"Hello, I'm Jennifer and I will be the carrier for your spawn over the next nine months." I mutter to myself holding out my hand to no one. I put my hand in my lap next to my other, looked down at them then at the clock on the office wall again. This was so hard, waiting for a British couple to come in and decide if I am fit enough to bare them their children.
I had applied as a surrogate mother a month ago and was shocked to receive a call a week ago, saying a gay couple wished to meet me. Finally after counting three thousand specks on the ceiling tiles, the couple, a lawyer and a doctor came in. I rose out of politeness and stuck out my hand awkwardly.
"Hello, I'm Jennifer and I-" I froze, surely my eyes were playing tricks on me. For there before me stood thirty-five year old Phil Lester and thirty-one year old Dan Howell. Phil looked more mature in the dark blue suit that he sported while Dan looked less so in the water-colored designer blazer and matching pants. Dan had small traces of a goatee beginning to form while Phil was clean shaven. I now stared at the two men that I had once shipped with my mouth agape. "You're Dan and Phil." I squeak, they both start chuckling at my reaction.
"Yes, yes we are." Phil smiled taking my hand and shaking it. Dan grinned and did the same.
"Hello." Dan muttered, he looked a little uncomfortable, but so was I. Which caused me not to pay it too much attention to his awkwardness, because I was focusing too hard on my own.
"I can't believe it." I giggled, jumping up and down from excitement. "When they said Daniel and Phillip Howlter, I didn't think in a million years that they meant—" I suddenly realized that this was not going well for a first impression at being a segregate mother. I put on my professional face then sat down quietly. "Sorry for my outbrust, shall we begin?" Phil laughed at the sudden change from fangirling to being proper, while Dan looked mildly confused and humored at the same time. The rest of the group's reactions didn't matter to me, but I still blushed at my behavior.
"Yes..." The lawyer drawled in a snotty kind of way. He actually looked like any snotty lawyer would. Expensive suit, cuff links made out of gold, slicked back hair and an attitude that informed everyone that they were peasants. He continued the motion of pulling out papers from his briefcase as he spoke. "The Mister Howlters wish to let it be known first and for most that you are more than welcome to be apart of their family." Phil smiled at Dan before taking his hand, Dan looked up and smiled at Phil's loving gaze. I tried my best not to pull out my phone, take pictures, and post them on the internet with the hash tag phan is real! It was an old urge but it was still strong as ever.
As we finally finished up with the legal details, I began to wonder if Dan and Phil thought I was the best candidate. It must have shown on my face, because Phil spoke up.
"Jennifer, are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, the room when silent.
"Yes," I said finally, "but are you sure you want me to be your surrogate?" Phil froze then a warm smile broke forth.
"I have never been more sure about anything else." He grinned then got up and gave me a reassuring hug. "Well," he turned back to Dan. "Almost anything." He held out his hand and Dan grabbed it before joining the hug.
"Damn it." I whispered as tears began to leak out and down my face. I pulled out a tissue and sat down as the lawyer spoke up.
"Do we all agree on the arrangements?" He asked checking his watch yet again. You could tell he was either needed somewhere else or wanted to be somewhere else.
"Yes." Phil, Dan, and I echoed almost as a chorus. We signed the contract and the lawyer left quickly after.
"My daughter's soccer game is in ten minutes." He explained as he walked out the door.
"Tell her good luck." Phil called after him but the door had already shut behind him.
Now it was just us and the doctor. She was an Indian woman with her long black hair pulled back into a tight bun.
"I am Nadia, your womb specialist and pediatrician." She shook all of our hands. She then went to laborious detail about what she would be doing on our journey to bring another being into the world, at least that's what she called it. I tried to keep listening but after she went in to too depth of detail about the woman's vagina and what it would go through...
"Excuse me I need to use the restroom." I smiled then left, thankful for an excuse to leave for awhile. I tried not to vomit as I sat in the stall. I splashed water on my face before I left the restroom, in an attempt to clam myself. I was walking past the vending machines when I noticed Dan.
He was standing in front of the machines, looking but not looking as I noticed, drawing closer.
"Dan?" I asked and he jumped a little.
"Oh hi." He mumbled then really began to look at the selection the machines offered. "What no Malteasers?" He groaned then returned the black, leathery wallet into his pocket before turning away again.
"Wait." I told him, he turned back and looked at me. "Were you having an extensional crisis just now?" I whispered. He laughed at the old term but then grew salmon.
"Maybe." He admitted. "It's just, everything is moving so fast. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster and I can't get off and we're all coming up to the loops when all I want to do is just get off." He was beginning to hyperventilate. I hugged him because, when I had my panic attacks, that was all I wanted. He quickly calmed down then thanked me gratefully.
"Dan, if you ever feel this way again, tell me. I understand why you can't tell Phil how you feel,"
"It would break his heart." He interrupted.
"However, I informed him, "you can not not tell anyone about these feelings. These are the kind of feelings that need to be shared." I was pretty much quoting my therapist from freshman year, I realized just then.
"Okay I will." He promised.
Once Nadia had finished telling us everything, we all exchanged numbers.
"When do we do this?" I asked motioning to Dan, Phil and around where I imagined my awaiting womb was.
"First we need to run some tests on you." Nadia informed me. I scheduled for all my tests the following week, just to get them out of the way.
"Congratulations guys, see you next week Jennifer." Nadia smiled before leaving the three of us completely alone.
"Can't wait to present you with your future spawn." I smiled holding out my hand. Dan chuckled at this but Phil went in for another hug.
"Thank you so much." He choked out a sob which caused my eyes to water up as I enclosed my arms around his bent abdomen. Dan joined in, in effort to comfort us crying goons. We exited the clinic together. I felt so happy and light because I was giving my two favorite heroes, and the heroes of countless others, the give of life.
Over and over Phil thanked me while Dan nodded along, concealing the extensional fear inside.
As we went our separate ways, I knew deep down it would all work out...
Wouldn't it?