LTP: Yo, Selph, Reala, got a minute?

Reala: What do you want now?

LTP: I just recently found out that Jackle's birthday is Oct. 5th, and since we already missed it, I wanna throw him a surprise party as a belated birthday gift.

Reala: And?

LTP: I need you, Selph, Chamelon, Owl, and Clawz to keep him busy while NiGHTS, Sundiel, and myself get his party ready.

Selph: What do we get out of all this?

LTP: Your reward will be some delicious cake and Jackle not burning Nightmare castle to the ground.

Selph: *raises nonexistent eyebrow*

LTP: *rolls eyes* Fine, I'll put some X in your piece. F***ing stoner...

Selph: Deal.

Reala: Whatever, I was getting bored anyway.

LTP: Good. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to preparing the food.

*LTP walks off*

Reala: Wait, how're we supposed to distract him?! *gets slapped to the face by a script*

LTP: *off-screen* Here's a script, use it!

Reala: I really hate her.

Selph: *pats Reala's back sympathetically* We know.

Disclaimer: LTP doesn't own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, or Dick Figures.

Real Dudes Bros Night Man

(opens in Jackle's room as Reala, Jackle, Clawz, Chamelon, and Owl play poker at a round table. Jackle drinks a can of soda, then Selph crashes the party)

Selph: Yo, dudes! Guys night! This is like, crazy right? Alright.

Jackle: What? Dude, who invited this guy?

Reala: He invited himself.

Jackle: What a mooch!

*Selph sits at the table*

Selph: So what are we playing, ladies? Uno?

Reala: *groans* Hold' em Two Cards Tanklan Buy In.

Selph: Right on, right on. So is that like Uno or what? *drinks beer*

Jackle: Uno?! Real men play poker, yo!

Selph: You saying I'm not a man, bro?! I'm, like, way more manly than you!

Jackle: Oh, yeah? Prove it, little girl. Manliest man gets the whole pot.

Selph: Ha, way easy, brah!

*Selph is shown in a gym with extremely large muscles*

Selph: This one time I was, like, at the gym *shows Selph bench pressing a bench*, then I got down there and bench lifted, like *large barbell appears* 250 pounds! No, no, like, 250 Nightmaren, bro!

*250 Nightmaren are stacked up on the barbell*

Selph: Like, stripper Nightmaren!

*the Nightmaren turn into strippers on a pole*

Selph: It was so sick, I was like, "No big deal, I got like a good 100 reps," it was chill.

*back in real world*

Selph: -And I, like, maintained a perfect boner the whole time.

Eveyone: ...

*Jackle suddenly pulls out a gun and shoots Selph as he briefly says "Oh dude!"*

Reala: Oh yeah, Well, this one time, *shows Reala playing an RPG game* I did a 24-hour dungeon crawl using no armor, no magic, and only a Level 1 sword to kill a thousand fire dragons. And then, I collected all their loot and bought a f***in' griffin!

*Griffin flies to an island full of in-game NiGHTS*

Reala: Flew to Babe-a-lonia and had sex *Reala's character humps a NiGHTS sprite* with all the babes in the village with my Level 12 d***, of the mighty... on a school night! Epiiic!

Jackle: *fake cough* Neerrrd.

Reala: It was hecka manly, I was on a dial-up.

Jackle: So, how aboutchu, Forest Assasson?

Clawz: It was a long time ago, in ancient Japan, my country was at war and I commanded the strength of the 10,000 Hands of Justice. We were outnumbered by the Takagami Demon Army, our town surrounded, I kissed my wife for the last time, unsheathed the greatest Sword of Destiny and with it, slew ten hundred thousand hundred warriors! Honorably! After the battle was won, I shattered the blade, so it's great fury may never again be used on the earth.

Jackle: N'awwww! You're so cute, you're like a little bunny!

Clawz: Bitchel!

Owl: I remember back in '44...

*WWII, Owl is on a boat and soldiers are prepared to fight while one is seasick and vomiting*

Owl: When we landed in Normandy!

*Jackle and Reala interrupt the story as Chamelon looks up at the ceiling and Clawz curls up on the bench*

Jackle: Boooring!

Reala: Oh, my Wizeman, is it over yet?!

Owl: *cries a little*

Jackle: I gotcha you ALL beat!

*shows Jackle's story in a badly drawn fashion*

Jackle: This morning I downed a gallon of rubbing alcohol and got a bowl of hand grenades and firecrackers for breakfast before I went outside, built a chainsaw hang glider with barbwire and used it to cut a Siberian Tiger out in space, which I barbecued on the Sun, and after I ate its tiger ribs I scalped it, then I fought a Fire Demon from the 20th dimension and saved a monster truck full of girls and then got massaged by a thousand Brazilian supermodels on a bean bag made out of kitten fur!

Chamelon: *giggles* Well, that's... pretty good...

Jackle: Ha! You have a manly story?

Chamelon: You bet your sweet ass! *giggles* One gay day in spring, I was just F***KING around in a field fuuull of flowers!...

Reala: *whispers to Jackle* This is gonna be good!

*A flashback shows Chamelon in a field*

Chamelon: ...and colourful C*** SUCKING butterflies! I decided to make a bouquet, so I picked one-hundred daisies! It was so WIZEMANDAMN hard, but I did it! *giggles*

*Chamelon walks over to a bear*

Chamelon: Then I took the daisies to a fluffy-wuffy bear, and then I *Chamelon starts humping the bear* F***ED THE S*** OUT OF HIM *Chamelon rips the bear's skin off with his mouth, as blood pours out and then rips the bear's head off, while drinking the blood * WHILE I FEASTED UPON HIS FLAILING BONES AND FLESH!

*The flashback ends as Chamelon giggles to himself*

Reala: Ugh... guess you win.

Jackle: Big time.

*Owl vomits on the table*

Chamelon: *lays 4 cards on the table* Yippee-ki-ay, MOTHERF***ER! I win!

*three prostitute Nightmaren come into the room*

Chamelon: Prostitutes! Hahaha!

*one prostitute hands over a shot to Chamelon, who downs it and belches with flames. The prostitutes start dancing*

Chamelon: Yeah, baby! Back that ass up! Hahahahaa! *smacks one Nightmaren's ass*

Reala: *horrified* What have we done?

*with LTP, who is in the kitchen frosting a huge cake*

LTP: *speaking into a walkie* Alright Sun, how're we lookin'? Everything ready?

Sun: I managed to finish carving this freaking awesome ice sculpture with a chainsaw! I just need to get the stereo system going.

LTP: Awesome! I'll be there to help you out with the stereo in a few minutes. What about you NiGHTS, how're things lookin' on your end?

NiGHTS: Looks like everything is good to go, I got the balloons, streamers and Poker decorations in party games are set up and I also got the piñata full of chocolate poker chips, candy dice, and gummy cards set up.

LTP: Cool! I just finished frosting the cake and preparing the food, so I'll be bringing it all out in a minute. NiGHTS you go ahead and let everyone know what's up, but don't get Jackle for another half hour, Sun and I need to get the DJ system going. Also, make sure he's wearing a blindfold, with him being a Nightmaren, I'm pretty sure he can see very well in the dark.

NiGHTS: I'm on it! *flies off*

*30 minutes later*

LTP: I still can't get over how awesome this thing looks!

Sun: I know right? Jackle riding a dragon? Totally badass!

*NiGHTS flies in*

NiGHTS: Reala guiding Jackle here now!

LTP: He's coming! Quick, look Polish everyone!

Sun: What?

LTP: Sorry, I don't know where that came from.

*Jackle flies out to the courtyard with Reala guiding him*

Reala: Alright Jackle, we're here.

*Jackle take off the blindfold*

Everyone: SURPRISE!

Jackle: ZOMW! A PARTY?! FOR ME!?

Sun: HELLS YEAH!

LTP: Now get on over here and enjoy your birthday you crazy f***er!

Jackle: LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!