Title: Frailty
Author: ZombieJazz
Fandom: Law & Order: SVU
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Will (and his family) and Noah have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.
Summary: As Olivia adjusts to her new squad, her family life is again shaken. She must struggle to find a way to balance her past and questions about her own lineage and her son's paternity while trying to find answers that her child's life are dependant on. Through it she's forced to re-examine the meaning of family, marriage, motherhood, and the significance her job plays in her life. This story takes place about a year after the conclusion of Undeserved in my AU series of stories and is a direct continuation of where Rollercoaster was headed.
Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. My stories are not EO and never will be. You may want to read some of my other ones for context on the characters in this AU first - though, it's likely fairly self-explanatory on its own too.
WARNING: THIS STORY MIGHT KIND OF BE A SPOILER FOR READERS OF UNDESERVED AND A DEFINITE SPOILER FOR ROLLERCOASTER.
THIS STORY IS A CONTINUATION OF WHERE ROLLERCOASTER WAS HEADED. AS THAT STORY IS CURRENTLY AT A STANDSTILL BUT I GET SEVERAL REGULAR REQUESTS ABOUT THE STATUS OF THE LIV/WILL/NOAH STORIES, I DECIDED TO PROVIDE THIS GLIMPSE OF WHERE IT WAS/IS HEADED. THIS STORY MAY EXIST AS A STANDALONE OR MAY EVENTUALLY BE ABSORBED INTO ROLLERCOASTER AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE.
"I want his sample taken and I want me and Will tested before we leave today," Olivia said sternly.
Will wasn't sure she'd heard a thing the doctor had said up to that point based on the barked order. But he also wasn't sure how much he'd been hearing either. It was complete information overload as they bounced through the appointments. And, now, sitting in some new doctor's office in some new super specialized section of the hospital that didn't just deal with cancer or leukemia or treatment or children – it was all about transplants. Bone marrow transplants. Stem cell plants. Whatever you wanted to call it. The terms were so interconnected that Will was starting to get confused about if Noah needed a bone marrow transplant or a stem cell transplant. He guessed it was the same thing but that it sounded like they would likely favor getting the stem cells out of bone marrow rather than just blood because Noah was a child. He thought. He wasn't entirely sure. He was going to have to sit down and digest and look at this pile of information that kept growing and growing in his hands with each new pamphlet and information packet and guidebook and photocopy and release form and consent form they signed. He'd sort of like to talk to Olivia too and try to understand what she'd understood from any of this. But with the way she was now drilling into the doctor – he was starting to think she'd heard and absorbed less than him.
They should've brought some one else. That's really all he kept thinking. They both were so private. They both thought the other's ears were enough. They were intelligent people. They were used to working in stressful situations with lots of information being thrown at them. They were used to functioning in hospital environments at this point. They new how to interact with medical information. But this all felt so different. And hard. … And they should've brought another person who would've hopefully heard and understood any of this better than they could in that moment.
The doctor just gave her a nod. "We will definitely do a swab of Noah before you leave today to start mapping his HLA," the doctor assured.
"You'll swap both of us too," she pressed back again.
The doctor held up a hand, urging her to pause. "OK, Olivia, first we need to get Noah into the system so we can even start looking for a match. That has to happen before we can start testing other people. If we swab you now it's like that your insurance …"
"We'll pay for it out of pocket," she said harshly.
The doctor gave a little sigh. "OK," he allowed. "But, again, I know the first instinct is to assume that the most likely match is going to be the mother or father. However, it doesn't work that way. The most likely match is generally biological siblings – with the same mother and father."
"Noah's an only child," Olivia blurted the obvious that was already well-documented on all their paperwork.
"I know," the doctor nodded. "And, my understanding is that Will, you aren't the biological father?"
"No," Will allowed at a much more muted level then Olivia was speaking. He could see how frazzled she was. She anxiety and agitation was just rolling off her. He rarely saw her like this. But he understood where it was coming from. He knew she was frantic to just find a solution to all of this. And quickly. It felt like an impossible task.
"OK," the doctor said again and cast Olivia a look. "Right now – just right now – it doesn't make a lot of sense to have Will tested. The likelihood of him being a donor …"
But Will bristled at that and sat straighter. "I'm being tested," he said sternly. "My whole family – they're going to be tested."
The doctor sat back in his chair and bit and eyed them. Will knew he likely had conversations like this multiple times a week with new patients and their families. But even as his voice remained level and patient – there was a certain level of visible annoyance that he had to have this conversation over and over again.
"That's fine," he allowed. "But, Will, because you are not the biological father you and your whole family are considered unrelated donors. At this stage our focus – and your insurance's preference – is going to be on familial donors."
"Will's family is Noah's family," Olivia spat through clenched teeth. "That is our family."
"OK," the doctor allowed again. "We'll call it biological donors. Donors who share some of Noah's genetic make-up. The starting point is always testing the siblings and in some cases your insurance company will probably consent to testing the biological parents. To start."
"It doesn't matter what they consent to," Olivia pressed again. "Will and I are paying tested. His family is being tested. We will pay for it out of pocket if we have to."
The doctor allowed a little sigh. "OK, Olivia, we'll swab you today too. But let's talk about Noah's biological father for a minute. Do you have any communication with him?"
Olivia rubbed at her eyebrow. "Not for a while," she allowed after a pregnant pause where Will had wondered if he was going to have to answer for her.
"Would you be able to get in contact with him?"
Olivia sighed and looked down. Will knew that the possibility of them attempting to communicate with Kurt – of opening themselves up to be hurt by him again – had been weighing heavily on her. They'd already talked about it. Cried about it. They already thought they knew exactly what he'd say and do – or wouldn't do.
"We know how to reach him," Will provided on Olivia's behalf. They knew where he worked. They knew who his lawyer was. They could have their lawyer do the dirty work for them if they needed to. Not that hearing that he'd said 'no' through a lawyer would be any easier than having him say it to his face.
"And do you think he'd consent to being tested?"
"I doubt it," Olivia said at a near whisper.
"OK," the doctor nodded and made a small note. "Do you happen to know if he has any other children?"
"No," Olivia said. "Not that I'm aware of. Probably not that he's aware of either."
The doctor cast her a look but made no comment to that. Instead he just tapped something else into their chart and then spun his chair back to face them.
"OK, what about your family, Olivia?" he said. "People who'd share some part of Noah's genetic make-up."
"I don't have family," she put flatly.
He eyed her some more. "We aren't just discussing any siblings. What about aunts, uncles, cousins?"
"No," Olivia shook her head.
Olivia had already expressed to Will that she didn't know if she wanted to reach out to Simon yet. He thought she should but something about it had her floundering. Maybe their last encounter with him. Maybe the questions about her father. The revisiting of her past. He knew they'd likely try to track him down – in jail – eventually. Olivia just wasn't ready to go there yet. At least not verbally with the doctor and he wasn't going to contradict her. Or maybe she was so distracted she was even forgetting she had a half-brother in that moment. That wouldn't surprise him either.
"OK," the doctor allowed again and thought. "Well, that's OK. Only about 30 per cent of patients actually find their donor within their family."
"I thought you said siblings were the best match," Olivia pushed at him.
He nodded. "They are. But even then it's about a one in four chance that match will be in a sibling."
"OK, so if Will and I got pregnant –"
The doctor held up a hand to cut her off. "OK, again, Will is not your son's biological father so the genetic make-up of that child would be a very unlikely match for Noah. And, you'd be looking at a nine month waiting period, anyways," he gave them with a bit of a smile. "After you got pregnant."
Olivia sighed and gestured. "What about … cord blood? You hear about people freezing that all the time. Harvesting the stem cells?"
He allowed a little nod. "And, stem cells from cord blood might be an option for Noah," the doctor allowed. "Generally, with Noah's age and illness, I tend to favor bone marrow. Children seem to do better with it. But sometimes cord blood – which it's a bit more of a blank slate – does do well. We do have lots of cord blood in the registry. But again, we need to get Noah into the registry, do the mapping of his HLA, and then see if we have any matches in the system."
"How likely is it there's going to be a match?" Will asked.
The doctor sighed and sat back in his chair a bit. "It really depends. Stem cell transplants are really more about genetic make-up then something like an organ donation or a blood transplant. It's going to depend on what kind of genetic make-up he ask and how unique his tissue is."
"Olivia's the same blood type as him," Will blurted.
The doctor just shrugged. "That really doesn't have anything to do with stem cells unfortunately. We can hope that Olivia is a match for him but it's extremely unlikely."
Olivia made a small sound. It'd been one she'd been making a lot the past few days. The sound of the air quietly being knocked out of her as far as Will could tell.
"Ethnic and racial background tends to have more to do with it," the doctor provided. "Do you know much about your family's background or his father's?" he directed at her.
Olivia just shrugged. "I don't know. His father's white. WASP. Likely. My mother was Caucasian. My grandparents lived around Albany. I think the family lineage goes back to England."
"OK. What about your father?"
Will got the undertones of his questioning. Olivia's skin tone had a hue to it. But it could be anything. It could be Mediterranean. It could be Eastern European. It could be some Middle Eastern. It maybe even could be so mixed that there could be some Asian or Native or Hispanic even African American somewhere in her lineage and genetic make-up. But she was near white and any ethnicity she had in her was so mixed that she was just as white as the next 'white' person ever was anymore in their multicultural city and country.
"My understanding was that he was white too," she said flatly. "I don't know much about him."
"OK," the doctor repeated his favorite word yet again. "Well the good news is that there's a disproportionately large number of Caucasian donors in the registry so that should increase the probability of finding your son a match."
"How long does this take?" Will asked. "To find him a match in the registry?"
The doctor gave a small shrug. "Again, we really aren't going to know until we map Noah. We could get lucky and it might be a matter of weeks. But we're generally looking at an average of about three months."
"Three months …," Olivia breathed out. It wasn't a question. It was a clear statement of disbelief.
"You have to remember that finding a match in the registry is only the first step. The type of matching that the donors initially do is fairly simplistic. If we see an initial match we have to call them in for more specific testing. We have to check their current state of their health. And, we have to see if they are even willing to be a donor still."
"Why the hell would they be in the registry if they don't want to be a donor?" Olivia snapped harshly. Will could hear the anger in her but when he glanced at her he could see that her eyes were gleaming with the icy look of barely held back tears again he pulled his tightly clasped hands apart in his lap and reached for her hand. She pulled back surprised when he first touched her but then gave him a sad glance and settled, gripping at his hand on her knee. She was holding it far too tightly. There was a pain to the grip.
"Well, some people may have registered some time ago," the doctor said. "We might even just be having trouble tracking them down now. Some might've just have changed their minds. A change in their lives or their health. Or there will be some who are willing to do a donation by the peripheral process – which is very similar to a blood transfusion – but they aren't willing to do actual bone marrow because of the surgery involved. And the pain."
Olivia looked at him. "They aren't willing? They'll get our hopes up by putting their names in the registry. But then they are willing to let my son die because they can't deal with a needle and a little bit of pain?" she hissed out in a near rage. "Do these people have any idea what these children go through? What he has already GONE THROUGH before we're now having to put him through THIS?"
Will gripped her hand even tighter and stroked his thumb across the top of her hand – trying to help her find some sort of calm. He knew it was an impossible task. The fear, the anger, the rage, the sadness. All of it was colliding together. It was just this indiscriminate pool of emotions that were bubbling and seething to the point that it didn't even make sense to try to pinpoint the feelings beyond labeling it as complete and utter devastation.
"Can't we just find our own donor?" Will put forward pleadingly – for all their sakes.
The doctor allowed a little nod. "And, that's where getting yourself tested, Mr. McTeague, and your family … friends … comes in. You certainly aren't responsible for finding your own donor – but encouraging others to get on the registry is helpful."
"So they have to go through the registry?" Will nearly felt himself groan.
"Yes," the doctor said. "It can certainly be marked down that they donated in relation to Noah's case but they'll be placed in the general registry. So they'll potentially have the opportunity to donate to other patients in need in the future, as well."
"And what if they don't want to do that?" Olivia said. "They just turn down some family too."
The doctor gave her a sympathetic look. "These things have to be monitored and regulated in some way, Ms. Benson. It can't just be a free for all."
"OK," Will said, trying to redirect and take over the conversation a bit. "So do we just have them come in?"
The doctor shook his head. "No. We have some materials for you about how to get donors and how to set-up a donor drive. After we get Noah into the registry, they'll be able to provide you with some guidance on that too. They'll send a representative to do the collection at the drive."
"How quickly can we set this up?" Will asked. "Because I'm ready to do it now. Most of my family is in the city. We could do them today. Tomorrow."
The doctor allowed him a thin smile. "It doesn't quite work that way. Again – we need to get Noah into the registry and mapped. You're looking at least a week there. And then you'll have to arrange a time with the registry to host the drive – not to mention the logistics of getting a venue and the testing kits. I think you should expect that to take at least 10 days."
Olivia sighed heavily and looked down. "It's all a waiting game. My son is dying and you're telling us to hurry up and wait."
The doctor gazed at her but she was busy examining the floor. Will knew she was likely doing it to hide the tears that were threatening to fall. She'd been doing a lot of gazing blankly at far off spaces lately.
"Dr. Covens and the rest of Noah's oncology team will be continuing to monitor and treat him until we find a match. His health is going to be managed," the doctor provided.
"Only they're recommending a transplant," Olivia said flatly. "So just how much treatment will they be doing?"
The doctor rolled back to his screen and gazed at it scrolling around. "We're going to have a meeting about Noah's treatment plan on Monday. So we'll get a handle on exactly what his care is going to look like until we're ready to do the transplant then."
"So what happens if someone in my family is a match?" Will asked – trying to move past the minor confrontation.
"Well, you've also got to remember that it's going to be about eight weeks after your donor drive that those individuals are even going to be fully processed and in the system to be spotted on the registry for Noah. So we're still talking about likely a three month period of trying to find a match – even if you host a drive as soon as possible," the doctor said.
Will sighed – letting out a long slow breath that shook. He was ready to cry too and that time he felt Olivia grip his hand tighter.
"I really think what you need to do right now is to go home and get in touch with your insurance provider and get a better understand of what they cover when it comes to transplants. There are going to be elements of this that aren't covered – by the vast majority of plans. So after you understand that, we can refer you to the various financial aid in the hospital or through the registry –"
Olivia cut him off again. She tired, watery and bloodshot eyes echoing with sadness as she glared at him.
"The money is not an issue," she spat in a voice that cracked. "That is secondary to us. We don't care how you do it. Or who you find to do it. But you are going to save my son.
"You are going to fix this," she said and a hand moved up and wiped away a stray tear that had somehow escaped.