-Emily-
Later turned into never. I couldn't bring myself to break Hanna's heart like that. Every time she brought it up, I skillfully evaded the topic until she let it go. Eventually I could just play it cool like I didn't even remember what was bothering me in the first place.
It was awkward at school, seeing Spencer. I had seen her shirtless, and for that case, bottomless too, enough times for my mind to make that dream as absolutely vivid as possible. Seeing her do normal things like eating lunch or reading messed with my mind. All I could see was her biting that sexy bottom lip; her sweaty body right above mine-
Stop.
I was in love with Hanna. So desperately in love with her it made me sick just thinking that one person could have that much control over me. So why was Spencer so tempting?
-Hanna-
Emily seemed distant. She came over, we kissed, we did more than kiss, we watched movies, she went home. It was just like normal, but it was like she wasn't even there. I tried to blame it on school, but seeing as it was the end of the year, it was weak.
I wondered if I was good enough in bed for her. Was it my body? I couldn't go and have another spell like before with my insecurities, but I had to wonder. It didn't seem to make sense to me why someone so gorgeous would tie herself down to someone as average, or even below if you add in the baggage that came with, as myself.
"Babe?" I asked one night.
"Mmm?"
"Who are you in love with?" This seemed to grab her attention.
"You, of course. Why?"
"I don't know…you just don't look at me like you used to."
"I used to look at you from behind my locker and across the lunchroom. I used to wonder what you thought about and what shampoo you used. It was a little weird now saying it out loud…" she laughed lightly.
"That's not what I mean. You just don't seem…interested anymore. It's like I'm an old toy."
She didn't say anything. She looked hurt, and nervous. "I love you more than the air I breathe." She finally said.
-Emily-
Come to think of it, her hair was weird. She was too…bulky. Everything she said was so superior and self-entitled. Her chest was flat and her eyes seemed sunk all the time. In my dream she seemed to be a goddess. Since I actually looked at her through real eyes, she wasn't all of what my mind made her out to be. Of course she was still hot, and a really good friend, but she wasn't anything near what I had with Hanna. She would never have those sharp eyes that could cut like knives, or that body that made me weak. Spencer Hastings would never be Hanna Marin.
After school I went to her house and laid on her bed. My head was tucked into her shoulder when she asked who else I was in love with. The words didn't seem real until she said them. I had convinced myself I was in love with Spencer for weeks, when in reality the only person I would want to cuddle up and fuck was the same as who I was with then.
"I love you more than the air I breathe." I said. I meant those words more than I meant anything in my life. I could pick her up off the bathroom floor and kiss her hard, and it would all be delicate compared to the raging fire that was constantly inside me. The need to feel her and be near her. I would never get bored listening to her thoughts. I would never get tired of pretending that her stupid comments were more true than anything.
We are soul mates.