(Chapter Three)

Rick held on to Dee Dee for several minutes before she slowly pulled herself away. "I have to see my baby."

"Let me get a nurse to bring a wheelchair in."

Once the doctor gave his approval for Dee Dee to leave her room, Rick wheeled her to see her son. When they entered, she was overwhelmed at seeing her mother, Mark and Charlie all sitting around AJ's bed. She burst into tears over the love and support they offered, and they each took a turn at hugging and trying to console her. After she was settled next her son's bed, Rick supported her by the arm as she stood and leaned over to kiss the baby.

"Hi, sweetheart. Mommy's sorry she wasn't here all night. I'm so glad that everyone was here to look after you."

"We'll leave you alone." Rick said as the two men followed him.

Dee Dee thanked them and then turned to her mother. "When did you get here, mom?"

"Several hours ago. I stayed with you in your room for quite a while. I was so worried about you."

"I'm sorry to have worried you all." Dee Dee replied solemnly. "I didn't mean to."

"It's not your fault." Anna reassured. "You had no control over it. We're just glad you're awake, now."

The two talked to AJ as if he were awake; Anna knowing it was at the moment the best thing for Dee Dee. Soon, Alex's aunt and uncle, Evelyn and Neil Turnan, arrived from California. They were heartbroken at losing their nephew who was raised as their only child, and they had taken on the roles of grandparents to little Alexander. They visited with Dee Dee and her family for a while before getting settled in the hotel.

Dee Dee had her mother call everyone back into AJ's room as she wanted to make an announcement. "I thank all of you so much for coming." She began. "I hope I can continue to count on your support with my decision."

Everyone waited anxiously to hear the news.

"I've decided to have the funerals in California." She looked to each face for any sign of disagreement. "I know you all came here at a moment's notice, expecting the services to be here, but I want them home." When she checked the faces again, she saw soft, understanding expressions and nods of agreement. "AJ was born here, but his family is from California. I don't mean to put anyone through any trouble, but I really want this."

"And you'll have it." Anna replied and put her arms around Dee Dee. "I think it's a wonderful idea."

Everyone agreed with Anna and told Dee Dee she had their utmost support.

Dee Dee sighed. "Thank you all. Thank you so much." She turned to Mark. "Will you be able to make it?"

"Of course I will. I actually live in southern California and I'm going home, soon."

"I'm so glad you'll be there." Dee Dee added with a faint smile.

Everyone made plans of where to sleep for the night. Neil, Evelyn and Mark would spend the night in their hotel rooms. Dee Dee wanted to remain with AJ for the rest of the night, but her family and of course, the doctor wouldn't allow it. They persuaded her to return to her own room for more rest. She reluctantly agreed, but seeing as how she had to have enough strength to endure the long trip and funeral service, she did as she was told. Anna would stay with AJ while Rick would stay with Dee Dee. Neil volunteered to get started on the funeral arrangements; to have the bodies flown to California, and Mark offered his help by getting Dee Dee's car and purse released from the police impound. The car, with the purse still inside, had been towed there after she abandoned it at the scene. Evelyn took on the task of calling one of Dee Dee's neighbors, Mrs. Leyland, a sweet older woman who would babysit little AJ when she and Dee Dee felt the weather was too harsh for him to be out. She'd volunteered her services months before the baby was born, and she and Dee Dee had become quite close. Mrs. Leyland had just read about the accident in the newspaper, and was devastated even more by hearing Evelyn confirm it. Evelyn asked if she would contact any other neighbors, and friends as well as Alex's supervisor at Oxford. Between the four of them, they'd gotten several things put into motion quite quickly.

– -

"Are you comfortable?" Rick asked as he fluffed Dee Dee's pillow.

"I guess."

Rick sat in the chair beside her bed. "Well, just let me know if you need anything."

"What I need…" Dee Dee sighed and sank into her pillows. "What I need, no one can give me. No one."

"I know, sweetheart." Rick sighed in sympathy. "I'm sorry that I can't make things right again."

"I appreciate you being here." Dee Dee looked to her best friend. "Mark has been wonderful, and I'm grateful to have him here, but there's nothing like having your close family and friends with you during a time like this."

Rick knew that she meant the statement with all her heart, but if anyone would only judge by her demeanor, they wouldn't know it. He knew she had to be mentally drained and just plain numb while living through hell.

"You don't have to tell me that you appreciate me, Dee Dee. I know that, and I always will."

Dee Dee yawned and slid down further beneath the covers."Well, I think it's nice for you to hear."

"Thank you." Rick accepted her gratitude.

Rick?"

"Yes?"

"This may sound silly or childish, but would you hold my hand while I sleep?"

"It's not silly or childish at all." Rick turned off the overhead light and moved his fold-out bed closer to Dee Dee. He placed a kiss on her cheek and settled in beside her.

"I love you, Dee Dee."

"I love you, too, Rick."

Within minutes, the duo began to drift off to sleep.

– –

The next morning, Anna had taken a taxi to Dee Dee's house to pick up some fresh clothes for her. She didn't stay any longer than needed to get the clothes, and didn't dare look inside her grandson's bedroom. It was hard enough for her to see the family photos on the wall and a few scattered toy blocks on the floor of the den.

Dee Dee was feeling stronger and had been able to eat a decent breakfast before visiting AJ. The family gathered in the child's room and surrounded his bed; linking hands in prayer led by Evelyn. Abandoning her wheelchair for the moment, Dee Dee stood with the others; Rick on one side, her mother on the other side. Rick could feel the tightening of her grip as the prayer went on. He took a peek to see if she was alright and saw that she was shaking her head 'no'. When the prayer was over, he asked if she was okay.

"No." She replied. "I'm not okay with knowing that God allowed this to happen and that I'm supposed to accept it without question. We're standing here and asking God to take Alex and AJ into his loving arms as they've left ours." She pursed her lips and furrowed her brow. "I don't understand it at all. Is this what happens because I've never been as religious as God may have wanted? Is my faith being tested?" She began to cry and everyone else had tears in their eyes. "People say that God isn't cruel, but as I see it, he allows cruel things to happen. Why?" She buried her face in Rick's chest and sobbed. The family tried to offer words of comfort, but Dee Dee didn't respond. She held on to Rick as he guided her to a chair and sat beside her, never breaking their grasp. The others stood by feeling helpless; some silently praying for Dee Dee's strength and faith to be restored.

The anger in Dee Dee's heart began to grow stronger, but she held on...kept it inside. After a few moments, she regained some composure and asked Anna to return to her room with her so she could shower and change clothes while the rest of the family remained with her baby. As Anna sat and watched television, Dee Dee stood beneath pouring warm water of the shower. A wave of emotions flooded her mind as she knew what was to follow within the next hour. She leaned against the tile and sobbed for all that she had lost.

Dee Dee sat on the bed in her robe while Anna used comb and blow dryer to style her hair for her. Dee Dee closed her eyes and as she felt a slight release of tension from the action. When Anna was finished with her hair, she dressed and met the others in the hall. She'd refused the wheelchair as she wanted to walk on her own to handle the overwhelming task at hand.

"Are you ready?" Anna asked.

"Yes." Dee Dee sighed. "Let's go."

With a nurse leading the way, Anna and Rick walked on either side of Dee Dee as they headed for the elevator to the morgue. She hadn't seen Alex since the day he died, but she needed to see him once more before his funeral. Like AJ, his face wasn't marred at all. He'd suffered a head injury which left a small scar, but the worst of his injuries were internal. He'd suffered a broken neck, and a broken rib which punctured his heart. He had no chance at all.

"Alex, I'm so sorry." Dee Dee began. "I love you so much, sweetheart. I'm sorry I couldn't save you and our baby." She wiped her tears. "I know that you two will be together, but that won't stop me from being selfish and wanting you here with me. Yes, sweetheart. Our baby is leaving me, too." She began to cry harder. "I don't know why this has happened, Alex. I wish I did, but I don't. It makes no sense at all." She felt her mother's gentle hand stroking her back, while Rick put his arm around her waist. "I have to go, now. I have to take care of the baby. I have to let him join you." Her body shook with grief. "I have to…say goodbye…to you both. I love you, Alex. Thank you for loving me, too."

Anna and Rick wiped their tears and escorted Dee Dee back upstairs to be with her son. When they arrived at his room, they allowed her to go inside alone as she wished.

"Hi, precious boy. It's mommy." Dee Dee kissed her baby and sat beside the bed. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry I couldn't save you from being hurt. I would have done anything to prevent it. Anything. I would have died for you." She truly wished she could have. "The doctor's tried to make you all better, but they just couldn't do it. They said you were a very strong little boy and that you fought hard to stay here with mommy. I'm so proud of you, my sweet boy. So proud. We were going to have a really big birthday party for you today." She paused at the thought. "No, the sketti dinner and cake wasn't your party. That was just a little something for you and daddy to share together since he was going out of town." She mustered a faint smile as she held AJ's little hand. "I know that you and daddy will have millions of wonderful birthdays together in Heaven, but you would have had such fun with playing with the kids from your playgroup from the park. They were all going to bring you nice presents, and play games and eat lots of ice cream and cake with you. Mommy and daddy got you lots of new books, toys and clothes, too."

She sighed brokenheartedly at the thought of all that would not happen for her son to celebrate his birth this year. Baby? Mommy has to do something that's very, very hard to do. I…I have to say…goodbye to you." Dee Dee grabbed a tissue from the box and dabbed her eyes. "Your daddy is waiting for you, honey. You and he will be in Heaven together. I prayed so hard for God to let you both stay here with me forever, but God has his own plans." Dee Dee began to cry harder with betrayal in her heart. "I don't guess we can always have what we want. You have to know that I won't ever, ever forget you, precious. I love you so much, Alexander. I love you. My heart hurts because I can't have you and daddy with me anymore." Dee Dee placed her head beside AJ's and sobbed. "Why, God? Why? I don't understand. What did Alex and AJ do to deserve death?" With her eyes closed, she continued to question God's plan. Her heart pounded with rage, sorrow and distress. When she thought her heart would explode, she felt the presence of someone standing beside her. With her her eyes still closed, she sighed at feeling a small amount of comfort from the presence. "Alex, it's you, isn't it? You came to be with me to say goodbye to our baby. You've come to take him with you, haven't you?" Dee Dee opened her eyes and just as she expected, no one was there to be seen. She knew that Alex's spirit had indeed been by her side. She slowly raised her head and kissed her baby again. "Daddy's waiting for you, precious. I'll let you go to him in a minute." She stepped into the hall to call her family inside. Mark alerted the nurse who she called the doctor to come to the room. Everyone took turns saying their goodbyes to baby Alexander; stroking his cheeks and kissing his face and his little fingertips. Dee Dee stood with her mother and Rick at her side. Mark, Charlie, Evelyn and Neil were close by with tissues soaked with their tears. The doctor entered and asked Dee Dee if she was ready to proceed.

"Yes. It's time to let him go." She said with a sluggish tone. "He needs to go and be with his daddy."

(Continued...)