LTP: SKETCH TIME!
Reala: I've been meaning to ask, why are you always yelling in the intro and outro?
LTP: 'cause yelling is fun!
Jackle: I HEAR THAT! *tosses cards everywhere*
LTP: Ok Reala, hurry on over to NiGHTS' room so we can get on with the next sketch. Jackle you say the disclaimer.
Reala: Whatever. *flies off*
Jackle: LTP doesn't own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, Two Best Friends, or Skyrim!
LTP: *item get jingle from zelda* ~LET'S START THE SHOW!
NiGHTS and Reala Play Skyrim
*opens in NiGHTS' room where she and Reala are in front of a large TV, sitting in beanbag chairs*
Reala: You ready to play some Skyrim?
NiGHTS: Not really.
Reala: Come on, man! It's like a million hours long!
NiGHTS: I've never heard of this game.
Reala: It's the hypest game that's currently existing!
NiGHTS: Well they should've advertised it.
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Dragons are for nerds. Like Dragonlance.
Reala: You know what else- *laughs* You were going to say s***'s for nerds and then you bring up Dragonlance?! You f***ing nerd!
NiGHTS: HA HA HA!
{~~~}
Ralof: You were trying to cross the border right?
NiGHTS: I sure was, Squizgar.
{~~~}
Reala: This guy's really selling his-
*prisoner tries to run off*
Reala: WHAT?!
NiGHTS: Look at him go!
Imperial Captain: ARCHERS!
NiGHTS: See ya later f***ers!
*prisoner gets taken down by an arrow*
Reala: OH S***!
NiGHTS: OOHH! BLEGH!
Reala: Look at that ragdoll!
NiGHTS: BLEGH!
Hadvar: Who are you?
Reala: Oh I get it. Heeeyy! I look exactly like that other guy!
NiGHTS: *laughing*
Reala: We got Orcs...
NiGHTS: *sarcastically* They look really good.
Reala : Yeah, they look pretty good.
{~~~}
*switches to Wood Elf*
NiGHTS: Whoa! That's not an elf!
Reala: That's totally an elf.
NiGHTS: That's a goblin!
Reala: They look like freaky alien dudes.
{~~~}
Reala: You got human guys.
*switches to Dark Elf*
NiGHTS: Dark el-
NiGHTS and Reala: WHOA!
{~~~}
*switches to High Elf*
Reala: You got these guys.
NiGHTS: Why are all these elves ugly as s***?
Reala: Because elves are s***ty.
NiGHTS: Elves are supposed to look like Tyrande Whisperwind.
Reala: ...WHAT?!
{~~~}
*switches to Khajiit*
NiGHTS: WHAT?!
Reala: S***!
NiGHTS: Oh, Thundercats Ho!
Reala: Oh, Wizeman!
NiGHTS: Turn this game off!
Reala: Okay, I've got a solution. *scrolls to Argonian* Pick this f***ing guy.
NiGHTS: Why?
Reala: Because he's a f***ing lizard dude.
NiGHTS: So what are you going to name this f***er?
Reala: What do you think I'm gonna f***ing to name him?!
{~~~}
Reala: ...You know what? You know what's better than being invisible?
NiGHTS: What?
Reala: Being invisiblessed.
NiGHTS: Why?
Reala: BECAUSE YOU'RE SO INVISIBLE!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: *Imitating Imperial Guards* Couldn't he be the prince of a foreign land? I hope so, kill him anyway! This will look good on my resume when I go apply for Imperial Ass**** College.
Reala: *laughing*
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Probably gonna get killed.
*executioner chops a prisoner's head off*
Reala: OH!
NiGHTS: Nailed it!
{~~~}
*Dragon appears*
NiGHTS: Oh s***! It's Falcor!
Reala: ...NO!
NiGHTS: It's Death Wing!
Reala: Yeah, it's Death Wing.
{~~~}
NiGHTS: *Looking at an ice pick* So this is what dentists used in the land of Elder scrolls.
Reala: Yeah, those cavities are a b****, they're inhabited by the Daedra.
{~~~}
Reala: Alright, I'm gonna sneak up on this dude. I'm gonna shoot him because I'm invisible.
*shoots arrow, misses*
Reala: Okay, well, Maybe I'll shoot him this time.
*shoot arrow, hits*
Both: YEAH!
{~~~}
Reala: *spots an enemy* What ya got?
*shoots arrow and kills enemy*
Reala: ARROW TO FACE!
NiGHTS: ARROWED!
{~~~}
Reala: Sneakin' with my silent little lizard feet...
{~~~}
Reala: YEAH!
*giant rat appears*
Reala: OH!
NiGHTS: I see you brought your friends with you!
Reala: What you got?
NiGHTS: I call the big one Bitey!
{~~~}
Reala: I gotta cut through this spider web with my mace!
{~~~}
*giant spider drops down*
Reala: What the f***!?
NiGHTS: *laughing loudly*
Reala: OK!
NiGHTS: I DROPPED DOWN ON TINY SLIENT SPIDER FEET!
{~~~}
Reala: DIE!
*spider dies*
Reala: Yeah!
NiGHTS: Oh man, you sure killed it.
Reala: Right in your face you dumb b****!
NiGHTS: You should totally teabag that spider. *laughs* Do it!
{~~~}
Reala: Where's the claw? I want the claw!
NiGHTS: WHERE'S MY SON!?
{~~~}
NiGHTS: The majestic Arctic wolf, beautiful in its simplicity. It is a wonderful predator, that-
Reala: THAT'S NOT WHAT IT SAYS!
{~~~}
Reala: Hey, check this. *kills chicken* F*** you chicken!
NiGHTS: What?
Reala: No, check it. *uses zombie spell* Now the chicken is my thrall! It's a zombie chicken! *kills chicken again* And it's dead!
NiGHTS: *laughs*
{~~~}
NiGHTS: What's a bobo?
Reala: a hired thug.
NiGHTS: Hired goons! Hired go-
*thug swings an axe at Reptile*
NiGHTS and Reala: WHOAA!
{~~~}
Reala: So, I picked up that note off those f***in' dudes *reads note aloud* Here is the agreed upon amount. I expect you to faithfully carry out the blah kill Reptile. Don't need to kill him but I have no- Dorthe?!
NiGHTS: Dorthe wants you dead, what'd you do to her?
Reala: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID!
{~~~}
Reala: Okay, where the f*** is she?
NiGHTS: Dorthe?
Reala: Yeah. Where the f***-
NiGHTS: Dorthe.
Reala: There she is! WHY DID YOU HIRE ASSASSINS?! YOU'RE NOT FRIENDLY WITH STRANGERS!
NiGHTS: The f***?
Reala: I'm gonna shoot you in your f***ing mouth!
*dog appears out of nowhere*
NiGHTS: Whoa what the f*** is wrong with that dog?!
Reala: WHAT?! *aims at the dog*
NiGHTS: NOOO!
Reala: NOW DIE! *kills dog*
NiGHTS: This is not right at all!
Reala: THAT KID TRIED TO KILL ME AND HER GHOST DOG TRIED TO FINISH THE JOB! THAT GHOST DOG WILL SERVE ME NOW! *uses zombie spell*
NiGHTS: HA HA! NOO!
Reala: Oh Wizeman, her parents are getting in on it!
NiGHTS: HER PARENTS WANT A PIECE!
*parents kill the zombie dog*
NiGHTS and Reala: OOOHH!
NiGHTS: THE DOG!
Reala: The dog just went back to the future!
NiGHTS: I'm sick of your bulls***!
Reala: This is between me and Dorthe and these f***ers are just getting all up in it!
*Reala starts beating up Gerder's corpse*
Reala: WHAT GERDER?! WHAT?! WHAT DO YA GOT?!
NiGHTS: *laughs*
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Listen Xena.
Reala: Are those ladies trying to make out and I'm interrupting them?
NiGHTS: You should probably leave and watch from a distance.
Reala: They're in an open field!
NiGHTS: Watch from a distance!
{~~~}
Reala: Everybody's like, 'There's f***in' dragons out there! Did you hear there's dragons?'.
NiGHTS: *laughs*
Reala: Holy s***! Yo, this dude I was talkin' to, he was like 'Oh man there's a dragon over here!'.
NiGHTS: OH LIKE, REALLY?! REALLY?!
Reala: I was talkin' to Betsy on the phone, and she had to leave 'cause a dragon was burning her house down.
NiGHTS: *fake voice* That f***in' sucks 'cause I was gonna tell her how I feel.
{~~~}
Irileth: Could you call yourselves Nords if you ran from this monster?
Reala: I'm not a Nord! I'm like a lizard guy!
Whiterun Gaurd: We're so dead.
NiGHTS: Who's dead?
Reala: What? Who are you?!
{~~~}
Reala: That is a long, uh-
*dark elf ally teleports onto path*
Reala: WHAT?!
NiGHTS: Dark Elves are magical!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: I'm so confused!
Reala: Skyrim is a magical place where anything can happen!
NiGHTS: HA HA HA!
{~~~}
*dragon appears and breathes fire on the battlefield*
Reala: OH F***!
NiGHTS: DRAGON DON'T PLAY NO S***!
{~~~}
Whiterun Gaurd: I can't believe it! you're... Dragonborn...
NiGHTS: WHOOAA! Dude!
Reala: OK, I know I'm cool!
{~~~}
*Reala checks his new ability*
Reala: Unrelenting Force... OK.
NiGHTS: What's your force like? *mimics Reala* Eh, it's unrelenting.
Reala: It doesn't give up.
{~~~}
*village shakes around*
Reala: Whoa, what the f***?
NiGHTS: S***! What the f*** now? Bad acoustics in here...
Reala: People are always yelling and shouting
NiGHTS: *laughs*
Reala: *exaggerated yelling* HOW ARE YOU?!
NiGHTS: *exaggerated yelling* FINE!
{~~~}
Reala: Who the f*** is that? M'aiq the Liar?
M'aiq: M'aiq knows much and tells some.
NiGHTS: He looks like he's from the cover of connectimals!
M'aiq: M'aiq is done talking.
NiGHTS: M'aiq's done talking huh?
Reala: You'll be done talking now f***er!
NiGHTS: Be careful.
*Reala shoots arrow into M'aiq's mouth*
NiGHTS: OW! MY MOUTH!
Reala: Wow, he took that-
NiGHTS: YEAH!
Reala: Lydia, get him!
NiGHTS: UGH! OOH I TOOK AN ARROW TO THE-
{~~~}
*Lydia has an arrow stuck in her face*
Reala: WOW! You are a tough dame!
NiGHTS: *laughs*
Reala: *sees M'aiq is back* What the hell?!
NiGHTS: You're back?!
Reala: How do you keep? *shoots arrow*
M'aiq: Aggh!
NiGHTS: AAAGGH!
{~~~}
*Reala looks up at the sky, aurora is visible*
Reala: Look at that s***.
NiGHTS: This is some nonsensical bulls***. What are we doing here?
Reala: Shut up man, I'm looking at the sky. it's beautiful.
{~~~}
NiGHTS: AURORA BOREALIS! *attacks a Whiterun gaurd* AT THIS TIME OF THE DAY, IN THIS PART OF THE COUNTRY, LOCALIZED ENTIRELY IN THIS VILLAGE!
Reala: This guy's an ass****. I just wanna look at the sky.
NiGHTS: HA HA!
Reala: Look how pretty that s***- wait what!? I was just lookin' at the sky!
NiGHTS: 40 gold, give him gold!
Reala: I'm not going to prison for sky watching!
*Reptile dies*
NiGHTS: YOU DIED DOING WHAT YOU LOVED!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS and Reala are looking at a Frost Troll*
NiGHTS: Pfffffttt!
Reala: *laughing* COME AT ME BRO!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: What happened?!
Reala: I murdered those b****es.
NiGHTS: Why?
Reala: 'Cause they called me a f***ing peasant.
NiGHTS: I guess...
Reala: Reptile is invisible!
{~~~}
Reala: Yo, check this out!
*Reptile turns invisible*
Reala: F***IN' INVISIBLE!
NiGHTS: They can't see you at all.
Reala: They can't see s*** 'cause I'm Reptile f***in' invisi- *Reptile gets hit* what the f***?!
NiGHTS: It didn't work.
{~~~}
*Reptile is on fire*
Reala: F***!
{~~~}
Reala: WHAT?! He can just leave?!
NiGHTS: No, he's still there!
Reala: WHY?!
{~~~}
*Reptile crouches and Lydia copies it*
Reala: Lydia! YEAH GIRL!
NiGHTS: *laughs loudly*
Reala: YEAH! WE'RE TEABAGGING ALL THE BANDITS!
NiGHTS: HOO! HOO! HOO! HOO!
{~~~}
*looking at a mountain*
NiGHTS: That's some misty ass bulls***.
Reala: Yeah, that's that oh we couldn't render it 'cause the game or-
NiGHTS: So we're gonna put this turoc fog everywhere. Yeeeaaah!
Reala: Aw yeah! I'm on top of the f***in' world!
*Reptile jumps off*
Reala: You know what that means!
NiGHTS: Oh no, s***!
Reala: YEAH!
NiGHTS: NICE!
*Reptile dies*
NiGHTS and Reala: WHAT?!
{~~~}
Reala: Oh no, I'm drunk.
NiGHTS: *fake slur* No problemesh.
Reala: I'm about to pass out and rape me in all my weird lizard holes.
{~~~}
NiGHTS and Reala: What?
Senna: That's right, it's time to wake up, you drunken blasphemer!
Reala: Drunken? What the f***?
*Lydia walks in*
Reala: Lydia?
NiGHTS: Lydia, what happened?
{~~~}
*observing the new area*
Reala: What the? Where the f*** is this?
NiGHTS: Where the hell- what happened?
Reala: I've never seen this place!
*opens map*
Reala: Where- how the? Where am? HOW THE F*** DID I GET OVER-
{~~~}
Reala: I NEED TO WASH MY SHAME OFF IN THIS WATERFALL!
NiGHTS: WATERFALL OF EMOTION!
{~~~}
Skjor: Are you prepared to join your spirit with the beast world, friend?
Reala: Can I be a lizard beast man?
NiGHTS: It's my animality.
*Skjor pulls out sword*
NiGHTS and Reala: WHOA!
Reala: Okay, what is the process of this?
NiGHTS: What?
Reala: ooh, I get it.
NiGHTS: OK.
*Skjor cuts werewolf's arm, and poor animation fills the altar*
NiGHTS and Reala: *laughing*
{~~~}
*Reptile runs around as a werewolf*
Reala: YEAH WE'RE A F***IN' WEREWOLF!
NiGHTS: BEAST MODE!
Reala: Oh what about you Belthor?! What?!
*kills Belthor*
NiGHTS: OH S***! OH NOO!
Reala: F*** YOU BELTHOR!
{~~~}
*poor animation transformation from werewolf to Argonian*
NiGHTS and Reala: *laughing*
Reala: Yeah, that's how werewolves transform back! That's how that works!
{~~~}
Reala: Dude, thanks!
*Giant kills Reptile*
Reala: OOH!
NiGHTS: *laughs* I saw that coming!
{~~~}
Reala: AW YEAH! I GOT MY SWORD IN MY HANDS!
NiGHTS: YOU'RE TOO POWERFUL!
*Reptile dies*
NiGHTS: Or not powerful enough...
Reala: Being a werewolf f***in' sucks man.
{~~~}
*bear and dragon are fighting*
NiGHTS: THE NUMBER ONE PROBLEM IN AMERICA, BEARS!
{~~~}
Grelod: And one more thing! I will hear no more talk of adoptions! None of you riff-raff is getting adopted. Ever! Nobody needs you, nobody wants you.
Reala: WHAT?!
NiGHTS: Man, this is like a look into your childhood.
Reala: This is horrible!
NiGHTS: I know.
Reala: She's making the kids recite fascist pledges. She's going DOWN!
*Reala shoots an arrow at Grelod, Grelod is now dead*
NiGHTS: HOLY F***!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Hey, what's up kids?
Francois: I can't believe it! Grelod is dead! She's really dead!
Hraor: Someone has killed Grelod! Ha ha ha ha!
Reala: WHAT THE F***?!
NiGHTS: I LIKE THESE KIDS!
Reala: Why are these kids jumping up and down?!
Runa: Aventus really did it! He got the Dark Brotherhood to kill old Grelod! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Reala: Who the f*** is Aventus?!
NiGHTS: Who's the Dark Brotherhood?
*children continue to celebrate*
NiGHTS: CELEBRATE ME!
Reala: This is the creepiest s***!
Runa: Kill one person, and you can solve so many problems. I wonder at the possibilities.
NiGHTS: WHOOOOAAAAA!
Reala: WHAT THE F***?!
LTP: If I owned an Xbox, I would be playing Skyrim, like, all the time, and never stop.
Jackle: *still tossing cards around while yelling '52 Pickup!'*
NiGHTS: Jackle, quit throwing your cards around! The janitor won't stop complaining about it!
LTP: Well, I'm gonna go punch Wizeman in the face, see 'yall next time!
Reala: What, I don't get any lines in the outro?
LTP: NOPE!
Reviews makes puppies seem cuter!