*LTP comes in carrying a giant stuffed Pug*
LTP: YO GUYS, GET A LOAD OF THIS GIANT PUG I WON AT THE FAIR LAST WEEK! ISN'T IT AWESOME!?
NiGHTS: Good for you!
Reala: *sarcastically* Fan-freaking-tastic, now please stop yelling about it.
LTP: *flips Reala the bird* F*** you Reala.
Reala: No thanks, I have NiGHTS for that.
NiGHTS: *blushes*
LTP: Like we didn't already know that.
Jackle: For anyone that doesn't know by now, LTP has a Pug obsession.
LTP: I think deep down, everyone is obsessed with something. I have a Pug obsession, Death the Kid from Soul Eater has a symmetry obsession, NiGHTS is obsessed with chasing Octopaw, Ryuk from Death Note is obsessed with apples, Wizeman is obsessed with taking control of the waking world, and Reala has a NiGHTS obsession!
Reala: F*** YOU!
LTP: No thanks Reala, you have NiGHTS for that!
NiGHTS: *blush becomes darker*
LTP: Okay let's get this show on the road before NiGHTS' face becomes redder than Reala's hat. I don't own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, or Dick Figures. Now let's rock!
Role Playas
LTP: Now follows a fabled tale about the brave knight, Jackle and his trusty companion, Reala the Wizard, who ventured to a dangerous world of war and craft to rescue the fair maiden Princess NiGHTS, from the evil King Wizeman the Wicked.
*as LTP speaks, it shows a real life book with pencil drawn images of Jackle with a shield and sword along with Reala wearing a wizard hat. It first shows how they climb a mountain and then how they are besides a castle where NiGHTS in a princess costume screams 'HELP!'. It finally shows Wizeman looking menacing and evil*
Jackle: Stand fast, ogre, for I'm about to cleave thee a new butthole!
*Jackle slices open the ogre, killing it. It leaves a pile of gold coins*
Jackle: Oh, sick. Loot! Ding! *takes the gold*
Reala: Dude-eth, if you kill every ogre you see, we'll never rescue the princess!
Jackle: How now, gay lord. What is with thy cap and has thou turned thy penis into a stick?!
Reala: 'Tis a wizarding cap and 'tis a wizarding wand, so you can just...shutthef***upicus! Aaaah.
*Reala's points his wand to Jackle and the wand makes a long farting sound. Jackle grins and then facepalms*
(later)
*Jackle and Reala approach a forest, with a sign reading: Now Entering the S*** PISS FART WOODS, alongside Chamelon sitting on a tree trunk and playing a lute*
Chamelon: *giggles* Aha. ~Weary travelers, Jackle and Ree, shall I sing a F***! *eyes turn red and his teeth sharpen* for thee?~
Reala: Umm... what?
Jackle: Fear not, 'tis Chamelon, part of the *makes odd movements with his body* S*** Piss Fart *stops movements* Woods.
*Chamelon giggles, grins, and sticks out his tongue while raising his eyebrows*
Reala: No, thanks. We're kinda gettin' our quest on...
Chamelon: *giggles* ~Too late! For I've just begun! A tweetle C***!, and a tweetle BALLS!
*camera shows Reala and Jackle looking shocked with wide eyes*
Chamelon: ~Pony sparkles, bubblegum. Glitter fairies in my BUTTNAZIASSTHUNDERPUBICHAIRCHODEDOUCHEINMYMOUTH!
*Chamelon stops spazzing and strums the lute one more time. Jackle raises his sword menacingly*
(later, again)
Reala: I can see the castle! The princess is just up ahead!
*Jackle drags Chamelon's bleeding decapitated head*
Jackle: Doth she have a nice ass?
Reala: Fo sho.
Jackle: Then make haste!
*Reala and Jackle approach the castle*
Reala: Ah! The fair maiden! Jackle, cover me!
Jackle: *low voice* You have my bow.
*Jackle wields a bow. Reala runs to the castle and starts to climb on it. A wooden window opens and a guard appears who then throws a rock at Reala*
Reala: Ah! *dodges the rock by lowering his head*
*the guard then throws an axe at Reala*
Reala: Whoa! *dodges the axe*
*the guard throws a sword, plus 2 ninja stars at Reala*
Reala: Ah! Aaah! *barely dodges the weapons*
*the guard finally throws some black acid at Reala*
Reala: OH S***! Help! Help!
Jackle: I got your back!
*Jackle fires an arrow with the bow and hits Reala in the back*
Reala: Gaaah! You got my back!
Jackle: That's what I said!
*Jackle fires another time and hits Reala again on his back*
Reala: A-! What the hell?! COME ON! Stop firing arrows!
Jackle: *suddenly armed with a crossbow* Whoaa, I found a crossbow!
*Jackle fires two arrows with the crossbow and misses the guard. He then fires another arrow and hits the guard in the head, killing him*
Reala: Aaaah... finall- *another arrow hits him in the back* AAAAAGH! WIZEMAN, DAMN IT!
NiGHTS: Reala!
*Reala looks up at the sound of NiGHTS' voice*
NiGHTS: *wearing a princess crown* I've been waiting here for, like, four hours! This is worse than our first date!
Reala: Wait...seriously?
NiGHTS: I'm going home!
*camera cuts to Reala's room, showing that it was all a role-playing game. Jackle is wearing a pirate costume for some reason*
NiGHTS: Call me when you're done playing with your wand. *leaves*
Reala: Uh H-Wait, NiGHTS! Come back! *door shuts as he sighs*
Jackle: How dare thee ruin D&D night, wench!
Reala: Roll for sadness...*rolls the dice* Critical fail... *slams head on the table in despair*
Jackle: *places a hand on Reala's back* Condolences, brother. But as King Wizeman the Wicked once quoth: " Man, she's a BI-"
NiGHTS: And that's the end of the episode.
LTP: YO GUYS, CHECK IT! JACKLE'S GOING FOR THE WOLRD'S LONGEST BURP RECORD!
*camera pans over to Jackle, who has about a dozen empty liters of Pepsi scattered around him*
Reala: ... Why?
LTP: Why not?
NiGHTS: That sounds gross, but I'm actually kind of curious...
LTP: I wanna see if he can pull it off!
*Jackle's stomach rumbles*
LTP: Here it comes!
Jackle: *unleashes THE BURP* UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG-
*the whole castle shakes*
LTP: GO, JACKLE, GO! BURP LIKE THE WIND!
Will Jackle beat the world record for the longest burp ever? How long do YOU think he'll go? Find out next time on NiGHTS into Randomness!