Chapter 19
Prison has this odd way of making your guilt rise to the surface. As Alice entered through the gates she couldn't subside the daunting feeling of somehow, because of her previous dealings, belonging to this foul place yet, now that she had been accepted into a more sophisticated place in the hierarchical system, not belonging. Prison was a placed feared by most, especially those on the constant path away from the law. Alice fitted that group, the amount of scrapes and near misses she had had was enough to scare her silly with the prospect. She was entering the very building she had spent her life avoiding.
Changing her thoughts to the reason she was here helped her to concentrate on her task. After all her small guilt contemplations were nothing compared to Jack's predicament. And how did Jack feel about it? Arrested, ironically, for something he couldn't have committed. The irony of his justice must be pressing down hard on his conscience.
"Can I 'elp yer Miss?"
Alice brought her eyes back into focus and found a guard standing in front of her expectantly.
"Um, Yes, Do you know where a Mr Jack Dawkins is being held?" she asked putting on the poshest voice she could manage for the guard could clearly see her finery and so was already regarding her as of gentry.
"Jack Dawkins, yer say? I don't see what yer'd want with the likes of 'im Miss, he is a murder so they say."
Alice breathed in deeply to stop herself arguing with the guard.
"I was aware of that, if you could just kindly direct me to where he is being held…"
"Well, in here Miss." He pointed to the cell just behind him. Alice immediately darted forwards. The guard put out his arm to stop her.
"I can't let yer go in there without an escort, he's a dangerous man, don't want to be endin' up like that poor man he killed do yer!" The guard said with every good intention.
Restraining herself from physically slapping the guard for his insolence, Alice bit her tongue back and replied calmly.
"Thank-you, but I don't that will be necessary, with no disrespect sir, but I do know how to handle this man and an escort is highly impractical. If you would just let me in to do my work and I'll be out before you could even call an escort up."
The guard still looked unsure and Alice, exasperated, reluctantly pulled out a sixpence from her pocket (it was part of the Milliner's fee but Alice determined that as long as it was only the sixpence they shouldn't be short when it came to paying the Milliner) and flashed it to the guard.
"I'll make it worth your while," Alice added making sure he had seen the coin. With a sudden change of attitude the guard fumbled for the key and began opening the door for her. Once open he replaced the keys in his pocket and held the door in place awaiting payment before he let her go in. Sighing in frustration, Alice gave the sixpence to the guard who snatched it up and had it safely tucked away in his pocket before she could blink.
"Yer have ten minutes." The guard told her forcing the door open and let Alice slip inside, he closed the door behind her and locked it just in case.
The sight appalled her, for the reasonable sized room it held over double the amount of prisoners she had expected to find. In this overcrowded space there was a multitude of different types of prisoners. It ranged from the common amateur thief to the more serious criminals in for assault or charged with garrotting a member of gentry or committing fraud and creating scandal and last of all the minority accused of murder.
Scouring round this confined packed cell, Alice eventually spotted Jack. He was in a corner chained to the wall, his legs drawn up close to him with his head buried in his knees. He looked a sorry state, so pathetic it was hard to believe his conviction as a murderer. Alice's eyes were fixed on Jack as she began to navigate her way through the crowd to reach him. Aware if the petty criminals in the room she kept a tight hold of her pocket making sure there was no attempt to steal anything from her. Their skills were no match for her own for otherwise it would be her in prison and not them, predicting the attempts wasn't hard and she was able to avoid them sufficiently.
The majority of the inmates had taken to leaving Jack alone. They were frightened of him knowing what he was arrested for and in effort to prevent dangerous conflict had decided to stay well clear of him. It came a great surprise to most of the prisoners that this well to do lady was heading straight towards this destitute dangerous criminal. Alice ignored the stares and barely audible gasps as inmates began to notice to whom she was visiting. She didn't care what they thought; as long as she wasn't prevented from talking to him she didn't care.
She felt warm tears fill her eyes as she venture closer to Jack. He looked like a child in a room full of bullies, quietly trying to console himself in a corner away from them. He was so vulnerable right now that Alice was struggling to believe this was the same person that had lifted her up into his arms and twirled her around the room with a bright sparkle in his lovely blue eyes. This was a whole new side to Jack that she had neither experienced nor wanted to experience.
Kneeling down beside him she gently put her hand on his shoulder. The dirt on the floor and the pale colouring of her dress were insignificant details that for the time being had not one tiny place in her thoughts. Jack looked up, his once sparkling eyes were now dull with fear, tears were welling up inside them and, on the sight of Alice, rolled slowly down his cheek. He relinquished his hold on his legs and moved his hand to grasp hers.
For several moments Alice was dumbstruck. She had no words to describe what she felt, no words of encouragement or of rebuke; no words could possibly be used to sum up the brief moment that they spent holding on to each other and staring at one another. Finally Alice gave in, throwing her arms around him; she hugged him close, the tears soaking his shoulder.
"How...How?" Alice cried through her sobs.
"Someone must have seen me coming up the street, it was dark I could've missed anything, besides I always take that route home…they just assumed…I…that it must have been me." Jack whispered the most logical answer he had come up with, even then he could feel his throat close up and tear ducts forming more tears to saturate Alice's shoulder, he just couldn't believe it had happened. For just this once he had done no crime other then to spend the night with the one he loved and he had been punished for it. It made him wonder at the equality of the judicial system.
"But, it wasn't you, they're wrong; they can't find you guilty can they?" Alice already knew the answer; she just wished it was changeable.
"Alice yer know they can, they can condemn me and I'll have to face the punishment. Let us hope the Judge sees through my black heart."
"Jack Dawkins, you are innocent and the judge will see that, let us have no more talk of black hearts and accepting the punishment, I won't let it happen." Alice wanted desperately to sound determined and positive but through the weeping it had barely been audible. She wanted to be able to give Jack encouragement not to give up the hope that he could still be proven innocent of this foul deed.
"Ok, I won't mention it again." Jack agreed almost too happily. If this was truly to be the last moments he had with Alice then he wanted this precious minutes to be spent in as much happiness as could possibly be brought out considering the circumstances.
"How's the baby?" he asked changing the topic completely.
Alice slid her hand across her belly, feeling the slight bump which was growing bigger by the month.
"Alive and kicking!" Alice replied giving him a forced smile. She didn't want to burden him with the details of how worried she was about the child and its prospective future. It wasn't something she had been able to talk over with anybody, resulting in her nerves being on tenterhooks every time the baby even moved slightly inside her.
Despite not wanting to how her fear, Jack could tell. Alice was independent, used to doing everything for herself. It was going to be hard to make her admit she needed help, although in this situation, Jack felt, she might be persuaded. Jack could see in her eyes she was afraid, and for once her expression voiced her true emotions, she both looked and felt helpless.
"Alice, tell someone, someone needs to know, if I'm stuck in here I can't help yer. Tell Mrs Bedwin or another of the servants, forget about what it might reveal, it doesn't matter anymore but you and the child do."
Alice's brow creased and her features scrunched up into a frown. She shook her head vigorously; there was no way on earth she was going to do that!
"Jack, you know I won't. Not if it means blackening your name even more than it already is. No, I'll be alright."
Jack gave her a pathetic smile; he had anticipated that sort of response. It was a typical Alice reaction. Sometimes she was just so easy to predict.
"Fine, have it your way, but promise me, if I am found guilty, you WILL tell someone, think of it as a deal." Jack proposed knowing it was the only way he could be certain Alice would be ok if the worst should come.
"Don't…" Alice uttered not be able to form the rest of the sentence, the idea hurting her too much. She didn't want accept the worst as a possibility.
"I'll promise you, I'll get you out of here, no matter what the consequences." Alice stated strongly.
Figuring this was the best answer he was going to get, Jack nodded, holding out his cut and bruised hand for Alice to shake.
"Deal?" Jack queried
Alice accepted the handshake and nodding her head she agreed.
"Deal."
On that note Alice announced she had to get back, although she did not want to leave him in this state she knew she had to get back to Oliver, get their uncle's hat from the shop and get back to the house before suspicions were aroused. She kissed Jack on the cheek and stood up to leave. She sighed heavily and then turned herself away from Jack and towards the one thing that highlighted the difference between her and the rest of the people inside this room, the door from which he was free to come and go as she pleased.
"Alice…I love you." Jack called out instinctively. A sudden thought crossed his mind that this might be the last chance he got to tell her those words.
"And I love you." Alice replied twisting her body around to see him.
They smiled at each other holding onto that second for as long as they could until Alice finally broke and twisted back around to the door. As she began to walk, she found the inmates parted before her and created a path to the door. The sentimental farewell had left the prisoners with a strange change of emotion towards their estranged cellmate and his sweetheart. They were still most probably going to avoid him but at least they held a little more respect for him now.
Alice fought back the tears as she tapped lightly on the door to alert the guard. She tried desperately to fight the tears but the tears won, rolling down her cheek warm and salty. The guard opened the door just enough to let her back through and quickly shut the door on the rest of the inmates. He caught sight of Alice's tears as he returned the key to his pocket.
"Miss? Are you ok?" he enquired.
Alice nodded and wiped away the tears with the edge of her sleeve.
"If he's hurt you in anyway…" the guard began.
"He didn't hurt me, please just leave me alone!" Alice raised her voice attempting to sound angered but only succeeding in a wail.
The guard did as he was bidden and watched thoughtfully as Alice walked down the corridor and out of his sight. He wondered what could have possibly made the girl cry, if she hadn't been hurt… then what had it been?
Sorry for the wait juggling between studying and writing! It was bringing a tear to my eye writing this chapter so I hope it had the same effect for you (in a good way I hasten to add!)