LTP: *banging head against wall* Oh my f***ing God, why do I always put off the 'NiGHTS and Reala Play' episodes until the last minute? Seriously, WHY!? It's not like I don't the time to work on them! Anyway, I am sooo sorry the episode was so late! Between me going on vacation, and dealing with some bulls*** at work once I got back, I had some difficulty finding the motivation to finish it! *sighs* Let's just start the episode already. *walks off to the set*
NiGHTS: Sorry about that everyone, LTP's been rather upset with herself for having to delay the episode so long. She thought she'd have it done by Friday at the latest, but then her job got in the way.
LTP: NiGHTS, since you're talking to the audience anyway, ya mind doing the disclaimer while you're at it?
NiGHTS: Sure! *clears throat* LTP doen't own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, Two Best Friends, or Pokemon Snap.
LTP: STARTING!
NiGHTS and Reala Play Pokemon Snap
(opens in NiGHTS' room, where she and Reala stare at the TV screen for a minute as the opening scene plays out)
Reala: ... DOOOOOOOHH!
NiGHTS: F*** YOU POKEMON!
Reala: I wish I could snap you in half! *rips a Pikachu plush doll in half*
NiGHTS: I'll kill you all one day! Ah, Pokemon killed my parents!
*Main title screen pops up*
Reala: My favorite game that has nothing to do with Pokemon in it!
NiGHTS: It has everything- look, you're on Pokemon Island, how could it not have anything to do? And look, you're driving a crazy torture device!
Reala: That is a bulls*** little jeep bulls*** thing for cameras.
NiGHTS: I guess it is, let's go take pictures.
Reala: Let's go.
{~~~}
Reala: Hey Dr. Oak.
NiGHTS: Hey Professor Oak. *talking as Prof. Oak* I have been waiting for you S***lord!
Reala: I will take the best pictures! Let's do it!
NiGHTS: Go to course.
Reala: I'm gonna take way better picture than NiGHTS. I'ma gonna go to the beach.
Todd: Yes!
Reala: YEAH!
NiGHTS: The last time you went to the beach it didn't turn out so good...
Reala: Yeah...
NiGHTS: *laughs*
{~~~}
Reala: Alright! I got my apples on! Gonna take pictures of these s***ty Pidgeys! *throws apples at Pidgeys*
NiGHTS: Does Professor Oak know you're just throwing things at Pokemon?
Reala: I'm just throwing apples around at the f***ing Pokemon!
NiGHTS: Oh! Throw it at the tree! Maybe something happens!
Reala: I threw it at the tree, nothing happened!
NiGHTS: No, like at the trunk of it.
*boardwalk comes up*
Reala: OOH!
NiGHTS: What's down there!?
*Reala aims the camera down the boardwalk*
Reala: Nothing!
NiGHTS: Oh.
{~~~}
Reala: I'm gonna throw this apple and hit this f***ing Pikachu!
*Reala throws apples at Pikachu, which hit it on the head*
NiGHTS: *laughs loudly*
Reala: *keeps throwing apples at Pikachu* Just combo!
{~~~}
Reala: Come on you fat piece of s*** Snorlax! *tosses apples at Snorlax, but it has no effect*
NiGHTS: What's your mom doing on this island?
Reala: Get the f*** outta here, what're you doing with that s***?
{~~~}
Reala: Shut up, you hussy.
*Meowth comes out from the tall grass*
Reala: I'm gonna blast this Meowth in the face!
*Meowth hits the Zero-One*
Reala: UUH!
NiGHTS: *laughs some more* He's like 'NO! Don't take a picture of me at my weakest point!'
{~~~}
*the Zero-One comes up to a small river*
Reala: Oh! What's here, what's here!?
NiGHTS: Turn to your right and throw s*** into the water!
Reala: *throws apples into the water* What's happening?
NiGHTS: The other side! The other side of the bridge!
Reala: Why the other side?
NiGHTS: Maybe like a lavados comes out!
*a Magikarp jumps out from the water*
NiGHTS and Reala: OOH!
NiGHTS: S***! There's some s*** going on!
Reala: *groans*
NiGHTS: *laughs* This game! This game plays you more than you play it!
Reala: It's too intense!
*Reala throws an apple at a passing Meowth and it stumbles back into the Zero-One, then Meowth is run over*
Reala: I just ran Meowth over.
{~~~}
*an egg-looking thing with a face rolls by*
Reala: What the f***- aw look! Such a good picture of the Eevee! You're so jealous!
*the Zero-One comes up to a Kangaskhan*
Reala: EY! EY!
NiGHTS: Kangaskhan.
Reala: I'm gonna hit you with apples you piece of s***!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS and Reala come upon a Pidgey using Gust*
NiGHTS: WHOA!
Reala: What the f*** is this!?
NiGHTS: SPECIAL MOVES! Pidgey used Gust!
Reala: Why'd he attack that Meowth?
{~~~}
Reala: So when do I get to take pictures of Spider Man?
NiGHTS: But- but we're a Pokemon research center! *talking as Jonah Jameson* I DON'T CARE! THEY GET SPIDER MAN TO EVOLVE!
Reala: *also talking as Jonah Jameson* SPIDER MAN IS A NEW FORM OF POKEMON!
NiGHTS: *laughs* When you really think about it-
Reala: He's in the New York Johto region!
NiGHTS: *giggling* You gotta go to the Bronx and go to the Bronx Gym!
*Reala selects a picture of Pikachu*
Reala: HERE'S A PICTURE OF PIKACHU GETTING SICK-PUMPED BY APPLES!
{~~~}
Reala: I got Eevees. Eevees are adorable! They're like little puppies!
NiGHTS: There! OH!
*Reala selects a picture of Eevee looking sassy*
Reala: Look at that s***!
NiGHTS: Look at that sassy face!
Reala: Look at that pimp ass Eevee! He's all like, 'I'm struttin' it! I'm struttin' it! I'ma turn into a Vaporeon you mother f***ers!'
NiGHTS: *talking as the Eevee* I choose not to right now though.
Reala: *still talking as the Eevee* I don't want to, it's my choice! *talking normally now* What's the psychic one?
NiGHTS: I don't know.
Reala: I can name them all except the psychic. *starts scrolling through the Kangaskhan photos*
NiGHTS: I only watched the show up until like the seventh season.
Reala: *disinterested* Yeah, that's it. Just the seventh-
NiGHTS: LOOK AT THE DANCE! Make 'em dance!
*Reala continues scrolling through the photos of Kangaskhan and sure enough, the Kangaskhan looks like it's dancing*
NiGHTS: *laughs hard*
Reala: Uh! Uh! Yeah, you can do it Kangaskhan! And in the bottom right is Professor Oak just goin' 'Yeah!'!
NiGHTS: Yeah! Crunkin'!
Reala: YEAH! Professor Oak you got a problem.
NiGHTS: TO THE WINDOWS!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Yeah, everything's in frame there.
Reala: Yeah, that's the one I would do.
NiGHTS: You gotta make Professor Oak happy so that he doesn't touch a little kid again.
Reala: Ugh.
{~~~}
*at the photo evaluation*
NiGHTS: Alright, we KNOW it's Pikachu. Thank you.
Reala: I know what a f***ing Pikachu looks like thank you!
NiGHTS: How'd it go? Aw, not as good.
Reala: It's not as big as your Pikachu.
Prof. Oak: Oh, dear... your last shot was better than this.
Reala: F*** you!
NiGHTS: Oh no, he's like 'I'm not even gonna look at this shot.'
*picture of Butterfree comes up*
NiGHTS: Butterfree.
Reala: OH F***!
{~~~}
*Eevee photo comes up*
NiGHTS: Okay, this has got to be the hypest picture.
Reala: This is the hypest. 740- THAT'S SO-SO!? LOOK HOW PERFECT THAT PICTURE IS!
NiGHTS: Look at the pose, go to the pose.
Reala: I DIDN'T GO TO POKEMON SCHOOL FOR TEN YEARS-
NiGHTS: WHAT!?
Reala: SO I COULD GET S*** ON BY THIS BULLS***!
Prof. Oak: Wonderful!
NiGHTS: But your work is impeccable!
{~~~}
Reala: Press A to do it! *hands NiGHTS the controller* You do it, I don't even wanna do it anymore.
NiGHTS: I don't even wann-
Reala: I'm so disillusioned.
NiGHTS: All I see is a thing that says press A to do it and there's a picture of Dr. Oak.
Reala: Yeah NiGHTS, do it.
NiGHTS: Oh... *presses A* I'm not super comfortable...
Reala: Go to the tunnel you b**** lord!
NiGHTS: Why is this kid like...
Reala: Shaking his ass for Dr. Oak?
NiGHTS: AND DR. OAK SEEMS TO BE DOING SOMETHING THERE! *laughs*
Reala: He's like, 'Yeah! I'm diggin' it!'. And then the kid's like, 'Oh no, I gotta get outta here!'
NiGHTS: Oh, get the f*** out!
Reala: I'm telaportin' in my space vehicle!
NiGHTS: *talking as Pedo Oak* Oh well, maybe next time kid!
{~~~}
Reala: There's Pikachu right there! Hit him with an apple! Hit him in the face!
NiGHTS: How do you shoot apples!?
Reala: A!
*NiGHTS throws an apple at Pikachu, but it misses*
Reala: Ugh!
NiGHTS: Oh...
*Electrode rolls by*
Reala: Hit that Electrode!
*NiGHTS throws apples at Electrode, but they do nothing*
NiGHTS: He doesn't even- he's not phased! IT IS NOT EFFECTIVE AT ALL!
*Electabuzz runs up*
Reala: Hit that Electabuzz! That Electabuzz- *notices Electrode doing something* OH he's exploding!
*NiGHTS takes some pictures of Electabuzz*
Reala: OH THAT'S A REALLY GOOD SHOT!
NiGHTS: Did I get it?
Reala: Hit him again!
*Electabuzz gets hit twice, first by the apple, then by the Zero-One*
NiGHTS: OH S*** HE JUST- *laughs*
Reala: He's like, 'Oh God my head...'
NiGHTS: *talking as Electabuzz* Every moment I live is agony!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS takes picture of an Electrode self destructing*
Reala: OH OH! That was a little too close there.
NiGHTS: I think that last one was okay *comes face to face with a Kakuna and jumps off her beanbag chair* WAAH!
Reala: Calm the f*** down!
NiGHTS: *laughs a little* I wasn't expecting it!
{~~~}
Reala: Hit the Digglett!
*NiGHTS throws an apple at Digglett, but it misses*
Reala: Hit the f***ing Digglett!
{~~~}
*The Zero-One comes up to a switch*
Reala: Oh hit that switch! Hit that switch! Fifty!
NiGHTS: DROP THAT BEAT!
Reala: Hit the switch Fifty!
*NiGHTS keeps throwing apples at the switch, but they don't do anything*
Reala: You didn't even hit that switch!
{~~~}
*The Zero-One comes up to an Electrode next to a pile of rubble*
NiGHTS: Oh s***! What happens!? *throws an apple, makes contact*
Reala: Hit him! Hit him!
NiGHTS: I hit him!
Reala: Did you hit him hard enough?
*Electrode uses Self Destruct, and a Quick Time Event is triggered*
NiGHTS: WHAT'S HAPPENING!?
Reala: THIS IS SERIOUS S***!
NiGHTS: QTE!
*Dramatic zoom in on Todd's surprised face*
NiGHTS: *talking as Todd* WHAT THE F***!? *talking as herself* he's probably gonna find some land of the babes and totally get Snu-snu.
{~~~}
Reala: That's a pretty good-
NiGHTS: In mid- subuku, I got this Electrode killing itself!
Reala: That's a pretty good shot!
NiGHTS: *laughs*
Reala: He's really butt hurt.
{~~~}
NiGHTS: *talking as Professor Oak* S***lord you found a split in the path!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Don't let him get ya!
Reala: Oh s*** it's a volcano!
NiGHTS: *sarcastically* I wonder what type of Pokemon will be there, probably grass.
Reala: Goldeen. *NiGHTS laughs* Magikarp.
NiGHTS: F*** yeah, Seaking!
{~~~}
*Rapidash runs by*
NiGHTS: Holy s***! *laughs*
Reala: *snaps a pic of the Rapidash* Was that a Ponyta or a Rapidash?
NiGHTS: It's a Rapidash!
Reala: Why are these pony- whoa that's crazy. Gonna throw apples into this volcano.
NiGHTS: *laughs*
{~~~}
*Reala throws apples at a Vulpix*
Reala: These Vulpixes are suffering from my hype overload and apples-
*the Zero-One stops after hitting a Vulpix*
NiGHTS: Wow, they're just grind- their flesh is grinding underneath the wheels of your buggy!
Reala: I know, I love it.
{~~~}
*the Zero-One comes up to two Magmars, one is using Flamethrower on the other*
NiGHTS: OOOH!
Reala: OH MY WIZEMAN!
NiGHTS: HE JUST KILLED THAT GUY FOR THE APPLE!
Reala: *talking as the Magmar* I AM THE BEST!
NiGHTS: THE HUMANITY!
Reala: *still talking as Magmar* I AM THE ULTIMATE!
{~~~}
*later, with a Charmeleon*
NiGHTS: Oh you're gonna lose it!
Reala: Hold on, shut the f*** up! Shut the f*** up! *snaps a pic of Charmeleon* Ok.
NiGHTS: Wow, you're just killing it.
Reala: No, Shut up! Shut the f*** up!
{~~~}
*A Charizard pops out from a pool of lava*
NiGHTS: WOOOOH! *laughs*
Reala: IT'S A GIANT F***ING CHARIZARD!
NiGHTS: IT'S A F***ING ORANGE GODZILLA!
Reala: I hit him with an apple. *throws an apple at Charizard*
NiGHTS: SEE YA LATER F***ERS!
{~~~}
Reala: *flips Prof. Oak the bird* F*** you Oak! *talks as Prof. Oak* You are doing a fine job S***lord!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS tries to take pictures of Poliwags*
NiGHTS: F*** you pic-
Reala: You took s***ty pictures of that Poliwag!
NiGHTS: Well, he's an ass****.
Reala: Yeah, you know who's an ass****? You.
NiGHTS: YOU KILLED LIKE SEVEN POKEMON!
Reala: They deserved it, they were weak.
{~~~}
*Zero-One comes upon a Slowpoke*
NiGHTS: Hey it's Kotaku!
Reala: Hey Kotaku!
*NiGHTS snaps a pic of Slowpoke*
Reala: How's Jason Shire doing? I hear he's a good guy!
NiGHTS: Look at this f***in' idiot! *laughs*
{~~~}
Reala: Oh they're Metapods!
NiGHTS: Metabots!
Reala: No, Metapods.
{~~~}
*Psyduck swims by*
NiGHTS and Reala: PSYDUCK!
*NiGHTS takes some pictures*
Reala: Dude, you were awesome! You saved the day all the time with Misty and Ash!
*NiGHTS hits Psyduck with an apple, Psyduck sinks underwater*
NiGHTS: Oh I killed him.
{~~~}
Professor Oak: Here is a present for you!
Reala: No way!
NiGHTS: I don't really want your present Professor Oak.
Reala: How come you get a present and I don't get a present?
NiGHTS: 'Cause, he saw how hyped I was.
Reala: Mr. Oak give me your presents!
NiGHTS: No.
Reala: Just all over!
NiGHTS: *reading the text* If you see a place where you think Pokemon might be hiding, USE THE PESTER BALL!
Reala: Just f*** with 'em!
NiGHTS: It shoots tear gas directly into their eye holes...
{~~~}
*Reala throws pester balls at a large button*
NiGHTS: You can hit the button now.
Reala: I hit it dead on.
NiGHTS: No you didn't, 'cause you clearly didn't. Hit the button this time.
*Reala throws another pester ball, but this time a camouflaged Porygon jumps out and lands on the giant button*
NiGHTS: Oh.
Reala: I'm sorry, what?
NiGHTS: You didn't do anything.
Reala: I'm sorry, what!?
NiGHTS: You didn't do anything!
Reala: Sounds like I hit the-
NiGHTS: YOU HAD THE PESTER BALL!
Reala: SOUNDS LIKE I HIT-
NiGHTS: I DIDN'T HAVE THE PESTER BALL!
Reala: SOUNDS LIKE I HIT THAT BUTTON!
{~~~}
Reala: There's a f***ing cave down here! It's scary looking!
NiGHTS: Yeah, you can't handle scary things.
Reala: It's got strange noises!
NiGHTS: *wheezy laugh*
Reala: Like the ones coming out of Jackle's room.
NiGHTS: I hear the tell-tale signs of Jackle f***ing Pokemon coming from this cave!
Reala: Sounds like crying!
NiGHTS: Be- *wheezy laugh* Be sure to take pictures!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: There's a Pikachu being kidnapped by a uh...
Reala: A Zubazz...
NiGHTS: Zubat.
Reala: ... Oh yeah.
NiGHTS: *laughs loudly*
Reala: *laughs a little* Oh yeah, a Zubat. There's no Zubazz in the- IMAGINE IF ZUBAZZ WAS A POKEMON!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS snaps a pic of a pissed off Jigglypuff*
NiGHTS: Oh s***!
Reala: He's really butt hurt!
NiGHTS: *laughs*
*Jigglypuff goes back to singing*
NiGHTS: Oh it's okay.
Reala: *talks as Jigglypuff* Why'd ya mess with my concert to no one? I'ma beat that Gaga someday! *as himself* And I'm like, 'Yeah sure, whatever Jigglypuff. You just might need to slut it up just alittle more'.
NiGHTS: The creators of Lady Gaga probably based Lady Gaga on Jigglypuff.
Reala: That's probably true!
{~~~}
Reala: Here's a f***in' picture of Squirtle.
NiGHTS: *mumbles* Oh you're so excited about getting pictures of Squirtle.
*Reala throws a pester ball at Squirtle, knocking it onto its back, then he snaps a pic of it*
NiGHTS: Oh that was- that was a little creepy though!
*a Goldeen jumps out of the water*
Reala: Oh my Wizeman!
{~~~}
*NiGHTS and Reala look at a picture of Squirtle*
NiGHTS: *laughs* Look at that f***ing slut!
Reala: look at how slutty this b**** is!
NiGHTS: *talking as Squirtle* Oh please Professor Oak, take pictures of me like one of your French girls!
{~~~}
NiGHTS: Use your apples!
Reala: I'm using my apples.
*Pikachu runs up to the Zero-One*
NiGHTS: That Pikachu's getting too close!
Reala: OH S*** HE'S-
NiGHTS: NO!
NiGHTS and Reala: *jump out of beanbag chairs* WE'RE BLASTING OFF AGAAAIN!
LTP: Finally! Episode's done like dinner! Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta go see how Jackle's doing.
NiGHTS: That reminds me, where was Jackle the whole time while we were filming this?
LTP: Jackle's learning the hard way why you should never eat an entire 5 lbs. bag of sugar free gummy bears in one sitting.
Reala: Care to elaborate?
LTP: Sugar free candies contain a sugar substitute that, when consumed in large quantities, like a 5 lbs. bag for example, will have the effect of a powerful laxative… except that it's 100 times worse.
Jackle: *from the bathroom* OH MY WIZEMAN! IT'S LIKE LIQUID FIRE'S ERUPTING FROM MY ASS!
Wizeman: WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS!?
LTP: …Yeah.
Reala: Ew...
NiGHTS: Ouch, poor Jackle…
LTP: It's kind of his own fault really. I warned him not to do it, and what does he do? He does it anyway.
Jackle: WIZEMAN DAMN IT! I'M OUT OF TOILET PAPER AND MY ASS NEEDS WIPING!
Wizeman: STOP TELLING ME ABOUT YOUR ASS!
LTP: Well, I better get Jackle some more toilet paper. HANG TIGHT JACKLE THE MENTAL, HELP IS ON THE WAY! *charges down the hall*
Reala: Don't you mean Mantle!?
LTP: *from the hall* I know exactly what I said!
Review to give Jackle some Preparation H!