Disclaimer: LTP doesn't own NiGHTS into Dreams, NiGHTS Journey of Dreams, or Dick Figures.
Chug-A-Chug-A-Brew-Brew
(opens in down town Nightmare where Jackle and Reala walk down the street. Jackle is energetic while Reala looks tired)
Jackle: *chanting* One more bar! One more bar! One more bar!
Reala: *drunk* Dude, I can barely walk. My feet feel retarded. *stomach churns*
Jackle: Ohhh, siiick, an old-timey saloon! I'mma get me some sarsaparilla like a six-shootin' cowpoke. *leaps away*
Reala: Nooooo! I'm so tired, can we go home so I can puke in my own bed?
*Jackle opens the swinging doors to the saloon and strikes a cowboy pose*
Jackle: 'Sup, partners? *falls forward, then pops up at the bar* Yowww! Gimme some sarsaparilla!
*the bartender slides a shot to him. Jackle downs it instantly*
Jackle: That was nothin'! Gimme another!
Bartender: *Southern accent* Whoa, there, city-slicker. Don't you wanna take it easy?
Jackle: Don't you want to take my money? *shows his cash*
Bartender: Right! *he cash rains down on him. He slides a pyramid of fifteen shots to Jackle, who downs them all at once*
Jackle: Fuuuuuuck, I don't feel a thing! What kind of weak-sauce fire-water is this?
Bartender: Sarsaparilla is root beer.
Jackle: Root beer?! *wipes the glasses off the bar, pulls out two guns on the bartender* How dare you serve me nonalcoholic drinks?!
*the bartender sticks his hands in the air. All of the patrons aim their guns at Jackle*
Jackle: Looks like we got ourselves an old-fashioned Mexican standoff.
*the camera pans over to the street artists*
Street Artist 'Maren 1: *scoffs* That's racist, man. I'm from Guadalajara.
Street Artist 'Maren 2: Sí, taco. We may speak Spanish, but we're not Mexicanos.
Jackle: Looks like we got ourselves a Guadalajaran standoff. Eat my bulletos!
*everyone starts shooting at each other. The bartender ducks behind the bar. Jackle backflips to behind it and continues shooting. A patron falls dead in front of the doors. Reala opens them to enter, but sees the dead patron and steps back out. Another patron shoots at Jackle, but misses, getting the beer bottles. Jackle shoots him back and shoots another patron, ending the standoff*
Bartender: *pops up* Everyone okay?
*camera pans over to Owl at a piano, groans and coughs*
Owl: Guess this is my last performance. *lays a few notes of "Maple Leaf Rag" and collapses onto the keys*
Jackle: You got me sober, bartender. What do you say you make things right and get me drunk...fo free?
Bartender: Well, then I could, friend-a-hoo, but you shot every last bottle o' Hooch and Moonshine in the joint.
Jackle: *in despair* No. No alcohol?
Bartender: 'Fraid not. Shoot, there's a train makin' a delivery shortly. Shouldn't be more than a couple minutes.
Jackle: A couple of minutes?!
*later, the booze train is seen in motion. Behind it, Jackle and Reala are riding horses to catch up to it*
Jackle: We're robbin' that f***in' train!
Reala: Come on, dude, I'm so tired! Please!
Jackle: Alcohol for breakfaaast!
*Reala and Jackle both reach the train and climb onto it*
Jackle: Hot damn, we hit the motherload! *a shot hits the beer crate next to him* Banditos!
*four bandits are on the back half of the train. One of them falls down*
Reala: Those guys are even drunker than I am.
*Jackle pulls out the two guns and gives one to Reala*
Jackle: Not drunker than me.
*Reala and Jackle start another standoff with the bandits. Two of them are shot dead and two crates are shot as well, causing beer to pour out*
Jackle: *to Reala* Dude, you're wasting the sweet nectar of life!
Reala: I'm sorry, man. I think I have alcohol blindness.
Jackle: Aimin' mah gun.
*Jackle shoots a coupling, splitting up the train. The two remaining bandits manage to jump to Jackle and Reala's half*
Jackle: Let's get outta here!
*Reala and Jackle run away. Jackle takes a bottle out of a saké crate*
Reala: What are you doing?
Jackle: *holds up the bottle* Saké bomb!
*Jackle throws the saké bottle into the train's engine. He and Reala jump back onto the horses*
Bandit 1: Should we jump off?
Bandit 2: Nah.
*the front half of the train goes down a cliff, taking the two bandits with it, and explodes off-screen*
Jackle: *he and Reala are off their horses* Cool.
*the horses leave as the back half of the train slows to a stop behind them*
Jackle: ~If you're happy and you know it, suck my d***!~
Reala: Now, can we go home and sleep?
Jackle: Are you kidding me? We got all this alcohol, it's time to party! *starts dancing*
Reala: No more. I think I'm- *stammers*
*Jackle farts*
Reala: I think I'm- *stammers* I'm dead. *falls forward*
Reviews pleasels?