Title:I Wish You Could Hold Me
Characters\pairings: Castiel, Jimmy, Sam, John, Mary, and Mrs. Novak. Castiel/Dean.
Warnings:Nightmares.
Summary: Castiel is haunted by his past, and what happened to him. Now his family has moved to forget the past, but Castiel still can't be touched by anyone but his family... then he met Dean.
A\N: Thank you all so much for your support, and please remember to review.
~o~
Castiel was laying on his bed staring at the ceiling. Today made Castiel feel…happy. For the first time in a long time, he wasn't scared, or worried that something would happen. His eyes began to close, and dreams filled his mind. They were actual dreams, no nightmares, or darkness just…dreams.
Castiel was sitting on Dean's bed in his arm; Castiel was actually being held by someone other than his family. "Cas?" Dean asked his voice calm and drowsy.
Castiel looked up into green eyes, and leaning closer said,"Yes Dean?"
Dean moved so that their faces were closer, "I won't hurt you, and I'll always protect you," he said brushing his lips against Castiel's.
"I know." Castiel pressed his lips to Dean's, and he felt safe and complete. Dean pressed closer to deepen the kiss, gently moving his lips, and Castiel followed the motions. Dean started pressing harder, and it began to hurt "Mmm…Dean… Stop." he said pushing at Dean's shoulders. Dean pushed Castiel so he was lying on his back with Dean pressed between his legs. "Dean, stop!" he said.
"Shhh, I won't hurt you," he said again, pushing his hips down to grind against Castiel.
"No!" Castiel shouted when Dean's eyes turned a milky gray. "Stop please," he pleaded as Dean grasped his hands and held them above his head.
"You are mine Castiel."
That wasn't Dean's voice.
Castiel awoke screaming. He sat up, and pulled his knees to his chest before wrapping his arms around them trying to ward off the chill the nightmare had created.
Jimmy ran into the room and turned on the light, "Castiel!"
"Cassie..?"
"He was there…he…Oh, God, Jimmy make it stop!" he hugged his knees tighter. "He…keeps coming. He…always comes," Castiel sobbed brokenly.
Their mother rushed into the room, "Cassie?" she said walking over to the bed. "Shh, baby." She rubbed his back and looked at Jimmy who was now in tears.
"He saw him again." Jimmy looked at Castiel, his voice breaking as he said, "I can't stop him now, just like I couldn't stop him then."
"Jimmy it wasn't your fault," she said, "all we could and can do is pray"
~o~
Dean stretch as he started to wake up. "Dean, breakfast!" he heard his dad yell. He got dressed and hurried down stairs as the smell of waffles and bacon filled the air making his stomach grumble.
"Hey Sammy," he said as he sat down next to his brother.
"Hey Dean," he replied before taking a bite of his bacon. "So, I was talking to Jimmy yesterday, and he said that we could spend the day with them if we wanted."
Dean tried to hide the wide smile he couldn't prevent at the thought of seeing Castiel again, "Yeah, great, we could go over after breakfast," he said quickly grabbing a waffle.
"Whoa, Dean, slow down; you have the whole day." John said.
"Dean's in a hurry so he can see Castiel." Sam mocked making kissing noises.
"Shut up Sam!" he said.
"Oh, so Castiel is the crush Mary was telling me about," John said with a smile.
"Mom! You told him!" he yell his voice cracking at the end, and his face flushed.
"Well, you are growing; your body is changing, starting to feel urges..."
"DAD!" Dean yelled.
John laughed, "I'm just saying…I mean I don't play on the same team, but I think Castiel is, oh how would you say it Dean? Sexy?"
Dean choked on his milk, "Oh my god," he said standing to leave.
John was laughing so hard his stomach hurt, "Dean, come on, I was kidding"
Dean turned "It's just…no…no dad don't ever say that again," he said shaking his whole body to get the thoughts out of his head. He walked up stairs to his bathroom to get ready.
~o~
"It's not that I don't like him; I just worry. What if he accidentally touches Castiel?" Jimmy said to his mom as they sat talking about Dean.
"You don't know Jimmy; you didn't see," she said, "Castiel was happy with him, laughing."
"So what, he laughs a lot when he's around us."
"True, but…maybe he trust Dean enough to…" she trailed off.
"What mom? Let Dean touch him? Tell him what happen; why he's afraid of people?" he yelled as he paced.
"Jimmy please."
"No mom!" he said tears filling his eyes. "I'm his brother! I'm supposed to protect him." he said as the tears fell. "I'm the older brother even if it is only by five minutes. I…I'm s-suppose to protect him." he sobbed.
She walked over to her son and pulled him into a loving hug, "You have and you will continue to, but you need to trust others. Let him move on. You have to let someone else love him and care for him," she said. When there was a knock on the door, she sighed, "Stay here and calm down. You can take Sam up to your room after you've calmed." she said before walking to get the door.
"Hi, Miss Novak" Sam said.
"Hello boys," she said before looking at Dean. He was tense and visibly nervous and holding a pie, "Hello Dean," she said. "Would you like to put that on the table?"
Dean looked down, seemingly a little confused, "Oh yeah…um sorry. I made this for Cas. I remember he said he love cherry pie more than the others."
"Cas?" she tilted her head.
"Oh yeah, I called him that before. He didn't seem to mind…" he said looking up at her.
"Oh! No, no, It-it's wonderful. Please come on in," she said beaming at the boy. "Here, Castiel didn't have breakfast so I'll cut some pie for the both of you," she grabbed the pie, and walked towards the kitchen. Placing it on the table, she went to get the knife, forks, and plates.
Jimmy was standing against the wall. "Can I go talk with Sam now?" he asked.
She looked up from cutting the pie; his face was red and his eyes looked irritated and puffy. She sighed, "Yes, you boys go ahead."
Jimmy walked out of the kitchen, "Hey Sam."
"Hey Jimmy; what was it you wanted to show me?" he asked.
Jimmy itched at his wrist guard, "I did a project a while back, and I have some papers on Apollo 13 you might find helpful." He looked down and his wrist, "Man I hate this thing."
"Stop scratching it," his mother said.
"Alright, alright, jeez! Come on Sam," he said leading him up stairs.
"Here you..." she was cut off by the muffled sound of music. "Sounds like Cassie found his stereo," she sighed. "Take this up to him, and tell him to turn that down." She handed him the slices of pie and directed, "Last door on your left."
Dean nodded before going up stairs. As he got closer to the room he smiled at the song that was playing, "Kid has good taste," he whispered to himself. He got to Castiel's door and tapped it knowing it was a useless gesture as the music was louder than Dean first thought, so he pushed the door open and saw Castiel putting things away while dancing along. Castiel's hips swayed as he reached to place a book on the shelf. Dean placed the plates down and walked over reaching to help.
Castiel flinched back and fell over, "Don't!" he exclaimed, but it was muted by the music.
Dean went over to the stereo and turned it off, "Cas, are you okay?" he asked reaching to help him up.
Castiel moved back "No, just…d-don't touch me." he said in a strangled whisper, mentally punching himself for the hurt in Dean's beautiful eyes.
"Okay." Dean said confusion in his voice.
Castiel looked down at the ground and shifted in the awkward silence. "Thanks," he said.
"For what?" Dean asked 'I scared the crap out of you,' he thought.
"The book." he said looking up frowning at Dean's hurt expression "So um... what's up?" he asked walking over to his bed.
"Oh, Jimmy wanted to show Sam something, and I made you pie," he said walking over to where he'd set the plates down.
Castiel watched him as he walked closer carrying the plates, "Thank you," he said in a quiet, almost awed voice. Castiel moved over. "Here, please sit."
Dean sat down next to Castiel on the opposite side of the bed. Castiel's heart sank, because, now Dean was afraid to be near him. "You did the same thing at school," Dean said quietly.
"Dean, please…" Castiel put down his plate.
"Are you afraid of me, or something?" he asked looking at Castiel and finally noticing how tired he looked. "You didn't sleep well last night." It wasn't a question.
"Sometimes I have nightmares…" he trailed off as memories filled his mind.
Dean saw the pain in Castiel's eyes and decided that it would be best to changed the subject, "So how's your pie?" he asked stuffing a forkful in his mouth.
Castiel smiled and looked down at his plate before taking a bite. This time he let the moan escape his lips as the taste of cherry pie exploded on his tongue. He smiled and looked a Dean, "This makes me very happy. You keep baking like this and I might come live with you." he laughed.
Dean smiled, "Thanks. I'll have to bake more often then," he said looking over to Castiel. They stared into each other's eyes for what seemed like years as they slowly moved closer. Dean felt as if he'd known Castiel for years, that the answers to all the boy's secrets might be found in his eyes. Dean broke the stare when he glanced down at his boy's lips. So close, just a little bit further and…
"Castiel, some kids are at the door looking for..." Jimmy froze as the two quickly jumped away from each other. The plate in Castiel's lap hit the ground and shattered.
Castiel's eyes grew wide with terror "No." he whispered as he knelt down to clean it up.
"Dammit Cassie," Jimmy cursed before walking over to help.
"Father said broken glass was bad luck." Castiel whispered to his brother.
Jimmy's blood pressure went up before he slammed Castiel into the wall and held him there by his shoulders. "He wasn't your father!" Jimmy shouted.
"J-Jimmy. P-Please "Castiel pleaded his eyes tearing up.
"Jimmy stop!" Dean shouted standing.
Jimmy stood up and glared at Dean, "You don't belong here Dean; you can't help him!" he yelled. "You're just making it worse."
"Jimmy stop!" Castiel shouted standing up.
"What is the shouting?" their mother yelled standing in Castiel's room, arms folded across her chest in disappointment. "Jimmy, down stairs," she said.
"But mom, Castiel called him father again," he said. She didn't say anything just pointed to the door. Jimmy shook his head and shot Dean a glare that quickly faded when he saw tears in the boy's eyes.
Castiel saw Dean's face and stepped forward "Dean...?" he said quietly.
Dean looked at the floor in embarrassment "I-" he choked out before walking out of the room, brushing past Castiel's mom. When Dean got down stairs he saw the group of people standing at the door, Sam was looking up at them and talking.
Dean froze on the stair case only looking back when he heard his name "Dean wait!" Castiel yelled, running towards the steps. He missed the first step and fell.
To Dean everything went into slow motion; he saw Cas trip and fall forward. He wasn't thinking when he reached out to catch Castiel.
To Castiel only one thing was on his mind as he reached out for Dean, Green.
~o~
So who can guess the song that was playing...?
I'll give you a hint. It had something to do with the flavor of pie.
Thank you for reading and thanks to my Beta :)
Also the next update shouldn't be that faraway, I already have half of it written.