Hey guys! I'm sorry I know it's been awhile, a long while but I got in the mood to write so I did! I hope you like this chapter WARNING: There is some description of what happened to Castiel while he was in Alistair's care and I don't wanna trigger someone if they had a similar experience, and I thought it'd be a good idea to warn you guys about it.

I'm sorry so any mistakes! I'm sure there are a lot but I wrote this in like three hours so I'm sorry I tried haha.

ENJOY!

~o~

"So you really remember everything?" Ellen said with a bright smile.

Castiel grinned "Yes!" Cas said with excitement "I can't believe I forgot all of this... All of you!" he shook his head in disbelief "It's like I forgot an entire half of my family"

Ellen smiled and nodded taking notes on her little note pad "I'm glad to see that you've made great progress since you've come back" She said flipping threw her notes "It had been over three weeks since you've had a panic attack until yesterday." she said with a smile that slowly faded as she read.

Castiel tilted his head in worry "Is there something wrong?" he asked.

She looked up at him for a quick second before looking down and taking her glasses of. She placed the pad and pencil down on the small table next to her "Castiel..." she said looking at him "You've come very far to get to this point, and I know you've been to many different therapists that have helped you just like I have." she paused for a second to think of the right words to say "I have been trying to avoid this for sometime now because I know from your records that you don't react well, but I'm gonna need you to talk about your experiences in that house."

Castiel's eyes dropped to the floor and he felt his heart clench in his chest "I..."

"You don't have today Cas, but it will help you come to terms with what happened, and it'll be good to get everything out of you mind." she look at the boy who seemed to shutdown in front of her " I know it'll be hard Castiel, but it will help I promise, but remember not to push yourself."

Castiel nodded thinking hard. Maybe it was time to tell someone, he didn't even tell the detectives that were just trying to help, or any of his other therapist. He took a deep breath and nodded to himself.

"The... The first thing I remember is riding next to him in the van." he started, his eyes staying focused on the floor "I was so scared and I just wanted to go home"

~o~

"M-Mister, please let me out" Castiel sobbed his small frame backed up against the locked door.

The man smiled at him "Don't worry okay? I'm going to take care of you" he said calmly and reassuringly "Whats your name?"

Castiel sniffed "Cas-Castiel"

"Castiel!" the man said with disapproval "You don't look anything like a Castiel!"

Castiel tilted his head "I don't?" he asked, his voice still shaking with fear and tears still falling freely down his face.

"No" he smiled "You're to cute to be a Castiel" he smiled lightly at the young boy "I think you look more like a Christopher"

o~

"Thats how I got my new name" he said "He did it to everyone he picked up. Gabriel, Balthazar... Anna" He seemed to reflect on the name of the girl. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He shook his head "Then when we got "home" he took me to a bedroom that was all white with a bed in the center" he shifted in his seat "He gave me paint and said I could do whatever I wanted to my room, that it was mine to make mine... I thought it was a joke so I just sat next to the paint for hours because my dad never let us draw on the walls and I was afraid of what he might do to me if I did do something wrong. After a while he came in and opened up all the paint and took his hand and just smeared it across the wall. I joined him. We covered the whole room in all different colors. It was fun, but I should have known better."

~o~

Castiel laughed and smiled as he smeared red paint across the wall, mixing it with other colors.

Alistair stood beside the boy picking him up every now and then so the boy could get high up on the wall. After they covered all four walls Alistair grabbed Castiel's paint covered hands "Come on lets get you cleaned up Christopher" He said as they entered a fairly large bathroom. "Get undressed while I start your bath okay" he walked over to the bath tub and left Castiel at the door.

Castiel played with the hem of his paint soaked shirt. This didn't feel right to him, he didn't know this man, he didn't know where he was. Where was his brother? Was he mad cause Castiel had left their game. Castiel felt tears sting his eyes, Jimmy was going to be so mad at him for leaving. Castiel let out a sob and started to cry uncontrollably.

Alistair walked over to him and knelt down in front of him "Whats wrong?" He asked concerned eyes looked into teary blue ones.

"M-My brothers g-gonna be so mad at me!" the little boy whaled louder.

"Oh, no no" Alistair pulled the boy close "Your brother didn't appreciate you Christopher, he was always mad at you wasn't he?" the boy nodded against his shoulder "He never saw how wonderful and beautiful you are. None of them did... But I do" he said squeezing the the boy "You're such a lovely little boy Chris" he pulled back to look at the boys red puffy face "And with those eyes I don't see how anyone could ever be mad at you"

~o~

"He was just trying to get me to trust him and find comfort in him and I did" he said with defeat "He was just so nice and loving. He'd always tell me I was safe with him and that no one was going to hurt me... but he lied.

Castiel dug his nails into his knees as his memories raced through his mind. He took a breath and tried to stay calm, trying to take it one step at a time.

"For the first three years he played father to me, he didn't touch me or hurt me or get mad at me for anything" he said "For those three years he'd watch me get dressed. He'd bring me clothes in the morning to change into, and clothes to sleep in at night. He'd just sit there and watch me, I never thought anything of it, and after a while it was normal to me." he paused for a moment and closed his eyes "But, when I turned 8 everything changed..." he sighed as tears filled his eyes " I was getting dressed for bed when he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the bed. I tried to get up and tell him I wasn't done but he just hushed me and told me everything was okay and that I was going to be okay as long as I played along with him. He started by kissing me, just normal lip peaks at first, but he kept trying to make it something more and I didn't want to but he wouldn't let me go and soon he was on top of me forcing his tongue into my mouth. I didn't say anything I didn't do anything I just laid there and let him do it. He was holding both my arms down when he unzipped his pants and pressed himself against me and..." he paused as his voice cracked and his body shook "He pushed himself inside me a little, but he stop cause I started crying and he asked me if it hurt... I said yes and he just let go of my one arm and covered my mouth so he wouldn't hear me scream" Castiel started sobbing and covered his face.

Ellen placed tissues on the table in front of him and said nothing. It was hard sometimes to keep a distance with her patients, but she had to.

~o~

I Hope you guys liked this chapter I'll try and keep updating, but I can't promise anything.

Please review I love to hear what you guys think.