Dear Wanker

by Where're Teh Twinkies

When England loses his temper, he does what anyone else would - writes an insulting letter to someone whether he likes them or not, because it's not his fault there are so many bloody wankers in the world to day, and you are one of them.

6. Yo, England!

Dear England, Yo!

Hey, dude! What's up? I got your letter, bro, and I just want you to know that I totally got the cat for you because it spoke to me. You know? Like, it didn't actually speak to me or anything, but I thought you liked cats. I thought they were, like, English figures or whatever.

I was watching a movie the other day, and there was a witch with a black cat. Like a witch's familiar, or whatever, and it gave her the awesome magical powers! It was a total badass—it beat the crap out of people! At one point, it had this huge machine gun, and it blasted the crap out of the of the good guys and then it scratched the hell out of some guy's face! And then, and then it bit some guy's nose off and said, "I eat this crap for breakfast." Best line ever!

But I thought you'd totally dig the cat, man. Doesn't it give you, like, superpowers or something? It did to that witch lady. Aren't you a witch? Or, wait, is it warlock? Dude, is World of Warcraft legit in your country? It seems like it is!

Anyway, Happy Valentines Day, dude!

Alfred Jones

PS: Dude, can you believe Lovino and Antonio are in Antarctica? Twinkies totally told me they were going there, but dude, why Antarctica? It's fuckin freezing there!