A/N: I own nothing except a copy of this great game. Second note: A single singer is demarked in italics "like this", while a crowd singing is demarked "like this."
It was even bigger up close.
Impa stared up at the…portal before her, trying to read what it was that was on the other side. It was hazy, but it appeared to be another country that looked relatively pleasant. At least she wasn't leading her men into a guaranteed hellhole. Rather, it was an implied hellhole, which only became even more troubling the more Impa thought about it. So she didn't think about it.
The Hyrulian and Ravager army had mixed together, and then had promptly been split into three groups. Gazing down the plains, Impa looked in the distant direction of the other two portals and sighed. Ishaka and Lana were at one of them, while Link was at the last one. It seemed that each portal was at one end of Hyrule each, essentially stretching the army like rubber. Impa only hoped that it would not break.
"Commander Impa?"
She turned. The leading Ravager, a Craol named Itami, had walked up to her. He was a dark-skinned fellow, with an unkempt beard and a tightly-shaved Mohawk on his head. Ishaka had assured her that he was the best lieutenant she could ask for, though Impa had not seen him fight. "Yeh ain't s'poss'd to." Ishaka had told her, before giving her an infuriatingly sly wink.
"Yes, Itami?" She asked. The Craol gestured to the rest of the army.
"We await our orders. I've double-checked everyone in the line. They are properly equipped." He smirked. "Most of our men and women have never been properly outfitted with armor or weapons before. This is…a welcome change."
"I figured that we could make do with sparing some of the spare wares from the royal armory before we went to war." Impa said. "Considering you all have done so marvelously without proper equipment, one shudders at what you can do now."
"You needn't shudder. It is our enemies that will howl." Itami said. There was a dangerous glimmer in his eye, and in that moment Impa knew that Ishaka was not joking when he said that this was the right man for the job.
Once again, Impa stared at the massive portal in front of her. The view of the other side was distorted, like peering at the surface while submerged underwater. Something was visible on the other side. It looked strangely familiar, but Impa could not put a finger on it. She sighed, and turned to face the army in front of her.
"What we ask of you is unlike anything that has ever been asked of you before." Impa said. "If the mystics and the mages are to be believed, then what I ask of you is to leave everything that you have known…and enter another age. Another world. It will seem somewhat like home, and yet there will be something alien about it. It is a quest foisted upon us by the Goddesses, but it is essential in order to stop the threat of the Sorceress Cia." She hardened her resolve as she continued. "But understand this: Once you cross this portal, and once you leave this world of ours…there is no guarantee that you will return. This may be the last time that you set foot on this wondrous land that we call home. We ask you to travel to, and perhaps even die, in another land so that you might protect the ones that you love." Impa closed her eyes. "I understand if this is beyond what you believed you signed up for when you took the oath to defend Hyrule. Or when you decided to join with our cause." She looked at the Ravagers as she said this. "Thus, if you wish not to go…I will allow it. This is your chance to walk away."
There was a long pause. No one moved. If she looked carefully enough, it would appear that the soldiers simply seemed even more determined to go through with it. Impa smiled.
"Then come with me, warriors of Hyrule and beyond. Let us take the first step necessary to save all that we know!"
There was a resounding cheer that rose up from the crowd. Impa turned around to face the portal again. She took a deep breath, and stepped into it.
It was like walking into standing water. Impa gasped, expecting the liquid to fill her lungs. But instead, she came out on the other side breathing nothing but air. She stepped forward, and looked around.
It was a field, with soft, rolling hills and grass that went up to her shins. There was something in the air that made her feel…strangely nostalgic, as if she had been in this place before, once upon a time. She looked around, and gazed into the distance. A massive mountain loomed in the distance, spewing a halo of smoke around the volcanic summit. Somewhere birds sang.
She looked around, and saw that others were emerging from the portal as well around her. Sheik walked up beside her, and gazed around the idyllic landscape that was in front of them. When he spoke, there was an air of awe in his voice.
"We're in the Era of Time." He said. Impa turned to face him.
"The 'Era of Time?'" She asked. There was an incredulity to her tone, as if she could not believe what Sheik had said. Sheik nodded.
"I'm positive, Impa. This is the time period that gave us the great legend of the Hero of Time.*"
"Goddesses." Impa said. "We are truly in a hallowed land, aren't we?" She asked. She looked around. "Where do we go from here, though?" She wondered. "Lana said that the Gate of Souls would be somewhere important, but she wasn't really specific."
"The fact that she was even able to help sense where to go for the Gate of Souls is remarkable in and of itself." Sheik said. "She is truly a powerful sorceress. I envy that skill."
"I imagine that you do." Impa said. She gave a sideways glance towards her Sheikah companion. Sheik caught the implication.
"Do you still not trust me?" Sheik asked.
"All I know is that you're lying about something." Impa said. "Whether it's a lie by omission or deception, it's still something. So to answer your question, 'Sheik': no. I still do not trust you. And I will be keeping you directly by my side for the entirety of this operation. Am I clear?"
"Transparently." Sheik said. There was a tense pause between the two of them. It was broken when the Ravager commander approached them.
"Commander," Itami said. He pointed in the distance towards the massive mountain in the distance. "Some of the mystics in my brigade feel a powerful source of magic emanating from that mountain. Perhaps an approach there would be the proper course of action?"
"Not a bad suggestion, Itami." Impa said. She studied the mountain in the distance, and then her eyes widened.
"What is it, Commander?" Itami asked. Impa took a deep breath.
"Well, if this is the Era of Time…then that must be Death Mountain* from all of those years ago." A smile graced her lips. "Then, by the Goddesses!" She took the horn from her hip and blew into it a long and strong note. The rest of the army turned towards the source of the sound. Impa waved her arm, gesturing towards the mountain.
"Make way for Death Mountain!" She said. "Let us pay our ancient friends the Gorons a visit."
There was a loud cheer, especially from the Goron branch of the force, and with that the army began moving forward.
…
The fields of Hyrule were much longer than Impa expected them to be, and as a result ordered a much slower pace for her troops in order to prevent overexertion. Sheik had taken to riding a horse, while Impa continued to walk with her men. Walking alongside her was Itami, who showed no signs of fatigue or even the slightest bit of stress. Impa looked around, and decided to make conversation.
"Itami?" She asked.
"Yes, Commander?" He replied. Impa smirked.
"Impa is fine."
"Fair enough. What is your question, Impa?"
"How long have you known Ishaka?" She asked.
At this, Itami chuckled. He turned towards her.
"Brother Ishaka? I have known him since the beginning. I would estimate roughly…three years now." Impa raised her eyebrows.
"Wait, only three years? How long has the Ravager army existed?"
"About the same time, I reckon." Itami said. At this, Impa straight up turned to face the Ravager lieutenant.
"Hold on. You have this elaborate of an army, with a clearly proud culture, and very defined sense of community…and you've only been knitted together for three years?"
"That sounds about right." Itami replied. From his perch on the horse, Sheik could tell that Itami was smirking a little bit. Impa shook her head.
"Has Ishaka always been the leader?"
"Yeah. Though, I'll give ya, we haven't always been this big." Itami said. "Started as a buncha misfits. Ishaka came to us as a little band of mercenaries, climbed up to the top of the pile, and then from there…we started thinking big."
"So before this all, you were just regular sellswords?" Impa asked. Itami snorted.
"If that. We were living in the southern vale, after all. A better word for us might be bandits."
"What caused the change?" Impa asked.
"Ishaka, really." Itami said. "He got into an argument with the old leader, thinking that it wasn't right for us to be robbing people that were out there just trying to make a living the way we were. The leader dared him to do better, and then Ishaka said that he would go out and start his own band of men and women, explicitly to prevent the old leader from doing anything like that."
"And how did that go?" Impa asked.
"Considering we all got up and followed Ishaka, I'd say that it went pretty well." Itami said with a small smirk.
"Seriously?" Impa asked. "You all just got up and left with Ishaka?"
"You've spent time around him, Impa." Itami said. "You know what he's like. There's an inexplicable charisma about the man. The kind that exudes power, you know? But Ishaka has never made a decision that would abuse it. Which is good, because if he wanted to be he could be even worse to the people of the southern vale than that Sorceress' forces were."
"I imagine so." Impa said. "His fighting skills are near-unparalleled."
"Fighting skills?" Itami snorted. "I was talking about when he gets angry. I'd rather be disemboweled with a rusty fishing knife than be on the receiving end of Ishaka's fury." Impa was left to stand and wonder, and Itami continued to walk forward with the rest of the troops. She felt a presence next to her. Sheik had dismounted, and was watching after Itami with her.
"If I may, that was decidedly ominous." Sheik said. Impa nodded, her attention more so on Itami's words than on the fact that she was freely conversing with someone that she still didn't trust.
"Yes…I'll have to ask Ishaka what he meant by it."
"Perhaps we will see what he means once Ishaka re-encounters Cia." Sheik said. "He was quite broken up about the loss of his knives."
"That is true." Impa said. "It was…strange. I've lost weapons before. I've even lost weapons that held personal meaning to me before. And yet Ishaka reacted to that like he'd watched a loved one get murdered in front of his eyes."
"Could be just that he valued those knives quite highly." Impa said. Then she looked more thoughtful. "You're right. They meant something deeper to him than that."
…
The army continued marching for the remainder of the morning and into the mid-afternoon. Death Mountain loomed ahead of them, and now Impa could make out the pathways that led up the mountainside. Impa felt relieved. The Gorons would hopefully be receptive to their presence, provided them explained themselves properly. If the stories of great king Darunia were true, then he would find the whole affair quite amusing. Therefore, he would have to help out of an obligation to settle his own amusement.
They reached the foothills of the mountain as the sun was just beginning to sneak behind the tip of the peak. Impa reckoned that they had about an hour or so of pure daylight left. She gazed up the rocky path that led to the Goron kingdom. She turned around.
"Listen up! Be careful going up these mountains. The Gorons of this era invented an ingenius mortar system to defend their homes, and though I highly doubt that Darunia will fire upon Hyrulians like ourselves, it would be best not to rest on your heels. Be cautious climbing up these rocks."
…
At that moment, a small twinkling of light came fluttering down the mountainside. It collided directly into Impa's chest, mometarily knocking the wind out of her.
"Help!" The little ball of light, now revealing itself as a fairy, said. "Princess Ruto is in danger!"
Sheik's ears perked up at the news of that.
"Princess Ruto?"
"By the Goddesses, how far in time did we travel?" Itami asked. Impa regained her breath.
"It's another age, Itami. The sheer number of years is mind-boggling."
"But surely you must have an estimate? I mean, let's do the math."
"Do the math?" Sheik asked.
"Yeah, do the math." Itami replied.
"Is this seriously the time or place?" Impa asked.
"I'm just saying, we're on the precipice of insanity here and I want to make sure that we don't do something that will inadvertently mess with the fabric of tim-"
"HEY! LISTEN!" The little fairy suddenly shouted. Immediately, everyone within five hundred feet of the little creature clapped his or her ears in pain.
"By the Goddesses, I think that burst my eardrums!" Impa said. Itami looked like he'd been force-fed an unripe lemon. Sheik's face was hidden, but the wince in his eyes told the story. He was also the first one to recover.
"You mean, Ruto, Princess of the Zoras?" He asked. "How is she in trouble?"
"She was abducted by the Gorons!" The little fairy said.
That caused everyone to turn and stare at the little ball of light, their jaws in various stages of agape shock.
"Did you say that Ruto was abducted by Gorons?" Impa asked. "What in the name of Hylia caused that?"
"I don't know!" The fairy wailed. "Their leader, Darunia, used to be such a gentle soul." There was a pause. Then the fairy dropped the bomb. "Someone named Zelda showed up and…he hasn't been the same sense!"
That got everyone. Sheik, who was cupping his hands beneath the little fairy as a means to hold her, nearly clamped them together in shock. The little fairy flitted upwards and away, just out of his fingers' reach.
"Zelda?" Impa asked. "Princess Zelda is here?"
"Let's go and see with our own eyes." Sheik said.
…
They marched a little further, around the gentle bend of the foothills of the mountain, before they reached the entrance to the Goron domain. The massive wooden gates to the upper echelon of the mountain were wide open, as if beckoning (or perhaps daring?) them to come forward. Itami whistled, and the Ravagers began to gear themselves for the battle. He felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Peace, Itami." Impa said. "The Gorons are age-old allies of the Hyrulians. We are not about to preemptively strike them, and especially not in their home kingdom."
Impa was a world-wary woman, and was more than capable of recognizing when murder stared her in the face, such was Itami's glare.
"…Ravagers have no such scruples, commander." He said.
Before they could argue further, there was a massive horn blown. Materializing in front of them was a Goron force. Every one of them was decked in their sturdiest of armor, and their weapons were at the ready. The Goron captain walked forward.
"Halt!" He bellowed. "None are allowed entry into the Kingdom of the Gorons! Outsiders are to leave!"
The Hyrulians stayed put, but the Ravagers were inching forward. Impa could feel herself sitting on a powder keg, and stepped into the opening to mediate.
"We come in peace!" She said. Her voice was powerful and commanding, enough so to get the Ravagers to momentarily halt their advance. She stepped forward so that she was alone and unprotected in the no-man's land between armies, and raised her arm in a slow and calculated manner to show that she was not threatening. "We wish to speak to your ruler, Great Brother Darunia!"
"No outsider is allowed to see Great Brother Darunia, not even one accustomed to our ways as you*, outsider!" The Goron captain barked back. He was a sturdy fellow, not particularly tall for a Goron but exceptionally stocky. Impa tried not to think about how it would feel to be squashed beneath him.
"Be at ease, high brother!" Impa said. "We wish to solicit Great Brother Darunia, the Mighty Lord of the Mountain, on a most ugly rumor that threatens to besmirch his name!" She saw that the Ravagers were starting to rile up the Hyrulians amongst them, trying to psyche up their comrades for war. She did not have much time.
"Do you accuse Great Brother Darunia of a poor reputation?" The Goron Captain said. Spittle flew from his lip, and veins were starting to form in his neck. He'd clearly been offended.
"Impa…" Sheik had slowly walked up beside her. "There's something wrong about his eyes."
Impa gazed harder, her eyes straining as she tried to look closer. Sure enough, there was truth to the man's words: while most Goron eyes looked big and friendly, there was something beady and dark about his. There were jagged dark lines stretching out from his orbital sockets, like there was something behind his face manipulating his every move like a puppet. Impa winced. Something was forcing these Gorons into compliance. This Goron most likely had no idea what was going on.
"Great." Impa said softly. "We're dealing with some dark magic. Mind control?"
"Most likely." Sheik replied. "It looks like a Poe's work, but it would take an awfully powerful sorcerer to pull one off that infects an entire people."
"Could it be that dark wizard under the employ of Cia?" Impa mused. She heard the sound of Ravagers and Hyrulians alike nocking arrows, and realized that they were at the breaking point. There was only one thing to do.
"High brother!" She shouted. "I must confess to the truth: I DO accuse Great Brother Darunia of a poor reputation! I accuse him of possessing a weak will! I accuse him of being bent by his poor impulses! And I accuse him of being unable to best a drunkard in combat, much less me!"
There was a horrific roar amongst the Gorons as they registered this stream of grave insults to their leader's name. Impa turned back towards her army.
"Shields up! Take defensive positions!" She said. "Archers, nock and hold! Hold your positions, no matter what comes forth!"
A series of whistles and howls erupted from the allied coalition, and the sounds of shields being planted bottom-first into the ground began to reverberate through the defensive line. Spears and pikes and anything long with a pointy end were aimed forward, daring the Gorons to make a charge that would be suicidal in execution. Sheik drew two daggers, but before everything went to hell he managed to look at Impa in confusion.
"You wish to anger the entire Goron race?" She asked.
Impa looked at her and smiled. It was the smile of one who has thought eight steps ahead.
"Not all of them. Just one."
…
There was a massive sound, akin to an explosion. Something flew through the air, falling towards the no-mans land between armies like a launched artillery shell. It was a circular, rock-like object. It hit the ground with a terrific crash. It was so violent, archers dropped their arrows in shock or harmlessly shot them off into the air, only to land dead and flat a few yards away from them. All of the Gorons took a knee in unison.
The spherical, rock-like object shuddered, and then grew arms and legs. Slowly, it uncurled to reveal a massive Goron. He easily stood head and shoulders over everyone on the battlefield. His beard was massive and white, and though his gut was large he looked like a rock monster come to life. He folded his arms across his chest, and stared with enraged contempt at the coalition before him.
"Who?" Goron King Darunia roared. "Who dares to insult my name on my very doorstep?"
There was something terribly wrong with his face. His eyes were bloodshot, and sunken deep as if he hadn't slept in days. The same stretch marks around the captain's eyes appeared around Darunia's, though his appeared to pulse with some sort of dark aura. Already intimidating enough, he looked like something out of a waking nightmare. It was enough to make those in the front of the coalition pray for a peaceful resolution. Impa stepped forward.
"I dare."
"You have some nerve, outsider!" Darunia said. His voice seemed to shake the very foundations of the mountains, and spittle flew from his lips. "Do you not know of my name? Do you not know what I am capable of?"
"I know exactly who you are and what you are capable of!" Impa said. Her voice was brave and strong, and gave renewed confidence to her men as they saw their leader without fear in the face of this menace. "You are Great King Darunia, Defender of the Mountain! Magma King of the Deep, The Ironhide Warrior, Great Big Brother of the Goron People! The Lord Dominator of Dodongos, Slayer of the Weak, Regent of Rock, and Sage of Fire."
Impa put added emphasis on this last line, and a handful of some of the more tangentially-religious Ravagers and even Hyrulians took a moment to bow their head in respect.*
Darunia laughed. Perhaps in another setting this would have been a pleasant and perhaps even warm sound. Here, it was not.
"You know of my reputation, I see!" Darunia said. "Then why do you wish to throw away all of your lives due to your foolishness?" He gestured to his soldiers behind him. "All I need is to say but a single word, and you will all be dashed on the rocks!"
"So says you." Impa said. "I have come to challenge you, for I believe that your titles are a lie, created by your cult of personality to artificially bolster your fragile ego." Darunia laughed again.
"Oh?" He replied. "And what is at stake, puny human?" Impa smiled.
"A simple matter: pride. If I win, I can say that I have bested the greatest fighter in the world. If you win, you can say that you have bested the greatest living Sheikah fighter: Impa."
Darunia stared at her contemptuously. He held his arm out. There was a flash of smoke and fire, and soon a massive hammer appeared. He held it by the handle, and effortlessly twirled the handle in a show of strength. He looked at her long and hard, and then spat on the ground.
"I will pick your pulp from the grooves of my hammer, fecacutis*."
There was an audible gasp. Even the Gorons behind Darunia seemed to recoil in horror. The Hyrulians, amped as they were already, immediately trained their weapons on the Goron leader. If it was not for the holding hands of Itami and Sheik, they would have fired at once. But even Itami and Sheik were clearly shaking with rage.
Impa closed her eyes. Slowly, she drew her Biggoron Knife, letting it glint in the dying light of sunset. She held it in front of her face. When she opened her eyes, there was nothing there but murder.
She charged.
…
Darunia swept low, intending to snap her legs. Impa leapt upward, timing the jump perfectly to land on the flat edge of the hammer head. Her weight plus the momentum of the swing caused the hammer to get stuck in the ground, revealing an opening on Darunia. But before Impa could swing, Darunia gave a roar and deadlifted the hammer out of the ground. The sudden shock sent Impa flying head over heels above and behind Darunia. She landed on her feet, and then swiftly rolled away just before the hammer struck where she stood with a mighty clang.
Impa swung first, making a horizontal slash aimed for Darunia's shoulder blades. As she predicted, he raised the handle of his hammer in line to block the strike. Seeing an opening, she slipped underneath. She stood in the opening between Darunia's outstretched arms, and raised her elbow up fast and precise. The bladed edge of the joint caught Darunia right under the nose, and she heard a satisfying crack of cartilage and felt that initial spurt of blood land on her arm. Darunia gave a roar, and slammed his arms together in an effort to crush Impa like a vice. She ducked through the opening before it closed, landing on her back.
She rolled to the left as Darunia swung downward once, and then to the right as he swung again. She tried kicking his leg out from under him, but it was like kicking concrete. Instead, she spat upwards. It struck Darunia directly on the bridge of his nose. As he sputtered in disgust, Impa swung the flat side of her blade directly into the soft backside of his knee, sending the Goron leader falling in a heap. His hammer was knocked away, but so too had her Biggoron knife been thrown aside.
Frantically scuttling backwards on her back like an agitated shrimp, Impa avoided Darunia's attempts to smother her. When she realized that she could go no further, she wrapped her legs around his torso and locked her feet together. Now tightly into closed guard position, she grabbed his right arm and pulled it towards her right hip. She shot her right leg up and past his hip, while at the same time hooking her left leg up and around and behind his neck. She re-linked her legs together, completing the triangle choke, and squeezed as hard as she could.
Darunia's eyes were bulging out of their sockets, but he was not unconscious yet. He hooked his free arm underneath Impa's hips, and with a roar deadlifted her up into the air. Though she still had the hold locked in, she knew that if he slammed her like this it would be the end. So in the split second before he threw her downwards, she reacted. She used his right arm as a springboard, pulling herself up forward so that she could wrap her right arm around his head in a front facelock. From there, she swung the rest of her body around to the left so that she was off to Darunia's right side.
When he slammed forward, it hurt like hell, but it also forced his head facefirst into the hard rock.
Slowly, Impa rolled away from the wreckage, desperately trying to regain her breath. Her back was numb with pain, and she hoped that she hadn't broken anything. She wouldn't feel it until later, anyway. If she was around to make it to later, that is. Darunia moaned in pain as he lay facefirst in the dirt, clutching his head. Impa staggered back to her feet, but then winced as the dark spots in her vision started to spin and her sight began swimming. She staggered to her left, and then to her right. By now, Darunia was getting up. She forced herself to focus, hoping to regain control of herself before he could properly be armed. She grabbed her Biggoron knife right at the same time that he grabbed his hammer, and they both swung.
Sparks flew, and the recoil knocked both of their weapons out of their hands. Impa didn't have any time to react before Darunia lunged forward, tackling her head-on and driving her viciously to the ground.
He slowly got up to his knees, and looked down before him. Impa was breathing, but her eyes were closed. Darunia laughed, and held his arms out and forward towards the Hyrulian forces.
"This is your great champion?" He bellowed. Blood was streaming down his nose now, some of it dripping down and landing on Impa. He had a black eye, and his face was partially swollen. "She is nothing! And you didn't step in to stop me! You are vermin, nothing but Hyrulian scum, and Lady Cia will take great pride in skinning the lot of y-"
At that moment, Impa's eyes snapped open. With cat-like reflexes, she lashed upwards and grabbed Darunia's right arm again. Before anyone knew what had happened, she had hooked in another triangle choke even tighter than before.
Impa's head was swimming and throbbing and every inch of her body was screaming with pain, but she knew she was not hallucinating to see the black marks on Darunia's face begin to pulse and fluctuate violently. So she kept squeezing. Darunia's breathing was reduced to a hoarse, ragged noise, but now there was another noise coming: a high-pitched whine of pain. It couldn't possibly be coming from Darunia. Impa was half unconscious and most likely concussed, but she had a hunch in her stupor and kept holding on.
Then, in that moment, came the breakthrough.
Darunia's body shuddered violently, as if he was beset by a sudden cold. The lines surrounding his eyes faded, and his eyes returned to their blue hue of normalcy. They seemed to widen as his brain processed that he was in a chokehold, and he did the only thing he could.
He tapped out.
Impa let go, and let the now-unconscious Goron king roll over onto his back. She checked to make sure that he hadn't swallowed his tongue, and allowed herself to relax when she realized that he was essentially just napping. Through half-open eyes, she looked directly above her to see a massive Poe writhing in pain in the air above her, clutching its head in agony. It looked at her and began to shriek in some archaic black language, and pointed its bony finger in retribution. And that was about all it got to do, because in that moment Sheik raced forward and played a sweet chord on his harp, creating a pulse of magic that eradicated the apparition.
There was a massive groaning amongst the Gorons, as each of them began to clutch their head as if experiencing the morning after too many drinks. Some of them keeled over in pain, clutching their temples and moaning. A dark cloud seemed to have lifted off of time, and some began to make their way over to where the coalition forces were, gingerly offering welcoming arms to the understandably very suspicious Ravager and Hyrulian forces.
Sheik raced over to where Impa was, as the latter had pulled herself up and was sitting upright, resting her back against Darunia's belly. Sheik reached into his pockets, and frustratedly slapped aside a bottle that he had hoped would contain a fairy.
"Somebody get me some medicine, now!" He said. His voice was high and strained, as if he was hoping to yell but not without his voice cracking. "Now, Goddess damn it!" He turned back to look at Impa, who was staring at him blearily. She had some nasty cuts on her face, and it was likely that her eye would bruise with time. And they still didn't know about her back. But she was alive. "Goddesses, Impa, are you alright?"
By now, Itami had come forward. He looked at the sight before him: a battered Sheikah woman who had choked a Goron king unconscious, and the latter snoring peacefully beside her. Itami sputtered for the words, before ultimately settling on the only one he could.
"Amazing." He said.
"Spectacular." Sheik said.
Impa laughed, through cracked ribs and a throbbing headache.
"What did you expect? I don't make challenges…I do not intend to win."
A/N: Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you, dear readers! Apologies for the delay in posting. The reality is that I was stuck on this scene for a while, because there was a small quibble I had with the OG storyline of the Death Mountain fight: Like me, you must likely ran through the Goron armies like a thresher on corn fields, which begs the question of how on earth could they still be a reasonable fighting force? I decided to write out a solution that allows the Goron army to remain a good threat to the forces of darkness, as well as showcase just how much of a badass Impa can be. Oh, and for the record: that was not Darunia himself that spoke such a horrifically offensive line. It was Wizzro's shade using his mouth as a puppet. I imagine that, if he was conscious, Darunia would be horrified and ashamed at such racism and hatred. He always struck me as one of the chillest fellas in the Zelda universe.
That's all for this chapter. See you next time! (And be sure to drop a review if you can. They're always much appreciated.)
HYRULIAN CODEX
The Hero of Time – The Hero of Time. What more can be said of the most famous legend in the history of Hyrule? Well, perhaps it is not the most famous per say, or perhaps the best, but it is certainly the one that folks evoke the strongest sense of nostalgic glee in remembering. A young man discovering his destiny, a beautiful princess, and a dark and terrifying monster…and what some say time travel as well combine to create what is considered the most well-known and often-told fables in Hyrulian history. It is certainly the most-researched by scholars, and there are many elements in this story that seem to crop up in other tellings of the Hero of the Ages.
Death Mountain – A terrifyingly large mountain that is said to be where Din, Goddess of Fire, first landed on the planet to begin creating the earth itself, was around during the time of the Hero of Time (see above). It was the home to the Gorons as well as the Dodongos, as well as the legendary Dragon Volvagia. The story of the Hero of Time battling Volvagia is one of the most popular myths told to children in the land, as the added twist of the Hero's pain at having to battle his old childhood friend brainwashed by evil never fails to make even the hardiest of men find their blood brothers and hug them. Over the ages, frequent eruptions rendered Death Mountain into a series of smaller volcanic mountain ranges, though none of them have ever reached the size of the original and mighty Death Mountain.
Princess Ruto – Princess Ruto I of the Zora people is one of the most famous regents in the history of the regal people of the Zora, for more reasons than one would think. On one hand, she was the ruler at the head of the first Zora "Golden Age," where their culture began to expand across the globe and led to an explosion in artistic and musical and writing excellence. On the other hand, the spunky ruler (who famously never married) developed a reputation as a shameless, shameless flirt who was willing to hit on anyone she found attractive. The number of men claiming to be betrothed to her highness would be laughable if her reputation for handing out marriage declarations like a drunkard leaving a successful night at the casino didn't drive her advisors so far up the wall. She could be a little bit demanding, and most definitely enjoyed the privilege royalty brings (also famously being carried into battle in the arms of whatever soldier she found cutest), but she was a wise and just ruler of her people, and she is remembered fondly.
Recently discovered collections of her majesty's private journals reveal, beneath her snarky and sassy and slightly bossy exterior, a romantic at heart who loved the life she lived…yet privately wondered about what life had been like if she had truly been pledged to marry a blonde-haired hero that had brought such excitement to her life…
Conversing with Gorons – Gorons are a particular people. If you have been declared "brother" or "sister," then feel free to converse with them in the most informal of tones. However, if that status has not been conveyed upon you, then it is only polite to adhere to their customs. Gorons refer to their ruler as "Great Brother" at all times, and the most powerful person in an area at any time is referred to as "High Brother." "Little brother" is used by a dominant party speaking to a lesser party, and "outsider" is a word only used by Gorons when they deeply distrust an individual, which admittedly takes some doing.
Persuant to their ruler, it is considered customary to address the ruler of the Gorons by the entirety of whatever titles he has been bestowed (or bestowed upon himself) before properly conversing with him. Naturally, this can really stretch out introductions, which is why you only have to do it the first time you see him in your conversation. There are rumors that the whole thing is little more than a private joke the Goron leader is playing on foreign dignitaries, watching those stuffed shirts stumble over themselves as they try to remember every single one of his titles and perhaps invent a few new ones in the process. There is no evidence to suggest that the Goron king ends up taking the phony titles that he likes best to add to his reputation, but there is also no evidence to suggest that he does not. Scholars are still divided on this, and the Gorons sure as hell aren't making that knowledge public.
Sages and "lesser deities" – For those that don't necessarily ascribe to the "Three Golden Goddesses of Existence, One Goddess of Hyrule" theory, there are plenty of other religious sects to be found in the world. Hyrule and her sistering countries are very spiritual, and thus it is little surprise that some mighty figures in history, for the accomplishments that they made in their lifetimes, have achieved a sort of sainthood in the legendarium of religious spirituality. The Seven Great Sages, however, are considered above the rest because they are explicitly considered mortals that were so mighty that they were raised to the level of near-deity in their lifetime. A more accurate representation would be that they are intercessors for the divine, but not divine themselves. After all, for mortals, the concept of immortality is alien and rather frightening, and only the most deluded (or loneliest to begin with) actively pursue forms of immortality.
"Fecacutis" – An unspeakably offensive (and racist) pejorative directed primarily towards the Sheikah people (as well as darker-skinned Craols). It is a corruption of several words that translate to skin and manure, and the implication essentially explains itself. There is no acceptable social setting for this word to be uttered, and even academics refuse to utter or even reprint this word in translations of old literature out of principle. It is also a death sentence in the presence of a Sheikah, and to this date no trial has condemned the attacker for avenging his or her deeply hurt honor.
Goron King Darunia – The most famous king of the Gorons. The man named the Sage of Fire, Darunia was well-known for being a gentle soul at heart whilst playing up a gruff exterior on the outside. However, once you got to know the man, you'd be willing to run through a brick wall for him. Charming, funny, witty, strong, and level-headed as he was in running his kingdom, the Gorons prospered under his rule. They also enjoyed life, because Darunia prided himself on being the greatest partier in the history of Goron kings, and made it a point to always drink the most, to always tell the dirtiest (and funniest) joke, and always pick up the tab at a party. The legendary tale of Sheikah warrior Krea outdrinking Darunia at a celebratory feast is still considered a victory for Darunia by his subjects, for a rather simple bit of logic: when everything was over, could Krea roll home? No, but Darunia certainly could. Therefore, by the transitive property of trolling, the Gorons deemed Darunia the winner.
Getting named "Honored Brother," the Goron equivalent of demi-god, was probably a nice consolation prize for the very hung-over Krea, however.