LTP: WE'RE BACK!
NiGHTS: YAY!
Reala: *sarcastically* Yippie...
Jackle: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *tossing cards everywhere*
Reala: Why is Clawz here?
LTP: Because the next sketch requires a cat for the main character. Who better than Clawz? Now then, SAY THE DISCLAIMER CLAWZ!
Clawz: LTP doesn't own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, or Detective Mittens.
LTP: If I actually owned the NiGHTS franchise, there would be more than two NiGHTS games... PLACES!
Detective Clawz the Crime Solving Cat
(opens in an alley roped off with police tape. Clawz is sitting on top of a dumpster as he and Reala investigate a mangled corpse)
Reala: Well what do you think Clawz? Fourth body this month, same characteristics. Sliced from chin to toe, his insides scooped up, ground up, and then... put back in.
Clawz: Meow meow meow meow meow.
Reala: I agree, there's no denying it now. We've got a serial killer on our hands.
Clawz: Meow meow meow
*Clawz jumps off the dumpster and proceeds to use the corpse as a litter box*
Reala: Wait what? Clawz no, AH AWWWWW!
Clawz: Mmmeow meow meow meow.
Reala: Aw for the love of Wizeman, a corpse is not a box Clawz.
Clawz: Meow meow meow.
Reala: Aww, this is, so unsanitary. That's evidence Clawz, you're rolling around in gooey smelly evidence.
Clawz: Meow meow meow meow?
Reala: Tha-, no I'm not in the mood for spaghetti!
Clawz: Meow meow.
Reala: Well you get what you want, I'm not hungry. My goodness.
(later at the Police Department)
*Clawz takes out his lunch at his desk and is annoyed to see it's not what he wanted*
Clawz: Meow meow MEOW!
(At Jackle's Itailian)
*phone rings*
Jackle: Jackle's Italian, how can I help you?
Claws: MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!
Jackle: Whoa, whoa slow down, what's the problem?
Clawz: Meow meow MEOW! Meow meow meow meow meow meow!
Jackle: Okay so your order's wrong.
Clawz: MEOW MEOW MEOW!
Jackle: Sorry, sorry about that. I'll be happy to replace it for you. I'll even throw in some free garlic knots.
(back at the Police Department)
Clawz: Meow meow, meow meow!
Reala: Clawz, a new body turned up!
Clawz: Meow meow?
Reala: Yes, same as the others.
Clawz: Meow meow.
(later at the park)
Reala: As you can see we found this one fresh. It looks like we're getting-
*Clawz uses the corpse as litterbox again*
Reala: Oh no Clawz, ah AWWWW.
Clawz: Meow meow meow.
Reala: If you keep doing this I'm gonna stop taking you.
(later at the Police Department)
*Clawz takes out his new lunch and sees it is STILL not what he wanted*
Clawz: Grrr...
(Jackle's Italian)
*phone rings*
Jackle: Hello Jackle's Itali-
Clawz: MEOW meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
Jackle: Wrong again, are you, are you sure?
Clawz: Meow meow, meow meow meow meow.
Jackle: I, I'm very sorry, I'm not sure how this happened.
Clawz: Meow meow, meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow meow, meow meow, meow meow, meow meow meow, meow MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!
Jackle: Now hold on a minute. Those kinda threats are way outta line. I'm calling the police.
*Jackle hangs up the phone and re-calls*
(the Police Department)
Clawz: Meow meow?
Jackle: Hello Police Department?
Clawz: Meow meow meow meow meow.
Jackle: Yeah I'd like to file a report, I just had my life threatened, ...and my mother's sexual decency brought into question.
Clawz: Meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow.
Jackle: Well thank you. When should I expect the officer?
Clawz: Meow, meow meow meow.
Jackle: That's perfect, I'll be here. *hangs up phone*
Clawz: Meow meow meow meeeooowww.
(Jackle's Italian)
*Clawz hops onto the counter wearing a fake moustache and a monocle*
Jackle: Oh hey thanks for coming. I'm sure it's nothing but, you know I take threats very seriously.
Clawz: Meow meow meow, meow meow?
Jackle: No I don't recognize you, should I? You eat here a lot or something?
Clawz: Meow meow, MEOW! *takes off disguise*
Jackle: Uhhh no, sorry still nothing. I'm actually usually in the back.
Clawz: Hisssssss!
(Police Department)
Reala: Clawz I got your message, what's the, whoa!
*camera zooms out to reveal a dead and bloody Jackle at Clawz's desk*
Reala: Who's the dead guy?
Clawz: Meow meow meow meow.
Reala: The serial killer? But I, I just caught the serial killer an hour ago. Local accountant, tried to write off the time spent gutting people as a business expense.
Clawz: Mmmmeow meow meow meow meow.
Reala: Ahh your right. Your guy must've been an accomplice then. Hey, isn't that Jackle from the Italian place down the street? Why does his throat look like it's been clawed open?
Clawz: Mmmeow meow meow meow?
Reala: Yes I suppose suicide makes sense. Couldn't live with the guilt. Well good work Clawz... you scary f***ing cat.
LTP: THAT'S A WRAP EVERYONE! I need some clam chowder.
NiGHTS: Clawz, how did LTP even convince you to take part in this sketch anyway?
Clawz: Well... *shifty eyes*
LTP: Here ya go Clawz, five pounds of catnip, as promised!
Reala: She bribed you with catnip?
Clawz: DON'T JUDGE ME! *runs off with the catnip*
Jackle: *throwing more cards everywhere* CONFETTI!
Reviews please.