snow suspiciously. "I would love to have you and Roland help."

Robin nodded at her before returning to look at Regina. "You should really rest your feet."

"I will," she said with a smile. Robin leaned down to give her a lingering kiss before summoning Roland to help him with the plates.

As Snow led the boys to the kitchen Belle sent Regina a knowing look.

"I take it you created your moment," she whispered.

Regina nodded at her with a glowing smile. "Yes and it was glorious."

"Can't wait to hear all about it," whispered Belle. Knowing that Regina had finally told Robin about their baby gave Belle her first real smile of the day.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Belle's joy over Regina and Robin's happiness was the one thing that helping her make it through dinner. As long as she thought about their situation instead of her own her smiles didn't come off as forced. Just when she thought she could make it through things took a turn for the worst.

"So Robin how are the Merry Men adjusting to their new jobs as forest rangers?" asked Emma.

"The men seem quite happy with their new occupations," said Robin with a smile. "There are no greedy kings in Storybrooke so stealing from the rich to give to the poor can no longer be our mission. A few of us have felt more than a little aimless in this new world so a lot of the men are quite grateful for our new role as protectors of the forest."

Regina smiled at her fiancé's words. She knew that Robin had always felt at home in the forest and his new job would give him an excuse to be there with his Merry Men when he and Roland finally moved in with her. "Well I am glad to hear that everything is going so swimmingly."

"Well we've still got a lot of work to do," said Robin. "David has been working on getting me a few more maps of the area."

"It's been a bit of a challenge," said David. "It seems like when the second curse was cast a lot of the maps of the land got lost."

"You know who you should talk to?" said Snow. "Jefferson."

Belle felt herself stiffen at the sound of Jefferson's name.

"Belle discovered on her date that he happens to be an accomplished cartographer," continued Snow with a smile.

Belle tried to pull herself together as all eyes turned to her. "Um yeah, he has maps of the whole forest."

"Do you think he'd be willing to hand over a few copies for the merry men?" asked Robin.

Belle cleared her throat. "You'd have to ask him that."

"Don't you think he'd be more receptive if you asked?" said Emma. "I mean you are dating the guy."

Belle faltered a bit before answering her. "Actually… that's not happening anymore."

"What?" said Regina swiveling her head towards Belle. She knew her mood had something to do with Jefferson. Henry also looked up from his plate at Belle's words. Grace and his mother had assured him that both and Belle and Jefferson had a good time on their date. What did she mean they weren't happening anymore?

"I've decided I no longer want to date him," said Belle trying to close the conversation.

"Why not?" asked Snow in disbelief. "You looked like you had such a good time on your time on your date."

"The date wasn't the issue," said Belle with a twinge of frustration.

"Did he do something to hurt you?" asked Killian. "Because I haven't run my hook through someone's chest in a long time but I'd be willing to hop back on the saddle for your honor."

"Killian," said Emma warningly.

"He didn't do anything to hurt me," said Belle.

"Then what was the problem?" asked Regina fiercely. If the Hatter had done something to upset Belle she would wring his neck. As her friends questioned her on her decision Belle felt her frustration grow until she exploded.

"THE PROBLEM IS I DON'T WANT TO DATE SOMEONE WHO DRUGGED AND KIDNAPPED MY FRIENDS!" yelled Belle slamming her palm down on the table.

The table went silent at Belle's outburst. Even Neal didn't make a sound. Snow and Emma sent each other a look, silently asking if the other had told the librarian what had happened. Regina was the first to break the silence. She turned to look at her son.

"Henry…"

"I'm already going," said the teenager standing up from his seat. He grabbed Roland's hand and leading him away from the table.

"Come on bro." he said. "Let get ice cream while the adults talk."

"Yayy!" said Roland, completely oblivious to the tension that filled the room.

As soon as the boys were out of the loft Snow sent Belle an apologetic. "Belle…"

"Were you really not going to tell me?" asked Belle shaking her head.

"It's not that we didn't want to," said Emma. "It's just that you seemed so happy and it happened so long ago that it didn't seem important anymore."

"You didn't think it was important for me to know that the man I was thinking of starting a relationship with once drugged and kidnapped you and your mother?!"

"WHAT?!" yelled David and Hook together.

"The Hatter kidnapped you?" said Hook incredulously.

"It was during the curse," said Emma exhaustedly. "And we escaped."

"Because that's really all that matters," said Regina sarcastically. "You still let your friend go out with someone who roofied you."

"Look," said Snow firmly. "I know that it looks bad but he was just trying to get Emma to believe him."

David scoffed at his wife's excuse for the Hatter.

"It's the truth," said Emma reluctantly. "He thought if he could get me to believe in my magic then I could help Grace remember who she was. He was just desperate to get back to his daughter. And I beat him over the head with a very heavy telescope so to be honest I'm kind of over the whole situation."

"We just didn't want you to judge him off that one act of desperation," said Snow. "Especially when he made you so happy. Emma and I aren't holding a grudge against him. If you continued to date him it wouldn't bother us at all."

Belle frowned in Snow's direction. "Well I'm glad that it wouldn't bother you Snow but you know what? It still bothers me."

She stood up and grabbed her purse. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Regina, I'll see you at home."

She stalked out of the loft. Emma ran her hands through her hair in frustration and sighed. "Well that could not have gone worse."

XXXXXXX

Belle had barely made it a block when she heard rapid footsteps coming up behind her.

"Belle I am with child so do not make me run after you!"

She slowed to a reluctant stop at Regina's words. "What are you doing?"

"I'm walking home with you," said the queen walking over to her side. "Robin's agreed to bring the boys home himself. Besides it's not like I was going to stay at loft while David and Hook plot Jefferson's death."

Belle groaned at the Hatter's name. "What is wrong with me?"

"There's nothing wrong with you," said Regina compassionately.

"Then why do I feel like there's a stamp on my forehead saying 'dark-hearted men welcome here'?" said Belle.

"He's not a dark-hearted man," sighed Regina.

"How can you say that after what he did?" asked Belle shaking her head.

"Because I have done so much worse," said Regina solemnly. "Belle I have a dark heart. I've had it for years so I know what one looks like. The way it sits in your chest. It's unmistakable."

Belle looked away at Regina's words.

"I laughed at him," said Regina looking down at her shoes.

"What?"

"When I first cursed us here. I laughed at him," repeated Regina. "It was the beginning of the curse and he was looking for Grace. It took him a day or two but he finally found her. He called and ran to her and tried to hug her… and she screamed at him. She thought he was trying to steal her. He cried to her and begged her to remember him but she didn't. The police were called… and he was taken to jail for trying to talk to his own daughter. Because we were cursed things were reset at the end of the week and everyone forgot. He tried for months to get her to remember him but she never responded. It nearly broke him… and I laughed. I saw his pain and I laughed."

Belle felt a tear go down her cheek as she listened to Regina tell the Hatter's story.

"I've done a lot of evil things in my life but after what happened with Henry and the missing year, I now know that what I did to him was the cruelest act I have ever committed. I forced him to see his daughter every day knowing that she would look right through him. For 28 years… he had to live with that pain. I barely survived without Henry knowing me. And that only lasted a few weeks. So if what he did to Emma and Snow was a result of those 28 years then I can't judge him. Because I know if it was me after 28 years… I would've done much worse to have Henry see me again."

Regina had tears streaming down her cheeks as she finished her story. She laid a hand on her stomach thinking of the child she carried with her now. She wanted so much to protect them from her dark past.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't be upset Belle but you can't compare the actions of this man to the one you loved before," she said shaking her head. "Because they are nothing alike."

Belle felt her chin tremble at Regina's words. "I want to believe that but I don't know if I could handle it if I'm wrong again."

The two women walked home in silence after that. One wondering just how she was going to make it through tomorrow and one formulating a plan for the next day.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day Jefferson sat at his kitchen table wallowing in his misery. The first woman he'd been interested in years and he'd blown it before he'd even met her. He rubbed his face against his hands as he thought of the night he'd tried to trap the savior into his house. That was the maddest he'd ever been in this world. He'd been so desperate that day. He was pulled out of his thoughts by a sharp knock on his door. Once Jefferson saw who was on his porch he regretted ever opening the door.

"Regina," he said disapprovingly. "And here I thought the devil only appeared when you spoke her name."

"Jefferson," she said coolly. "I knew I'd be able to find you here. The unemployed usually don't stray too far from their homes. Are you going to invite me in?"

"If I don't will you stay out like the vampire you are?" he responded.

"Not likely," she sneered. The hatter seemed determined to make this as hard as possible for her.

Jefferson sighed and rolled his eyes as he, once again, let the woman who'd cursed him into his home. "What do you want Regina?"

"This visit isn't about what I want," she said stepping onto his marble floors. "It's about what Snow wants."

"And what does she want?" he said crossing his arms.

"Your maps," replied Regina. "Because of the second curse we're severely lacking maps for the new residents but according to a certain librarian you seem to have created quite the collection. Snow wants copies for the park rangers."

"And why couldn't she just ask me for them herself?" questioned Jefferson.

"Because after her last experience here she wasn't quite willing to make a return trip," said Regina.

She saw Jefferson's mask falter at the reference to that night. She could tell he was still affected by the knowledge of what those decisions had cost him.

"And I requested that I be the one to ask you," she added softly. "I needed to see you."

"Why?" he asked looking down at his shoes. Regina had warned him that if things went bad with him and Belle that she wouldn't take it well. He supposed he should have expected her visit and subsequent lecture.

"Because I needed to apologize to you," she said solemnly.

Jefferson looked up at her words. She was… apologizing?

"I am sorry for what I put through during the first curse," she continued. "When I found out what you'd done to me in the Enchanted Forest I felt very betrayed by you. I thought we were friends. I thought that you were trying to help me but you were just trying to hurt me like everyone else. It's why I took you away from your daughter. From Grace. I wanted you to feel the hopelessness that you had made me feel. But I took it too far. Taking away her memories while leaving you with yours was monstrous of me. It wasn't justice like I thought. It was just cruel. I see that now. You don't need to accept my apology because I'm sure that I have done nothing to deserve your forgiveness. I just wanted you to know that I am sorry. I truly am."

Jefferson was silent for a moment as he searched Regina's face for any sign of treachery. He found none. She was being sincere. It was unnerving. He didn't know what to say.

"I'll get you your maps," he said softly. "Just let me know where to bring them."

Regina nodded her head at him and made her way toward the door. As she reached out to turn the door knob Jefferson spoke up.

"For what it's worth… I do accept your apology."

"Thank you," she said. "And you can drop your maps off at the library."

Jefferson's head swiveled toward her as she quickly exited his house before he could respond. Damn it Regina!

XXXXXXXXXXXX

That night at the library Belle was deep in thought as she put all the loose books back in their rightful place. Her "break-up" with Jefferson still occupied her thoughts but now it was joined by the back story that Regina had tearfully provided for her. Though she was still upset with him she wouldn't deny that the pain he felt must've been unbearable. She looked up at the sound of the library door swinging open.

"Jefferson," she breathed. She hadn't seen him since their confrontation the day before. She hated that her heart still swelled at the sight of his face. "The library is closed."

"I know," he sighed. "But I was told to drop these off with you."

He help up a group of rolled up papers held together with string.

"What are those?" asked Belle.

"Maps," replied Jefferson. "I was told that the Merry Men needed them."

Belle sighed at Jefferson's words. Of course one of her friends had sent him here. "Right. I guess I'll just take those then."

As he handed her the maps their fingers touched for the briefest of moments. It was light touch but enough for the electricity to flow through them both.

"Thank you," said Belle softly. She turned and place the maps on the counter.

"It was more than 28 years," he blurted out.

"What?" she said turning to look at him.

"It was more than 28 years," he repeated. "Since I last held Grace in my arms. When I was trapped in Wonderland I feared that I would never see her again. Then I was cursed here. And I was able to see her but she wasn't able to see me. For 28 years I watched my daughter look through me. I felt that pain every single day until the Savior came to town. When I first saw that yellow bug roll down main street it was the first time I'd felt hope in almost three decades. I latched onto it. I thought I finally had a chance of getting my daughter back. But then Emma refused to believe. So I decided to take matters into my own hands and force her to believe. I acted desperately that night and I am not proud of it. But that's not the person that I am. And I just wish that you would believe that."

Sometime during the Hatter's speech Belle began to tremble. She could feel his sincerity and she knew he wasn't the person she had making him out to be.

"I do believe that Jefferson," said Belle. "And that's just the problem."

"How is you believing me the problem?" he asked desperately.

"Because I believed Rumple too," she admitted. "For years I watched him lie and torture and manipulate. But I believed that he was a good man so I ignored everything that told me otherwise. I rationalized for him. I explained things away. I turned a blind eye for years. I was so focused on seeing the man behind the monster that I let him fool me. I believed him when he said he changed and I ended up heartbroken and humiliated. I have worked so hard to put what he did behind me. And then you came along and I started liking you. And I put myself out there with you and finding out what you did… it just brought back all those feelings. It made me feel like that same girl who could be lied to and manipulated by the person she cares about the most and I never want to be that girl again!"

"And I don't want you to feel like that person," said Jefferson taking her hands in his. "Belle you are the last person I would ever want to make feel small. I will be the first to admit that my past is not spotless. In fact there are things in my past that I would rather you never hear about but I will tell you them all right now if it meant that you would trust me again."

Belle shook her head. "That's not what I need."

"Then what do you need?" asked Jefferson pleadingly.

"The way I see it your past is your business. It's your present that I'm concerned with," she said. "I need to know that the person you are now isn't the man who hurt my friends. I need to know that you're not a monster."

Jefferson pressed his forehead against hers.

"I promise you I'm not a monster," he whispered. "I'm just a man. One who thinks he's falling very hard for you."

Belle let out a breath at Jefferson's admission. "Good."

So now that Belle and Jefferson are back together what comes next for them? Stay tuned to find out.

Tell me what you liked or didn't like. Please review and follow. Thanks!