Author's Note: Where has the time gone? I'm probably not going to be able to finish this piece before Season 3 airs... sigh... I'll do what I can. I am still holding out hope Paige was in on faking Mike's death to set up Sid and Briggs, but Graceland has a way of liking to disappoint me.
"No, I get it. No, I'm saying that I'm not going to be able to make that work. Why? Because there's a hundred border control guards in that area, and I'm not gonna just waltz through like your fucking camel. Put Lucia on. I want to talk to her! No, I'm not changing our arrangement. I told you I'd figure out a way, just let me talk to her. Nevermind I gotta go." Johnny says in a rushed voice as he sees Paige approaching him on the beach and quickly hangs up his phone.
"Hey." She greets him with a grin. She seems in a better mood for once. She seems almost normal.
"Hey." He returns her greeting with less enthusiasm, kicking a rock and avoiding eyecontact.
"Who you talking to?" Paige asks, sitting cross legged on the towel beside him.
"What do you care?" Johnny asks, staring out at the ocean.
"Ok, so you're mad at me." Paige states the obvious. "For what?"
"What you think just all of a sudden we're friends again?" Johnny almost growls at her. Paige cocks her head and stares at Johnny for a moment. He looks skinnier than she remembered. They've both been around the house, but Paige can't remember the last time the two of them hung out.
"Were we ever not?" Paige asks, wondering what she did to piss off Johnny. She's barely seen him at all recently so it's not like she's had new opportunities to anger him. Plus Johnny was Johnny. He was quick to forgive, so she didn't know why he was so mad at her now.
"You haven't exactly been there for me this past year." Johnny grumbles, and Paige realizes that maybe this problem goes deeper than she realized.
"It's nothing personal. We've both been busy." Paige says, sitting down beside him on the beach she waits silently for him to continue. Johnny likes to vent.
"You know ever since Mike got back here, you've just been gone." Johnny begins to speak, and all of a sudden it's like he can't stop talking. "Yo, you remember back in the day? When it was just you me and Donny. All the time. The others in the house all took shit so seriously, and we had caseloads, but we had a fucking blast. I think those were the best days of my life."
"You remember when we got Donny drunk and convinced him if he was going undercover he needed to get that ridiculous fadetop haircut to blend in?" Paige giggles at the memory.
"Right, shit like that. Or the time that the three of us threw the clown party for Jakes?" Johnny' grin turns into a laugh at the memory and soon the two of them are laughing on the beach together, and it feels so foreign and strange. Which it shouldn't because they used to do it all the time.
As the laughter quiets, Johnny gets serious again.
"And then Donny started hooking up with Lauren and then it was just you and me. And we used to bitch so much about how it changed him, and he didn't have time for his friends anymore and all he cared about was his girlfriend. And you remember what we said?" Johnny challenges her.
"Johnny, it wasn't-" Paige knows where Johnny's going with this, but it was different with her. She wasn't Donny.
"Do you remember what we said?" Johnny cuts her off.
"We promised we would never do that to each other." Paige admits in a quiet voice.
"That's right, and then Mike came. And it was cool at first. We were the three amigos again. And I saw the signs. I saw the way he looked at you, but I thought, no P's cool. Even if Mikey somehow wears her down, she'll still be my girl. I still have my friends." Johnny says, and Paige can't help but notice how he somehow sounds older than she remembers, "But as the summer went on, you and Mikey got closer and closer and shut me out."
"It wasn't like that Johnny. We weren't dating or anything. It was just the stupid Briggs investigation. Mike didn't want to tell anyone about it. The only reason I knew was because he was hopped up on morphine and-" Paige tries to justify herself. To let Johnny know it wasn't personal. She hadn't planned to let Mike Warren take up so much of her life.
"I get it. It's messed up, but I get it. So then Mike left, and it was just you and me." Johnny brushes her off and continues talking. "Except it wasn't, because you were just gone. You were so bummed. Honestly, you were no fun you just sat around in a funk for months. I kept trying to cheer you up, but even though you'd never say it, I wasn't Mike."
"Johnny, you're my best friend. I don't need you to be, Mike." Johnny's words have hurt Paige. She never realized how much her actions might have affected him. She had been so caught up in her own stuff, she hadn't realized her friend was hurting and needed her. Johnny keeps on talking like she hasn't even spoken.
"Then Bates came, and the two of us were finally able to pull you out of your funk, and for a while there it was good. Just like old times, the three amigos again. We had fun. We made the others have fun too, because safety in numbers." Johnny's smile trails off, and Paige prepares herself for what she knows is coming next. Sure enough, Johnny sighs and says, "You know, I knew the second you were back in his arms we'd lost you."
"You didn't lose me. Mike and I were barely together a few weeks. It was a fling." Paige looks down at her feet. Her words are true, and it hurts. She doesn't know what is between her and Mike. She knows that even though Mike feels like the most consuming part of her life, in reality, the two of them were only together a few brief times.
"Look, I don't know what exactly was going on between you two, but whatever it was it was more than a fling." Johnny says, "Then there was that night, that goddamn night you didn't come home. Everyone stepped up to the plate. Everyone had a part to play, and I felt useless. I couldn't do anything… I wasn't your boyfriend, Mike. I wasn't Briggs the leader everyone looked to. I wasn't mama-bear Charlie… Hell, even Jakes was more involved than me."
"You're my best friend Johnny. You were fine."
"No you weren't fine. And even when you came back you weren't fine. But I didn't know how to talk to you about stuff like that." Johnny says, now frustrated with himself, "I used to be able to make you laugh so easily, and you weren't laughing. So what good was I?"
"We all have our roles to play." Paige says, but she doesn't have the words to let Johnny know she thinks of him as more than the jester. Suddenly ashamed, she looks at her feet. "You're right. I haven't been a good friend to you recently."
"Nah, I get it. You've had your own shit."
"You've had yours too… How is Lucinda?" Paige asks, trying to be supportive.
"Lucia." Johnny corrects, and Paige winces at how little she's noticed Johnny as of late. "It's cool. You don't have to do that. I'm dealing with it."
"But it might help to talk…" Paige tries to be the friend she should have been all this time.
"I don't want to talk about it." Johnny says with an authority in his voice he never posessed before, "I just want… I don't know. Things to go back to the way they were? For a night maybe? I don't know… maybe that's too much to ask."
"No you're right. We could all use a laugh. Maybe we should plan a game night tonight. Like we used to? Whole house. We'll all stay in and we'll cook dinner." Paige says, trying to keep her voice bright.
"No one will eat it if we cook it." Johnny says with a wry smile.
"We'll order in dinner, and we'll drink and play games. It'll be like old times. Come on, I'll get Jakes you get Charlie. Everyone together." Paige tries to be optimistic, but Johnny knows there's a hidden Everyone except Briggs and Mike in her words.
Instead of answering her, Johnny leans back and looks her up and down, finally asking the question that's been weighing on his mind. "Why didn't you go to his funeral?"
"It hurt too much to admit he was gone." Paige answers, and it's not a complete lie. In no world did she think she would be able to attend Mike Warren's funeral. Not even if he were alive.
"I get it, I do. But it's fucked up. I mean it was his funeral." Johnny says, "Look, I know you think Mikey did some horrible shit-"
"He did do horrible things, Johnny." Paige reminds him.
"I get that, but after all you two went through? That's cold P." Johnny says in disbelief. Paige brushes her hair back from her face and trains her eyes out on the ocean. Mike's not dead so it doesn't matter. She reminds herself. Johnny's soft timid question interrupts her thoughts, "Yo… You gonna come to my funeral?"
"This isn't like a thing I have until next Thursday to RSVP to, is it? You're not planning on dying any time soon, right?" Paige elbows Johnny with a dry laugh, but the serious expression on his face makes it catch in her throat. Johnny was scared of something….
As soon as she sees it it's gone, and Johnny is pushing himself to his feet, his expression back to normal. He reaches down a hand to help her up and gives her a cocky grin, "You're right, too much serious shit. We could all use a laugh. Hey, if Jakes is on your team for board game night though you gotta keep him honest. That dude cheats. Race you back to the house!"
"No! We're not racing!" Paige begins to protest, because she knows Johnny's faster than her, but he's already running and she finds herself chasing after him across the beach back to the house.