I had been pushing forever. I had started in June of 2022 and it was now December of the year 5 billion; it had to be. PJ was gripping my hand tightly as I felt another wave of contractions befall me.
"Shouldn't they be less painful now?" I spat through gritted teeth.
"I would think." PJ offered quietly.
"Oh, what do you know?" I growled as I huffed hard before another wave crashed over me.
"I know that I love you and you love me and that when this is over Dan and Phil are going to be proud parents of two beautiful children." PJ mumbled softly in my ear which he kissed. He always seemed to know what to do and say to make me love him all over again.
"You're too much." I whisper tiredly when the waves are over for a brief period. I let him kiss my lips just as Dan and Phil walk in. "Where have you two been?" I demand, sitting up to look at them with an angry stare.
"We went to get coffee and catch up." Dan says smoothly just as Phil blurts in with
"We went to the bathroom!" I glared at them to see who is telling the truth.
"You two pulled Chandler and Monica, didn't you?" I question as an answer. They both look ashamed and nod. "I probably would have too, this is taking forever." I moan in tired anguish. "Nurse, can't I just go home? These two aren't coming out anytime soon and—"I puff my cheeks as a sharp pain kicks out in my abdomen. "Not agAGAHHHHH!" I yelled, trying to hold onto the spinning reality as an urge to just pass out comes over me. The nurse checks down under when it's finished. Dan and Phil approach the bed.
"PJ, you want to take a break? Your hand must be killing you." Phil offered seeing PJ's red hand still clasping mine.
"No, I'm fine, really." PJ shifts so Phil can't snake his way into my weak palm where PJ's now rested. Dan was on the other side of me and grabbed my hand from the bed's railing which I had been griping like a lifeline for the past twenty years.
"Dan, this is my dominate hand. Are you sure you want to grab it?" I warned him nervously.
"Please, I have been in pain before." Dan stated boldly, grasping my sweaty hand.
"You only have one more centimeter to go!" The nurse informed us amazed "You're our new recorder holder for the shortest labor in this hospital for a first timer." She seemed to think that that was supposed to make me feel better, honored even.
"And how long have I been here?" I asked, trying to keep the anger under control.
"About two hours." She stated as if this would make me see how impressive this feat was.
"Yippee." I grit in a monotone as another surge of pain rolled through me like an avalanche. After it was over, Dan yanked his hand away with tears in his eyes. "I tried to warn you." I muttered weakly as Dan shakes his hand to get the feeling back. I looked over at Phil who wasn't doing much of anything so I beaconed him forward. PJ still refused to let go of my hand when Phil comes to my side. "Is everything okay now?" I wondered gingerly, afraid of the answer but needing to know. Phil glanced at Dan whose hand had turned from purple color, loss of circulation red to a more normal shade of pain. A smile crept on Phil's face before turning to me.
"Everything's fine." He assured me. I let go of PJ's sweaty hand and grasped Phil's wrist.
"Promise me that you two will stay together. If not for me, then for them." I made a quick flash towards my swollen abdomen. Phil smiled again and grasped my hand with his own.
"I promise." Phil's eyes held a tiny universe of color and promise that anyone could get lost in. Dan was just the lucky one who got to wake up to them every day.
"Hey, why aren't you making me promise?" Dan asked a little hurt
"You're still on probation for leaving." I note without looking away from Phil.
"But I brought you to the hospital!" He yells aghast. I turned towards him and hold eye contact; his brown hurt versus my hazel glare.
"Do not argue with a woman in labor." I growled like a dog about to bite, enunciating every word sharply and clearly. I could have gone on with the stare down until what felt like I'd imagine the big ball on New Year's Eve felt as something slid down inside of me. "They're coming!" I yelled at the nurse who looked scared and new. She looked desperately around for someone, anyone, to check me out. No one was there but her so, she slinked toward me and looked down then gasped.
"There's a baby crowning!" She announced to the room then ran out to get a more qualified professional to push me to a delivery room. The three gown men surrounding me looked at each other, completely lost on what to do. I was going to shout orders at them but then the nurses came in and took me away before I could say 'goodbye.'
"Hello Jennifer," Nadia greeted as she was scrubbing up at a sink in the corner of the room. "You can only have two in here for the delivery. Normally it's one, but I made an acceptation."
"Get. Dan and. Phil." I grunted more animal like than human. She nodded, left, then return quickly with Dan and Phil in scrubs.
"This is so exciting!" Phil whispered to Dan over my head, grabbing my hand.
"Yeah, exciting." Dan noted, reluctantly grabbing my right hand again.
"Nadia! Let. Me. Push. NOW!" I screamed as I felt two things squirming into position.
"Okay, push!" She ordered the moment she was in place.
'Finally,' I thought 'the wait was over.'