A/N: I don't own this. We all know who does. She doesn't have a daughter whose birthday is the day before hers. I do. My Drama Queen turned 17. I'm pretty sure my life is MUCH more exciting than hers. Yeah, it's totally not. :D
Thanks to my girls - Alice's White Rabbit, Belle Clementine, EdwardsBloodType, and MrsRobward. In the words of Taylor Swift … "'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play. And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, I shake it off, I shake it off." :)
o*O*o*6*o*O*o
I feel a little bad when Edward calls to tell me he's off work Friday night and wants to go out. He's sweet when I explain what's going on and says he can plan to meet me afterward, and maybe stay the night. He's stayed over several times, and I must admit I like having him here.
The line of cars parked along the sides of the road in front of the Cullen house don't surprise me. It's a big neighborhood full of beautiful homes, and there's always a party somewhere. What does surprise me is a car parked across the street that looks just like Edward's. I laugh at the thought of Edward living near Esme, and I wonder if I should call him quick, just to see where he is. I know he's going out tonight with Emmett from the bar, but as I pull my phone out of my pocket, Jessica drives up, and since I'm still trying to keep my boyfriend's identity a secret, I put an end to that plan.
"Bella! Jess!" Alice yells as she opens the door to let us in. There are about eight of us ladies from the school who usually meet, and it seems like we're the last two to arrive. Everyone's in the kitchen laughing and talking as we walk in. Food is laid out on every surface, and everyone is already eating. The wine is flowing, and I grab one of the glasses Esme has set out and open the bottle I brought.
Esme's daughters run in to get food, and all the other ladies ohh and ahh over how cute they are. Katie and Lizzie are twins and nearly teenagers, and we've watched them mature over the last few years. They're into fashion and shoes and spoiled with all the latest trends, which makes Jessica and Alice more than excited to gush over what they're wearing. They each say hi to me before darting back upstairs, though the way Katie looks back at me several times has me puzzled.
I'm sitting at a table talking to Angela, my back to the kitchen, when a woman I don't know walks in. Esme is quick to introduce her to all of us, and I turn around to wave and say hello.
"This is my niece Rosalie. She's going to join us tonight," Esme explains. Rosalie seems very friendly, and she blends into the group seamlessly. As we talk to her and get to know her a little more, we hear male voices in the foyer.
"That's my husband. He's going to a movie with my cousin tonight while I'm here with you girls," Rosalie says as she sips her wine.
"Is Carlisle out there, too?" Alice asks, looking toward the doorway. "He's so hot."
Rosalie laughs. "Ugh, that's so wrong," she says as the rest of us swoon a little over just the thought of him.
"Mom!" We hear a deep voice yell, and instantly, I'm frozen. Reeling. "Mom, we're gonna go."
I know that voice. No, it can't be. My heart begins to pound, my head is spinning, and I feel like I can't catch my breath. It can't be possible. It just can't. The conversation begins to fade away. I'm not sure if it's really stopping or if it's my inability to hear anything over the sound of blood rushing through my ears. It feels like everyone's 100 feet away from me, and I'm straining to catch just one word, one phrase.
"Oh, honey," I manage to hear Esme say. "Come say hi to my friends before you go." Her words are muffled in my head, and I can barely understand them over the constant screams of "No, this isn't happening, this isn't real!" that are echoing through my brain.
"Ladies, this is my son Edward. He's living with us for now," Esme says, and I feel like crawling under the table. I'm frozen and I can't turn around, and I hope with everything I have that I'm wrong. I pray I'm hearing her wrong, but I know in my heart I'm not. What the fuck is happening? How did I miss this?
"Hi, ladies," he says with the cheerful voice he reserves for others. It's not the one he uses with me. There's no want or desire in it. I know him well enough to recognize he saves that voice for me. And only me.
Me. His mother's friend. The older woman he's sleeping with and making love to. The lady in his mother's book club. The woman his mother thinks is too old for him. Me.
As if things aren't bad enough, Esme starts to make introductions. I down the rest of the wine in my glass and wonder if I can get out of the room without anyone noticing. When she gets to the table where I'm sitting, I know my time's up. "And this is Angela, Alice, Bella, and of course, Rose." The other girls all wave, yet I sit here frozen. I can't turn around. I can't speak. I just can't.
"Bella," Alice nudges me, but my eyes are glued to my glass on the table.
They don't have the same last name. He looks nothing like her. Well, other than his hair. Oh shit. I shake my head back and forth, barely enough for her to see. "No. No, please no," I whisper mostly to myself.
"Oh, no," Alice says as her hand goes to cover her mouth. And my eyes slide closed. Please don't let me cry here. "I know you," she whispers.
The room is silent for a few moments until Jessica gasps. "It's you. From the bar."
"What?" Esme asks. Confusion is clear in her voice. She hasn't pieced it together yet, and I'm not willing to help her. How did I not know? "What's going on?"
"You're the guy from the bar. The bar boy. You're Bella's bar boy, aren't you?" Jessica asks, and all eyes turn to me. I may not be looking, but I can feel them.
"Bella?" I hear him say from almost directly behind me.
I don't know what to do, and I take a deep breath before I open my eyes. My body seems to be glued to the chair, but I force myself to turn around and look up at him. And it is him. I knew it would be, but I still hoped I was wrong.
He doesn't seem nearly as confused as I am which makes me start to panic. It's in that moment Esme seems to catch on.
"Wait, you know each other?" Esme asks. Her eyes bounce back and forth between us, and I break when I see her start to tear up. "Edward, what's going on?"
"Mom, um ..." He's speechless. I've never seen him speechless. Or guilty. And right now, he's both.
"Esme, I'm sorry," I whisper. "I didn't know. I swear I didn't know."
"What?" she asks, wrapping her arms around her waist.
"Please, Esme. I'm so sorry. Please." I can't stop my tears from falling down my cheeks, and the room is so completely silent it makes me ache even more. The only sounds are the sounds of hurt, of confusion, of disbelieving. And they're all pounding through my head.
"Bella, you're Edward's girlfriend? He's your new boyfriend? I don't understand." Esme's confused, and I'm humiliated.
"Mom, I can explain. It's not a bad thing."
"Edward!" Esme yells. "What are you thinking? With Bella? Are you insane?"
My heart breaks completely as her words confirm every fear I had about our relationship. I can't help but hang my head and let out a sob. Edward's trying his best to calm her, but with the way she's yelling at him, I know he won't be successful. She's the one person I would never want to hurt, and that's what I've done. I've made her angry, made her cry. Taken her son away from her. I'm the horrible woman who stole her baby boy. The one she'll never forgive.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," I whisper as I push away from the table, rushing to get out of the room and the house as quickly as I can.
"Bella, wait," Edward calls out, and I feel his hand on me, just like the first night we met when he followed me out of the bar.
"Don't touch me!" I yell, jerking away from him. "Did you know?" I ask, but I don't need to. I can see it in his eyes. He knew what he was doing. He knew who I was, and he pursued me anyway. He didn't care what it would do to his mother or me. And I thought I knew him.
"Bella? Edward? What's going on?" I hear Carlisle say as he comes walking in from the living room. Emmett is right behind him, and I hear him cursing under his breath when he sees me.
"I have to go. I'm so sorry," I tell him. Then I'm out the door, running to my car, as Edward's yelling from behind me. He's begging me to wait, pleading with me to stay. But I can't. I can't be near him. I can't be here. I've ruined everything. And he knew.
The drive home is a blur. I don't see anything through my tears. I don't hear anything through my cries. I don't feel anything through my brokenness. I know I shouldn't be driving, but I can't stop. I have a feeling Edward's not far behind me, and that fact pushes me out of my car and into my dark house. I barely get the door closed and locked before I lean against the wall and slide to the floor, my head resting on my knees as I sob. I love him, and Esme hates me. I respect her more than any other person in the world, and I never would have knowingly done anything to hurt her, but hearing what she said to Edward about us ... She'll never forgive me for what I've done with her son. She'll never accept us. It's over, and I've lost him. The realization has me crying harder than I've ever cried before.
I don't see the lights flash across my living room wall, and I don't hear the footsteps racing up my sidewalk. He's knocking on the door, his voice frantic as he calls my name, begging me to let him in. He just wants a chance to explain, to make me understand, but it won't work. He can't fix this.
"Please, baby. I'll stay out here all night if I have to. Damn it, please let me in," he says in the saddest voice I've ever heard. I can hear what I assume is his head as it thuds against the door. He's so close, only a few inches away, but it doesn't feel that way. He pleads and whimpers, asking over and over again for me to open the door, to give him a chance, but I just sit here on the floor, listening to him as I think about how I can't ever have the life I truly want. We won't work. I can't hurt Esme that way.
"Bella, please."
It feels like a lifetime has passed when I finally reach up and flip the lock on the handle. I give up. I can't keep him away anymore. I don't have the strength. My arm falls back to my side, I wait for Edward to open the door, and he does. Slowly and quietly, stepping inside and softly shutting it behind him. He kneels in front of me, his red puffy eyes looking into mine.
"I'm so fucking sorry, Bella. Please, baby. I'm sorry."
"Why?" I ask, my voice breathy and barely audible.
"I couldn't help it. You're everything I've ever wanted."
"Did you know?"
"Know what?"
I look at him, trying to summon the anger I should feel at his response, but all I can feel is sad. I'm too sad to be angry.
"I didn't know who you were when we met, if that's what you mean. I didn't know you were my mom's friend, I swear. It wasn't 'til the second night I came here when you told me you're a teacher. I wondered, but I didn't know." His hands wrap around mine, anchoring him to me. "I'd heard my mom talk about a Bella, but I didn't know it was you until I looked on the school website. It was too late by then. I was already falling in love with you."
"Don't say that," I almost growl at him. "Don't you dare say you love me."
"But I do. I love you, Bella."
"Don't say that!" I yell, pushing his hands away. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about. You're too young to—"
"To what? I'm too young to know what love is? Is that it?" he yells back at me. "Don't say that shit to me. I'm not too young, Bella. I know exactly what love is. I knew it from the minute I saw you. I knew that night, that instant, that I could love you. That I could fall so fucking hard and spend the rest of my life with you."
"You're wrong. You don't know what it is. You haven't lived enough yet."
"Damn, Bella, I'm 23, not 15. Don't treat me as if I'm some kid because I'm not. You know I'm not."
I shake my head. I don't know what to say, how to explain it to him. He can't know. He just can't.
"Carlisle was younger than me when he met my mother. I was nine years old, and he loved us both. He never looked back, Bella. He took on a ready-made family because he loved us."
"What?" I ask him, wondering what he's talking about.
"Carlisle's not my father, at least not biologically."
Now it dawns on me why I never made the connection between Edward and Esme. They have different last names, and Edward looks nothing like Esme or Carlisle. And Edward's so much older than I assumed Esme's son would be.
"My mom was 17 when she had me. My real dad didn't stick around past my first birthday. We were on our own until she met Carlisle. He's my dad; the only father I've ever known. He didn't run; he didn't cave under the pressure of a shitty, whiny nine-year-old boy. He stuck around. He taught me what it means to love someone, and because of that, I know what I feel for you. And holy shit, do I love you, Bella."
He stands up, towering over me, before offering his hand to pull me up. I don't know what to do, but I put my hand in his and let him lift me. His arm wraps around my waist, and he guides me to the sofa, sitting down next to me but leaving a little space between us. He's too far away, I know that, but I can't bring myself to ask him to come closer. Damn, how I still want him, even with the mess we're in. I want him.
"There's a lot you don't know about me, Bella. But I want you to know it. All of it. And I want to know everything about you, too. I want to be here, be a part of your life. My mom will get over it. She'll understand. She loves you, Bella. You know she does."
"But she'll hate me," I say, my voice shaking as my chin quivers.
He lifts my face until his eyes meet mine. "No, she won't. It's not possible to hate you," he whispers, and I want so much to believe him.
"But the things she said. I mean—"
"She was surprised, that's all," he says. "She'll come around. You'll see. But, Bella, more than anything, she wants me to be happy, and I'm happy with you. I know you think I'm young and that I don't know enough, but what I do know is this: I love you. I want to be with you. I want to make you happy and give you everything you need. I want to make a life with you."
"How can you say that?" I ask, my words soft and unbelieving. "It's only been a few months."
His smile is small, but it's like a ray of sunshine in a stormy night. "Like I said, I knew the first night."
I'm quiet as I lean my head against his shoulder, feeling his warmth and love. I'm selfish and greedy, and I soak it all in.
"Do you love me, Bella?" he whispers. His voice is a shadow of what it was before when he was declaring himself to me. I can tell now he's uncertain, worried. He thinks I don't feel the same.
He's insane, just like Esme said.
"Yes. I love you, too," I tell him, looking up into his troubled eyes. "I love you so damn much I think I might go crazy."
His smile is blinding, though I only see it for a second because his lips are on mine, and he's kissing me like it's the first time. Like I'm saving him, and maybe I am. I know he's saving me. As we touch and feel and soothe each other, his phone starts to ring. I ignore it at first, but it keeps ringing over and over again.
"Should you get that?" I ask as he peppers kisses on my neck.
"No, it's just my mom. She can wait."
"Edward," I say, stopping him. "Talk to her. For me."
He sighs, his forehead pressed against mine as he tries to catch his breath. "Are you sure? She'll get over it, Bella. I know she will."
"I just ... I need her to be okay with us. With me. She's my friend, Edward." My eyes are tearing up again. "I can't stand the thought of hurting her. Not her."
"Okay. For you," he whispers before digging the phone out of his pocket then letting out a long sigh before he accepts the call. "Hi, Mom."
He's quiet for a few seconds, and I can hear her speaking on the other end, telling him over and over again how sorry she is and how she didn't mean it.
"Mom, I love her. You need to know that. And I love you, too, but I can't be without her. I want you to be okay with it, Mom. Please."
They speak for another minute or two before he pulls the phone away and holds it in front of me. "She's wants to talk to you. Are you all right with that?"
I don't know what she'll say, but I nod and take the phone. "Hello?"
"Oh, Bella," she says, and I can tell she's crying. "Honey, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me. It was all so sudden, and I was so surprised by things. I'm so ashamed of the way I acted, Bella. Can you ever forgive me?"
Her words stun me, and I don't know what to say. "Esme, no. You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who's sorry."
She laughs a sad laugh. "My Edward's a stubborn boy. I'm sure you know that by now. I wish I'd found out differently, but that's not your fault. And, Bella, you know how fond I am of you. I suppose the years between you two aren't as great a gap as I'd imagined."
She reassures me a few more times that she's okay with it, that she can accept me being with Edward. That she's overjoyed we found each other, and that she's never seen Edward so happy in all his life.
"Will you come to dinner on Sunday?" she asks. "After all, I have all this food here, and no one to eat it."
I laugh a soft laugh and assure her I'll be there. "Thank you, Esme. You have no idea how devastated I was at the thought of hurting you."
"I know, Bella. Trust me. I know." And if there's one person who could understand my situation, it's her.
Edward and I sit alone in the dark, quiet room, not letting go of one another. "Bella, just so you know, I'm not like my father. I don't run when things get hard." His hand is on my cheek, and he's staring into my eyes. "I love you. I'll never love anyone else as much as I love you. Please believe me."
"I do. I love you, too." And I do love him. Even though it seems impossible, I love him. It's that fact that forces me to realize something I've known since the first night.
I can't say no to him. It's simply not possible.
Not tonight when he'll carry me to my bed and ask if he can make love to me, then lie beside me all night and whisper over and over again that he loves me.
Not at Thanksgiving when he'll ask if he can move in with me since he practically lives here anyway.
Not at Christmas when he'll drop to one knee in the middle of his parents' living room and ask me to marry him, giving me the most beautiful smile when I nod and cry and throw my arms around him.
Not on Valentine's Day when he'll ask if he can forget the condoms from then on, and he'll freak out about how good it feels.
Not the day after his graduation when I'll walk down the aisle to him, tying my life to his forever.
Not later that night when he'll ask if I want to make a baby with him, and I'll let him fuck me every way he knows how.
Not ten months later when he'll ask if he can lie beside me on my hospital bed with our baby daughter sleeping soundly between us as he watches me and thanks me for the perfect life he has.
Not when we're old and gray and he'll ask me to wait for him on the other side because my heart's too weak to let me stay with him much longer.
Not ever. Because he's all I want, all I need. He's my everything. Forever.
o*O*o*6*o*O*o
A/N: Here's the deal-i-o. I might write some outtakes for this. If I do, what do you want to read? Any of the ending scenes from the future? Maybe some of Bella's life in college with Mr. Nameless Ex Douche Bag? What about a little Edward POV from the night they met? Maybe Bella's awkward first Sunday night family dinner with the Cullen's? What? Let me know. I'm not promising anything, but if I DO write more of these two, I wanna write what you wanna read, so hit me up. :)
Until then, thanks for sharing my birthday with me. It was fun. :)