Jemma got Skye's text just as she was heating up her lunch during one of her rare days with no public appearances whatsoever.

[From Beeeef: omg im freakin out]

[From Beeeef: srsly boned]

[From Beeeef: why do ppl suck]

Jemma blinked at the barrage of messages and immediately dialed the number. Skye answered almost immediately. "Jemma?"

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"More like what isn't wrong?!" Thankfully, Skye just sounded flustered, a little frazzled, but more irritated than upset. "So, I got here this morning, and a few lights were out on Stage 1. No big deal, right?"

Jemma didn't know what do say, so she simply clucked sympathetically.

"But when I tried to contact the handyman who's supposed to be on call for our building, Mr. Levi, he's not answering his phone! And, like, he's contracted by the city, so he should be around. Right?"

"Definitely…" Jemma encouraged her.

"Turns out, Levi and a couple other people, including Mad Dog, who has a show today by the way, just up and… went on a road trip! To Wisconsin! No warning! Just out of the blue!"

Urgency was starting to spur her words on, and Jemma interjected, "Okay, breathe."

"Yeah." She could hear Skye bringing herself under control. Skye was remarkably good at staying calm when she needed to. "Right."

"Hmm… doesn't the city have a backup contractor who can fix the lights?"

"Yes. Some guy named Daniels. But I can't seem to find him either." Jemma heard the rustle of papers on the other end of the line. "It's like he got exploded into a black hole or something."

"That's not how… never mind." This wasn't the time to correct Skye's scientific misconceptions. "Well…" Jemma searched her brain. "Then, how much do you need Stage 1 today?"

"Uhhh, a lot. We're supposed to be doing a pledge drive in a few hours. And I called around to Triskelion Heights, the soonest anyone could get here is after five."

"Oh."

Skye sighed into the phone. "I'm sorry, I know it's your day off, and this really isn't your problem, I just… needed to bitch about it to someone who wasn't gonna judge me."

"Of course, Skye, any time. Truly. I only wish I could help! But it's not as if I know that many people who are mechanically inclined…" Then it hit her. "Fitz! Fitz does stage lights for Fungineers." One of his numerous talents.

"Well, that doesn't exactly help me." Jemma paused, confused, but Skye barreled on. "I mean, he's not gonna want to do me a favor when I stole that stupid rabbit and messed up his show."

"But he still owes me a favor." Considering the Ice Machine Apocalypse situation, she was certain he would agree. "He might be a bit of a knob about it, but I'm sure he'll do it."

"I mean… that'd be great, but are you sure?" She could hear Skye's indecision. "I don't want you to have to call in a favor for me, especially not with Fitz. I know he's not exactly your favorite person."

"No, no…" she laughed nervously, unable to explain why he wasn't her least favorite person anymore, either. The truth was, somewhere along the line - and she couldn't have said when, exactly - Fitz's bad-tempered grousing had become more of a friendly back-and-forth. After all, I've held my own against him, haven't I? It wasn't as if their bickering was entirely his fault, or hers, it was more as if they both enjoyed-

"Hey, you still there?"

Jemma shook herself and turned her attention back to the problem at hand. Really, Jemma. The details of her rivalry with Fitz could certainly be pondered another day. At the moment, a friend needed her help.

"Yes, of course! I'm here. Listen, I don't mind, honestly. I'll ring him straightaway."

Skye's palpable relief was all the thanks she needed. "Holy crap, you're really saving my ass. I'm so gonna owe you a girls' night after this!"

"Not a problem. Call you later!"

She pressed the button to hang up, called Fitz's number, and tried to ignore the swoop in her stomach when he answered on the first ring.

"Jemma! What a lovely surprise," Fitz tried to hide the actual surprise in his voice with his favorite defense mechanism. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" His tone changed to one of knowing confidentiality. "Did you forget how to make a right turn again?"

"I'm surprised you think yourself the better driver, since I'm the one of us who actually has a car," she parried.

"Touché." He grinned into his mobile. "So what's up?"

He heard her inhale. "I have a proposition for you. Well, Skye does, actually."

She was making this far too easy. "My God, well, I'm flattered, but I barely know Skye! This is all happening so fast."

"You're a child," she huffed. He thought she might be smiling.

"Nah, but I hope Skye likes children, because I want at least a good half dozen. You know, to help out on the farm and such. Oh, tell her we're gonna live on a farm. I assume that's the American dream."

"Keep this up and I won't tell you what it is."

"Fine," he relented. "What do you need?"

"The lights are out on one of the stages at the station, and they can't find an electrician. You've wired lights for Mack before, yeah?"

Huh. That was probably the last thing he'd expected her to say. "Yeah, I've done a few. Can't guarantee anything, but I could take a look. When's she need them by?"

"As soon as possible."

He moved to grab a pen. "And what does that mean, exactly?"

"In the next three hours?"

"Bloody Hell, Jemma! Give us a bit of warning next time, will you?"

"Well I only just heard about it myself! She's spent all morning calling around, and the poor thing's desperate."

Ouch. "So, she'd have to be desperate to want my help, eh?"

"Oh for Christ's sake," she muttered. "Don't take it personally! Besides, given that you need the money…"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sure, funds were tight, but did she think he couldn't manage a budget?

"Nothing!" She huffed again, this time in earnest. "I only thought, since you lost the Quinn job, that-"

Whoa. He hadn't lost the Quinn job. "I'm not a charity case, Jemma." She could keep her pity-job if the price was listening to her emasculate him.

"I'm only trying to help," she chided him.

"Well maybe I don't need your help!"

"But Skye does! Good grief, did you ever stop to think that maybe this isn't about you?"

His mouth dropped open. "Rude!"

"I am not! How is it rude for me to want to help out my friends?"

Fitz was silent for a beat, until he realized what she'd said. A quick smile sparked into the corners of his lips.

"Did you- did you just call me your friend?"

"What?" she dissembled. "No! Don't be ridiculous."

"You did." His grin widened, enjoying her discomfort. "I heard you." If he could have seen her face, Fitz would have been pointing at it.

"I don't know what you think you heard, Leo, but now is hardly the time for this nonsense. Why are you making nonsense!"

"Fair enough." He did only have a couple of hours to contend with a brand-new lighting system he'd never worked on before. "I'll get my tools."

"Thank you." She sounded a tad subdued.

"Oh, and Jemma?"

"Hmm?"

"Only my mum calls me Leo. Do it again and I'm tellin' Skye you said we were friends."

"Coming to my rescue twice in one day?" Skye quipped as she gratefully accepted the enormous blended coffee Jemma handed her. "You really are a superhero."

"It was no trouble, I promise. Just glad to be of assistance." Jemma looked around quickly, tucking a strand of hair behind one ear. "Is, erm… is Fitz here yet?"

"Yeah!" Skye pointed to the tall ladder a ways off to the side and then to the rigging above the stage. "He showed up really fast. What did you even say to him?"

"Oh, nothing, I'm sure," Jemma let out a small laugh and played absently with her necklace, craning her neck up so she could spot him. "Dear god! Is that safe?"

Fitz was perched precariously on the catwalk, leaning over the edge far beyond what Jemma considered prudent.

"I know! Scary, right?" Skye took a huge slurp of her coffee shake and shook her head in disbelief. "He's been doing that the whole time; for a minute he was even hanging off the rails. It's like he's part monkey."

"Mack!" Fitz called down. "I need my big spanner!"

"I got you, Turbo!" Mack climbed up the ladder partway, reaching a large wrench over his head to a dangling Fitz, who took it easily.

"Stay there for a minute," Fitz instructed his partner. "Just got to," he heaved himself even farther out, holding on to the railing by his forearm and one gripping leg, "give this old thing a couple good screws, and then we can test it out."

"Hah!" came a snippy voice from behind Jemma. "Wish someone would give this old thing a good screw."

Hearing Skye's snort, Jemma didn't need to turn around to identify the speaker, but she did anyway. "Hello, Vaughn." Discreet as ever, I see. "Enjoying the show?"

"Honey- at my age, you see a man looking that good in a tank top?" Vaughn sipped at his Diet Pepsi. "You stop and appreciate the view."

Mack certainly did have an impressive physique. Displayed as he was, one leg bent up onto a step and the other pressing straight onto the ladder rung below, cleaning rag sticking out of his back pocket, Mack presented the very picture of a well-muscled handyman. Jemma, Skye, and Vaughn stood for a moment in silence, just taking him in. Him and his arms.

Vaughn sighed. "Too bad I can't say the same for that twinky little drama queen he works with."

"Fitz?" Skye peered up with a skeptical look, shrugging. "I don't know… it's not like he's ugly."

Quite the opposite, actually. Jemma watched as Fitz scooted himself along a beam, his white tee and unbuttoned overshirt bunching around his chest, exposing most of his torso. Not that she was watching for that reason, of course. She was simply worried for his safety; it was very nerve-wracking to see him engaging in various acts of dexterity at such a height. In fact, before long, Jemma's pulse had sped up. Out of concern.

"Not ugly on the outside, maybe." Vaughn bent his head with a gossipy twist of his lips. "Let me tell you chickies exactly what is wrong with Leopold Fitz."

Jemma grimaced, aware of how easily Fitz took offense, and unsure whether he was within earshot. "I don't kn-"

"Picture this." Vaughn spread his palms, fluttering fingers and looking off to the side at no one. "The year was 2013. The world was reeling from the fact that it hadn't ended in 2012. My mother's 70th was fast approaching. And Fitz and his so-called business partner absolutely ruined that poor old woman's birthday party."

Jemma cringed internally. A few minutes later, she'd given up trying to stop the old man's anti-Leopold rant and had settled for making sure he kept his storytelling to a reasonable volume, while keeping a watchful eye on Fitz. Just to avoid an unpleasant scene, that's all. Thankfully, the sound of Fitz's labor seemed sufficient to prevent him from overhearing anything.

"And of course I'd hired Fungineers - I love a man in a cape," Vaughn winked outrageously. "Gimme that ol' razzle dazzle, honey! Besides, just look at the tall drink of coffee who runs it." Vaughn gestured at Mack, who was now laughing at something Fitz had said about the level of grime in the ceiling pipes. "But the Amazing Leopold was supposed to do this big magic trick, the showcase of the entire performance, and I was going to pop out of the box. My interpretive dance teacher said it was the perfect way to pay homage to my mother for bringing me into the spotlight of this world."

Jemma and Skye looked at each other, eyebrows raised, while Vaughn sighed mournfully. "Next thing I know, that Scottish tramp is letting my five-year-old niece steal the show! Just because I was a little late-" he scoffed, incredulous, "Hello, what was I supposed to do? I was the star! I had to look good!" He pursed his lips angrily. "And you can't tell me that guy doesn't know the importance of good grooming-" he lowered his voice conspiratorially, "Seriously, have you seen his nail beds?" He held up an index finger. "The man's a hypocrite, and I'm just so-" he broke off, tearing up slightly, "so happy there are other people in this town who see him for the upstart little attention whore he really is."

Vaughn fanned his face for a second before choking out, "I need a minute."

Skye came to his aid. "Yeah… no problem. Uhhh…" She cast around, seemingly at a loss for words, and suddenly sparked to life. "Right! We need someone to fill in for Mad Dog on the radio! Would you mind findi-"

"Oh my stars and stones, do you mean it!?" Vaughn was staring at Skye, hands near his mouth and shaking… and if he hadn't been about to cry a second ago, he was now. "I promise, I won't let you down!"

"What?" Skye started to explain herself. "No, I just wanted you to-"

"Yes!" Vaughn was smoothing down what little hair he had, tugging on the waistband of his trousers and jiggling his arms and legs. "Take that, haters! It's Vaughn's time now!" The man was literally giddy, staring at Skye with unfettered gratitude. "As god is my witness," he put a hand to his chest, "I will be the best deejay this one-toilet town has ever seen!" A second later, Vaughn skipped away towards the radio booth. "Suck on it, bitches!"

"Right, that should do it." Brilliant job of it, too. Fitz chuckled at his own pun as he wriggled back onto the ladder and lowered himself down, then jumped the last three steps and gave Mack a wave where he stood by the breaker box.

Jemma moved to stand by the fire extinguisher - she of little faith - and Mack cautioned for everyone to step back, calling, "All right, man, let's light 'er up!"

Within seconds the stage was flooded in searing light.

"Friggin' yes! Finally!" Skye groaned in relief from the sideline, looking exhausted. She turned to share a high-five with Jemma, and as he headed their way, he heard Skye breathe out, "Seriously, I owe you one, for real."

"You owe her?" he grumbled, nearing the two women. "I fixed the bloody thing." There was no heat in his complaint, though. And speaking of heat… those lights had been more than a little heavy. Fitz had spent the last hour or so straining all his major muscle groups in order to get the job done, and the building's A/C wasn't impressive to begin with, much less up in the ceiling. Fitz wiped his sleeve on his brow and curled his lip in disgust when it came off in a smear of dust and sweat. "Ugh. I need a shower." And possibly a scented candle.

He wasted no time stripping down to his tee shirt, using the plaid button-up to towel off his hair and face. "...What?" he asked, noticing that Jemma and Skye were watching him closely. "Have I got a cobweb or something?" He twisted and craned, trying to swat it off.

Jemma looked a bit flushed - perhaps the A/C was lacking at floor level too - but she was quick to reassure him. "No, no… don't worry!" She stepped around him to check his back, her expression firmly cheery. "Not an arachnid in sight, it would seem. You're fine!"

"Damn fine," Skye added, not quite quietly enough. What the Hell? Maybe Skye did want to marry him.

"Yeah, okay… I'm just gonna… go to the main office." Who could puzzle out women, really?

Fitz beckoned for Mack, and they went down to the accounting department to sort out how to bill their services. On the way, they passed the broadcasting booth, where Fitz was startled to hear a pissy-sounding man on the radio going off, oddly enough, on a vehement rant against Scotland for "bogarting" the unicorn as its national animal.

By the time Fitz and Mack reached their destination, though, the tone of the show had changed to something slightly more uplifting.

"But listen to me, going on and on about how hideously tacky golf pants are… Let's get back to the music! For all you dreamers out there, here's CeCe Peniston's Finally. Because if it can happen to me, it can happen to you! This has been your host, the Vaughn and Only, saying… stay fab and don't let anyone dim your sparkle!"

Author's Notes:

So the big question is, is Fitz aware that he actually has two arch nemeses? Spoiler alert: OTT crack!diva!Vaughn (diVaughn?) isn't even on Fitz's radar. Poor Leopold's probably just like "why is that guy glaring at me? *shrug* must just be his face" every time he comes down to the station. And you can imagine how much Vaughn likes being ignored.

So in this fic, my headcanon is that Skye input her number into Jemma's phone and saved her contact as Beeeef because that is how Skye likes to pronounce BFF. (I mean, in case you needed to know, hehe.)

Credit to starbrightnights for making me give Fitz chances to use his "big spanner" whenever I can.
:-D

The "good screw" line can also be seen in Law & Order: MCU by amandajbruce. (I've plugged it before and I'll plug it again! Seriously one of my favorite AUs.)

"Stars and stones" is a reference to the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher, which is a lot of fun, and contains various creative curses like that one. Besides, Vaughn seems a little obsessed with stardom, and also probably his stones.

Shout out to memorizingthedigitsofpi for her help with the direction of FitzSimmons' phone bickering and the name of Vaughn's new radio hour, "The Vaughn and Only" - she is a funny duck, that Pi.