LTP: *laying face down on the ground* Ugh, God...
NiGHTS: Let me guess, six workdays back to back again?
LTP: Yup. It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it makes for a very long and tiring week.
NiGHTS: Sounds about right.
Reala: Can we just get through the episode already?
LTP: Yeah, whatever. Jackle, can you take care of the disclaimer? And if you don't mind, could you roll me over to the couch? *points a couch that appeared out of nowhere*
Jackle: No problem! LTP doesn't own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams,Two Best Friends, or Rise of Nightmares. *rolls LTP to the couch*
NiGHTS and Reala Play Rise of Nightmares
(opens in Reala's room where NiGHTS just finished hooking up an Xbox Kinect)
Reala: Dude, where the f*** did you get a kinect?
NiGHTS: Uh, I was just, you know, kinda dumpster diving behind the deli and someone had just thrown one out. So, you know, why not? It's working alright.
Reala: I'm not f***ing playing this f***ing mimicy 'I'm a controller' bulls***.
NiGHTS: Oh it's fine, it's fine! It'll be great!
Reala: I don't wanna be a controller!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS plays as Aaron*
NiGHTS: Ok, look around. I'm turning around and it's turning very slowly.
Reala: This is some awkward bulls***!
NiGHTS: It's not, it's fine.
Reala: No!
NiGHTS: Look, I'll just interact with this nice little French girl. Hey, how you doing baby?
*Katja screams in French and backs away*
Reala: Yeah, that's about right.
NiGHTS: No means no in every language apparently!
Reala: Not French.
NiGHTS: *laughs*
Reala: No means like *speaks fake French* baguettes, s***.
{~~~}
*NiGHTS picks up a pipe*
NiGHTS: I'm gonna 'Condemned' it up on this girl!
Reala: Bash her with the pipe!
NiGHTS: I'll try- oh wait, no, hold on.
Reala: *sarcastically* Man, I can tell these controls are super great.
NiGHTS: They were-
Reala: BASH THE LADY WITH THE PIPE!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS breaks the chain with the pipe*
Katja: Oh my God! It broke!
NiGHTS: Thanks Jualiette(?)! *keeps making punching motions*
Reala: Dude, what? No. Stop- no!
NiGHTS: *French accent* MY GOD! WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS AFFECTING THE ENVIRONMENT!
Reala: *French accent* I CANNOT BELIEVE IT BROKE WITH JUST ONE SWING OF THIS CRAZY PIPE!
{~~~}
Katja: F*** this place! Let's just get out of here!
*NiGHTS and Reala laugh*
NiGHTS: *still doing the French accent* UGH, SACRE BLEU! F*** THIS PLACE!
Reala: *also still doing a French accent* THIS LOOKS LIKE PEPE LE PEW'S BASEMENT! DID HE CAPTURE US FOR RAPE!?
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Sorry lady, I can't- I'm having trouble just moving!
Reala: Oh my Wizeman...
NiGHTS: So I'm moving like one-
Reala: Is this the fastest you can go!?
NiGHTS: This is the fastest run available!
Reala: Oh my f***ing s*** Wizeman!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: What's this? *walks up to a cell with a zombie in it*
Reala: Oh awesome, they lock they f***ing Kinect testers in here.
NiGHTS: *mimics the zombie* OH MY GOD, I WASTED SO MUCH MONEY!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Alright, yeah! *pulls a lever*
Reala: Pull the lever! Yeah, you did it!
NiGHTS: I operate the levah!
*Aaron looks behind him to see the zombies walk out of their now open cells*
Aaron: God damnit!
NiGHTS: Great.
{~~~}
*NiGHTS beats up a zombie*
Reala: This dude's tough as s***!
NiGHTS: *wheezy laugh*
Reala: *talks like Mickey from the Rocky movies* Ya gotta get 'em Rocky! Ya gotta give 'em that left! Then the right!
NiGHTS: *talks like Rocky* I'm tryin' Mick! I'm tryin'!
Reala: AAAGGGH!
{~~~}
Reala: How hype are you feeling right now?
NiGHTS: My hype is between zero and zero point one.
Reala: So what is that like, infinity hype?
NiGHTS: It's infinity negative hype plus five. *kicks a zombie back* What is with my- IS MY DUDE WEARING SANDALS!?
Reala: And- Oh s***! He's wearing like, Mardi Gras douche ringery!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: *notices the auto walk icon* Ok, what is that stupid icon? Ah, it doesn't matter.
Reala: It looks like it wants you to salute Hitler.
{~~~}
Katja: I told you it was a trap!
Reala: If it's such a trap and you knew that, why'd you fall for it idiot?!
NiGHTS: Oh great.
Reala: Yeah I don't think that's going so great.
NiGHTS: Oh God!
*Aaron and Katja get crushed to death by the walls*
Reala: Oh man they totally died in three seconds flat! Yeah? Yeah!
NiGHTS: Sure.
*game title comes up*
NiGHTS: Rise of my indifference!
{~~~}
Reala: Please don't let this be what I think it is.
NiGHTS: Ugh...
*Josh wakes up to see Kate*
Reala: Yep. Nagging wife.
NiGHTS: Lady, I can't deal with you right now.
Kate: Listen, I want to talk to you about something.
NiGHTS: Oh wonderful.
Reala: Wizeman, we just got away from this.
NiGHTS: Sorry Catherine, what is it?
*Josh's flask falls out of his jacket*
NiGHTS and Reala: Oh s***.
Kate: Josh! You're hiding booze in your jacket?! I take my eyes off of you for-
NiGHTS: No-no look, it's not what you think.
Reala: Where the f*** else are you supposed to hide it?
*silence*
NiGHTS: What? What?!
Kate: When I asked you to cut back on the drinking, I didn't mean you should start hiding it.
Reala: Well I'm not gonna stop!
Kate: Look, I hate sounding like a nagging wife.
NiGHTS: Really?
Reala: Then shut the f*** up!
Kate: But I have been putting up with this for five years!
NiGHTS: Five years!?
*Josh looks over at Monica, who walks away*
NiGHTS: OH S***!
Kate: I want to make this work Josh but I can't with you at the bottom of a bottle.
NiGHTS: No, see, the reason why I drink is because it makes you look more like you're rendered on the 360 rather than the f***ing Dreamcast!
Reala: Kinect would've saved the f***ing Dreamcast.
{~~~}
NiGHTS: I'M TOO DRUNK TO FOLLOW MY WIFE! I'll just look at this wonderful sc-
*looks over at the Romanian Man, who is speaking in Romanian*
Reala: Romanian?
NiGHTS: Romanian?
Reala: Friendliest language around.
NiGHTS: It's the language of the Werewolf!
Reala: And the Dracula.
{~~~}
*Reala is alone as NiGHTS left for the bathroom*
Reala: ~Do do doo! Do do doo! Doh do do, doh doh doh!~ *mimics NiGHTS* My name's NiGHTS! I think I'm sooo pretty!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Oh Josh, what are you gonna do with your life?
Reala: Wash your face, it's filthy! You're disgusting!
I'm trying, I'm gonna splash on my face. Like this. HUWA! Alright.
*Josh looks up from the sink and sees Ernst in the mirror instead of his reflection*
NiGHTS: Oh!
Reala: But that's not your face.
NiGHTS: If I look down, I'm sure it'll be gone.
Reala: Maybe he should quit drinking.
NiGHTS: Maybe YOU'RE the demon Josh!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS walks by a passenger car where Lin is seated*
NiGHTS: Oh!
Reala: Hey.
NiGHTS: Hey.
Reala: What's happening?
NiGHTS: Anyone around? *looks around*
Reala: Nobody.
NiGHTS: No one? Ok.
*NiGHTS tries to walk into the passenger car, but the game won't let her*
NiGHTS: IT WON'T LET ME IN!
Reala: Why do you have to put your hands on her to look?
*NiGHTS interacts with Lin*
NiGHTS: Yup.
Josh: A student traveling alone, huh?
Reala: She's listening to her music, she won't even hear you!
NiGHTS: ... *tries to walk in again* F***ING KINECT! LET ME GO IN THERE!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Ok, alright. Let's investigate this area thoroughly.
Reala: This is looking promising.
NiGHTS: Alright.
Reala: I'm down with that.
*NiGHTS slowly walks up to Sacha and Tasha*
NiGHTS: Ok, just taking baby steps- Hey! What's up?
Sacha: *speaking in Russian*
NiGHTS: Yeah, das vidanya, right. Sure.
Tasha: Sacha?
NiGHTS: Um, Philosopher's legacy?
Reala: Cornell Vulgan's douche.
{~~~}
NiGHTS: S***! I got- *crawls under Tasha's leg*
Reala: Yeah!
*NiGHTS: Looks back to see Sacha and Tasha giggling*
NiGHTS: You laughing!? *walks up to them* WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO YOUR HOME ON WHORE ISLAND!?
{~~~}
NiGHTS: It's going to be massive? Oh great. Yeah, that's about what I thought.
Reala: Oh, it's the Euro-trash car!
Monica: Are you going to the rave too?
Katja: *laughs* He's too old!
NiGHTS: Eat a d***.
{~~~}
Reala: Well, those two right there.
NiGHTS: *looks at Aaron* THAT'S THE SANDAL DUDE!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS dances to the music a little*
NiGHTS: *fake German accent* Yeah! Fun boys!
Reala: *fake German accent* I just can't deal with this rave yo!
{~~~}
*the train shakes a bit, then Jane stumbles back into Josh*
NiGHTS: Oh!
Jane: Sorry. These old Soviet railcars buck like Shropshire ponies.
NiGHTS: *looks at Reala* I'd like to see you buck like a Shropshire pony.
Reala: What the f*** is a "Shorpshire"?
NiGHTS: I don't know, but... it sounds like sex!
Reala: ... Shorpshire!?
{~~~}
Reala: Did you know that Vlad the Impaler is Dracula?
*NiGHTS looks into a passenger car with two Romanian Generals in it*
NiGHTS: Yo, what's up dudes?
Romanian General: American.
NiGHTS: YEAH!
{~~~}
Ticket Collector: Sir, I must see your ticket.
NiGHTS: Oh right, uh...
*NiGHTS shows the train ticket, but it slips out of Josh's hand*
NiGHTS: Ah s***.
Reala: Holy s***, he is so drunk!
{~~~}
*Josh tries to get his ticket back from Yeli*
NiGHTS: Hey! Heeey.
Reala: Yo, check out this space prostitute!
NiGHTS: ... Minerva!?
{~~~}
Yeli: *speaking Romanian*
NiGHTS: What? What is it!? Can you understand? I'm sure.
Yeli: He comes for you.
NiGHTS: ENGLISH!
Reala: That was totally English!
Yeli: It may be already... too late.
NiGHTS: TALK IN ENGLISH!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Oh what the f*** is this?
German Business Man: Do you mind? This call is private, ja?
*sidestep signal comes up*
NiGHTS: Yeah, you move, how about that?
Reala: No! NO! F*** THAT!
NiGHTS: NO!
Reala F*** YOU!
NiGHTS: NO! You go!
Reala: Who does this!?
NiGHTS: After you barrel!
Reala: Ffffffff*** yoouuu!
NiGHTS: YEAH! I'LL WAIT ALL DAY!
Reala: WHAT!?
{~~~}
*NiGHTS is now in a bloody railcar*
NiGHTS: Honey, come on! We gotta get going!
{~~~}
*Ernst has Kat slung over his shoulder*
NiGHTS: Uh, put my wife down, please.
*Ernst's mask opens*
Reala: Yeah, that's good. Hey!
NiGHTS: Hey, it's the dude that I was!
*Ernst rips one of the Romanian Generals in half with his chain, drill thing(Don't know what it's called)*
NiGHTS: Oh s***.
Reala: O... k?
NiGHTS: Sounds like he has a little separation anxiety!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: What? What's your problem dude?
Reala: He's drowning.
*Ticket collector loses his grip and gets washed away by the current*
Ticket Collector: AAAAAAAHHHH!
Reala: Holy f***ing s***! What is he, some f***ing Team America f***ing sock puppet?!
NiGHTS: Well at least we did everything we could to save him I guess.
Reala: You didn't do s*** man!
NiGHTS: I COULDN'T, THE KINECT WOULDN'T LET ME!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Yeah so kids, what're we gonna do next?
*everyone realizes they have leeches on them*
Reala : HOLY F***ING S***!
NiGHTS: *laughs*
Reala: Burn them off with your cigar man!
NiGHTS: Man, I love playing like, 'Stand by Me' the game!
Max: All this nature stuff... I hate it!
Reala: *german accent* There is no nature in Germany!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: alright, so what is it now? Let's just get on- let's go kids.
*Josh looks up at body hanging by its neck from a tree*
Reala: Ha! Looks like he was just caught *puts on sunglasses* HANGING around!
NiGHTS: Aaaagh!
Reala: Yeah?
NiGHTS: Yea!
Reala: Yeah!
NiGHTS: Yea.
Reala: Yeah.
{~~~}
Tasha: Are you going to get us out of here?
Yeah, I'll use my magic space plane you stupid idiot.
Lin: OH MY GOD!
NiGHTS: *laughs then claps*
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Man, all these skulls all over.
Reala: WHERE MY SKULL!?
NiGHTS: YO FIDY, WHERE THAT SKULL AT!?
Reala: I DON'T KNOW! THOSE ROMANIANS ARE STEALIN' ALL UP IN MY SKULLS!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS fights a zombie*
NiGHTS: Yeah! Yeah! Easy as s***! S***!
Reala: Yeah that'll do it.
*Lin closes the door and runs away*
Reala: She just locked you in!
NiGHTS: She locked me in!
Reala: You need to stab her!
NiGHTS: I have a knife, I can do that now.
{~~~}
*NiGHTS faces two zombies*
Reala: That is some dumbass s***.
NiGHTS: Yeah! More Kinect testers!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Alright so...
Monica: No, No! STOP!
NiGHTS: Wait, what?
*Monica's headless body is thrown at a stone wall*
Reala: Oh ho!
NiGHTS: It looks like she got *puts on sunglasses* AHEAD in life! ... EH?!
Reala: Eh?
NiGHTS and Reala: EH!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Hey dude, it's you. Hey what's going on?
Vicktor: But why? I have all I need right here. *chops Max's hand off with a hatchet*
Reala: Oh man! Let's all give that dude a HAND!
NiGHTS and Reala: *starts clapping* Yeah!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Just Sawing it up-
*Vicktor drives the hatchet into Max's skull*
NiGHTS: Oohhh...
Reala: Man it looks like he wanted to AXE him a question!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS walks up to Max's body*
NiGHTS: Oh Gunter!
Reala: Who's the fun boy now!?
NiGHTS: *moves the hand cursor over Max's eyes* Oh goodnight sweet prince. You were the best man I never knew.
{~~~}
*NiGHTS and Reala watch a man being electrocuted to death*
Reala: ... Well that was shocking.
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Hey 'sup? You know the way to get to like, the outside of this f***ing- oh.
Reala: I don't think he knows s***.
NiGHTS: Yeah, I guess...
*the man NiGHTS was talking to gets impaled to death*
NiGHTS: Well I guess he got the POINT!
Reala: EH?!
NiGHTS: YEAH!
NiGHTS and Reala: Eehh!
{~~~}
Romanian Man: Look here!
NiGHTS: What now?
*the Romanian man is checking a small pool of blood*
Reala: Oh man, I hope this isn't prison blood.
*Romanian Man gets cut in half by a giant guillotine dropping from the ceiling*
Reala: OH F***!
NiGHTS: *nervous laugh* Damn!
Reala: Hey dude, how much did you get this game for?
NiGHTS: I think I got it half off!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Take this s***! You're f***ing dead loser! Yeah!
*Josh get cut in half by a horizontal spinning blade*
Reala: Looks like you're a big fan of Kinect games!
NiGHTS: Eeehh...
Reala: Ughh...
{~~~}
Reala: Dude! Look at that guy, he's an electric type! Use f***ing Sandshrew against him!
NiGHTS: I'm trying! I'm trying! All I've got is volatile test tubes!
{~~~}
Reala: ... Okay, NiGHTS, uh, I wasn't exactly gonna ask or anything, but, why won't you stop touching all the-
{~~~}
*NiGHTS beats down the zombies Bruce Lee style, battle cry included*
NiGHTS: ATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATATA!
NiGHTS: Hmm...
Reala: What's wrong?
NiGHTS: Normally LTP says something to close the episode by now.
Reala: ... And this is a problem, why?
NiGHTS: *rolls her eyes*
Jackle: Hey guys, look at this!
*camera pans over to Jackle, who is giggling madly, and LTP, who is dead asleep on the couch*
LTP: *light snoring*
Reala: ... Did she really fall asleep while we were doing the episode?
Jackle: Yeah! And as it turns out, she's a really heavy sleeper! Watch!
*Jackle takes out a soccer horn and blasts it right in LTP's ear*
LTP: *turns on her side, still asleep*
Jackle: See?
Reala and NiGHTS: Huh.
LTP: *mumbling in her sleep* Yes Mr. Jelly fish, I would love another Easter egg... *suddenly bolts up* I AM THE WALRUS, DEFENDER OF HAMSTERS! *flops back down, still sleeping*
NiGHTS: ... Well, that was random.
Review if you've ever had weird dreams!