Last time, on NiGHTS into Randomness,
Jackle: *points like Phoenix Wright* AHA! YOU'RE NOT LTP!
LTP, NiGHTS & Reala: Huh?
And now, the conclusion.
Jackle: And I can prove it! Look at her eyelashes and nails! The REAL LTP always wears teal nail polish and blue mascara! THIS LTP is wearing royal blue nail polish and black mascara!
LTP: ...
Reala: ...
NiGHTS: ... Are you sure she didn't just decide to alter her look?
Jackle: But that's not all!
LTP: What else could possibly have you convinced that I'm not LTP?
Jackle: Because you, *points at a giant pug doll* DIDN'T GLOMP THE GIANT PUG IN THE CORNER!
*NiGHTS and Reala gasp*
Jackle: EVERYONE HERE KNOWS THAT LTP IS OBSSESSED WITH PUGS! PRETTY MUCH TO THE POINT THAT IT BORDERS ON THE PSYCHOTIC! IF YOU WERE THE REAL LTP, YOU WOULD'VE GLOMPED THE PUG THE MOMENT IT WAS MENTIONED!
? ? ? : *off screen* DAMN RIGHT!
*everyone turns around as the real LTP comes charging in and slams her knee into the imposter's stomach, causing her to hunch over. Then LTP drives her elbow into the fake's back and follows up with a powerful kick to the ass. The imposter is sent flying into a wall and is rendered unconscious. Then the fake morphs from LTP to Selph*
NiGHTS and Reala: SELPH!?
*Jackle takes Selph and traps him in a conveniently placed Ideya Palace*
LTP: *pushes glasses up* I'll deal with him later, we got a show to do! NiGHTS, disclaimer!
NiGHTS: Right! LTP doesn't own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, or Smosh!
Jackle's Magical Tapeworm
LTP: One day, Jackle ate some Mexican food and got hecka sick. Three days later, he woke up and found he had a tapeworm!
(opens in Jackle's room where Jackle is in his bed with a giant tapeworm coming out of his butt)
Jackle: OOOOOOHHH MY WIZEMAN!
Tapeworm: Whoa, chill the frick out man.
Jackle: You're comin' out of my ass!
Tapeworm: Yeah, that's what I do. I'm Robbie the magical tapeworm!
Jackle: Yeah, but how are you talking?!
Robbie: How are YOU talking?
Jackle: ... Uh...
Robbie: Exactly.
*Robbie burps and fires a pink laser at a random pile of dirty laundry, turning them into oranges and lemons*
Jackle: MY GYM CLOTHES!
Robbie: Sorry bro, Indigestion.
Jackle: *vomits on the floor*
(later)
*Jackle is hanging out on the couch with Robbie and watching TV*
Jackle: *laughs* Oh Sue.
Robbie: *laughs*
Jackle: Oh man, I love Glee.
Robbie: Yeah!
*Reala comes in with an orange*
Reala: Ugh, these oranges taste like sweaty balls.
Jackle: How would you know what sweaty balls tastes like?
Reala: *sees Robbie* What the hell is that!?
Jackle: Oh, he's just my magical tapeworm!
Reala: *mortified face*
*Jackle stands up and turns his butt towards Reala*
Jackle: Say 'Hi' Robbie!
Robbie: HI ROBBIE!
Reala: IT CAN TALK?!
*Robbie burps and fires a laser at Reala's chest, Reala now has boobs*
Reala: WHAT THE F***!? THAT THING JUST GAVE ME F***ING BOOBS!
Jackle: Oh come on, I'm sure it's just your shirt bunching up. *grabs Reala's chest*
Reala: AAAHH! YOU'RE CRUSHING MY NEW BOOBS, STOP!
Jackle: They're really real feeling. *continues fondling Reala*
Reala: *annoyed* Jackle stop.
Jackle: Never felt any in real life before... *still fondling Reala*
Reala: JACKLE STOP!
(later again, at a gothic style castle)
*Goth Nightmaren comes in holding a fake skull*
Goth Nightmaren: I understand you're here for a breast reduction. Now it's nothing to be ashamed of, many women go through things like this.
Reala: ... I'm not a woman.
Goth Nightmaren: *skeptical look* Right. So anyway, what's the problem?
Reala: I have this stupid friend with this magical tapeworm that shot me with this laser-
Goth Nightmaren: Wait, what'd you just say?
Reala: I have a stupid friend.
Goth Nightmaren: No, the other part.
Reala: I got shot with this laser?
Goth Nightmaren: No, something about a magical taint sperm?
Reala: TAPEWORM.
Goth Nightmaren: Stapler?
Reala: TAPEWORM!
Goth Nightmaren: My Wizeman, WE MUST DESTROY IT!
Reala: *confused look* ... What?
*Goth Nightmaren tells his story while Windwaker style images depict what is happening*
Goth Nightmaren: Four thousand years ago, Nightmaren lived in harmony with the magical tapeworm; which at the time were known as the mighty Butt Serpents of Nightmare. Nightmaren found a way to harness and control the Butt Serpent's magical properties. The Pyramids of Dreams, the Nightmare Temples, the Great Wall of Nightopia, all were created solely with the power of the Butt Serpents. But over time, Nightmaren grew greedy and destructive. They would start to use the Butt Serpents' power for evil. Turning houses into lava, turning newborn Nightmaren's into grizzly bears, the Night Dimension was in peril. So in a last ditch effort to save Nightmaren kind, a group of Goths used their spiritual powers and maximum strength laxatives to banish the Butt Serpents and destroy them once and for all.
*cuts back to reality*
Goth Nightmaren: So now you understand why it must be destroyed.
Reala: *snoring lightly*
Goth Nightmaren: *smacks Reala awake*
Reala: *wakes up* Wha-wha- huh? What?
Goth Nightmaren: We must kill the magical stapler!
Reala: *points at chest* What about my boobs?
Goth Nightmaren: Yeah, they look great.
(later, back at Nightmare castle)
Jackle: *eating a large plate of food* Why am I always so hungry all of a sudden?
Robbie: Sorry bro, that's my bad. Uh oh, I feel a burp comin' on! Ughhhhh.
*Robbie burps and fires a laser at a teddy bear, turning the bear into six DVD copies of The Wizard of OZ*
Jackle: Oh, what the hell?!
Robbie: Come on man, The Wizard of Oz is a great movie!
Jackle: *shrugs* Never seen it.
Robbie: YOU'VE never seen The Wizard of OZ?!
Jackle: No.
Robbie: How is that possible?!
Jackle: I don't know!
Robbie: Wow, your creator must've really hated you.
Jackle: SHUT THE F*** UP! I'VE NEVER SEEN IT!
*Goth Nightmaren comes in*
Goth Nightmaren: You bear the magical stapler, it must be eliminated!
Jackle: Who the hell are you?!
Goth Nightmaren: *holds up a giant conch shell* Now I shall blow on this horn, which will cause to lose your bowels and eject the Butt Serpent! *blows the conch*
Robbie: Whoa, whoa, WAAH!
Jackle: Hang on Robbie!
(outside)
Delivery 'Maren: *whistling* Special delivery for Robbie the magical-
*Delivery 'Maren hears the horn blowing and craps himself*
Delivery 'Maren: OH WIZEMAN MY BOWELS!
(back inside)
Robbie: Whoaohohoa oh crap, I gotta burp!
*Jackle aims Robbie at Goth Nightmaren*
Jackle: Take this, guy I don't even know!
*Robbie burps and turns the conch into a CD*
Goth Nightmaren: It's gonna take a lot more than magic to stop me from-
*a horrified expression appears on Goth Nightmaren's face*
Goth Nightmaren: Rebecca Black... made a full length album?! *horrified panting, drops the CD*
*Goth Nightmaren takes out a black bottle and swallows all the pills inside. Starts making choking like noises before he and Jackle stand in place in awkward silence for a few minutes*
Goth Nightmaren: ...
Jackle: ...
Goth Nightmaren: What? It takes a while for those suicide pills to kick in.
Jackle: *nods*
Goth Nightmaren: ... Yep.
*more awkward silence*
Goth Nightmaren: ... Seen any good movies lately?
Robbie: Jackle's never seen The Wizard of Oz!
Jackle: Shut up!
Goth Nightmaren: You've never seen The Wizard of Oz?! That's like my fav- *dies*
*Goth Nightmaren's body hits the floor. Reala walks in, still with boobs*
Reala: Okay, who the hell took a dump on the porch?
Jackle: I don't know, but this whole situation has been... *faces the camera* PRETTY S***TY!
*Reala, Jackle, and Goth Nightmaren start laughing loudly at Jackle's craptacular pun*
Robbie: You've never seen The Wizard of Oz!
Jackle: *turns and points at Robbie* ROBBIE SHUT THE F*** UP BEFORE I POOP YOU OUT!
LTP: No tapeworms were harmed in the making of this sketch. But Reala's boobs were.
LTP: Annnnnnnd that's the show!
Reala: Finally. *takes foam padding out from under his shirt* Wizeman, how do you females live with these things?
Selph: LEMME OUTTA THIS DAMN THING!
LTP: Oh, right. I still have to deal with you. Alright Selph, I'm only gonna ask you this once. And I expect an answer. *demonic voice* WHY THE F*** DID YOU TRY TO HIJACK MY SHOW!?
Selph: You wanna know why? You really wanna know why!? I'VE HAD ALMOST NO SCREEN TIME FOR THE MAJORITY OF THIS DAMN SHOW! SERIOUSLY, I'VE ONLY APPEARED ONE TIME IN THIS WHOLE THING, AND I WOUND UP GETTING MY ASS KICKED! EVEN OWL GETS MORE SCREEN TIME THAN ME, AND HE'S THE MOST ANNOYING BEING IN THE ENTIRE NIGHT DIMENSION!
Owl: *off-screen* Well I never!
LTP: ... I will admit, you've probably got brass balls for trying to take over my show, but sadly that's not gonna spare you from my wrath.
Selph: How did you even manage to escape!? Your cell was made from solid stone and I have the only key to open it!
LTP: *takes out a bazooka* With this! This bazooka's been modified to fire rockets, cannon balls, and potatoes! It also dispenses frozen yogurt!
Selph: ... How did I not see that?!
LTP: Hammer space.
Selph: Oh.
LTP: *devious glint* BEHOLD THE POWER OF MY POTATO CANNON! *fires giant potatoes at Selph*
NiGHTS: *sighs* Good to have our crazy LTP back.
*LTP laughs like a mad scientist in the background as Reala inches away from her*