LTP: Because we're in the holiday season, I went ahead and made this Random Drabbles extra long. So enjoy!
Disclaimer: LTP doesn't own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, or any of the following references.
Random Drabbles 10
~CHRISTMAS EDITION!~
(opens in the rec. room)
LTP: I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d***less, hopeless, heartless, fat ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s*** he is! Hallelujah! Holy s***! Where's the Tylenol? *walks off*
*NiGHTS and Reala stare wide eyed at LTP as she walks away*
Reala: ... What the hell was that all about?
NiGHTS: I only asked why she hates Justin Bieber so much...
{~~~}
(opens in Frozen Bell)
Reala: Alright guys, sleep well. We have an early morning tomorrow to search for our perfect Christmas tree.
NiGHTS: Did anyone take care of that fire?
Reala: Jackle, you got that?
Jackle: I'm watching it.
*later, the forest is ablaze*
Reala: I thought you said you were watching the fire!
Jackle: I was! It was beautiful!
{~~~}
(opens in the rec. room where LTP and Jackle are decorating a giant Christmas tree)
LTP: How are we gonna get the star on top?
Jackle: I got it!
*Jackle grabs the star, and uses the couch as a trampoline to get to the tree. He latches onto the tree, but the added weight causes the tree to fall over and land on him*
Jackle: Ow.
{~~~}
(opens in the mall of Nightmare where Jackle is badgering the mall Santa, who has a young Nightmaren on his lap)
Jackle: You sit on a throne of lies.
Mall Santa: Look, I'm not kidding.
Jackle: You're a fake.
Mall Santa: I'm a fake?
Jackle: Yes.
Mall Santa: How'd you like to be dead? Huh?
Young Nightmaren: *whispers* Fake.
Mall Santa: *turns back to the young Nightmaren* Ahaha, he's kidding!
Jackle: *sniffs the air* You stink.
*Elf assistant takes the young Nightmaren from Mall Santa*
Mall Santa: *to young Nightmaren* I think you're gonna have a good Christmas.
Jackle: You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa.
Mall Santa: Okay good-
*Jackle suddenly rips off the mall Santa's beard*
Jackle: HOO!
*the Nightmaren children start screaming*
Jackle: *waves the beard around* HE'S AN IMPOSTER!
*The mall Santa tackles Jackle into a bunch of plastic pine trees*
Jackle: *gets back up* HE'S A FAKE! HE'S A FAKE!
*the mall Santa tackles Jackle again and soon starts chasing him around with a metal pole. Eventually the manager comes around and tackles the mall Santa*
Jackle: He's not Santa Claus! He's not Santa!
*LTP comes up and drags Jackle away by one of his horns*
LTP: Must you do this every year?!
{~~~}
(opens in LTP's office, where NiGHTS is venting frustration to LTP)
NiGHTS: The nerve of him, taking the fun out of Christmas like some kind of gluten-free Santa!
*Cuts to Will's bedroom. Santa is holding a plate of cookies as he gently shake Will awake*
Santa: Hey. Hey, what's in these?
Will: *groans and rubs his eye*
Santa: I'm okay if it's like, coconut flour, but anything with actual grains, I can't do.
Will: I'm not sure.
Santa: Well who is sure?
{~~~}
(opens in the Fortress of Randomness where LTP is plotting Justin Bieber's demise*
LTP: We can't send a submarine, it could be a death charge show case down there.
Reala: Can't go at it from the sides, can't go at it from below.
LTP: So our only option is to hit that son of a b**** from above.
Reala: Well, we do have one option, however it was decommissioned in 1998.
Jackle: The Lockheed SR-71 Blackbird. An advanced, long-ranged, strategic, reconnaissance aircraft capable of Mach 3 at an altitude of 85,000 ft.!
LTP: You sure do seem to know a lot about it.
Jackle: DO YOU EVEN READ MY CHRISTMAS LIST!?
{~~~}
(open in the training grounds where Reala and Jackle look over some new recruits)
Reala: But why were you banished in the first place?
Large 'Maren: Some of us did things. Terrible things.
Weirdo 'Maren: Things that some of us regret, and some of us don't.
Large 'Maren: Take me for example. I was but a humble mall Santa trying to bring children joy.
Reala: So what happened?
Large 'Maren: Well, a young child asked me for a fire truck.
Jackle: Aww!
Large 'Maren: So I dropped one on his house.
Jackle: Aww...
Imp 'Maren 1: Then there was my brother and I!
Imp 'Maren 2: We were once elves working at Santa's workshop.
Imp 'Maren 1: Until a robot we made to aid production went on a murderous rampage.
Robotic 'Maren: ~Fa la la la la, la la la DIE!~
Jackle: Yikes.
Reala: Wait a minute, that doesn't cover you.
*camera pans to the weirdo 'Maren*
Reala: What'd you do?
Weirdo 'Maren: Something so evil, I am forever on Santa's naughty list!
Jackle: Geez, compared to these guys what could you have possibly-
Weirdo 'Maren: I raped Rudolph.
*awkward silence*
Reala: ... Dibs on not training that guy.
{~~~}
(opens in Jackle's room as he prepares to wrap up a video game present)
Jackle: Okay, you can do this.
*2 hours later, NiGHTS walks in*
NiGHTS: Are you okay?
*camera pans over to Jackle, who somehow managed to wrap himself up instead of the video game*
Jackle: CALL 911!
{~~~}
(opens at an old well in Frozen Bell where NiGHTS and Jackle have discovered a young Visitor trapped in at the bottom)
NiGHTS: *getting off the phone* The fire department is on its way.
Jackle: THERE'S NO TIME! *jumps high into the air*
NiGHTS: JACKLE NO!
*Jackle comes down, diving head-first into the well, but he gets stuck*
NiGHTS: Jackle?
Jackle: ... Um, ok, I'm stuck, like halfway down! Almost there!
NiGHTS: *face palm*
*later*
Fire 'Maren: *to NiGHTS* Normally we'd throw a rope and a harness down to the kid, 'cept your friend's plugging up the hole now.
Jackle: Just throw down a grenade!
NiGHTS: WHAT?!
Jackle: Throw down one grenade to launch me towards the bottom, then I'll grab the boy with my teeth! And you can throw down a second grenade to launch me to the surface!
Police 'Maren: Your friend don't now s*** about grenades does he?
{~~~}
(opens in Selph's room, where he and Reala are in a heated argument)
Selph: Don't act like you know what I'm going through! You have no idea what I'm going through!
Reala: Well don't act like you're king of the universe all the time!
Selph: I worked very hard to get where I am!
Reala: *skeptically* Hard work. You have no idea what hard work is!
Selph: I WAS FROZEN TODAY!
Reala: *stunned silence*
*awkward silence fills the room as Reala slowly backs out of the room*
{~~~}
(opens in NiGHTS' room, where NiGHTS is playing Kingdom Hearts)
Jackle: Alright NiGHTS, going out for Black Friday. *walks out the door*
NiGHTS: Be safe.
Jackle: Yeah.
*three hours later, Jackle bursts back into the room, startling NiGHTS, holding a PS4 box and is covered in blood*
Jackle: I GOT THE PS4!
NiGHTS: Why are you covered in blood!?
Jackle: I GOT THE PS4!
{~~~}
(opens in Frozen Bell again)
Reala: What the hell got into you?!
Jackle: *distorted voice* I WILL STOP YOU FROM DESTROYING CHRISTMAS!
Reala: What are you talking about?! It's July!
Jackle: DON'T YOU LIE TO ME! IT'S SNOWING!
Reala: We're in Frozen Bell you mook!
Jackle: *normal voice* Wha? Awwww...
{~~~}
(opens in the living room)
NiGHTS: Jackle, It's Christmas!
*in Jackle's room*
Jackle: CHRISTMAS!
*Jackle excitedly hops out of bed, throws on a football helmet, and literally busts through his door*
Jackle: *while crawling down the stairs* I'm coming Santa!
{~~~}
Selph: ~On the first day of Christmas, Reala gave to me, a fully armed and loaded RPG!~ ... Wait, what?!
*Reala fires said weapon at Selph*
Selph: WAAAAH!
*shattering of glass is heard*
Selph: Owww...
Reala: *diabolical laughter*
LTP: From everyone at NiGHTS into Randomness, we wish everyone out there a merry Chri-
*Wizeman jumps in front of the camera, cutting off LTP*
Wizeman: ALL SHALL WORSHIP ME!
*LTP smacks him away with the Giant Frying Pan Thinger of Doom*
LTP: ARE YOU DRUNK AGAIN!?