Rifiuto: Non Mirena

Thanks to mcgeeksgirl for reviewing 78, and DS2010 and Reader aka Sun Samurai for reviewing 77 and 78.

"Hey, Sarah? Sarah, talk to me. What's wrong?"

The photographer shook her head, horrified that she'd lost her cool and started to meltdown during those few precious first moments with his son. She moved to pull away, but Tim grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to him. "I'm fine, Timmy. I'm... fi..." She shook her head. "I'm so sorry..." She curled into his chest, finally breaking down. Tim held her close, pressing a kiss to her head.

"Shh... oh, Sarah. It's not your fault; nothing's your fault. You've done nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong to blame yourself over."

"I... couldn't... handle..."

"You handled it just fine, Sarah." He pressed another kiss to her head. "I can only imagine the pain you're going through... I wish to God I could take it all away."

She clung to him, burying her face in his shoulder, relieved to once again feel her older brother's strong arms about her. Tim had always been there- always protected her, always listened to her. He'd been her rock when they'd had to put Marshmallow, their chocolate lab, down after he'd gotten hit by a car when she was seven, and had broken Joey Glasgow's nose when he tried to feel her up in the middle school hallway, in front of Tim's sixth-grade homeroom. He'd taken her to get her license instead of their mom, and had missed his own senior prom to be with her at the hospital when she'd missed the last three steps of the staircase at home and fallen, cracking her skull open on the banister rail on the way down; he'd taught her her times tables and helped her build her science experiments... at his mother's urging, he'd taken her with him on the few dates he'd gone on in high school, always making sure the boy she went with lived up to his standards.

And when she'd gotten her first period at twelve, she'd gone rushing to him- even though their mother would have been more appropriate- terrified that she was dying from the sight of the blood on her sheets, even though their mother had explained the process repeatedly to her as she'd grown up. And when she'd snuck back into the house after a night of drinking- at sixteen- and gotten caught straddling the kitchen sink and the windowpane, it'd been Tim who'd kept her secret- even after they'd discovered that she'd been the one to paint 'Bitch' on Kate Hutchinson's garage.

And when he'd come home from MIT for Christmas break that first year, he'd been the one to take her out of the house when their parents started arguing- driving all the way from Essex, New Hampshire to Manhattan so they could watch the Christmas tree light up in Rockefeller Center and have hot chocolate in Central Park; Tim had been the one who took her to get tested after an outbreak of meningitis hit the middle school her eighth grade year, and he'd given her a black and white kitten for her fourteenth birthday that she'd named Oreo. He'd gone first whenever they'd gotten vaccinations or had blood work drawn, to show her that she didn't need to be scared of the needle, and always took the green jellybeans because she didn't like them, and always picked the cherry-flavored candy canes because he knew she liked them more than peppermint.

Tim was her big brother-

He'd broken up fights for her, gotten into fights for her, let her sleep in his bed whenever it rained because she was afraid of the thunder, and checked for monsters under the bed and in the closet; he'd taken her to see all seven Harry Potter movies in theaters, and had lied to their parents about the navel piercing she'd gotten on their trip to India with Penny when they were in high school... he'd given her the stuffed mouse he'd gotten when he was a year old, when he left for MIT, and had written and called every day...

But when he'd come home from MIT that first summer, he'd changed in ways Sarah could never have imagined. He'd come back with a girl- a petite little blonde named Emma, who was majoring in biochemical engineering too, who wore thin little horn-rimmed glasses and spoke two languages, who'd grown up on an American naval base in Hawaii, and who'd been as sweet as Southern tea- and whom Sarah had hated instantly. Because suddenly, she was no longer Tim's focus- he'd barely acknowledged her- spent practically that entire summer with Emma. And when Sarah had walked in on them having sex-

She'd reacted like a jealous girlfriend instead of a little sister; so used to having her big brother to herself. Their relationship had strained, and Tim had returned to MIT that fall, refusing to admit her even knew her, let alone was related to her; he hadn't even come to her high school graduation. They hadn't spoken until she showed up on his doorstep that night, groggy and covered in blood- by then, of course, Emma was long gone, Ziva had joined the team a year earlier, and the Mossad officer and the NCIS agent had begun sneaking around behind both Gibbs and Shepard's backs. And Sarah, being the jealous type of any woman in her brother's life besides her, had seriously considered going to both the team leader and NCIS director and ruining both their careers.

But then she'd seen how happy Ziva made Tim, and how she seemed to bring back the older brother Sarah had known as a child, and she'd kept her mouth shut. So when Tim had told her he was going to propose, the first thing she'd asked had been, "Ziva, right?" because the last thing she was going to do was allow the best thing in her brother's world to walk out of his life. She'd stood with them at their wedding- along with Tony and Abby- and had given the toast at the reception that night. She'd been the first one to learn that he and Ziva were trying for a baby- long before they told Ziva's family- and had spent many nights praying for a niece or nephew- and had burst into tears the first time Ziva told her the test was negative.

And then Ziva had called her when she got in at the Marco Polo Airport in Venice that day, one word rolling off her tongue, "Auntie", and Sarah had nearly dropped the phone and shattered the windows she'd been so excited- and then horrified to find out weeks later that Tim had been in a car crash, that he'd died twice on the operating table and was in a coma, barely clinging on. But by then, she and Jason had gotten serious, and she herself was pregnant- and then, just as quickly, twenty-four weeks had come and she'd lost her daughter... and Jason had taken her to Greece, where they'd lost themselves in each other, and had tried to come back from the loss of their child...

And oh, how she'd wished Tim were there, so she could crawl into his arms and he could make everything better, like he'd been able to do when they were children. But she'd come back to find he didn't remember his wife and child, and suddenly, he was in need of comfort, he was in need of what she'd often sought as a child. And now his son was here, he was a father-

"What good am I going to be to any of you, Timmy?" She choked out, pulling away. "What good am I going to be to Amal?"

"Sarah, you're my sister. I love you, and Ziva loves you and... and you're Amal's aunt. He's going to love you no matter what you've gone through- and you're going to spoil him rotten, and love him and... and he's gonna love you more than us." She laughed softly, reaching up and taking his face in her hands. "Ziva isn't the only one who's done amazing, today, Sarah. You've done amazing, too." He pressed a kiss to her head as she curled into his arms again. "And I'm so proud of you."