LTP: *laughing* Oh my God! You have no idea how much convincing it took to get Reala in on this one!
Disclaimer: LTP Does not own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, or Dick Figures.
Wizebag
LTP: In Ancient Times, Wizeman was a real ass**** and s*** was crazy... CHECK THIS OUT!
*Jackle and Reala pull a wagon full of weapons to a statue of Wizeman*
Jackle: Man, Wizeman is an ass****! I could be a WAY bigger ass**** than HIM!
Reala: I can't argue with that.
*Chamelon flies up to them as Hermes*
Chamelon: Ha ha ha! I've got a TITTY-GRAM from Wizeman!
*Chamelon hands Reala a scroll, giggles and flies away*
Reala: *opens the scroll and reads it outloud* Hmm... let's see. *reads*: Heard what you said, stop. Think you can do my job, stop? Complete these challenges and scale Mount Nightmare and then Thou mayest challenge me, stop. PS. I saw your girlfriend naked, stop. Last night while I was doing her, stop. She told me not to stop, full stop.
Jackle: What a WIZEBAG!
Reala: Yeah, let's F*** HIM UP!
*dramatic music plays in the background as they walk towards Mount Nightmare. They reach Owl limping near a sign that reads MOUNT NIGHTMARE*
Owl: Hey, foolie-coolies! What's the haps on the craps?
Jackle and Reala: YEAH! WE GONNA F*** UP WIZEMAN!
Reala: Take those lightning bolts and cram it up his ass! Who's the god now, b****?
Jackle: We gonna put soap in our socks and haze that motherf***er!
Owl: Okay, but beware-
Reala: Yeah, whatever.
Jackle: Cool story, bro!
Reala: See ya.
*both walk away from Owl*
Owl: Ehhh, where am I?
*Jackle and Reala walk up to a Roman colleseum. Reala sees three birds flying above*
Reala: Heh heh. Birds.
*they walk inside and see two swords sticking out of the ground*
Reala: This must be the first challenge.
*they hear someone laughing and see Clawz dressed as a samurai and has a sword in his hand*
Clawz: Hunto! What do we do in rife echoes an eternity?
Jackle: Gluteus Maximus! Yargh!
*Jackle and Reala pull the swords from the ground and charge at Clawz who engages them in a swordfight. Clawz knocks Reala down and steals Jackle's sword. Then Clawz starts having contractions*
Clawz: *farts* Wait, wait! I have to s***. *drops the swords and waddles away*
Jackle: So, does that mean we win?
Clawz: Yeah, yeah, fine.
Reala: Niiiiiice.
*Time lapse. Jackle and Reala walk up to a treasure box*
Reala: Waz dis s***?
*Reala kicks the treasure box open and lights come out of it*
Reala: Ooh! Treasure.
*A blue box pops up with a text as Reala picks up the treasure like Link in Ocarina of time with the item get jingle playing. The text says: You got the 'Anti-Medusa Goggles'! Use these to protect against being turned into stone or a 'stoner'. Not to be confused with Day-Vision Goggles*
Jackle: *scoffs* We don't need this! *throws the goggles away*
Reala: Wai-wait! We might need that!
*hissing is heard and Bomamba with a snake body appears as Medusa*
Reala: F***!
*Reala turns to Jackle, who is pretending to be made of stone, and punches him, hurting himself*
Reala: Ohh! *weakly* wahaaaahh...
Bomamba: Bewarrre, adventurrrer, I, Meduusssa, look into my eye and you shall be turned into stonnnnnne-rs
Jackle and Reala: NEVEEEERRR! GET HER!
*Jackle floats in mid-air for a second, then they both slowly fall onto the ground with pink eyes and a smile*
Jackle and Reala: Aaagh, f*** it...
FOUR NIGHTMARE PIZZAS LATER...
Jackle: Agh! By Gandalf's beard, we made it... jeeze.
Wizeman: *off-screen* Mortal fools! *On-screen* You have completed my challenges and scaled the mighty Mount Nightmare. But to truly be a god, you must first win a game of Flip-Cauldron! THUNDER! *lightning comes out of Wizeman*
Reala: Flip-Cauldron?
Jackle: Go ahead Wizeman, make my day-iety.
*a song, sung by Jackle, plays as Jackle and Reala face Wizeman in Flip-Cauldron. The camera shows Reala, Jackle, and Wizeman chugging booze from different angles and flipping the cups over*
~Flippin' over cups, gettin' drunk on Mount Nightmare.
Wasted out my mind, think someone will have to drive us.
Beer is tasting warm, but my shades are looking cool.
And I wake up in the mo-~
*Jackle flips the whole table over and a burp sound follows. Camera then cuts to Reala and Wizeman lying on the ground, while Jackle stands*
Wizeman: *drunk* Ahaha, I think I just won! I totally just won.
Jackle: *drunk* No way, we flipped your s*** OVAR!
Reala: *drunk* You cheat, Dr Jones! *collapses*
Wizeman: I totally kicked your ass. Wizeman is the man!
*Jackle and Wizeman speak at the same time*
Jackle: Shhh shh shh shhh. Noo, noo. No, you die today. Die! Get in there, you get in there. You do it. Do it! YOU DIE! You get out here! *pushes Wizeman into a volcano*
Wizeman: Hey, what are you doing? Stop it. You stop, I don't want to go in there! No, no, don't touch me, no, no, no AAAAGH!
*Wizeman dies inside the volcano*
Jackle: *laughs*
Reala: *flails around a bit*
Jackle: God is dead!
*Reala tries to high five Jackle, but smacks him in the face instead and they both faint*
LTP: Hope you all enjoyed this week's episo- *phone rings* Huh? *answers* Hello? ... The Vatican? ... He did what!? JACKLE! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT SENDING DEATH THREATS TO THE POPE!?