Sorry for taking almost two weeks to update, but so much happened lately, but anyway, here is your new chapter that I hope you will like!
The very sweet 'Igotzapped' took on her free time to read and correct this chapter in order to make it more enjoyable for all of you dear readers. So a big thank you for her because there won't be any mistakes anymore ;)!
Episode 4x16 'On the Head of a Pin'.
"What?" Kate asked, her raspy voice showing the deep shock that went through her when Castiel explained to her the whole situation. She couldn't believe what Dean was asked to do. It sounded impossible, but here they were, a few feet away from the room where Dean would relive one of his hardest times ever. "You can't let him do that, Castiel."
"I don't have a choice in this, Kate," the angel replied as he looked at her with a hard look. "If I could prevent this, I would."
The brunette turned her head to Dean, who was standing next to a loaded cart covered with a cloth; a few feet away from the door she now knew led to where Alastair was held imprisoned. The minute Castiel had begun to tell her what was in that room, Dean had just walked away. It was as though he couldn't stand there, listening to them verbalize what he was going to be doing. It was as though it made it all too real for him. When he had walked to the loaded cart, he had looked as if he was simply going through the motions, like an automaton silently accepting to carry out the task that was given to him. This was something he had been trying to run away from ever since his return from Hell, and Kate was aware of that just as much as everyone else in Dean's entourage. He would never want to torture anyone else after what happened in Hell. He had never told her this explicitly, but he had made it clear on the few conversations they had about it. He couldn't do that again. The young woman couldn't believe that Heaven was ordering Dean to do something that had already broken him so much. Surely Heaven had a lot of painful missions and painful ways to make them completed. And all of this had made the brunette question her faith more than once, ever since she came into this universe. One of the only things that truly kept her going, was the belief that Heaven back in her universe, was on all counts different. And that soon enough, she was going to return to her universe which wasn't as messed up as this one.
"What am even I doing here?" She asked in a whisper, her eyes glued to Dean' strong back as he leaned his hands on the loaded cart and stood there silently.
"You know exactly what you are doing here," Castiel replied in a low voice. "If you want the angels to help you return to your universe, and to save your father from death, you have to do this. You have to encourage Dean to fulfill his destiny." She nodded her head slowly as she bit on her bottom lip.
"I know," she whispered as she stared at Dean's back. As hard as it was, she had to hold onto this hope to get back to her safe universe and to see her father again, alive.
"Cass," Dean said as the angel took his gaze away from Kate and walked towards the dirty-blonde-haired hunter.
Suddenly, Kate felt her heartbeats getting faster and faster in her chest. Then, the voice of that angel she hated so much echoed in her head. You must compel him. You must make him listen to us. If not, you know what will happen, Kate. Don't let it show, though. Don't.
"I-I can't, Cass…" Dean said to Castiel. Right when those words left Dean's lips, Kate felt a wave of pain go through. An image of Dean's back getting flogged by a lash in fire, flashed in her mind. She let out a sharp breath as she felt every single whip lash of it. When she raised her head, she saw Dean shaking his head, right to left. Castiel glanced at Kate who turned around then, giving her back to them in order to not show them the pain on her face.
"Dean, Alastair is bound completely by a devil's trap made in old Enochian," Castiel told Dean as he threw a glance at Kate. The angel could sense what was silently happening to the young woman just a few feet away from them. And, it pained him not to be able to stop it.
"You really think that's what's slowing me down now, Cass," Dean said to him as the angel frowned his eyebrows.
Kate's hands grasped tightly at her sides as the throbbing pain increased inside of her. She wanted to scream but no sound left her mouth. Motivation, Kate. Motivation!
"Okay," she succeeded to let out in a shaky whisper, as she kept her eyes shut tightly. "Stop it, Zachariah… Please, I'm gonna make him do it... Please, stop..."
Abruptly, the pain faded away and Kate breathed out in relief. She opened her eyes and dropped her hands at her sides. She turned around to see Dean and Castiel at the same spot. Her eyes met the angel's blue eyes, and he made a little nod before taking a few steps away. She saw Dean gaze up at him, before lowering his head as he leaned his hands on the cart again. Taking a deep breath, she walked towards the hunter, clenching and unclenching her hands.
"Dean," she whispered softly once she approached him. He looked up at her, and it was as if she was punched right in her guts. His beautiful green eyes held a deep sorrow and desperation, and it hurt her even more to know that she wasn't standing here to make it all go away, but to make him give in.
"I can't do that…" He confessed in a broken voice, the expression on his face making him looking like a little boy afraid of the dark. Kate swallowed as she glanced down at his hands gripped at the cart, she put one of her hands on one of his. She could feel how tightly he was gripping at the cart, the knuckles of his hands showing white as some veins were very visible too. She took a deep breath and forced herself to look at his face.
"Yes… Yes, you can, Dean," she told him and he frowned his eyebrows, not expecting her to say this. "You-" She cut herself and pressed her lips together as she took another deep breath through her nostrils. It was harder than what she thought. Pushing Dean to do something he didn't want to -couldn't do- was a terribly hard task; especially with his eyes begging for somebody to get him out of this place. "This is not like Hell, Dean… This-this is for the greater good… This will help solving a case and saving innocents, and that's – that's what you do, isn't it?" She told him not sure that she was doing a good job at sounding convincing at all.
He turned his head and looked down at her soft hand, gently resting on the back of his large hand. He could feel her hand shaking and it confused him a little bit. What she was telling him didn't sound like her neither, which increased the confusion in him. He wondered if it was because she was a woman of faith. He wondered if somehow, within a few minutes, she had thought about the whole situation in a more religious, faithful point of view and realized that if Heaven was asking this, then so should it be done.
"You really want me to go in there and do… Do those things?" He asked her as he glanced up at her. Her face seemed to tense a bit, and he noticed it.
"Dean, you have to… You have to do what you're told," she replied in her raspy voice. He pulled his hand away from the cart making her hand drop abruptly. He faced her as his eyes scanned her whole face within two short seconds.
"What makes you say that?" He asked her as his green gaze kept on analyzing her facial features.
"Dean, you don't get it..." She told him as she tried to think of something to say while the fear of getting hit by another wave of flashbacks grew in her. God, was she selfish! "I would never want you to do any of this, believe me… But, if you don't, what will happen then?" She asked him knowing far well that there was a reason for Dean to agree on doing it in first hand. She noticed his jaw clenching slightly as he stared at her.
"Uriel said he would get you remodeled, so you could replace me if I don't do it," he admitted, and she was quite surprised by that revelation, even though she wasn't very sure she understood what he meant by being remodeled. "He told me you'd go through a process that would be worse than my time in Hell," he continued before his gaze turned into a very softer one all of sudden. "And now, I can't stop wondering if they're already doing this to you."
"What?"
"You don't remember but before they got us here, they brought you to the motel room I was in with Sam, and you-you were screaming in pain… Cass made a good work in making you forget it all, that last time we were in your head. And I think he's got something to do with the fact that you don't remember what happened earlier too," he told her before shaking his head. "What if they're actually remodeling you… What if they're remodeling you right now 'cause I'm a fuckin' coward who can't go in that room and do to that bastard what he's done to me for years?!" He shouted, his voice sounding defeated and broken. He let out a sigh and shook his head before continuing in a trembling whisper. "I don't wanna do this… But I can't let you or anyone else to do this."
Kate felt her heart breaking in thousands of pieces. Dean actually thought that whatever was happening to her was his fault. And the worst of it all, was that he was completely ready to do this thing he was so reluctant of, if it meant that no one else would do it at his place. It made her feel even guiltier, and hesitation on insisting with him, rose in her. But, the voice of that freaking angel in her head kept on telling her to keep motivated if she wanted to save her father back in her world. She damned herself for being so self-centered as she prepared herself to do as she was told.
"Dean, if you think that by doing it, it might save me from this remodeling thing," she told him in a little voice as he looked up at her. She swallowed as he looked into her eyes, almost looking straight into her. She tried to hold the eye contact without flinching as she already hated herself when the next words left her lips. "Then, please, Dean... Please, do it."
Standing a few feet away from the door, next to Castiel, Kate watched as Dean wheeled the loaded cart into the room where Alastair was imprisoned. Her brown gaze met the demon's gaze, before a disgusting smirk appeared on his lips making her look away. Her fingers held tightly at the bracelet around her wrist; the bracelet which she hoped was doing its job well at creating a perception filter around her soul rendering it almost unnoticeable.
Once the door closed, Dean kept on wheeling the cart, as Alastair turned his attention at him and started singing. Dean stopped the cart not far away from the demon who started to move within the chains holding him back against a pentagram star, almost as if he was dancing.
"Heaven, I'm in heaven, and my heart beats so that I can hardly speak. I seem to find the happiness I seek, when we're out together dancing cheek to cheek..." He kept on singing as the hunter in his brown leather jacket pulled off the cart, revealing an assortment of torture implements. The demon laughed as Dean just kept on ignoring him. "I'm sorry. This is a very serious, very emotional situation for you. I shouldn't laugh, it's just that-I mean, are they serious? They sent you to torture me?"
"You got one chance. One. Tell me who's killing the angels. I want a name," Dean said as he face him.
"You think I'll see all your scary toys and spill my guts?" Alastair replied with a devilish and sick smile on his face.
"Oh, you'll spill your guts, one way or another. I just didn't wanna ruin my shoes," Dean replied.
"Oh, yeah."
"Now answer the question," Dean told him.
"May I ask you something first? What is that pretty face doing here? You're not really the kind to go this public about what you're here for, are you?" Dean clenched his teeth, trying to stay as calm as possible. "Oh, and why does she look so different? Where's that wonderful sparking light coming from her soul? I know it's in there but it's like I can't see it…"
"Answer my question," Dean said to him in a harsher voice.
"Or what? You'll work me over? Oh come on, Dean. I am just confused about what happened to her. But, don't worry, she's still very interesting to me. This feisty, pretty little brunette obviously doesn't belong in this world," Alastair said as Dean just stared at him, trying to look as impassive as possible. He couldn't let on anything about Kate; not even her name. "Oh but I guess, something else is bothering you right now… Oh yeah, I feel like maybe you don't want to work me over. Maybe you're, ah, scared to."
"I'm here, aren't I?" Dean replied with a little smirk.
"Not entirely. You left part of yourself back in the Pit. Let's see if we can get the two of you back together again, shall we?" The demon said as Dean walked over the cart.
"You're gonna be disappointed," he replied.
"You have not disappointed me so far. Come on. You gotta want a little payback for everything I did to you. For all the pokes and prods. Hm?" Alastair tried to provoke Dean who was going through the tools, trying to stay as impassive as possible. "No? Um...how about for all the things I did to your daddy?" Dean's head came up slowly at the mention of his father.
Kate was leaning next to Castiel, on a long work surface, as she wondered if Dean was doing alright in that room. She was concerned that he might have a break down in there. As much as Dean showed a very hard, rough image of himself, she knew that deep down he was just a lonely boy trying to do his best to make everyone around him, safe and happy. She wondered how much different he would have been if his mother hadn't died when he was a kid. For sure, Sam and he wouldn't have grown up into hunters. And they wouldn't have gone through all that pain and loss. Dean wouldn't have gone to Hell. Why would God even let someone who sacrificed his entire self to make good wherever he went, go through such awful, raw and throbbing pain? Surely, it wasn't the kind of God she grew up believing in and once again she felt shameful to think this way. She felt extremely guilty to doubt her faith again, but she couldn't help it.
Suddenly Alastair's piercing scream pulled her out of her thoughts. She straightened and turned her head to the right. The screams were full of pain, and the young woman tried to keep telling herself that this was a demon getting tortured and not an innocent. However, she couldn't help wondering if his host was still in there, and if he was feeling those tortures too. Somehow, it made her think about Castiel's host, and she couldn't help wondering if an angel possession was that different from a demon possession. After all she had read a lot about demons, she was quite well-versed in demons and everything related. However, when it came to angels she didn't know so much. She knew a few things, but the one thing she kept in mind the most was how to get rid of them. When they were helping Anna finding her grace back, Kate had talked a bit to Ruby who had taught her symbol to draw with blood that apparently send away angels. Later on, Kate had done some little researches on that symbol which gave her confirmation that it could help get rid of them. Seeing as they weren't exactly the nice and caring entities she used to imagine them to be, she had learned it by heart just in case.
"Castiel," she said turning her head to the angel standing at her left. He was looking at the door too, before he lowered his gaze towards her. "You told me you're possessing someone... Is he… Is he still alive in there?"
"You're asking if the soul of Jimmy Novak is still inside of this body?" He asked her and she nodded, noting the name of the human he was possessing in the same time. "Yes, he is."
"So… Does that mean that he sees everything you see? I mean I researched about demoniac possessions and apparently the soul of the human possessed can either witness everything that the demon does, or it can just be kinda asleep inside its own body… Well, except if the demon kills them," she told him as he frowned his eyebrows.
"What is your question exactly?"
"My question is, is that like in 'Being John Malkovish' ?" She asked him and he tilted his head slightly. "Does Jimmy Novak see everything you do?"
"No," he told her as he looked away. "He is buried very deep inside, and he is locked in a sort of dream state."
"A dream state?"
"Yes," he replied. "It keeps him busy, and I believe happy. Sometimes, he dreams about fishing with his wife and daughter, other times he dreams about walking in one of Heaven's garden with his grand-parents." Kate watched him attentively when another scream from Alastair echoed making her jump slightly. She looked up at the angel and frowned slightly.
"He doesn't feel any of the tortures you received then?" She asked him in a gentle voice. Castiel stared at her for a long moment before looking away.
"No."
"Why Heaven is doing this, Castiel?" She asked him. "Make Dean torture again? Torture you? Me?"
"I thought you didn't want me to take the memory of what you endured before Dean walked in that room?" He told her, looking at her with a bewildered expression.
"Yeah, I don't you to... I know that if you do, I might just burst in there and stop Dean... Which will just make me go through another flashback… As long as I don't have hallucinations or flashbacks popping whenever they want, I can handle the memory of the one I was hit with when Dean changed his mind," she replied, her arms crossed over her chest as her eyes focused away. She looked up at the angel only to meet his eyes immediately. "But, what I meant is... Why Heaven feels the need to do this to us?"
"Because we are going down the wrong path, and we need to stay on the right one," he replied. She sighed shaking her head slightly.
"Does that sound fair for you? To be tortured so we can stay on the right path or-or do what they want us to?" She asked him, her brown eyes trying to look into his blue eyes but never succeeding as he kept them glued to a wall afar, an intensive thoughtful expression all over his face.
"Yes, Bobby, I know… Sure, I'll call you once I find out where they are…" Sam hung up as he finished talking to Bobby Singer on the phone. He sighed and made a few steps in the motel room, towards where Ruby was. She put a map on the table and looked up at Sam.
"The old man is worried about his kids?" She asked him as she lighted up a few candles, arranging them around the map.
"Uriel showed up in his house before taking Kate with him and vanishing. And, when I told him everything else, yeah, of course it got him even more worried," he replied as Ruby huffed. "You sure this is gonna work?" He asked motioning to the little setting up she had done.
"Of course, I'm sure. Did you forget I was one of the best witches of the world before I became a demon?" She told him and he swallowed nodding his head. "Alright, let's get started." She started to chant something before she grabbed a lit candle and held it to the corner of the map. Sam watched as the fire spread around the edges of the map. He wasn't liking the way her little trick to locate his brother and Kate was happening. "Relax. The fire is our friend. Besides, the only part of the map we need is the 'where are Dean and Kate?' part," she told him as her black eyes holding a sort of glowing grey in the middle, looked down at the map. "Out."
The flames vanished and Sam was surprised to see that the map was charred to unreadability; only a small circle in the middle was left untouched. He looked up at her as she pointed to that piece of map left.
"There. They're both there. It's a good thing angels aren't concerned with hiding their dirty business. Not used to being spied on. I mean, who'd be stupid enough to try?" She told him as she walked in the room, and leaned against a wall.
"Ruby, it's been weeks. I need it," he told her.
"You don't seem too happy about it," she replied as she looked down.
"You think I wanna do this?" Sam replied as he walked towards a bed, her eyes following him. "This is the last thing I-" He sighed. "But I need to be strong enough." He watched her as she walked towards him, and straddled his lap.
"It's okay. It's okay, Sammy. You can have it," she told him before she kissed him and Sam pulled away, his features looking lost. "What's wrong, Sammy?" She asked in an almost soft voice. Her eyes scanned his whole face as he looked down. "Don't tell me, I'm not the brunette you want here?" He looked at her with an accentuated frown. "Come on, I'm not a credulous fool. I've seen the way you are ever since she landed in your life… The girl really did something to you, Sammy, didn't she?"
"It's not like that…" Sam replied sighing as he looked down. Ruby cupped his chin and made him look up. "I just care about her."
"Is that how we call a crush nowadays?" She asked him with a little smirk. "Look, Sammy, it's okay. A hot chick crashes in your life, she's kind, caring; it's hard not to crush on that," she told him as she pulled a knife from an ankle sheath as she slowly pulled her other hand away from his chin. "To be honest with you, even I, myself, grew a little crush on the girl," she told him before cutting her arm, drawing blood. Sam glanced at it before looking at her face again. "No need to get so worked up about it, a crush always goes away, eventually."
"It's not a crush, she's just a friend of mine," he told her and she rose her eyebrows. "And I care about her." He grabbed her arm and drank the blood straight from the vein as Ruby stroked his hair.
"It's okay, Sam," she told him with a smirk.
Dean held up Ruby's knife as Alastair followed it with his eyes before letting out a little laugh.
"There's that little pig-poker. I wondered where it went," the demon said as Dean lowered it and dipped a ladle into a bowl of holy water before pouring it all over the blade. "Do you really think this is gonna fix you?" The demon kept saying as Dean tried to not listen to him, as he approached him. "Give you closure? That is sad. That's really sad. Sad, sad." Dean looked at Alastair, his face hard and nearly expressionless. Because right then, Dean couldn't feel human emotions anymore. He was going through the motions, doing what he was told and little by little, he started to feel what he was feeling when he was torturing souls in Hell. Satisfaction. He stabbed the demon as a sizzling sound appeared while the demon grunted in pain. Dean just watched his face as he turned the blade slowly in Alastair's stomach. Dean took contentment at seeing the pain on the face of that demon he was torturing. He couldn't look away as he felt a sick joy and gratification expand in him.
"I carved you into a new animal, Dean. There is no going back," Alastair told him, his eyes looking straight into Dean's.
"Maybe you're right. But now it's my turn to carve," Dean replied as he leaned his face closer to the demon's face, and dung his blade even deeper while turning it into Alastair's stomach.
"No!" Alastair shouted.
Kate was sitting in a plastic seat, chewing on her bottom lip as her fingers kept playing with the bracelet Bobby had given her. Castiel was leaning on the work surface just two feet away from her, watching her. He had found that watching her without really seeing her soul, quite interesting and mind-busying. His eyes had lingered in her wild brown hair in which he had noticed a few lighter strands, but her fingers had also been very hypnotizing. The way she kept on playing with the bracelet around her wrist, with her creamy white long fingers that ended with rather long nails, was almost too distracting.
All of sudden, the light flickered which made Kate stop playing with her bracelet and look up. Castiel's attention was caught too as he looked up. A bulb exploded which surprised Kate. Her brown eyes looked at Castiel before they moved to over his shoulders. Castiel watched Kate's features before looking down at the work surface. Kate's body lifted up from the seat almost automatically as her brown gaze never looked away from the fallen angel whose presence confused her a little bit.
"Anna," Castiel said as Kate looked at the red-haired angel wearing the exact same clothes than the last time she saw her; the long jacket over her white button-up that was opened past her chest, but still didn't make her look outrageously uncovered somehow, and a pair of jeans.
"Hello, Castiel," she replied before her gaze traveled to Kate. "Kate."
"Hi," Kate just said as Castiel turned his head to glance at the fallen angel who once was one of his superiors.
"Your human body-"
"It was destroyed, I know. But I guess I'm sentimental. Called in some old favors and..." She replied as she walked towards Castiel. Suddenly, a more audible scream of Alastair was heard.
"You shouldn't be here," Castiel told her, still giving her his back.
"I'm sure Kate shouldn't be here, either," Anna said as she glanced at Kate who stayed quiet as she just watched the two angels.
"We still have orders to kill you, Anna," Castiel told her.
"Somehow I don't think you'll try," she replied as she walked past him towards Kate. She glanced down at Kate's wrist. "This is a very clever accessory, even though the beauty of your soul should never be hidden."
"Bobby thought it'd be safer for me," Kate replied. Anna simply nodded, then she walked past Kate, and looked through the door's little window. She could see Dean torturing Alastair through it. "Where's Uriel?"
"He went to receive revelation," Castiel replied.
"Right," Anna just said when another scream echoed from the room Dean and Alastair was. "Why are you letting Dean do this?" She asked as she turned around to look at Castiel who looked away before spinning around.
"He's doing God's work," he replied.
"Torturing? That's God's work?" Anna said to Castiel before turning her gaze to the brunette. "And you just stay here?" She told Kate who looked away, her cheeks burning with shame. Anna obviously cared more about Dean than she did. That angel had spent just a couple of days with Dean and still she cared more about him than she did.
"Stop him, Cass, please," Anna told Castiel. "Before you ruin the one real weapon you have."
This surprised Kate who turned her eyes back to the red head. She looked fixedly at her, her naturally thin brown eyebrows frowned.
"Before he ruins the one real weapon you have?" The fallen angel turned her attention towards Kate who had spoken in a rather strong voice even though her voice was a bit low and raspy from all the crying she had done lately. "So this is why you want Dean to stop torturing? It's not because you care about him? It's because he's a weapon, oh no wait, excuse me. He's the 'one real weapon!'" Kate exclaimed. "And, you don't want this weapon damaged," the brunette shook her head in disbelief. "Dean is in there, doing things that are hurting him more than the demon who's being inflicted by those things, and all you think about is that he's a weapon who can be ruined?!"
"If you know that, then why are you standing here doing absolutely nothing to help him?" Anna replied, her gaze hard and stern. "Why are you waiting here for him to be done with that instead of going in there and get him out?"
"Because it is the will of God," Castiel said as Kate looked away. The young woman knew how right the fallen angel was. Why was she standing here doing absolutely nothing to help him? She could accuse Anna, but here she was doing the absolute worst. Damn, how hypocritical could she be! "And who are we to question the will of God?"
"Unless this isn't his will," Anna replied as she walked towards Castiel.
"Then where do the orders come from?" He asked as Kate's eyes kept on glancing at the door leading to the room where Dean was torturing Alastair. She could go in there and get him out; that man who had saved her a few days ago from her own mind. That good man who didn't deserve any of that pain... But she was too scared. Too scared to go through what he had been through, too scared to ruin the only chance to prevent her father from dying in her universe...
"I don't know. One of our superiors, maybe, but not him," Anna answered to Castiel who turned around to look at her.
Dean splashed Alastair in the face with holy water which made the demon gargle as the water steamed and sizzled. Dean looked at him as he jerked within his chains.
"Who's murdering the angels?" Dean asked him as the demon choked in his blood. Suddenly, his eyes traveled over Dean's shoulder. The demon laughed as more blood came out of his mouth.
"What's… What's… your pretty girl's name?" Alastair asked with a smirk as Dean clenched his jaw.
The hunter walked to the holy water and poured out even more of it, before going back to Alastair and splashed in his face again. He watched him sizzle and scream.
Kate was standing a few feet away from the door. She could see Alastair through the little window. The sight of what was happening inside looked straight from a horror movie. The demon, or rather his 'meat-suit' was taped to a pentagram star, blood dripping on his face and shirt. He was grunting and screaming in pain as his whole body was sort of sizzling. And Dean was facing him, without flinching or moving an inch of his body except to throw water that Kate assumed was holy water, at Alastair's face. It shocked Kate how much ordinary it seemed to be for Dean. And, it saddened her to know that it was her fault if Dean was doing this right now. She turned around when she heard Castiel's voice.
"I am nothing like you. You fell," he told Anna as he made his way towards Kate. "Go."
"Cass," Anna started to say, turning around to face the dark-haired angel standing only a foot away from the brown-head.
"Go," he told her, sternly. Kate watched Anna's face and was surprised to see a very pained and sad expression all over her pale face. The fallen angel nodded her head slowly before she turned her teary eyes towards Kate.
"Do the right choice, don't let anyone choose for you," she told her before vanishing. Kate stared at the empty spot where the fallen angel was just a second ago when another loud scream came from Alastair.
Alastair spit out blood and holy water, and scrunched his face. Dean watched him, still holding that cup he had been splashing holy water with.
"You're just not getting deep enough," Alastair said making Dean feel even more tired of all of this. He had been giving Alastair some of the best tortures this very demon had taught him in Hell, and still he was here making snarky and smart comments. The hunter walked to the cart. "Well, you lack the resources. Reality is just, I don't know, too concrete up here. I can't help thinking about how much fun it would be to do all of this back downstairs," he told Dean who put down the cup. "With her… It would be so much fun," he said as Dean looked up at him to see the demon's gaze looking across of him. Dean followed his gaze to see, he was staring at Kate through the little window.
"Castiel," Kate started as she looked up at the angel. "Maybe Anna was right… Maybe it wasn't God's will."
"You should not doubt," Castiel told her as he looked away.
"Yeah, I know. But I'm not the one doubting here, am I?" She replied and he looked down at her when suddenly the door behind them opened. They both turned around when they heard the door slam followed by loud footsteps. Dean walked towards the work surface, his dark-blue shirt was covered with a few drops of blood, but his hands and his forearms were bloodier. Kate swallowed as she fixed at his strong hands that were so clean before he got in the room.
"Dean," Castiel started but Dean interrupted him as he shook his head, giving his back to them.
"No, Cass. It's enough… He won't give in," he said. "There's nothing I can do, he won't crack." Right then, Kate felt as if nails were hammered on her back. She bit on her bottom lip forcefully as she heard Dean's voice scream in pain in her head before a flashback of his crossed her mind again. She let off her bottom lip and took a deep breath as once again no sound left her lips. You can't let him back off, Kate! Zachariah's voice echoed in her head. Castiel glanced at Kate, understanding far well what was happening to her at this exact instant as she shut her fists tightly, and tears formed in her eyes.
"Dean," she breathed out. The aching pain faded away, as she walked towards the hunter. He glanced up at her before turning around completely. His face looked hard and emotionless, and Kate felt guilty for him to be like that. She realized that he was destroyed now, utterly destroyed and it was all her fault. She had done this to him. There wasn't even this little boy expression on his face. She had completely destroyed every single advancement he's done with lots of efforts to move on from Hell, to forgive himself. She had destroyed all of this. She had destroyed this man completely.
All of sudden, she realized something as she looked at him. If she was to be protected like so many had claimed... If she was to be protected, then why Zachariah could make her go through all of those things? God had to be much more powerful than that angel, thus she could ask him to protect her from another wave of torture; something she was certain was going to hit her in a couple of seconds for what she was planning to do. But, she didn't care because she had to do what was right. She took a deep breath and clenched her jaw. It was time to be strong. "You're not alone, Kaitlin." Dean had told with a gentle gaze back when they were reliving the memory of her father's death. "I'm not telling you, you should forget your father. Not at all. All you gotta do is accept his death and live your life in such way he'd be proud of you." Pamela had told her a month ago. "Wherever your old man is now, he must be proud of you." Rufus had told her once after she had told him he had passed away months ago. "You're not alone, Kaitlin" …. "Do the right choice, don't let anyone choose for you."
It was time to accept what she has been refusing for months now. It was time to be strong and to do what she wanted and what she believed was the rightest thing to do.
"You can stop, Dean," she told him, and right then a wave of pain appeared in her. She fisted her hands, tightly and forcefully. She could bear it. She's been used of those tortures for quite some time now. She had to be strong. She could do it.
"I can't do that," Dean replied as he shook his head, still looking down at the table.
"You can, Dean…" She told him as she held back a terrible scream threatening to tear her throat apart just to get out. Her fingernails were digging into her palms, cutting through the skin there. The pain of the flashback going through her was one of the worst she had ever felt. But, Kate kept praying God to help her in her heart, as she tried to show a normal face to Dean who looked up to her. Trying very hard to stay impassive at the amount of pain that was going through her, was very hard but she was determined to do it.
"If I don't do it, they'll make you do it, Kaitlin," he told her as he looked into her eyes. He frowned when he noticed the tears forming in there. "I already told you, I can't let that happen," he told her gently as he reached his hand up to touch her cheek, but he stopped when he noticed the state of his hand. It was covered in Alastair's blood. He gave her a weak smile, lowered his hand and turned around, walking to the door. He grabbed the doorknob and turned around. "Thanks anyways." He told her before he walked into the room and shut the door behind him.
She stared at the door as the pain kept going through her. She wanted to stop Dean, but she knew that if she opened her mouth, a piercing scream would escape. She glanced at Castiel who was staring at her with an alarmed expression. She turned around and started to make two steps before she felt her legs giving in. She put her bloody hands on the work surface, biting so hard on her lips that she made it bleed. She tried to hold onto the work surface to walk away, but the blood in her palms made her hands slide over the smooth surface. Castiel walked towards her, his hands reaching her. She let out a little yelp, trying not to scream.
"I-I don't want him… To hear me..." She managed to say and Castiel nodded, put his hand on her shoulder and made them both teleport to some other room.
"We're just five minutes away from the room where Dean and Alastair are," he told her as they were now in a rather little empty room. "It's a soundproof room in the same building."
Right when he told her this, Kate who was on her knees, let out a piercing scream coming from deep inside of her. Castiel stared at her, his face holding some sincere pain of not being able to do anything to help her.
"Kate, Kate, Kate. How deceiving you just became."
Castiel stood up and looked at the angel standing in front of him.
"Zachariah-"
"Castiel, be a good angel and go keep an eye on Dean," he said as Castiel looked down at Kate who was gripping at her hair, crying and screaming in pain. "Now." Castiel looked up at Zachariah who snapped his fingers making him vanish. He crouched in front of Kate and sighed as he snapped his fingers again and all the pain washed away from Kate. She kept her face lowered down, giving her back to the angel as she panted. She heard him sigh, when an idea crossed her mind. "You have been very selfish, Kate. I never thought you would do something so deceiving and so selfish..." The angel sighed as she kept moving her hand on the floor, her hair hanging around her face and hands like a curtain. "Did you ever once think about your father?" She raised her head, licked lips, tasting the metallic flavor of her blood. Then, she turned her face to glare at the angel.
"He's dead," she told him between clenched teeth. "Pamela's dead. Dean and Sam's parents are dead. Bobby's wife is dead. And my father. Is. Dead." Zachariah frowned as he stared at her. "So you and your fuckin' motivation can back the hell off."
"How dare you talk to me like that?" Zachariah asked her as he stood up and looked down at her with a glare full of anger.
"Just like I dare sending you away," she replied making him frown in confusion. He glanced at the floor, his eyes widening when she slapped her hand on a drawing made with her own blood on the floor.
She closed her eyes as a white light appeared and Zachariah screamed a little bit before disappearing. She opened her eyes and looked around. He really was sent away.
"Thanks Ruby," She breathed out. She realized that no pain was going through her and she wondered if it meant that Zachariah had been sent so far away that he had forgotten sending her another wave of pain and flashbacks. Anyways, she didn't mind not having any. She put her hands on the floor to stand up and groaned as she pushed on her injured palms. But still, the brunette stood up. She looked down at her hands and winced, before looking up at the door, as determination to get Dean out of here rose in her.
"You're back, Dean. I was afraid you were gonna forget me and spend some quality time with that pretty lady," Alastair said as Dean walked to the cart, ignoring him completely. "I wonder if she knows how bad it was what you did for us, back there. But then again, I suppose you have no idea yourself, huh?" He said as Dean kept pouring salt into a container. "You have no idea how bad it really was, and what you really did for us."
"Shut up," Dean whispered to him.
"The whole bloody thing, Dean," Alastair said as Dean walked towards him, his face hard, trying to show not an inch of emotion. "The reason Lilith wanted you there in the first place."
"Well, then I'll just make you shut up," Dean told him as he grabbed forcefully Alastair's chin.
"Lilith really-" Alastair started when Dean poured salt into his mouth. The demon tried to scream through it as Dean held the demon's chin tighter, his eyes hard and satisfied. Once Dean had finished pouring salt, Alastair started to spit out big amount of blood, coughing as he tried to breathe. "Something caught in my throat... I think it's my throat."
"Well, strap in, 'cause I'm just starting to have fun," Dean replied with a smirk, turning around to go back to the cart.
"You know, it was supposed to be your father," Alastair said as Dean poured out holy water his gaze focused on what he was doing. "He was supposed to bring it on. But, in the end, it was you."
"Bring what on?" Dean asked, his eyes never looking away from what he was preparing to torture Alastair with. He poured some holy water on the blade of Ruby's knife as Alastair replied.
"Oh, every night, the same offer, remember? Same as your father." Dean shook salt over both sides of the blade. "And finally you said, 'sign me up'. Oh, the first time you picked up my razor, the first time you sliced into that weeping bitch..." Alastair said as Dean looked up slightly. The flashback of a brown-head in a long white dress, her fingers unbuttoning it, crossed his mind. Then he saw his own hands carving into the skin of that girl with that razor. All of sudden, it was Kate's face that he saw. He swallowed and shook the thought away. He turned to face the demon who smiled at him. "That was the first seal."
Dean just stared at him, showing an impassive face while inside he couldn't help wondering if it was really true. If the first seal really was that. He walked closer and looked right into the demon's eyes, a little smile on his lips as he spoke.
"You're lying."
"And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in hell. As he breaks, so shall it break," Alastair told Dean, leaning a little bit forward as he kept his eyes locked with Dean's. Dean turned away, walking a few steps away as Alastair watched him. Dean couldn't believe what had just been told to him. It couldn't be true. "We had to break the first seal before any others. Only way to get the dominoes to fall, right? Topple the one at the front of the line." Dean's face was full of shock as he started to realize that it was certainly true. He stood still as he let the demon's words sunk into him, painfully. His eyes were glued to the floor ahead of him, trying to keep himself as calm and collected as possible. "When we win, when we bring on the apocalypse and burn this earth down, we'll owe it all to you, Dean Winchester."
Dean closed his eyes, trying his hardest not to react. He could feel his chin shaking as tears were rising in his eyes but he clenched his jaw and took a deep breath through his nostrils. He had to conceal it all.
"Believe me, son, I wouldn't lie about this. It's kind of a religious sort of thing with me," Alastair said as he noticed the dripping faucet and the broken edge of the devil's trap. He smirked.
"No. I don't think you are lying. But even if the demons do win...," Dean said, still giving his back to the demon as he looked at Ruby's knife in his hands. He tried to sound hard and strong. "You won't be there to see it." Dean turned around and was surprised to find Alastair standing right behind him, out of the chains and of the devil's trap.
"You should talk to your plumber about the pipes," Alastair told him with a devilish smirk before punching Dean who immediately went down. The demon grinned.
Walking down the stairs, Kate kept on praying God to not let Zachariah hit her with a wave of pain or flashbacks again. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to handle it another time, besides she was sure that Zachariah would make it worse than ever. She realized that banishing him away was one stupid and reckless thing to do. But, in the same time she didn't regret it. She had realized that she couldn't let this angel decide for her. She couldn't let him control her like a freaking puppet. Besides, she understood something now. What if all of this really wasn't God's will? What if Zachariah was saying it was God's will to make her obey him? She had to be protected, right? That's what every angel except Zachariah had said. God wouldn't let them do any harm to her, right?
Her father had once told her that if she asked God's help, He would answer to her. Maybe not immediately, maybe not in the way she really wished for. But, He would still hear her and help her. So, all she had to do was to pray for God to keep her away from that torment Zachariah was inflicted her. Now that she had accepted her father's death, no one would use him as an excuse to make her do things she didn't want to.
"No more of this freaking sick motivation… Fucked up world and its fucked up angels," she said to herself as she reached the end of the staircase. She looked right and left wondering where to go when she heard some noise coming from her left. She walked towards it, determined to get Dean out of that awful situation she put him in.
Alastair held Dean by his shirt collar as he punched him repeatedly. Dean's face was covered in blood. The hunter was feeling dizzy as Alastair dropped him. He sighed, a grin on his face as he picked Dean by the throat and shoved him up against the hexacle, lifting his feet off the floor.
"You got a lot to learn, boy. So I'll see you back in class bright and early Monday morning," Alastair told him when suddenly he noticed Dean's eyes looking at something over his shoulder. He turned around to find Kate holding a container with holy water. She splashed it to his face which made the demon scream as he dropped Dean, putting his hands over his face. Kate took a step back as he pulled his hand away. "Oh you naughty, naughty girl," he told her as he walked towards her. She started to chant the exorcism and he backhanded her, forcefully throwing her away. "You never shut up, do you?"
Right then, Castiel appeared behind the demon who spun around to see him. Castiel stabbed him in the heart; a spark of gold light appeared in the injury.
"Well, almost... Looks like God is on my side today," Alastair said as he looked down at the knife in him. Kate turned her attention to Dean, laying still, his eyes barely opened. She crawled towards him, which Alastair noticed. He kicked her on her lower ribs. "Can't you wait a little bit longer?" He told her as she grunted. He kicked her again, still hitting her lower ribs. He stopped, turned his head towards Castiel as the knife twisted itself in his chest because of Castiel's telekinesis ability. The demon grunted in pain and pulled it out before tossing it away. He made his way towards Castiel and started to fight with him.
Kate crawled towards Dean as the demon and the angel kept fighting.
"Dean," she whispered, reaching his cheek with her hand. He looked up at her before his eyes closed. "Dean!" She exclaimed in a whisper, her hand holding one of his cheek. "Please, no… Oh my God, Dean, I'm so sorry… It's my fault… I shouldn't have… Dean, please wake up." She told him as tears formed in her eyes. She tried to find his pulse in his neck, but her shaky hand made it impossible for her to concentrate. She looked at him, blood and bruises covering most of his beautiful freckled face. "I'm so sorry…" She whispered as she put her shaky hand in front of his nose. She watched his motionless face, and sighed in relief when she felt a slight breath leave his nostrils to reach her bloody palm. She closed her eyes and rested her hand gently on his shoulder.
"Omnipotentis Dei potestatem invoco," Kate heard Alastair chanting. She turned her face around to see him holding Castiel by his throat against a wall. "Omnipotentis Dei potestatem invoco. Aborro te ut…" Kate realized the demon was chanting a banishing spell to Castiel. Noticing blue light appearing in Castiel's eyes and mouth, Kate started to chant the demon exorcism, but her voice was so low that she realized it wasn't even reaching the demon's ears. "Angelum omnium obsequendum, domine expuet! Domine expuet!" The demon kept chanting as Kate tried to chant the demon exorcism louder. He abruptly stopped and started to choke which surprised Kate who stopped chanting too.
Kate turned her head to notice Sam standing there, one hand raised as Alastair was slammed against the wall. She watched him as he was fixing at the demon, his hand opened as his palm faced the demon. His face looked hard and determined, while his whole body seemed hard as well, but also very straightened up, as if all of his muscles were tensed.
"Stupid pet tricks," Alastair said as Kate glanced at Castiel who was now on the floor, his eyes looking at Sam in an almost shocked way. Kate turned to look at Sam. She had been told that there was a time he had some kind of psychic power, and she had understood along her journey in this universe that not only was Dean not very fond of it, but that the origin of that psychic power was sort of evil. However, she didn't know exactly why. All she knew was that she thought he didn't have it anymore.
"Who's murdering the angels? How are they doing it?" Sam asked as she glanced at Castiel again. His expression was one of shock and fear. It was then that Kate realized how very bad the fact that Sam could do that psychic thing, was.
"You think I'm gonna tell you?" Alastair replied.
"Yeah, I do," Sam replied before he twisted his hand. Kate glanced at Dean by her side, before turning her attention back to Alastair to see his eyes were white now, as he choked. "How are the demons killing angels?" Sam asked in an almost shout. Kate turned her head towards him, and stared at him. He didn't look like the sweet Sam she had learned to know those past couple of months.
"I don't know!"
"Right," Sam replied as he curled his fingers and fisted his hand. His eyes never looked away from the demon aching in pain against the wall.
"It's not us. We're not doing it!"
"I don't believe you," Sam replied, as Kate's eyes lowered to his neck, noticing sweat forming there as a few of his veins got visible too. His neck muscles were straining against the force.
"Lilith is not behind this. She wouldn't kill seven angels. Oh, she'd kill a hundred, a thousand," Alastair replied smirking. Sam lowered his hand, his eyes still looking at the demon. "Oh, go ahead…" Kate turned her head to the demon, her eyebrows frowned. "Send me back, if you can."
"I'm stronger than that now," Sam replied making Kate turn her brown head towards Castiel who looked shocked as he turned his head to Sam. She turned her attention to Sam too. "Now I can kill."
The younger Winchester held out his hand, closed his eyes as he concentrated. Alastair grunted more and more, making Kate look back and forth between the two. When the demon screamed, she turned her head to him and saw gold light flare inside of him making him scream even more. She frowned her eyebrows, not believing what she was witnessing. Once again, she turned her head back towards Sam and watched him. He opened his eyes and stared at the demon with an almost soft satisfied expression on his face. She heard Alastair drop on the floor, but she couldn't take her eyes away from Sam. He was breathing deeply as sweat drops formed on his forehead. He looked at Castiel who was staring at him with still a shocked face, before he turned his head and met Kate's brown eyes. He swallowed as he took on her shocked and confused face.
Kate nodded as the nurse kept on rambling over how she was supposed to take care of her bruised rib on the three next weeks. Sam had given the hospital a fake excuse of a car accident, and Kate couldn't help but wonder how they could have believed that lie after taking care of Dean and after seeing the cuts inside her palms which were obviously done by her own fingernails. None of their injuries looked like ones from a car accident. However, Kate didn't care about that. All she wanted to do ever since she arrived in this hospital was to go to Dean. She wanted to make sure he was going to make it through alright. The guilt hadn't stopped eating her from the inside ever since she had told the hunter to go in that room and do what he was told to.
"Any other questions?" The nurse asked making Kate frown.
"What?"
"Do you have any other questions?" The rather old nurse repeated eyeing Kate up and down.
"No," Kate exclaimed as she rose her eyebrows. "Not at all," she told her as the woman handed her a paper and a plastic bag. Kate glanced down.
"All you'll need for the upcoming weeks," the nurse told her with a kind smile.
"Thank you," Kate told her and the nurse nodded and stood up to leave the little room in which Kate had been examined by the nurse and an intern earlier.
"If you want to see your friend, he's in the room 204. You go down the corridor and turn left," the nurse told Kate who gave her a slow nod before walking out of the room before the nurse.
"Can I make a call first?"
Standing on his own, in the empty snowy street in front of a building, Castiel looked up at the dark sky of past midnight.
"Anna. Anna, please." The streetlight above him flickered. He looked up at it, then turned around to find the fallen angel staring at him.
"Decided to kill me after all?" She asked him as she stood a few feet away from him.
"I'm alone."
"What do you want from me, Castiel?" She asked him, almost suspicious.
"I'm considering disobedience," he admitted to her. Their eyes were locked as she gave him a slow nod.
"Good."
"No, it isn't. For the first time, I feel..." He said before looking away, not knowing how to name what he was feeling.
"It gets worse. Choosing your own course of action is confusing, terrifying," she told him, as she approached him. She put her hand softly on his shoulder making him look at it. She dropped her hand away. "That's right. You're too good for my help. I'm just trash. A walking blasphemy." She turned to walk away.
"Anna," he said stopping her. "I don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do." She spun around and looked at him.
"Like the old days? No. I'm sorry. It's time to think for yourself. Kate did it, didn't she?"
"And it almost killed her," he told her.
"Do you have any idea why our superiors want to control her?" She asked Castiel whose face showed that the answer was no. "There are so many things you don't know about, Castiel… But think about it. A soul and a body coming from a whole different universe. Her entire self is strong and powerful. Can you imagine how useful she could be to Heaven?"
"They want to use her as a weapon?" Castiel asked, his brow furrowed.
"Not any weapon," she replied as she looked away. "But, there's nothing we can do."
"Anna, what about me? What am I supposed to do? Please tell me what to do," the dark-haired angel begged her. She looked at him, shaking her head softly.
"I'm sorry, Castiel," she replied before vanishing.
The next day. Afternoon.
Dean Winchester's hospital room.
"Are you alright?" Castiel asked as Dean had just opened his eyes a few minutes ago, to find himself in a hospital bed. His whole body ached with pain, but his throat was the worst. He had already woken up early that morning to find his brother sitting at his bedside. He had asked him what happened with Alastair and Sam had told him simply that he had gotten rid of him. When Dean had asked about Kate, Sam had told him he hadn't seen her at all. All he knew was that the nurses said she came to check out how Dean was doing the night before and then she had left. She had apparently made a call before leaving. But before Dean got too much worried, Sam had reassured him that she was at Bobby's.
"No thanks to you," Dean replied in a low raspy voice as he turned his gaze away.
"You need to be more careful."
"You need to learn how to manage a damn devil's trap," Dean shot back at him in a very weak voice.
"That's not what I mean," Castiel replied as he looked at him. "Uriel is dead."
"Was it the demons?" Dean asked him as he looked at him from the corner of his eyes.
"It was disobedience," the angel replied. "He was working against us."
"Is it true?" Dean asked as the angel turned his head towards the hunter. "Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?"
"Yes," he reluctantly replied, making Dean look away. He didn't want to hear that. He wanted the angel to tell him that Alastair had lied. He wanted to be told that he had nothing to blame himself for. "When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to Hell and we fought our way to get to you before you-"
"Jump-started the apocalypse," Dean interrupted him in an even more broken voice as he looked at the wall across from him.
"And we were too late."
"Why didn't you just leave me there, then?"
"It's not blame that falls on you, Dean, it's fate," Castiel told him looking away. "The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it," he turned his face towards Dean and looked right into the man's eyes. "You have to stop it."
"Lucifer?" Dean asked in a weak whisper. "The apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean?" Dean asked a bit louder as the angel turned to look at him.
"I don't know," he simply said.
"Bull!" Dean exclaimed.
"I don't," the angel replied as he turned his head towards him. "Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you."
"Well, then you guys are screwed," Dean whispered as tears formed in his eyes. His raspy voice sounded even more broken as he sobbed. He turned his head and looked away. "I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me… Maybe it's Kaitlin… Maybe that's why she's here. Maybe she's stronger than me…"
"No, Dean I don't think so-" Castiel started.
"Then find someone else, because I can't… I can't do it, Cass. It's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not-I'm not strong enough… Find someone else…" Dean cried in silence on his bed, as Castiel stared at him.
Author's note :
I truly hope you enjoyed this chapter :)! I gotta say I had some technical problems with my laptop which made me lose a lot of things; and surprise surprise! A fold with a lot of chapters of this story is gone too. I'm currently trying to rewrite everything, but my muse is kinda in vacations lately... So yeah, I'm doing my best lately. I've managed to rewrite the two final chapters of this story. But I've got a few other chapters in between to re-write still, and I'm having such a hard time with them... Anyways, if everything goes alright and if my muse comes back tomorrow, this story will be done by early january. So yes, that also means there'll be more updates per week. I'll try to work with 'Igotzapped' on chapters that I can't correct by myself, but yeah you'll have chapters corrected by her and chapters corrected by myself so that I can wrap up this story in early january. You might wonder why I'm kinda in a rush to wrap it. Well, the thing is that next semester I will have a lot of work, and I'm afraid it might make you wait for the end of that story, which I really don't want to.
Next chapter will be inspired by the episode It's a Terrible Life (4x17). I'm almost done writting it right now, but Gosh how hard it is to grasp the characters of Sam and Dean in this episode! I mean they're just so out of character that I almost skipped on writting my chapter like four times, because I just felt like writing something else than Supernatural and gah! Well, I gotta be honest, I have three different versions of that chapter by now... I am wondering what you would like to see happen in my retake of this episode. Depending on your reviews, I will post the one that will get as many people satisfied as possible. So yeah if you'd like to see some action between some characters or something else happen, just say it and your wish may just come true ;).
By the way, thank you very much for making me smile with your reviews on last chapter, you guys are the best !
Love,
A.