(Chapter Four)

The doctor nodded and asked the nurse to assist him in removing the apparatus from the baby. He called the time of death and offered his condolences to Dee Dee and the family.

Since she could now reach him, Dee Dee gently lifted AJ's head from the pillow and cradled him for a few seconds. "I'm glad I had you for as long as I did. I love you and I'll miss you, angel." She kissed him once more and gently placed his head back on the pillow. She then allowed Rick and Mark to escort her from the room as the rest of the group followed.

Dee Dee returned to her room just long enough for the doctor to give her a quick once-over and to sign her release forms and to write a prescription for a mild sedative. Everyone waited downstairs for Rick and Anna to bring her down. They all noted how fragile she looked. Under the circumstances, how could she not look fragile?

She was quiet during the wheelchair ride to downstairs, quiet when she entered the taxi with Rick and her mother, and quiet when they entered the living room of her home. She couldn't bring herself to look at the family portrait in the foyer, but as in her old routine, she began to pick up the scattered alphabet blocks from the floor of the den.

"You'll have to excuse the toys. I'm teaching AJ how to pick up after himself, and he's starting to get the hang of it. He only left a few…" She was stunned by the fact of him being gone, and her not being able to teach him anything every again. "I'm sorry, I…" Her eyes watered and she covered her mouth to capture a scream. She quickly excused herself and hurried upstairs to lie down and to release her anguished cry into a pillow.

Everyone arrived within minutes of her being home and started piling in the food and drinks for the family. A few wanted to speak with her to offer their condolences, but Anna, Mark and Rick made sure they understood she wasn't to be disturbed. They, along with Charlie, Neil and Evelyn, took care to entertain everyone as best they could.

When the funeral director arrived with the wreaths for the door, Dee Dee couldn't bring herself to get out of bed to speak to him. Anna had him place the white wreath with white roses for Alex, just above the smaller one with small pale blue roses for AJ.

Dee Dee tried to sleep, but all the scenes from the past two days replayed over and over in her mind. She wanted so badly to reach over and rest her hand on Alex's chest, but she couldn't. She wanted to hear little AJ call to her and ask to sleep in bed with them. When she rolled over toward Alex's side of the bed, she felt an overwhelming urge scream out in anguish again, but held it in. She slipped from bed and walked across the hall to her baby's room. She looked around at all the things that made it little Alexander's room. Her heart began to break again. He'd just gotten his 'big boy' bed two months ago, and he was quite proud to have it. She sat on his bed and took his favorite stuffed bear, Theodore in her arms, curled up on the bed and cried over her baby and husband.

When Anna called to Dee Dee from the hall and didn't receive an answer, she checked the master bedroom and bath, but didn't find her. She moved to her grandson's bedroom and slowly looked inside to see her daughter curled up on the bed with little Alexander's teddy bear.

"Sweetheart?" Anna called softly as she entered the room. "Are you hungry? There's plenty of food downstairs."

"I don't want any." Dee Dee sniffled while keeping her gaze downward. "I don't want anything…but…Alex and AJ."

Anna held her own tears at bay and sat at the foot of the bed. "If I could bring them back, I would. But…"

"I know." Dee Dee sighed heavily. "You can't. No one can."

"I'm sorry. I just... " Anna felt at a loss for words. "I wish I could help more."

"I just want to lie here...alone, please."

Anna hesitated for a moment. "Okay. I'll be back in a little while to bring you something to eat."

Dee Dee didn't reply, but once she was alone, she pulled her son's teddy bear closer to her body and whispered. "I can't make it without them. I don't even want to try."

Rick looked up to see Anna move across the room and toward him. "How is she?" He asked.

"Not good. She's still in shock, I'm sure. I don't know what to do for her."

Rick glanced toward the ceiling, the divider between Dee Dee and himself. "I know you're having a tough time, Anna, but we have to be strong and try to make sure she has us to lean on."

Anna nodded in agreement. "I'll go back up in a little while and take her something to eat. In the meantime, we should get back to our guests."

"Right." Rick agreed as he escorted Anna to the living room. "Don't worry about getting something for her to eat. I'll take a plate up for her in a bit."

Nearly an hour and a half had passed, and Dee Dee remained as she had been since her mother left her alone. Her thoughts were muddled with flashes of all that's happened in the past two days. She wanted so badly to wake up...to have her nightmare disturbed, but it's impossible to awaken when you're not asleep. It was hard enough to be reminded of losing her family. Now she must deal with the answer to an echoing question...a question that was asked when she awoke from her fainting spell at the hospital.

"Mrs. Turnan, is it possible that you're pregnant?"

The question was pushed back into the corner of her mind when she heard a knock on the door. She looked up to see Rick standing at the door with a plate of food and a glass of tea.

"Your mom said you weren't hungry when she was here." Rick moved to the bed. "Since it's been a while, maybe you'd like a little something."

Dee Dee shook her head. "No. I don't want it."

"You have to build up some strength, Dee Dee. Please, just try a little."

Feeling that she would get no peace until she obliged, Dee Dee sat up to take the plate. She quickly closed her eyes and let out a soft groan.

"What is it?" Rick asked.

"Dizzy...head throbbing." Dee Dee replied softly.

Rick put the plate and glass on the dresser and moved back to Dee Dee. "Do you want to lie back down for a minute?"

"No, I"ll be okay."

"Have a bite to eat. That should make you feel better."

Dee Dee slowly opened her eyes and didn't protest. She felt that maybe eating a bit would cut a break from Rick and her mother. Rick waited until she was crossed her legs in front of her to make room for the plate to be put on the bed in front of her. Rick took a moment to look around the baby's room while Dee Dee ate a few bites of food. He picked up a framed photo of AJ smiling broadly. His image had been captured by the camera as he sat in a swing at the park. "When was this taken?"

Dee Dee slowly looked up. "Earlier this week. I have your copy all set to be mailed. It's in the den beside the computer."

"Thanks. I'll get it later." After a few more minutes of looking at photos and toys, Rick saw that Dee Dee had pushed her plate aside and was staring blankly across the room. "Are you finished? I can take that." She had eaten the small slice of ham and only half of the serving of mashed potatoes, and had taken only a sip of her drink. Nothing else on the plate had been touched.

"Yeah, I'm done."

"Okay." Rick took the plate and glass. "Do you feel like going downstairs, yet?"

Dee Dee wanted to lie back down, but realized that she must make an appearance at some point. "I might as well go down. I want to get this over with and get back to bed."

Temporarily avoiding the bathroom in the master bedroom, she chose the one down the hall to freshen up her appearance. A few moments later, she met Rick in the hall and they headed downstairs.

Everyone greeted her with warm embraces, words of support and offerings to do whatever she needed of them.

Rick made sure that she was seated comfortably on the sofa between her mother and him.

"Where's Mark?" She asked.

Anna turned to her daughter. "He's taking out the trash. He'll be back in a minute."

"Good. I want him with me."

(Continued...)