Author's Note - Thank you all for being so patient in waiting for this chapter. Things have been fairly hectic and I haven't had time to work on my

story as I'd like. I put this chapter together (without taking notes) within four or five hours and was surprised by how long it turned out to be. I hope there aren't too many typos as I was tired during editing, but didn't want you to wait longer as a few have sent notes wanting updates.

I can't give you a date as to when the next chapter will be up, but I will try to start it tomorrow. I don't mind you asking for updates. It may help to motivate me.

Thank you so much for hanging in there. I appreciate your dedication. :-)

(Chapter Nine)

Anna didn't know what her daughter was feeling. "I wish I knew what to say."

Without a reply, Dee Dee tossed the test into the trash and went into her room to lie down as Anna followed and sat at the foot of the bed.

Dee Dee sighed. "I said I didn't think I could take care of a baby, and now I know I don't have to. Why do I feel both disappointed and relieved? What kind of sense does that make?"

"Because you still wanted to have a part of Alex and AJ here with you. You said so. Considering all that you're going through, there are millions of things that may or may not make sense, but I'm just glad that you have an answer. Maybe it'll help you start to heal."

"I don't think I'll ever heal." Dee Dee sniffled and turned away from her mother. "I want to be alone."

"Okay. Try and rest." Anna gently stroked her daughter's back and left the room. She stopped at the foot of the stairs and prayed that Dee Dee was wrong about never healing. "Lord, please help her. I'm so scared for her and I don't know what to do."

Around 9am, people started calling with their condolences and offers of help. Rick called at a little past 10am and Anna asked him to come over to run a few errands. When he arrived a little more than an hour later, he saw Dee Dee coming down the stairs, still in her oversized sleep-shirt, barefoot with her hair in a ponytail. She looked so young, like a girl barely into her teen years. She also looked fragile and worn, but still beautiful. Rick couldn't help but slowly take in the image before him as he wished he could take her into his arms and offer some comfort.

Rick cleared his throat and greeted her. "How are you?"

Dee Dee sighed in irritation and crossed her arms. "How do you think?"

Rick found that these days, it was nearly impossible to know what to say and when to say it. "I"m sorry, I..."

"Nevermind." Dee Dee sat on the arm of the sofa. "What are you doing here?"

Rick's fluttering heart-rate began to slow down as he took a seat. "I came over to run some errands for you mom. I'm just waiting until she finishes the list."

"Oh." Dee Dee answered quietly as trailed the fabric on the sofa with her index finger.

As Anna entered the room, she noticed the unusual silence between the two, but didn't mention it. She handed the list to Rick and apologized for taking so long.

He told her that it was no problem and would be back as soon as he was finished. He looked at Dee Dee who didn't seem interested one way or the other.

Anna walked Rick to the door and watched him drive off. "I'm glad he's taking care of those things." She turned to Dee Dee. "He's a big help."

"Yeah." Dee Dee crossed her arms again. "He's a big help, alright."

"Why do you say it like that?"

"I don't want to talk about Rick." Dee Dee hurried back up to her room, leaving Anna to wonder what was going on.

Later in the evening, the house was filled with family and friends, most of whom would be attending tomorrow's funeral service for Alex and AJ.

Dee Dee managed to pull herself together and dressed to meet her guests. She was surprised to see that her co-workers for a short time, Brad Navarro and Kitty O'Hearn had shown up.

Brad put his arms around her. It was unusual to see him in such a solemn mood. He'd usually flash a bright, toothy grin while adding a few flirtatious comments. He knew when to keep himself in check and under the circumstances, he could barely muster a smile. "I'm very sorry. I'm here for you, okay? Whatever I can do, let me know." When he gently released his hold, Dee Dee nodded and thanked him.

Kitty was next to take her friend into her arms. "Dee Dee, I wish there was more for me to do than to just offer condolences."

"I know." Dee Dee answered softly as the two parted. "Why don't we all sit down?"

A few moments later, Rick, Charlie, Mark, more co-workers and friends had arrived. Everyone sat and made small-talk, trying to keep the mood light, and Dee Dee's closest friends all sat with her as they reminisced. Though Mark hadn't served on the force, he joined his new friends and enjoyed the interesting tales. Dee Dee remained quiet, only nodding in agreement when asked if she remembered a particular moment. As the conversation continued, more and more people interrupted to offer words of support. Mark saw that she seemed agitated. "Can I get you something, Dee Dee?"

"No, I just need some air." She replied as she stood to leave the room.

Rick stood, too. "I'll come with you."

"No. I'd rather you didn't." She excused herself and moved through the crowds of people inside, moving through more on the patio, finally reaching the gazebo in her mother's backyard. She sat, inhaling the aroma from the roses, hoping to slow her breathing and heart-rate.

It had been half an hour before Mark gained the courage to approach Dee Dee in the gazebo. He didn't want to invade her space, but wanted to at least offer to listen in case she needed him to. He excused himself and went into the kitchen to pour glasses of lemonade for the both of them. While walking toward the gazebo, he saw that Dee Dee was facing the opposite direction; her arms were folded on the banister as her head lay upon them. Before placing his foot on the first step, he gently called to her.

"Dee Dee?"

"Yes?" She answered without turning around.

"I brought you some lemonade. I can leave it here for you."

Dee Dee turned slowly to see Mark looking somewhat timid, but caring. "You can come up."

Sighing with relief that he hadn't upset her, Mark went up the steps and handed the glass to Dee Dee and sat beside her. "Did it help to come out here?" He asked.

"A little." Dee Dee sipped from her glass. "I know they all meant well by talking about the police force. It was their way of trying to distract my thoughts, but it was more annoying than anything because they were trying too hard."

"I imagine that sometimes we do more damage when we're trying to help."

"You've been very helpful, Mark. I thank you so much." Dee Dee offered a faint smile.

"I'm glad, and you're most welcome."

"How are you holding up?" Dee Dee asked.

"I'm okay. I'm focusing more on my music."

"That's good."

During their phone conversations, Mark filled Dee Dee in little by little about why he'd been in London. He had been in a serious relationship with is girlfriend for over two years, and two days after picking up her engagement ring to surprise her with it and a proposal, he saw her out with another man and learned that she'd been having an affair. He didn't understand what he'd done to cause it. He had always put her before his work, made sure that she had everything she needed and wanted and loved her unconditionally. When he asked her why she did it, she said she didn't know; that it just happened, but that she still loved him.

The trust had been broken and he knew the best thing would be to walk away and try to forget her.

As the two continued chatting, they were interrupted by a small voice. "Hi, Dee Dee."

Dee Dee turned to see Jaeden Davis Jr. standing at the foot of the steps with his parents, Talia and Jaeden Sr.. Dee Dee's heart lightened at seeing the little boy.

"Hi, sweetheart."

She and the family had kept in touch since the day she found Jaeden, then three and a half years old, in the wrecked and abandoned car, when she'd left Alex.

Jaeden and his parents walked up the steps and gave Dee Dee a hug and offered to be of help in any way. When they got the news of the deaths, they were heartbroken as they'd grown so close to the family, though so far away. They would be forever grateful to Dee Dee for saving Jaeden after he'd been kidnapped and abandoned.

Dee Dee introduced everyone and asked the Davis family to take a seat. "Jaeden, you've gotten so big. Your mom sent a picture of you a few weeks ago, and you've grown a lot since then."

"Yeah, daddy said I'm I'll be tall like him." The kindergartener smiled.

"I believe he's right, but you're not too big to sit on my lap, are you?" Dee Dee asked.

"I don't know. Mama said sometimes it feels like I'll break her lap when I sit on hers."

Dee Dee laughed softly at the comment. It was the first time she'd laughed in days. "Well, give it a try." Once the child was settled, he and Dee Dee talked about his moments in kindergarten, his latest toys, backyard camp-out with his parents and more.

After a while, Jaeden became quiet and looked to his parents before continuing. They both nodded to assure him that it would be okay. "I'm sorry that you're so sad." He said in nearly a whisper. "I'm sad, too."

"Thank you, sweetie. I'm sorry that you're sad, too." Dee Dee pulled the child closer.

"Mama and daddy said that AJ and Alex will be in heaven. My grandparents are there and I asked them to take care of AJ because he's still little and needs help sometimes. If it's scared or missing you like I missed mama and daddy when they were away, my grandma will rock him to sleep like she did when I was little."

Dee Dee's eyes watered as she kissed the little boy's forehead. "You're right, and thank you. I'm sure they'll take care of him."

"I have something for AJ to take to heaven. I'll be right back." He slid off of Dee Dee's lap and went to retrieve a gift bag from his parents and then returned to Dee Dee. "Mama told me what AJ's going to wear tomorrow, so...here."

Dee Dee opened the package and found a small teddy bear wearing a blue sailor suit and matching hat. She closed her eyes and let her tears fall. "Thank you, baby. It's perfect." She hugged Jaeden who was near tears.

"I didn't mean to upset you and make you cry." He said.

"Oh, honey it's not your fault. I just cry when I miss my baby and when someone like you does something so very, very nice. It may not make sense, but you'll understand one day." Dee Dee wiped her tears. "AJ will be happy to have this in heaven with him. Thank you so much." She kissed the child's cheek and held him tightwhich made him feel a little better. She was quite grateful for the bear as she couldn't see herself parting with her baby's favorite. AJ loved teddy bears, and though she thought of having Theodore go with her son, she just couldn't part with it. It had been her baby's favorite since he was a newborn and she needed something of his to literally cling to at times.

As the sun dropped with the passing time, the guests began to say goodnight. Those who would be able to, would attend the service tomorrow.

"I guess I should go, too. I'll drop this off in the morning." Mark said in reference to the gift from Jaeden. "I hope you get some rest tonight."

"Thanks."

As the two stood and began walking toward the house, Rick stood near the patio doors and watched, feeling disappointed that he hadn't been able to console her at the time, but was glad she had someone. He didn't know a lot about Mark, except for what he told him during their time of waiting in the hospital, but he felt he was a good person.

When Mark ushered Dee Dee into the house, Rick reached out to hug Dee Dee. She was hesitant to comply, but followed through. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Dee Dee nodded as they pulled apart.

When everyone was gone, Dee Dee and Anna decided that the day had been long enough for them and they both went up to bed.

The next morning, Dee Dee managed to pull her weary body up to sit in the middle of the bed. her head ached from a restless sleep and lack of nourishment. She chose not to take the medication to help her sleep, thinking it would cause her to feel less like herself. She now thought that maybe feeling less like herself wouldn't have been a bad thing for today.

"Today's the day. The day that I bury my husband and my baby. They'll never come back to me. I know it's real, but it's like a nightmare. Oh, God I don't want it to be real. I don't want them to be gone. How can this be? What did I do to make you take them away? God, what did I do?"

Anna's voice from the other side of the door stirred Dee Dee from her thoughts. She asked if she would join her downstairs for some breakfast, and though Dee Dee declined, Anna pleaded with her to at least have some toast. She felt relieved when Dee Dee finally agreed to the light breakfast.

Dee Dee was nearly finished dressing when the first of the guests arrived. She brought one of her new dresses from home for the service. It was chiffon in a soft lilac color, sleeveless with a matching bolero jacket with delicate lilac piping along the bottom hems of the skirt and jacket. She styled her hair with large soft curls, allowing them to fall across her shoulders. Her makeup, the most she'd worn in days, was still minimal, but helped to make her look less worn.

At 12:45pm, the limousine was parked in front of Anna's house. Those riding in the limo would be Dee Dee, Anna, Rick, Charlie, Mark, Kitty and Brad. The others would either follow in their own cars or would already be at the church. When Dee Dee made it downstairs, the minister gathered everyone into a circle for prayer. Once he was finished, they all proceeded to move outdoors and to the cars.

As Dee Dee and her companions entered the church, all eyes were on her, and she she kept her focus on the several dozens of flower baskets and stands that surrounded the two coffins. Alex's was a rich cherry wood with brass handles. He always said that he'd never want a big fuss made over his funeral, so Dee Dee kept her promise and much as possible. She had never made such a promise to her baby boy. AJ...little Alexander Jr., was resting on a bed of baby blue satin in coffin of white with pale blue shading. On the inside top was an imprint of a sleeping baby and lyrics to Brahms Lullaby -

Good evening, good night,
With roses adorned,
With carnations covered,
Slip under the covers.
Tomorrow morning, if God wants so,
you will wake once again.

Good evening, good night.
By angels watched,
Who show you in your dream
the Christ-child′s tree.
Sleep now peacefully and sweetly,
see the paradise in your dream.

Continuing to show her independence, she walked just slightly ahead of those who were with her. Rick walked with Anna while Charlie and the others were just steps behind. Everyone else had already viewed the bodies, and now it was the family's turn. As they moved closer, Dee Dee's chest began to tighten, but she pressed on. She arrived at Alex's coffin, first. She noted how handsome he looked in his white dinner jacket. It was supposed to be given to him as his birthday present. She felt her heart sink at recalling the last moment of his life and how much they'd planned to achieve during their time together. When she moved to see her baby, also wearing his birthday gift, she broke down at seeing her precious child looking as beautiful and as perfect as a porcelain doll in his white sailor suit and matching hat. The funeral director had made sure to place Jaeden's gift in the crook of the baby's left arm so it looked as if he were cradling it.

"AJ, baby. Mommy loves you so much. I can't believe this happened. My heart aches without you. I feel like I'm dying. I wish I could have saved you, and I hope you can forgive me. I'm so sorry. So sorry, baby. Please forgive me. Please forgive me, baby."

Everyone began shedding tears and wishing they could do something to help. Anna couldn't take seeing her daughter in this state, along with seeing her grandchild and son-in-law lying in front of them, knowing she'll never see them again. She broke down in sobs while Rick held her close. Mark moved up and took Dee Dee into his arms and led her to sit down.

During the service, Dee Dee heard bit and pieces of what the minister said as her eyes wandered to the now closed coffins. She felt as if her life was over, than maybe it should be over.

During the drive to the cemetery, during the closing of the service and during the drive home, and at home, she maintained the same demeanor. Silent. Weary. Furious. Hurt. Disappointed.

It wasn't until everyone except for Rick had left the house that she set her emotions free. She'd gone upstairs and changed into shorts and a t-shirt while Rick and Anna talked over coffee in the kitchen.

"I see you're still here." Dee Dee said as she entered the kitchen and saw Rick. Her tone proved that she was annoyed.

"Yeah, but only for a few minutes." Rick replied.

Though Anna noticed her daughter's tone, she hoped that a few moments alone with Rick would allow them to work on what was bothering her. "I'm going up to bed, now." Anna announced. "Rick, thank you so much for everything." She kissed his cheek.

"You're welcome. Have a good night."

"You, too." Anna moved to hug her daughter. "Goodnight, honey. I love you."

"Goodnight, mom. I love you, too." When Anna left, Dee Dee sat at the table while Rick remained at the counter.

"Do you need me to do anything?" He asked.

"No. Nothing." Dee Dee answered coldly.

Rick didn't want to upset her, but he felt he was owed some sort of explanation as to what he'd done to make her so upset with him. "Dee Dee, what have I done? I've noticed that since...the accident, you've been distant...angry with me. Why?"

Dee Dee could feel her body tense up as her heart pounded. She folded her arms on the table and looked away.

"Please tell me what it is." Rick asked.

Dee Dee scoffed and shook her head. "How can you sit there and act is if you don't know what you did?"

"I swear I don't know." Puzzled, Rick moved to the table and sat across from her. "Tell me."

Dee Dee pursed her lips and then in tearful fury, released the answer. "It's your fault that my baby and husband are dead! You're the reason they're dead!"

(Continued...)