The days past with a surprisingly slow rate. I was going mad. When I wasn't working or thinking of new ideas for videos, I was cleaning. It was my way to reveal stress and anxiety. Dan let me clean where I pleased but asked me not to go in his office and he promised he would clean it up when I had finished every room in the house. I left him be and went about my days cleaning, recording, editing, and working in general just waiting for the fourteen days to end so we could find out at last if we could have a family together.
I was cleaning the kitchen floor when the house phone rang. I groaned, dropped the rag into the bucket and tip toed around where I had cleaned to reach the phone just before the last ring.
"Hello?" I asked not seeing the number in time.
"Hey Phil, it's Jennifer." I checked the nearby calendar, only five days had past so there was no way it could be a call about the pregnancy or lack there of. "Phil?" She asked to see if I was still there.
"Yeah, hi, what's up?" I felt so disorganized and out of it. I heard a smile in her voice as she continued.
"Well, I was wondering if you are up to anything right now because I could fancy a stroll or a cup of tea and a chat or something. Anything really, I just feel really lonely right now." I then had a glimpse of just how far America was to this girl on the other end of the phone. She had no family here, it didn't seem like any good friends and now sperm inside of her that could turn into a baby she wouldn't get to keep at the end of nine months. America was very far away indeed.
"Yeah I could go for a walk, it's beautiful out right now anyways." I pulled back a nearby curtain to reveal a cloudy but still blue sky.
"Great," She sounded relieved and happy. "See you at the park." She smiled after we ironed out the details.
"See you there. Bye." I waved while still clinging onto the phone
"Bye." She grinned before hanging up. I did the same then went and cleaned up my supplies. I made it to the park ten minutes ahead of schedule but she was already waiting, looking at the nearby playground set where children played and parents somewhat relaxed. She was smiling at them lovingly as if they were her own. I thought sadly about the future when she would give us the life she obviously so craved when she noticed me and came towards me.
"Hey Phil." She smiled but it vanished when she saw my face clearly. "What's wrong?" She questioned, I wasn't going to tell her but something else slipped out instead.
"What will you do after the baby comes?" She looked startled a little. "Hypothetically, if there is a baby to come..." I continued as we began walking down one of the many paths in the park.
"Hypothetically," She repeated the word considering it, tasting it in her mouth, checking the depth of the question itself. "I will give you the greatest gift to give and then move on with my life." She finished. We continued walking with our hands in our pockets talking about an unsure future like it wasn't killing either of us.
"Really? You won't be mad or upset?" I kept prodding to see if it was true or not.
"Phil, what am I going to do with a baby?" She asked in reply. "I can't even take care of myself much less a baby."
"What do you mean?" I inquired, she stopped and took in a deep breathe. I had stepped on a nerve, I could tell but she continued on as if nothing had happened.
"I mean, I lost my job in a country I have always wanted to be my whole life and now I'm renting my womb out to the two people who convinced me to move here in the first place." She blurted, after hearing these words for the first time and admitting them out loud was too much for her to bear. She found the nearest park bench and cried.
I was at a lost for words as the tears slipped from her face and fell down. By now, the sky was very overcast and all the children were told by the parents to go home, in fear of getting rained on. When I finally sat down next to her out of the lack of strength my legs had, it began to rain. Jennifer laughed dishearteningly as the rain moisten her hair while her tears wetting her face and hands.
"The icing on the cake!" She yelled at the sky who rumbled back in response. Even looking back now, even after she was done giving birth, this was the most broken moment I had ever seen her. The rain falling, her hair wet, tears streaming down her face while she yelled at the sky, this was the hardest moment for her in her life and I felt like an unworthy witness to this, her shattering moment. But even so, I was still her friend and her companion. I gave her a sad smile, opening the umbrella I had thought to bring along, held it overhead, wrapped a long arm around her normal sized shoulders with no effort and waited. She cried into my shoulder until there were only sniffles left in her and she rested her weary head against my now moist shoulder.
"Sorry." She mumbled stuffy. I pulled out a hankie and handed it to her. "Thanks." She replied and blew her nose loudly before returning it to me.
"Keep it." I prompted, she thanked me again before pocketing it. "If things were so bad to begin with," I started unsure but the rest came out in a rush. "Why didn't you just go back to America when you had earned enough money to?" She laughed humorlessly.
"Return to a country where my family is so messed up that they can't be around each other two minutes without fighting while they judge you more harshly than your worst enemies and don't accept you for who you are? Or friends who say they'll miss you and when you visit they can't find the time to get a cup of coffee? No, I figured since I didn't have anyone at home, why not just stay here?" She sighed sadly.
"Well, you could always look at the brighter side of things." I suggested which made her laugh again.
"Phil, I am the most bright sided person in my entire family." Which surprised me. "No one said I could make it here alone and I'd be back in a month."
"How long has it been?" I asked unsure.
"A year." She said disconnectedly
"Well there you go, you proved them wrong now go back." I chirped before rising off the bench. She followed my lead and we walked arm in arm down the now soggy lane, the raining still beating down from above.
"Why do you want me to go back so badly?" She asked
"Because someone as amazing as you doesn't deserve to be alone." I said quickly. She nodded then laughed. "What?" I laughed back.
"Nothing it's a stupid thought." She brushed the idea away.
"Nothing is stupid, come on what is it?" I prompted, she looked slightly guilty as she looked up and suggested with a hopeful look.
"You could be my new family; you, Dan and the baby, if there is one. And if there isn't, I could try to be helpless so you and Dan could practice or something..." She trailed off as she analyzed my face while I thought about it. Me, Dan and Jennifer, the trio to deal with or Me, Dan and the baby with Jennifer in case of emergencies.
"Aunt Jennifer." I chuckled at the thought but she looked desperate at the thought, wanting it more than anything else in the world.
"Will you please talk to Dan?" she questioned hopefully. I was surprised at this.
"Why do you want to be part of our family? It's so..." I tried to look for the right word. "Damaged." She looked shocked I would choose such a harsh word but it was the best one I could think of. I thought of how far Dan was from himself lately.
"And you want me to give you a child to bring your damaged family closer together?" She wondered out loud while placing a hand softly on her midriff before she ran off into the rain.
"No that's not what I meant!" I called after her, but she and I both knew, it wasn't true. I thought that a baby could bring Dan back to me and was that so bad? To bring the man that I loved back to me through the gift of life? As I ran after Jennifer I realized what this meant to her.
She was giving up her womb to give us a life that we wanted so badly it didn't matter who we hurt in the process. Even if it meant hurting the infant that she wanted for her own.
"I'm sorry!" I called after her. She stopped running to catch her breathe which gave me a chance to catch up to her.
"Promise me something." She growled while we huffed for air.
"Anything." I gasped.
"Promise me you and Dan won't be a broken family. I can't just give you a baby knowing it will be in a broken home." Tears filled her eyes again. "I have been there, Phil. I don't want this baby suffering like I did. I want it to come home and tell its daddies about its day and have Dan helping it with its homework while you cook supper. No nights wondering what its other daddy is doing while the first is in the room over crying about his loneliness. I can't have this baby dealing with that like I did!" She screamed at me. I was completely speechless but managed to hold her together as best I could as she fell apart.
"I promise that this baby won't go through what you went through." My lips promised before my brain could realize what was going on.
"Thank you." She mumbled before rubbing her eyes then a curious look washed over her. "Do you know the nearest sushi bar?" She asked which caused me to look at her with confusion. "I mean I could really go for some sushi right now." We continued to walk down the path then she added. "Maybe some ice cream too."
"You're so random." I laughed as the skies cleared up leaving a rain soaked path before and behind us. But the day was now freshened, all be it dampened; the world was our oyster.
"Do you know if they sell seafood flavored ice cream nearby?" She asked. I shook my head and wrapped an arm around her affectionately to which she smiled and whispered. "Thank you."
"For what?" I inquired.
"For being there." She answered, but I wasn't sure if she was answering for herself or the baby. Either way, I replied with.
"You're welcome."