A/N: New week, new chapter! (I say like I update every week haha what a joke) Anyways, please enjoy~

Kasamatsu never had a good enough reason to ban the female species from visiting the practice (Claiming he had a medical condition in the form of aversion to girls didn't work with Coach.) Luckily, many girls weren't all that into competitive sports, and those that were had their own clubs, and the rare remainder, the ones who weren't inadvertently chased away by Moriyama's terrible pickup lines that was, were not much of a problem.

Then, like to most previously sane parts of Kasamatsu's life, Kise Ryouta happened.

Suddenly the influx of girls was raised to an alarmingly high rate. Girls started appearing on the viewing balcony, on the sidelines, in front of the club door (even before the regulars arrived for morning practice). Soon, there was not a patch of gym Kasamatsu could look at without being exposed to girls which, needless to say, was not good for his girl allergy. It was only time before they made their way into the locker rooms. Moriyama would've been beside himself with joy if that wasn't around the time he started questioning his own sexuality.

It was the final straw for both Kasamatsu and Coach when a giggling gaggle appeared in the middle of the court wearing sharpied 'Ryouta-sama~ 3' shirts and waving pom poms. And thus, the rule to ban girls from the boy's gym started effective immediate.

Kasamatsu had never been so relieved in his life, Kobori was indifferent, Kise was sympathetic, Moriyama and Hayakawa wailed their regret.

It was that moment, the rest of the male population of Kaijo High collectively thought; 'Lucky!'

"I'm in love, or more accurately, certain parts of me are in love. Well, one part in particular" How Takao manages to say that with a straight face is beyond Kasamatsu. He adds in a wink for effect, and Kasamatsu doesn't think by 'part' he means anything as innocent as 'heart'.

"What are you going to do about it?" Kasamatsu mutters, with a face that could no way be considered straight. Given his lack of straightness in other areas, it's almost funny.

Takao chews on the cap of his soda can, and shrugs.

"Maybe I'd say something if I thought I had a chance" Or that your life wouldn't be in mortal jeopardy, Kasamatsu silently speaks for himself, remembering Kuroko's foreboding words "But Shin-chan, oh, he's got it bad"

"So does the rest of the world" Kasamatsu was not in the mood to be sympathetic after his hot-springs experience.

"No, no, really, hear me out!" He slings an overly friendly arm around Kasamatsu "He makes me pull the cart by the magazine stands, just so he can catch a glimpse of Kise's face on the covers"

"That's a bit much, I suppose" Kasamatsu mumbled, flashbacking to all the magazine covers with a certain blonde in ridiculous poses hidden, that is to say, placed in a perfect, neat stack under his own bed.

"Of course, he'll never admit it" Takao continued, swiping through his music shuffle. "He's too much of a tsundere. How cute!"

"Are you sure you're not in love with Midorima instead?" Kasamatsu just had to ask.

Takao was silent for too long a while for it to mean anything good.

"Do you think Shin-chan will be up for a threesome?" Takao winked salaciously (how does his eyelids not get tired?) "And when I say up, I mean-"

"Oh for the love-"

"Of Kise!"

Kasamatsu finally understood what it felt like to be in Midorima's position now, and sympathized thoroughly.

"It's all because of his bodily proportions, of course" Touou's sakura pink-haired manager informed him, while Kasamatsu stuttered and stammered and made a fool of himself in all the usual ways around the female species. "32, 34, 39; chest, waist, hips"

"Huhmmmm?" It was a coincidental meeting at a coffee shop, but instead of their mutual interest in contemporary coffee, they were discussing their mutual interest in Kise. Go figure.

"I only have concrete physical data from middle school, the current proportions are my speculations-brilliantly accurate speculations, of course" Momoi leaned forward surreptitiously, and Kasamatsu tried not to pass out. "So allow me be the first to propose a mutually beneficial deal"

"Ghhh..ah..ahem" Kasamatsu cleared his throat, but to no avail, words had simply abandoned him. Much like god.

"I'll supply you with middle school photos-and trust me, we went to clothing optional saunas a lot, and in return, Kasamatsu-san you will supply me high school photos." She smiled sweetly, her words anything but. "Clothing optional, if you please"

Kasamatsu decided to give up on talking altogether, and instead focus on his coffee. Black, one sugar.

"Oh, of course, my one and only love, future husband, and the father of my non-existent babies is Tetsu-kun~" She trilled on, and Kasamatsu could've sworn he was hallucinating sparkles around her too. Great, just great, Kasamatsu's state of mind really was deteriorating. It must be the pre-Winter Cup pressure. "But the over-analytical mind needs what the over-analytical mind needs, don't you agree?"

Mmm… bitter. He should've asked for more sugar.

"By the way, his upper upper thighs are 24 inches"

Kasamatsu promptly choked on his coffee.

"It's the damn sparkles" was all Aomine Daiki, self-proclaimed unbeatable ace of Touou said, and Kasamatsu agreed wholeheartedly. Finally, someone other than mental asylum patients could understand his pain. Not that, Kasamatsu took a wary sidelong glance at Aomine, this monster was exactly a level up from that.

Said monster took a swig of his soda can like it was beer instead; Kasamatsu had to glance at the label just to check. Nope, it was just soda.

"I threw a basketball at his head" Aomine confided wiping his mouth on the sleeve of his shirt. "To get his attention"

"I kicked him in that pretty face of his on his first day" Kasamatsu reminisced fondly. "Because he wasn't showing any respect"

Aomine chortled, and they clinked their cans together in mutual comradeship.

"Ehhh…Kise-chin? I wanna eat him"

This was by far the most disturbing thing Kasamatsu's heard leave a Miracle's mouth. Then again, until today, Kasamatsu hadn't met 20(or so)% of the Generation, so maybe they just become more and more disturbing the further you go up the line.

Before Kasamatsu could decide whether to inquire further about the apparently cannibalistic impulses towards their ace or start running in the opposite direction, the meal itself walks by.

"Murasakicchi~ It's been sooooo long!" Kasamatsu winced, along with everyone else within hearing distance at the volume and pitch alike.

Murasakibara took one look at the waving hand in front of his face and closed his mouth around a finger.

Kasamatsu honestly dares anyone, anyone, to witness a giant purple titan who, a mere 5 seconds ago, expressed his intentions of 'eating' their ace, chomp down on said ace's finger, and not have a mild panic attack.

While Kasamatsu silently freaked out, the victim outright giggled, yes, giggled.

"Stop it!" Kise said. And Kasamatsu expected that to be followed with 'No let me go, senpai save me, call the police!' (though not in that particular order). But what did follow was; "Murasakicchi, that tickles!"

"Kise-chin tastes like chocolate" Murasakibara managed to slobber out despite his complete and thorough mauling of Kise's finger.

"I would've saved some if I knew you were coming" Kise frowned with as much dignity as he could muster with his finger in someone else's mouth "So unreasonable" He sighed. "Now I have to go beg my fans for more chocolate. How embarrassing!"

Kasamatsu wanted to inform Kise that this was the least of his worries, that fingers were important to basketball and missing one would be bad, very bad indeed, but was too busy openly seething with jealousy.

Murasakibara pulled back from his tasty treat for a second to wonder out loud rather than ask.

"Kise-chin, who is that voyeur-chin again?"

~TBC

A/N: Reviews are like warm hugs to the writer's soul~ :DD And I like hugs so don't be shy!