Dear England,
What would you do if I told your mother that you've been cussing that much? I will read this "bloody blog" because it is fun to see you angry.
Love,
A Bloody Wanker.
Return Letter
Dear 'Bloody Wanker,'
Don't you bring my mother into this! She doesn't know anything about this, and I'd like to keep it that way! If she knew…well, uh, I'd rather not reveal any personal affairs. But don't bring this up to my mother, you git! I'm warning you!
And you better NOT continue reading this bloody blog! I didn't even want it! It all started with that damned Dear Bastard Romano's neighbor Twinkies started for him, and next thing you know, the jerks who read that blog want ME to be their next lab rat! I am NOT to be made a fool of—I am Great Britain! I was on top of the bloody world before everyone decided they wanted their stupid independence! I was America's bloody KING before he became a delinquent like that Twinkies! Now Romano and Spain are somewhere off in Antarctica and he can't write letters as frequently, so now I'm the stupid fool writing on this stupid blog! WHY DIDN'T FOUR MORE PEOPLE VOTE FOR PRUSSIA?! WHY ME? WHY CHOSE ME?! I'M REALLY NOT THAT EXCITING, I SWEAR!
But whatever, I won't let you bloody wankers know how much I hate you all…which I do, and maybe someday I'll write and entire novel about how much I hate you all.
Sincerely (that's an obvious lie),
England
PS: At least I don't spell bloody PPS as PSS like bloody Romano! Wait, I did, didn't I…
PPS: PPS, there you have it! Now don't you patronize me anymore! And I'm not afraid of my cat! I mean, ha—it's just a cat. It just gives me ominous glares and, sometimes, I think I hear it muttering in the middle of the night…But I'm not scared! Preposterous…