Dear Iggy (yes, I had to say that),
Good god... You are too adorable! Your anger here... I'm just going to die!
I do know how the big eyebrows thing goes... We share many traits, my friend.
It's also hilarious how you're such a grammar nag and make such mistakes that you would notice!
Love, your female counterpart.
Dear Female Counterpart Wanker,
Who the HELL decided to give me a FEMALE COUNTERPART!? As if I'm not harassed enough for my abnormally thick eyebrows and—apparently—horrendous cooking skills! I really don't need some female English wanker out there making me look like a blonde Hatsune Miku—some idiot decided to give the woman pigtails.
PIGTAILS! ON AN OTHERWISE GALLANT AND MAGNIFICENT COUNTRY!
For all the non-yaoi fans who hate having me paired with America because he's also a guy, NOW THERE'S A FEMALE COUNTERPART OF ME THAT YOU IDIOTS ARE PAIRING WITH HIM. Now I'm doomed to be stuck with either him or France either way! Can I not win just ONCE?
And don't you call me a "grammar nag", you pretentious wanker! I won the National British Spelling Bee three years in a row, I'll have you know! I believe I know more about grammar that any other country, and I am proud of it! You probably couldn't even spell floccinaucinihilipilification if you tried—and yes, that is a word, go look it up. It's basically a synonym for useless, just like you.
With much love,
Great Britain
PS: Can anyone tell me how my Avon lady got into my house while I've been gone? And don't tell me she came down the chimney…and since when do I have an Avon lady?