Ethan was very impressed when they arrived at the bunker. It was… well, he didn't really have any expectations, but it was huge, and that was before Sam mentioned they haven't really had the time to explore every inch of the place.

Standing beside him was Cas, who was thankfully upright and awake, if a bit tired. He also seemed a bit… cagey, as if he was unsure he was allowed to be here at all. Anger briefly surged inside him, knowing full well it was pointless to be angry right now.

"You alright?" Ethan knew Cas hated being fussed over but he can't help it, not with what just happened. (Come to think of it, he went crazy with the nagging when the same thing happened to Cas before.)

Thankfully, he didn't seem to mind his time, and only replied, "I'm okay, it's just… backseats are uncomfortable."

"I didn't hear you complain the last time you were there," Ethan said, his voice laced with pretend hurt. (The gesture's intended effect lessened when he playfully nudged the angel's shoulders with his.)

"That's because I wasn't trying to sleep then," Cas said with a smirk. Ethan laughed as he remembered all the times the two of them were in the backseat of his car. For some weird reason Ethan couldn't even begin to guess, Cas had the tendency to be disproportionately horny on car rides. (Not that Ethan had any complaints, but the amount of times he had to make an unplanned stop because Cas teased him from the passenger seat were truly staggering. It did, however, made car rides infinitely more interesting than before, albeit longer.)

Someone cleared their throat, catching Ethan's attention. He forgot there were other people in the room. He tore his gaze away from Cas and turned to look at the only Winchester present with them.

"Uhm, sorry to interrupt, but I'm gonna go check the spare bedroom for you two. You guys hungry or something? I think there's still some food left in the fridge," Sam said.

Cas shook his head, and Ethan wasn't particularly hungry either, so he did the same. "A shower would be ni—wait, does this place have a tub?" Soaking in hot water would be perfect.

"Fourth door to the left," Sam said with a grin, as he pointed towards a corridor just beyond the library.

Ethan grinned back. "Thank Sam!" The hunter grabbed the angel by his wrist and dragged him towards the direction the younger Winchester pointed them to. It wasn't hard to find, as the door to the bathroom was clearly labeled with a brass plaque.

He turned to Cas and asked, "Hey, how about you? I bet a bath will perk you right up." Ethan smiled, teasing and flirtatious. "And you know, I'm sure this place has a much bigger bathroom than mine."

Cas just rolled his eyes. "I know, I've already seen the bathroom here."

"Is that a yes, then?" There's the sound of a door opening, but it was distant. Or rather, Ethan was too distracted to notice or care.

"Just get in," the angel said as he opened the bathroom door and pushed Ethan inside. He followed a second later and closed the door behind him.

"Wow." The bathroom was definitely bigger than his own bathroom, not to mention the bath tub. It was white marble, and could easily fit four of him with room to spare.

"Yes, it's impressive," Cas said, already naked. He was looking at Ethan with an eyebrow raised and the corner of his lips just a bit turned upward, making Ethan drop their duffel bags onto the floor. The damn tease. It was scary how the angel learned so quickly, especially when he was just so clueless about a lot of things before.

The hunter didn't mind at all. He slowly took off his clothes as Cas filled the tub with hot water. Ethan always thought Cas seemed more like an angel every time he saw him naked—not that he knew what angels actually look like, or if he can actually see them without burning his eyes out, but the sight never failed to send shivers up and down the hunter's spine.

After the tub was filled just below the brim, Cas stepped inside it and lowered himself down. Ethan followed, sitting just beside the angel. The tub was deep enough to submerge them up to their shoulders, and it was wide enough that they can stretch their legs properly and relax.

It had been a long day.

The quiet moments with Cas were always his favourite. In all the years he had been a hunter, he realized he hated the silence, in retrospect. Silence meant he was alone.

But silence with Cas was the soft sound of his breathing as he slept, or the trembling of his shoulders after a nightmare, or the way his eyes seemed to pierce right into the very depths of your soul while Ethan wakes up in the morning.

Silence was the contentment in his sigh as the warm water caressed him.

Ethan turned his head to look at the angel. His skin was unblemished, unmarked. There were no wounds decorating his body, or bruises etched on his face. Cas's eyes were closed, and the muscles on his face were relaxed and content, free from worry and pain. It was beautiful.

It hit him right there and then, Cas is alive. He's okay.

The hunter raised a hand towards the angel's neck. It was warm to the touch, solid and tangible and real. Something tight uncoiled inside his chest and Ethan felt himself lighten. He leaned and kissed him—at Cas's cheek, then the corner of his mouth, and finally his lips.

"I'm so sorry…" Ethan's voice was so small. He didn't care.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Ethan."

"If I hadn't left—"

"They would have killed you. Or worse—they would have tortured you, right in front me, and then killed you."

"Yeah well, it still fucking sucks. You almost died, man. I don't even know how you're alive right now."

"I know," Cas said. He returned the gesture, kissing Ethan in the cheek, and then the lips. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

They kissed for a while. It was unhurried, gentle, savoring. It was kissing for the sake of kissing—

—for the sweet taste of his mouth, and the light pressure of Cas's teeth as he bit Ethan's lip in turn—

—the wetness of his tongue—

—or the roughness of his stubble as he trailed kisses along the cut of his jaw—

—the fine line of his neck, his throat—

—or his bare shoulders, kissing every inch, just proof after tangible proof that it wasn't just some sort of dream.

"Just so you know, I'm going to spoon the shit out of you tonight," the hunter whispered. And before Cas could complain (he really hated being the little spoon), Ethan added, "C'mon, it's just for one week."

"Is this non-negotiable?" groaned Castiel.

"Pretty much."

"Can we reduce my sentence to one night?"

"Nope. And there's nothing you can do to convince me otherwise."

Cas then smiled at him, leaning so close Ethan could feel the angel's warm breath in his ears, and the places where skin touched skin felt like it was burning. "Oh, I can think of a few ways that'll definitely convince you…" Castiel growled, and the fucker pitched his voice even lower. It gave him goosebumps. He was pretty sure his goosebumps had goosebumps.

"Now, that's just unfair," the hunter croaked.

"But it would be enjoyable for the both of us. How would that be unfair?"

He had a point, but Ethan'll be damned if he gave in without a fight. "Five consecutive nights, and one sex marathon."

"Three nights, and you can claim your big spoon privileges any day of the week."

"I still get that sex marathon, right?"

"Of course. And we can fuck anyway you want right now. As… training."

"Ugh, fine. Three nights. This better be worth it," Ethan grumbled, but he was pleased all the same. "I'm giving up four nights of being the big spoon here, you know."

Cas's laugh was music to his ears.

The minute they arrived at the bunker, Dean went straight towards his room. If anybody asked, it was because he was cooped up for hours with Ethan. It was true, but he'd be lying if he said it was the only reason.

Are you interested in him? The hunter never did answer Dean's question, but to be fair, he didn't answer his question either.

What's it to you?

He's just looking out for Cas, that's all. And for Ethan as well. Cas was never interested with guys. He got married to Daphne, he made out with Meg, and he had sex with April, so he's definitely not into guys. Dean would know.

You haven't seen him for three months. What do you know?

But no one can change that much in, what, three months, right? That's just absurd.

He's human. He was angel, but now he's human. That's a pretty big change, don't you think?

"Fuck." Dean threw his duffel bag on his bed. He needed a distraction from his thoughts. Right then he realized they need another room, for Ethan. Cas's room was already prepared, months ago. Right when Sam and Dean decided to find Cas after he Fell.

Right before Dean threw him out.

He stopped himself, and focused on the present, on what he can do now, because Cas was finally here and—

Dean was just stepped out of his room when he saw Cas push Ethan inside the bathroom. He froze, his eyes wide from shock.

What… the fuck…

He stayed rooted on the spot, for what seemed like an eternity. He must have been hallucinating. Yeah, that was it. He's tired from the long drive, and he really needed some sleep. He's just seeing things.

Cas didn't go inside the bathroom with Ethan.

He didn't, because that wouldn't make any sense.

"Dean, are you okay?"

He turned his head, slowly, towards the sound of the voice. Sam. His brother's eyebrows were furrowed in concern.

"I'm fine." He wasn't, not really, but he never really did get the hang of admitting to anyone he wasn't anything but peachy, least of all his little brother. "So, where's Cas?" he asked instead, as nonchalant as possible. He's pretty good at that.

Or… maybe not, because Sam was staring at him, unimpressed. "Taking a bath, I think," he said, his voice perfectly even.

"Right." Dean didn't know what to say. He wanted to talk about it, this… this thing with Cas and Ethan, whatever the fuck it was. He just didn't want to be the one bringing up the topic.

But really, it was seriously freaking him out that he even wanted to talk about this. He never liked talking about this shit. "Uh, anyway. Cas's room's already good to go—" Dean said while waving a hand towards the door right in front of his room. "—and uh… I think there's a spare room for Ethan next to—"

Thankfully, his brother brought it up. "Nah, there's no need."

"What? Why?" Dean asked, even though he already knew. God, as much as he wanted to deny everything, he knew. "Please tell me he's leaving, 'cause that'd be great," he added, because it made him feel a little bit better.

"No, you jerk it's because…" Sam narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips into a dissaproving frown, as if preemptively daring Dean that if he so much as think of talking shit, there'd be consequences. "…It's because they're together."

The confirmation was like a dam breaking inside Dean, and a veritable deluge of emotions threatened to drown him. Betrayal, anger, hurt, hope, and jealousy swirled inside, resulting in one, big, confusing mess.

"Oh," was all he managed to say. A flash of sympathy—or was it pity?—took over his brother's face for a moment. It was gone in an instant, but Dean saw it, and he couldn't stand it.

"I'm gonna— I'm gonna—" Instead of finishing the sentence, Dean stalked off towards the garage. When he was sure he was out of sight from Sam, Dean ran.

Cas and Ethan stayed at the bath far longer than anticipated, but the hunter wasn't complaining. For one, he just had a pretty great orgasm, courtesy of one angel—and two, the bunker apparently had infinite hot water, and he wasn't going to pass up the chance to soak just a little bit longer.

They did get out after an hour or so, mainly because Cas's stomach growled in hunger. After getting dressed, they went to the kitchen (the angel still remembered from his last visit), and found Sam preparing sandwiches.

"Hey guys," the younger Winchester said in greeting. "I figured you two would be hungry after your bath." Sam smirked.

Ethan's eyes widened in surprised while Cas squinted in confusion. "Guess you heard us, huh?" The hunter chuckled, embarrassed. At that point, the angel finally understood, and he looked down as he blushed in embarrassment too.

"You weren't exactly quiet. Plus, the bunker has some seriously weird acoustics." Sam said as he finished preparing the last plate. He took it off the countertop and placed it with the other two plates on the kitchen table.

"I'm sorry, Sam. We'll be quiet next time," Cas said.

"Don't worry about it man. C'mon, eat." The three of them sat down and took a plate each. The sandwich was a simple affair of what looks like grilled chicken leftovers, lettuce, and tomatoes—although there was so much lettuce and tomatoes it might as well be a salad.

But food's food, so he gladly took a bite.

"Dude, this is awesome," gushed Ethan, while Cas moaned in agreement. (It was a pretty hot moan, which may or may not be on purpose. Ethan can't tell. It may have made sense the first few times Cas ate food, but really…)

"It's just leftovers. I'll have to do a supply run in the morning," Sam said.

"Can I come with you, Sam?" Cas asked.

"Sure," the younger Winchester replied, and at that, the angel smiled, and god… it was beautiful. There was nothing but pure joy in his features.

All the times Cas smiled because of him flashed right before his eyes. Ethan realized there was always an undercurrent of melancholy in them. He hadn't noticed.

Or maybe he just didn't want to notice.

He ignored the way his heart ached at the thought.

For one moment Dean considered taking the Impala for a drive—he needed to breathe. To think.

He settled for locking himself inside. Dean closed his eyes and slouched against the driver's seat, hands resting on the wheel. He took a deep breath and let his thoughts wander.

Dean loved Cas. Contrary to what he expected, the hunter only felt relief, and an overwhelming wave of want and need at the realization, although it was tempered by a great sense of loss and longing.

The painful irony of Dean realizing he wanted Cas the one time his angel was in a relationship with someone else was not lost on him.

He was surprisingly okay with it, now he had time to process everything. It hurt like a bitch, of course, and will probably just get worse the longer Ethan stayed, but right now Cas just being here was overtaking everything else.

Dean took another deep breath. He would have to have a conversation with Cas. He'd have to apologize to his angel and make things right. Dean would ask him to stay this time (it would mean Ethan too, but he ignored it at the moment).

Stepping out of the Impala, Dean exited the garage.

He heard laughter—Sam's—the minute he entered the library. Dean followed the sound into the kitchen. He was greeted with his brother laughing so hard his cheeks were streaked with tears, Ethan trying to barely hold his, and Cas groaning and hiding his face behind his hands.

It was a lovely sight, prompting a slight pinprick of envy from Dean. He ignored it and spoke. "What did I miss?"

"Nothing!" Cas hastily replied. It might have made Dean more envious if it wasn't for Cas's flushed cheeks. His angel was embarrassed. It coaxed a grin from Dean, and was a welcome distraction to the conversation he was going to have with Cas.

"Oh c'mon Cas, you're pretty hilarious when drunk, admit it," Ethan said with a smirk.

"It's true," Sam wheezed in between his laughing fit.

"I am so looking forward to hearing this story," Dean said.

Cas levelled glared at the three of them—Ethan first, then Sam, and finally Dean—with his 'I'm an angel of the Lord, I can smite you where you stand' look, except the red flush on his face only made it, well… adorable.

Dean—in more ways than one—was fucked.

"Cas uh, can we talk?" his angel immediately stiffened, and it took Dean a moment to realize it was the same thing he said back then, when he told Cas he couldn't stay. Sam stopped laughing, and his face was sporting one raised eyebrow and a particularly cold glare that eloquently said, 'Don't fuck it up.'

"Of course," Cas replied, clipped and measured, never giving anything away, his face a cold, featureless mask. And if that wasn't bad enough, he wasn't even trying to stare at Dean. Mostly, his eyes were fixed on the ground, but he shot Ethan a quick smile when the latter squeezed his shoulder in sympathy.

It hurt, but he couldn't look away, couldn't ignore it, even if he wanted to.

"I'm gonna show Ethan their room," Sam said while standing up. The other hunter stood up as well, and gave one last comforting smile to Cas before following Sam out of the kitchen.

They were alone now, and Dean's nerves just notched up way faster than he liked. But before he could say anything, Cas blurted out, "Sam already told me what happened."

"He… he did?" Dean said, strangled. "I'm so sorry Cas… I just… I had no choice, Sam—"

"Dean, I know," Cas said, his eyes brimming with understanding and forgiveness as he finally looked at Dean in the eye. "Sam's more important to you than I am, and your brother is a dear friend, so if you had told me, I would have left willingly." Cas sighed, and let his gaze drop back to the ground. "And while letting an angel possess Sam was… rash, I at least could've checked Ezekiel was who he says he was, and what his intentions were so you two would've been safe."

Sam's more important to you than I am.

It was like being torn by hellhounds all over again. There weren't any resentment, or anger, or anything, except maybe exasperation, as if Dean had forgotten the earth revolved around the sun and Cas was reminding him about it.

Dean wanted to grab Cas by the shoulders and scream at him for how wrong he was. He wanted to kiss him and hold him and never let go, just to prove him how wrong he was.

But that didn't change the fact that he did choose Sam over Cas, even if Dean could rationalize it to himself that his brother was in immediate danger and his angel wasn't.

He had never regretted saving Sam's life, never regretted putting him first before anything else, not even when the price was steep and the consequences were dire.

But for the first time in his life, he'd regretted, and it scared the hell out of Dean.

"I'm sorry…" It was all the hunter could manage to say at that point.

"Dean, it's okay." His angel's voice was soft and comforting, and on his lips was a small smile Dean didn't deserve. He loved Cas, but Dean wasn't worthy of him.

He never was.