May 18, 1996

I take your hand and lead you down the long dock, holding your shoes and the small duffel I brought in my other hand. Neither of us said much on the drive here. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, but anticipation and nerves got the best of us. We find the houseboat easily, and I put down the bag and shoes to fumble with the key, unwilling to let go of your hand with my other. I squeeze it as the door swings open, and you step in first.

"Oh, wow," you say softly. "This place…"

It's amazing. There's a glass wall in the living room that looks out over the water. The reflection of twinkling city lights, the sounds of the water outside… Perfect.

"Do you need anything?" I ask, turning from the window and finally letting go of your hand. "Water or anything?"

You shake your head and start to wander around the room, touching random things here and there like you always do in a new place. "Hmm…I wonder what could be down this hallway," you tease, looking over your shoulder at me before you disappear around a corner.

I chuckle quietly and shake my head, taking a minute to give myself a pep talk.

Because I want everything good for you.

Because I love you more than I can even understand.

Because I want to feel close to you like I haven't ever felt with anyone before.

Because this is important, and I don't want to screw it up.

This is Bella, I tell myself, taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly. This is the girl you love.

You call my name from somewhere down the hall, so I pick up the bag again and follow the sound of your voice, and holy shit.

There's this big bed, and there's this big window, and there's this tiny lingerie, and there's this beautiful girl.

And it's all mine, even if only for tonight. You're all mine. For as long as you'll let me keep you. I'm not even nervous anymore.

"This is really stereotypical of us, you know," you say as I move toward you.

I laugh and shrug out of my jacket. "It was your idea."

"I know." You tug me by my belt until my knees are against the edge of the bed. "C'mere."

"I'm here."

A buckle is undone. Pants and shirt are unbuttoned. Boxers are pushed to the floor. You take the lead. And I'm standing naked in front of you in more ways than one.

I reach out to trace the edge of your bra. It's lacy and doesn't have straps, and it's so easy to push it down so I can push you down and kiss your nipples. Your chest. Your neck. Your lips. I want all of it at once, but I want to take my time with every part of you.

You bite my bottom lip gently. I groan and crawl over you as you scoot back up the bed, lying down with your head on a pillow and your knees parted, making room for me. I grind against you once, and the heat and the damp and the soft scratch of lace are almost too much.

I push against you one more time before moving away to kiss down your body. Back to your perfect nipples, down your stomach, across your hipbones. My hands follow my lips, tracing the same path until I reach lace that's sheer enough for me to see…everything.

I hook my fingers around thin elastic and pull. Looking up at you watching me, I press kisses against the insides of your thighs and then put my tongue to soft, wet skin. This is something we've done before, but it's somehow different tonight.

Like always, I can tell when you're close. You're trembling and moving against my mouth, but I don't really want you to come like this. I want to be inside you. That thought—the knowledge that it's about to happen—makes me harder than ever. You whine softly when I slow and stop, but it turns to a sigh when I kiss my way back up to your mouth. And then I'm right there, my dick slipping against you where you feel so, so ready. It's unintentional at first, but Jesus Christ, it feels so good that I can't stop sliding against you. You dig your heel into the back of my thigh.

"God, Edward," you whisper. There's not a whole lot we haven't done, but I've never been naked between your legs, never felt you like this. It's always been too tempting.

There's nothing I want more than to feel you bare, but I've had enough doctor-to-son lectures to know better. I reach down to the bag beside the bed and pull out a condom, then rise to my knees to roll it on.

I admit it. I practiced. I didn't want to look like a huge idiot.

When it's done, I cover your body again with mine and search your eyes for even a hint of uncertainty. It's not there. But I ask anyway. "You're sure about this?"

"Yeah," you say on an exhale. "So sure."

Struggling to keep my eyes open through the intensity of this moment, I slide against you once more. And then I'm pushing slowly into wet heat. I watch you carefully, ready to stop at the first sign of hesitation. Your lips are parted, your eyes closed, your forehead creased. I kiss the space between your eyebrows.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yeah. Just…slow."

I push in another inch, and you gasp. "Jesus, Bella," I whisper. "You feel so good."

"So good."

"Doesn't hurt?"

You shake your head quickly and open your eyes to look at me. "No. It's just different from…you know…fingers." You smirk, and my laugh causes me to lose the slow momentum. You wince when I slip in too quickly.

"Sorry," I whisper, holding still and kissing your forehead, your cheeks, your lips.

"It's okay." You wrap one leg around my hips and prod me forward. "Go."

When I'm all the way in, I stop again and let you lead. After a few seconds, you nudge your hips up against me. My groan is embarrassing. I pull out the smallest bit, and then I'm not the only one making embarrassing noises. We find a slow rhythm, and shockingly, I don't have to concentrate on holding back. I'm able to just feel. Feel the warmth, the tight fit, the friction.

"Edward," you gasp. "Please…"

"Tell me."

"I want…just…"

"What, baby?"

"More. Faster."

I'm not sure what I expected for our first time, but it definitely wasn't that.

You match my pace, urging me closer, deeper, until you cry out, and then you're squeezing me, and I can't hold back anymore. That clench I've only felt when I had my fingers inside you now feels…God. I don't have words for it. I bury my face against your neck when I come.

Several minutes must go by as I lie there breathing hot and fast against your skin. Gradually, your arms and legs loosen around me, melting like Jell-O, which is about how I'm feeling right now, too.

When I catch my breath, I realize I'm probably crushing the hell out of you. I need to get rid of the condom anyway. I roll to my side and take care of it, then pull you close, skimming my fingers over your chest and stomach, kissing your shoulder and then your face.

You haven't said a word, and I'm starting to worry. Then again, I haven't spoken either. "Are you okay?" I ask.

You turn your head toward me and kiss my lips. "Better than." Your smile is radiant, and Jesus you're beautiful. All flushed and smiley with messy hair and a slight sheen of sweat on your forehead and cheeks. "I didn't think it'd last that long. I didn't think I'd come."

"Gee, thanks," I say on a laugh.

"No, it's not that I don't—"

"I know," I say, kissing the top of your head. "I'm sort of surprised, too."

You sigh and turn to your side to settle against me, tangling our legs together. "Edward?"

"Hmm?" My eyes are closed. I've got one hand in your hair and the other drawing circles up and down your naked back, and I've never felt so relaxed in my life.

"You called me baby."

I knew I wasn't gonna get away with that. "I did. Sorry."

"I didn't…hate it."

I pull back to look at your sparkly eyes, your smirk. "No?"

"Uh-uh. It was kind of sexy."

"Jesus, Bella," I breathe for the thousandth time since I met you.

You giggle and lay your head back down on my arm. I want it like this forever.