Dear Alfred,
God, I can't believe I'm saying this, but…Would you like to meet for coffee this weekend? I know this is long overdue, but I'd like to iron out some, well, less than friendly encounters we've shared in the past. And no, I'm not talking about the time you mopped up ketchup with my brand new and incredibly expensive tie last month, so stop hyperventilating. I just feel as though we need to catch up on some things. You know, like closure. Closure for...Just call me when you get the chance, all right?
Arthur Kirkland
PS: We are NOT going to McDonald's after coffee. After coffee, I am going straight home to wash off the imbecile you will undoubtedly contaminate me with.