LTP: *off screen* JAAACCCKKLEEE!
*Jackle comes flying in*
Jackle: HEYGUYSIFLTPASKSYOUWHEREIAMIWASNEVERHEREKAYBYE! *flies out*
Reala: ... What?
NiGHTS: What just happened?
LTP: *storms in* WHERE. IS. HE?
Reala: What did Jackle do this time?
LTP: I'll tell you later, now tell me where Jackle went.
*NiGHTS and Reala point down the hall*
LTP: Thank you, *turns to the camera* I don't own s***. I don't own NiGHTS, Two Best friends Play, or Resident Evil 4. Now if you'll excuse me *takes out a mini chainsaw* I've gotta go hunt down the living pile of laundry. *takes off*
NiGHTS: ... Shouldn't we help Jackle?
Reala: Nah, he'll be fine.
NiGHTS and Reala Play Resident Evil 4
(opens in Reala's room where he and NiGHTS get ready to play RE4)
Reala: So, what do you mean you didn't like Resident Evil 4?
NiGHTS: It was kinda too hard, and I didn't really get-
Reala: Just shut your mouth and enjoy like, the best game ever made.
{~~~}
Reala: There's a crow.
NiGHTS: S***.
Reala: You know, like an evil mockingbird.
NiGHTS: Are they zombies?
Reala: No. There are no zombies in this game.
NiGHTS: What? This is Resident Evil dude.
Reala: There are no zombies in Resident Evil 4.
NiGHTS: So what are these guys called?
Reala: They're called, well, I don't know, but I guess one of them is called Miguel, and I bet you there's another one called Sanchez.
{~~~}
Reala: Is Mexico in Europe?
NiGHTS: What? No, this isn't Europe you idiot.
Reala: It's totally Europe! The opening says it's in Europe!
NiGHTS: What am I supposed to be-
Reala: WALK IN THE F***ING HOUSE!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: How come I can't run and walk and shoot?
Reala: I'm gonna-I'm gonna punch your face.
NiGHTS: Games should be a lot better-
Reala: I'm gonna kill you. Shut up.
Leon: Excuse me, sir?
NiGHTS: Do you have wi-fi in here? Because- ah s***, elderly people. S***.
Reala: Talk to him with your gun! Say hello!
NiGHTS: Hey, take that.
*NiGHTS shoots the man, the man dies*
Reala: Opening up with a rich dialog.
{~~~}
*car starts up and drives away*
NiGHTS: What's happening?
Reala: Some guy's driving a truck, oh no! Shut the f*** up!
{~~~}
Reala Check that guy!
Leon: He's not a zombie...
Reala: NOT a zombie.
NiGHTS: That's a typo.
Reala: In your f- WHAT?! TYPO FOR WHAT!? CROMBIE?! JOMBIE?! ZIMBIE?!
NiGHTS: Alright, let's try to steal some-
Reala: ZAMBAMBO?!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Oh sweet! Treasure!
*NiGHTS looks into a room filled with rotting corpses*
Reala: That's not treasure.
NiGHTS: *reading the text* Looks like they've killed a lot of people.
Reala: I can read, ass****.
{~~~}
Reala: Go over to that window, and press A.
NiGHTS: That's just probably gonna kill me, so I'm not even gonna-
Reala: JUST F***ING PRESS A OR I SWEAR TO WIZEMAN I WILL KILL YOU!
*NiGHTS jumps out the window*
Reala: Kablam!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS is shooting enemies*
NiGHTS: Uh!
Reala: Come on man.
NiGHTS: Invade America will you?
Reala: YOU'RE IN THEIR COUNTRY!
{~~~}
*Hunnigan speaks to Leon*
Reala: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Shut the f*** up!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: So where's all the evil? I haven't seen it yet.
Reala: Really? The guys trying to stab you or rather cut you with axes and saying creepy Spanish s*** isn't evil?
NiGHTS: I don't see anything evil at all in this place *turns around and sees a dead woman with a pitch fork through her face* Oh.
NiGHTS and Reala: Heeeyy!
Reala: Hehe, that's what I like to call alternative farming techniques.
NiGHTS: She probably didn't make them the sandwiches that they asked for.
{~~~}
*NiGHTS shoots a crow*
NiGHTS: Hey I got one!
Reala: Why are you- aw man!
*NiGHTS shoots another crow*
NiGHTS: Hey I got another one!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS and Reala look at a hand grenade*
Reala: MAN THAT CROW S*** OUT A HAND GRENADE!
NiGHTS: That crow was armed! I got him right before he got me!
Reala: He was gonna throw that at you with his little crow pecker!
{~~~}
Reala: Hey, it's that dog.
NiGHTS: What dog?
Reala: That dog.
NiGHTS: That dog!
Reala: You should help that dog.
NiGHTS: Dude, trying to help the dog.
Reala: Oh that dog got all f***ed by these stupid Mexicans...
NiGHTS: *frees the dog from the bear trap* Hey it's that dog, I saved him!
Reala: You totally saved that dog.
NiGHTS: Hey dude-
*dog runs away*
NiGHTS: Hey where are you going!? Come back!
*dog jumps the fence*
NiGHTS: *sad* Ooohh.
Reala: Whatever, you don't need him.
NiGHTS: ... Snowy...
Reala: You get to be alone all the time now.
NiGHTS: Aw, just like you.
Reala: Ah shut the- mmm, it's true.
{~~~}
*NiGHTS triggers an exploding trap*
Reala: WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING?!
NiGHTS: F***! What the hell was that!?
Reala: That was a dynamite tripwire.
NiGHTS: How the f*** do crows know how to lay Dynamite-
{~~~}
NiGHTS: I have no ammo, I'm almost dead!
Reala: You have plenty of ammo! You have like six ammo!
NiGHTS: Well I'm almost dead!
Reala: Well, you were the one behind the controls douche face.
NiGHTS: Okay, who the hell is in here-
*enemy swings axe at NiGHTS, NiGHTS dies*
NiGHTS: OH WHAT THE F***!? AH!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Look where?
Reala: Press the A button. That's what look means.
*Leon surveys the area with binoculars*
Reala: Oh man.
NiGHTS: I don't feel right about this...
Reala: Peeps for reals.
*zooms in on a man impaled through a hook*
Reala: Oh man, that guy looks delicious.
NiGHTS: Oh geez, Sanchez.
Reala: You have to know- we have to know more Mexican names- Spanish nam- whatever, Hispanic names than Miguel and Sanchez.
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Carefully sneak around the alleys.
Reala: Just avoid all of these ass****s.
NiGHTS: Okay, it's going good so far then.
Reala: Nobody has seen you.
{~~~}
*NiGHTS starts shooting enemies*
Reala: Uh dude?
NiGHTS: F***, ok.
Reala: I don't think you're very good at sneaking.
NiGHTS: It was harder than I thought.
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Money! Hey, I'm in your house, stealing your moneys! *shoots a woman through the window*
{~~~}
NiGHTS: What's that?
Reala: That's a chainsaw!
NiGHTS: OH S***! *runs away*
Reala: Yep. Yuup.
{~~~}
*NiGHTS runs up by a cow*
Reala: YO QUICK, SHOOT THAT MONSTER!
NiGHTS: ZOMBIE COW, F*** YOU!
*shoots the cow several times*
NiGHTS: DIE!
*cow falls over dead*
Reala: OOOHH!
NiGHTS: Nice!
Reala: Good job!
{~~~}
*enemy with a chainsaw come running up*
Reala: The Tomahawk!
NiGHTS: THAT GUY!
*chainsaw man kills NiGHTS with the chainsaw*
NiGHTS and Reala: AAAAAAHHHHHH!
{~~~}
*two villagers start pushing a boulder*
NiGHTS: What?
Reala: Yeah.
NiGHTS: I don't remember this-
Reala: Sprint!
NiGHTS: *shaking the Wii remote* I'm trying!
Reala: Waggle!
NiGHTS: I'm waggling!
Reala: Waggle harder!
NiGHTS: I'm waggling!
Reala: Waggle you- you need to waggle way harder than that!
NiGHTS: F***, I'm trying!
Reala: You need to waggle way harder!
*NiGHTS gets killed by the boulder*
NiGHTS: Wai- aah! *scoffs*
Reala: You didn't waggle hard enough!
NiGHTS: I waggled super hard!
Reala: NO MAN, YOU WERE WAGGLING THAT S*** LIKE YOUR DAD'S LIMP D***!
NiGHTS: Oh f*** you!
Reala: Shut your-
NiGHTS: F***ing mother F***er!
Reala: *gets in NiGHTS' face* F*** YOU! F*** YOOUUU!
{~~~}
Reala: ...Okay, since you're such a stupid baby, I'm gonna do it for you.
NiGHTS: OK, you'll do it. I'm sure it'll turn out a lot differently.
Reala: I'm doin' it right now.
NiGHTS: Alright. Watch it, they're gonna roll that boulder.
Reala: *shaking the Wii remote* Look, this is how you waggle. You waggle it, like this. That's it, that's all you do. Uh, Uh, I'm not even looking! I'm not even looking! Oh what? What?
NiGHTS: You might want to look now.
*Reala gets killed by the boulder*
Reala: What the hell?! *face palms with the Wii remote*
NiGHTS: Yeah, that's about the way I thought it was gonna go. Yep.
Reala: ...Go eat a boat...
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Oh, there's a guy here.
Reala: Ok, so? Just bypass him, you don't need to kill everyone. Oh, they're up on that bridge.
NiGHTS: *throws a grenade* Take this, mother f***ers!
*grenade misses bridge and explodes on the ground, yet it somehow makes one of the enemies fall off the bridge*
Enemy: AAAAHH!
NiGHTS: AH HA HA! You want some more flash grenades!?
Reala: I don't think they do.
NiGHTS: I got one! It's got your name on it, Pueblo guy!
*tosses grenade, misses bridge, grenade explodes, enemy falls off the bridge*
Reala: Pueblo means like-
Enemy: AAAAHH!
NiGHTS: YEEAAH!
Reala: I can't believe that f***ing worked.
{~~~}
*Saddler injects Leon with the Las Plagas parasite*
Reala: He put that Mexico juice in you. Now you've lost your kidneys man! It's all over now!
{~~~}
Reala: Does the 3D effect work really well for you?
NiGHTS: It works pretty good. I mean, I don't like the place where they put the stylus on the 3DS-
*villager is about to strike with an axe*
NiGHTS: OH S***!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: This mission hasn't been going well.
Reala: Yeah, it could be better.
*the merchant appears*
NiGHTS: Who the hell is this?
Reala: Oh, you don't know that guy? He's a cool guy, he's your pal.
NiGHTS: That child molester is my pal?
Reala: Yeah, he kinda looks like a freaky monster child molester, but that's cool man, that's his business.
{~~~}
NiGHTS: AAUH! What the hell's wrong with his hands?
*Merchant opens his cloak*
NiGHTS: SHI- oh, okay.
Reala: YEAH!
{~~~}
Merchant: Is that all stranger?
NiGHTS: I guess so sir. So, what am I doing here I mean this-
*NiGHTS accidently kills the merchant*
NiGHTS: WHAT!? S***! NO!
Reala: WHAT!? NO!
NiGHTS: AH F***!
Reala: WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!
NiGHTS: It just happened when I came back to the screen!
Reala: He's not going to sell you s*** now!
NiGHTS: I bought it- well whatever.
{~~~}
Reala: ...He was your only friend in this horrible wasteland and you murdered him.
NiGHTS: I- IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! ...Ooohh...
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Wait, what?!
*NiGHTS spots the merchant she killed by accident*
Reala: What the s***?!
NiGHTS: I KILLED HIM!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: What's this?
*breaks open a box, snake jumps out*
NiGHTS: WHAT THE!?
Reala: That's a badass snake, gonna bite your face!
NiGHTS: The f*** was that!? Why is there a snake in a box!?
{~~~}
NiGHTS: That's it, the snake is- that's it!
Reala: Just kill it.
*NiGHTS throws a grenade at the snake, the grenade explodes without hitting the snake, but the snake still somehow dies*
NiGHTS: YEAH!
Reala: You totally didn't hit it, but it died and dropped and egg?
NiGHTS: Pick up the snake egg!
Reala and NiGHTS: Chicken egg!?
{~~~}
Reala: OK, Go to the end of the pier, and there's like a bunch of fish that you can kill, and you can get items from them. I think one of them drops a ruby or something.
NiGHTS: You got some from the crows right? You can do it for fish too?
Reala: Yeah, you can totally do it for all wildlife animals.
NiGHTS: All right.
*NiGHTS shoots at the fish but keeps missing*
NiGHTS: Where are they?
Reala: Just get like two or three more. Oh, there's one! Shoot it, shoot it! Shoot the fishy!
*giant fish suddenly jumps out of the water eats Leon*
NiGHTS: F***!
Reala: *laughs a little* You didn't shoot the fishy!
{~~~}
*parasitic tentacles burst out from a villager's head*
NiGHTS: THAT'S JUST F***IN' PERFECT!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS faces against an El Gigante*
NiGHTS: ... Alright, now what?
Reala: Dude, what the hell's goin' on?
*Reala spots the dog NiGHTS saved earlier*
Reala: HEY IT'S THAT DOG!
NiGHTS: It's that f***ing dog!
Leon: Hey, it's that dog!
Reala: YEAH I JUST SAID THAT ASS****!
*dog jumps down to aid Leon in the fight*
NiGHTS: Uh, attack him?
Reala: That dog is gonna kick that ogre's ass!
*El Gigante goes after the dog*
Reala: OH DUDE! HE'S TOTALLY SAVING YOU!
{~~~}
Reala: That dog was helpful as s*** man!
NiGHTS: You know what? Dogs are always helpful.
Reala: I love dogs. They're adorable and helpful and they are a Nightmaren's best friend.
*Reala spots another dog*
Reala: Dude, check it! Another dog!
*dog attacks NiGHTS*
NiGHTS and Reala: WHOA!
Reala: S***!
NiGHTS: What the f*** you- Come- That's not how dogs are supposed to behave!
Reala: That's not a nice dog.
NiGHTS: What's this dog's pro-
*parasitic tentacles burst out from the dog's back*
Reala: WHOA!
NiGHTS: AAAH S***!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS is now playing as Ashley, who is in a suit of armor*
Reala: The stupid b**** ran ahead and now she's like alone, you have no weapons and you have to fight off the retarded Spanish cultists. They all like *mocking accent* 'We don't speak English!'
NiGHTS: ... What!?
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Who's that guy?
Reala: He's a douche bag who wants to hurt you.
NiGHTS: Maybe if I sneak by...
Reala: Yeah, you sneak by in your stupid clanky armor. You b****
NiGHTS: Hey dude.
Reala: You better, you better break away.
*Cultist goes after NiGHTS*
NiGHTS: Whoa dude!
Reala: Hey, he wants to touch your goodies!
NiGHTS: Well, I'm wearing armor, so there's nothing he can do.
Reala: I think he can get through that armor and touch your goodies.
NiGHTS: AH!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS is cranking a handle to open the gate*
Reala: Twirl that s***!
NiGHTS: I'm twirling!
Reala: You're not twirling hard enough!
*Cultist gets up*
NiGHTS: S***! THE DUDE! DUDE HE'S COMING!
*Cultist grabs Ashley*
NiGHTS: NOO!
Reala: HE'S GONNA TOUCH YOUR BOOM BOOM KITTY!
*NiGHTS throws the Cultist off, then goes back to cranking the handle*
Reala: *wheezing laughter*
{~~~}
*NiGHTS throws a bomb at the Cultist*
NiGHTS: TAKE THAT!
*bomb explodes, killing the Cultist*
NiGHTS and Reala: YEAH!
NiGHTS: Bye- bye!
Reala: You're fired!
{~~~}
*Saddler speaks with Leon over the transmitter*
NiGHTS: WHAT!? WHAT THE F***!?
Reala: He's tired of all them b****es, so he gotta go big pimpin'!
NiGHTS: WHO THE F*** IS THAT GUY!?
Reala: HE'S LEON!
NiGHTS: WHAT'RE YOU TALKING- NO THE OTHER GUY IDIOT!
Reala: THAT'S THE VILLAN! HOW'D YOU MISS THAT!?
NiGHTS: THEN WHY AM I TALKING TO HIM ON THE RADIO!?
{~~~}
Reala: Shoot her, you can't kill her.
*NiGHTS raises the gun at Ashley, Ashley covers her face with the helmet's visor*
NiGHTS: *laughing loudly* Okay. Ashley, I've had enough!
*Reala takes the controller, points gun at Ashley*
Reala: HAND OVER YOUR S*** ASHLEY!
NiGHTS: What?
*Reala opens fire on Ashley's suit of armor*
{~~~}
Reala: Hey, man. B****es with armor can run.
*NiGHTS finds a sliding puzzle*
NiGHTS: What's this?
Reala: *exhales* Can't really tell. Okay.
NiGHTS: What? Is this?
Reala: Rearrange those pieces.
NiGHTS: This is a slide puzzle?
Reala: You're gonna have to do this, 'cause I had to use like a really super detailed walkthrough to beat this s***.
NiGHTS: Are you serious?
{~~~}
Reala: I don't think you're making any f***ing progress.
NiGHTS: Well-
Reala: I don't think you know what the f*** you're doing!
NiGHTS: I'll take some advice! What do you suggest I do now?
Reala: Move that middle piece!
NiGHTS: This piece? *tries to move it, it won't move*
Reala: OK, well you suck!
NiGHTS: I don't think I do, I think you just don't know-
Reala: JUST F***ING MOVE IT!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Ugh...
Reala: Okay.
NiGHTS: Now what?
Reala: Dude, now it's even more f***ed than it was before.
NiGHTS: No it's not, it's-
Reala: It's totally, no! Like, that thing is in the total wrong corner.
NiGHTS: Which thing, what?
Reala: The bottom right corner thing is supposed to be in the bottom left corner!
NiGHTS: It is.
Reala: No it's not!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Making- making progress. This is right. Right?
Reala: This is f***ing buls***.
NiGHTS: This goes *moves slide* f***.
Reala: You f***ing screwed up-
{~~~}
*the game was shut off for whatever reason, and the slide puzzle is back to as it was when they first started*
NiGHTS: No.
Reala: Oh my- you f***ed it up now!
NiGHTS: No, I didn't f*** anything up!
Reala: NOW WE HAVE TO RESTART AND LOSE LIKE TWO HOURS OF PROGRESS 'CAUSE YOU HADN'T SAVED!
NiGHTS: Yes. No.
Reala: YEAH!
NiGHTS: Rearrange the pieces? Yes!
Reala: OK, so you do it!
NiGHTS: ... What?
Reala: THAT DOESN'T RESET THE PIECES MAN!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: I didn't f*** this-
Reala: NOW WE CAN'T F***ING DO THIS! WE ARE STUCK HERE!
NiGHTS: THANKS TO YOUR NON HELPING!
Reala: YOU SHOULDN'T NEED HELP! THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A PUZZLE!
NiGHTS: YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOW TO DO THIS PART! SO WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU'RE BETTER!?
Reala: Man-
NiGHTS: No, f*** you! NO!
Reala: I f***ing hate you NiGHTS.
NiGHTS: I hate you Reala.
Reala: *whispers* I f***ing hate you!
LTP: *comes in with Jackle bound up with his own cloak* Sounds like today's episode went pretty smoothly.
Reala: Seriously, what did Jackle do to piss you off this time?
LTP: I'm getting to that. Now Jackle, I want you to answer me this. Ahem, WHY IS MY HOUSE COVERED IN PEANUT BUTTER!? And don't say you didn't do it, 'cause I found one of your cards at the scene of the crime! And it was covered in peanut butter too!
Jackle: It seemed like a good idea at the time!
NiGHTS: When is covering someone's home with peanut butter ever a good idea?
Reala: I think the bigger question would be, 'How did you manage to get all that peanut butter in the first place?'
Jackle: I have my ways... *insane giggling*
LTP: Well guess what? Your entire week is shot now because you're gonna be cleaning the peanut butter off of my house all week.
Jackle: AWW!
NiGHTS: Someone send a review, it'll help Jackle get the peanut butter cleaned up faster.