(Chapter Ten)
The accusation was so shocking to Rick that he couldn't speak and looked at Dee Dee in absolute confusion. He thought that surely she didn't mean it, but why would she say such a horrible thing? Her mental state was in turmoil, so maybe she'd blocked out the actual event and was becoming delusional. He was afraid of what she'd say next, but needed to hear an explanation.
"Dee, Dee, don't you remember what happened?" Rick tried to take her hand into his. "There was an accident. A truck crashed into..."
"Of course I remember the accident!" Dee Dee moved her hand before Rick could reach it. "I was there when it happened! I was there to see my family die!" She stood and leaned against the counter as her eyes became dark with rage. "I saw it all! I know exactly what happened!"
Anna heard the commotion and hurried down to the kitchen. "Dee Dee, what's wrong?"
With pain in her eyes, Dee Dee looked at her mother and pointed at Rick. "He's what's wrong! He killed my family!"
"What?" Shocked, Anna looked to Rick who was still seated and shaking his head in disbelief. "Honey, why would you say that?"
Dee Dee sighed and softened her voice. "Because it's true. He took my family away from me."
"No, honey." Anna pulled her daughter into her arms. "We know what happened."
Dee Dee pulled herself from her mother's arms in anger. "I know what happened! I'm the one that knows exactly what happened, mom!"
Anna's eyes welled with tears as she grew more worried about her daughter's behavior. "I'm sorry sweetheart. I didn't mean to upset you." She looked to Rick who was obviously hurt and confused, but was trying to make sense of the situation. While he continued to do so, she slipped out of the kitchen and into the living room.
Rick knew that Dee Dee was in a bad way and wouldn't have been surprised by a breakdown at some point, but he never expected this; to be accused of killing her family.
He slowly gathered his courage to speak. "Dee Dee, don't you know that I'd never do anything to hurt you or your family? I loved AJ, and you know that Alex and I were getting along."
Dee Dee slammed her fist against the counter. "You didn't love my baby! If you loved him he'd still be here!" She turned away from Rick and began to cry. "I loved my baby! You didn't love him at all!"
Rick wanted so badly to wrap his arms around her, but knew she wouldn't dare let him come near her. His heart was crumbling at seeing her in such a way and knowing that in her mind, he was the cause. There was nothing he could do to help her. He sat quietly as tears began to roll down his cheeks.
Mark Atkins found it hard to wind down from the days events. He was tired, but the visions of all that has gone on in the past few days; the accident, Dee Dee's grieving, and the funeral were keeping him far from being relaxed. He thought that seeing the accident and knowing that Dee Dee's family had perished, was hard for him to take, but seeing the baby in his coffin was nearly too much to bear. Until little AJ, he'd been blessed in never having to attend a child's funeral. He hoped to God that he'd never know the pain that Dee Dee was feeling.
He was slightly startled by the ringing phone which interrupted his thoughts.
"Hello?"
"Mark, it's Anna. I hope I'm not disturbing you, but..."
"What's wrong?" With Anna's tone, Mark knew immediately that something was out of sorts.
"It's Dee Dee. She's not acting like herself at all. Something's really wrong. She's accusing Rick of the accident."
"Accusing Rick?"
"Yes, she's crying and yelling at him. She said that she remembers the accident, but she keeps saying that it was Rick's fault. She's not making any sense at all, and I don't know what to do. Will you come over and …."
"I'm on my way." Mark had been wondering how Dee Dee maintained her sanity, and now he was worried that she may be losing it. As he rushed to get out to his car, his heart-rate increased with anxiety and concern as he had no idea of what he would do to help. He'd only known Dee Dee for a little under two weeks, but he'd grown to truly care for her and felt that he needed to continue to offer her any means of support that he had.
When Anna returned to the kitchen, she saw that Dee Dee was seated on a stool at the counter and was resting her head on her folded arms. She then looked to Rick who was still at the table and wiping the tears from his eyes. He shook his head "no" to let Anna know that nothing had changed. "Dee Dee?" Anna began. "Do you want to take the medication the doctor prescribed?"
"No." Dee Dee answered. "What I want is for him to leave. I want him to go."
Rick closed his eyes and sighed in distress before turning to Dee Dee. "Please, Dee Dee. Please understand that I didn't hurt your family. I swear I didn't. I was still in LA when the accident happened."
Dee Dee turned to Rick with a cold stare. "Shut up! Shut up and get out!" She rushed out of the kitchen and ran upstairs, slammed the bedroom door behind her and lay on the bed with her son's bear in her arms. "Why did he do this to me...to us. Why? I hate him."
Rick and Anna both sat at the table, worried, confused and teary-eyed.
"I don't know what to make of it." Anna confessed. "Do you think she's having a breakdown?"
Rick's words were momentarily caught in his throat. "Um...I think it's quite possible. She's obviously confused and with all the stress..." It shook him to think that she could be suffering so much that seriously affecting her mental health. "I don't know if I should try to talk to her again or just leave."
"If you don't mind, will you please stay for a little while?" Anna asked. "I called Mark. Maybe the two of you together can talk to her and maybe we can all get her to the hospital." Anna began to cry at the thought, though she knew Dee Dee needed help.
"I'll stay." Rick replied quietly after a ragged sigh and took Anna's hand into his. "I have to at least try to help, even if she doesn't want me to."
Within half an hour of Anna's call, the doorbell rang. Rick followed Anna as she went to answer. And once Mark was inside, the three sat and he was filled in on a few more details.
He found it hard to believe that Dee Dee would lay blame on Rick as they all knew he was innocent, but at the same time, he felt that maybe her behavior shouldn't be too much of a surprise, considering all that she's endured. He saw the accident and he saw her suffering begin from the start. He wouldn't be surprised if anyone in her position would be able to keep their sanity for very long.
He saw the pain and fear in their eyes, and could only imagine how much more extreme the suffering for Dee Dee was.
Mark didn't hesitate to at least attempt to help. "I don't know if she'll let me, but I'll try to talk to her."
Anna showed him to Dee Dee's room and quietly returned to her post downstairs.
"Dee Dee?" Mark knocked on the door. "It's Mark. Can I come in?"
"Mark?"
"Yes, it's me. I'd like to talk to you."
Dee Dee was slow to answer as her breathing was staggered due to her sobbing. "Uh...okay...come in."
Mark entered slowly and quietly. He saw that Dee Dee was curled up on the bed; her upper body moving involuntarily due to her uncontrollable sobbing. He stood beside the bed and spoke softly to her. "I'm sorry you're still hurting. Tell me what I can do to help."
His heart skipped a beat at seeing how much she was suffering and he silently prayed for guidance in helping her. In order to keep from invading her space, he looked at the window seat as he felt it was best to sit there, but when Dee Dee sat up to take a tissue from the bedside table, she didn't lie back down, but took Mark's hand in hers and looked up at him with grief clearly displayed in her eyes.
"Why did he do it?" She asked. "Why did he do this to me?"
"I don't know what you mean?" Mark sat beside her. "Tell me."
"Rick...is the cause of...Alex and AJ's...deaths." Dee Dee heaved a deep and ragged sigh and put her head against Mark's shoulder. "They're gone...because of him."
Mark's stomach churned at the idea of Dee Dee's suffering being the cause of her mind failing her, causing her to forget what actually happen that horrible day. "Why do you say that? Rick really cares for you. He and your mom are downstairs and are so worried about you."
Surprised, Dee Dee sat up and looked at Mark. "Rick is still here?"
"Yes, he's here." Mark noted the immediate change in Dee Dee's expression; anger overruling sorrow. She pulled herself up and away from Mark and rushed out of the room.
"Dee Dee, wait a minute!" He called to her but she had made it halfway downstairs before he reached the top of the staircase. She entered the living room so quickly that she took her mother and Rick by surprise. She stood in front of Rick who looked up to see absolute anger burning in her eyes. Before he could even express a thought, Dee Dee gave him an order.
"Get out." She said in a low and solid tone.
"Dee Dee, please tell me what's wrong." He pleaded. "I want to help you."
"I said get out."
Mark was now standing beside the sofa near Anna, watching as Dee Dee displayed a side of herself never seen by any of them.
Rick shook his head. "No, I'm not leaving until we can talk."
"I don't want to talk to you." Dee Dee replied sternly. "I want you to leave and never come back."
"Dee Dee?" Mark called. "Will you at least tell me what he's done? You didn't finish telling me upstairs." He sat beside Anna who nervously dabbed her eyes with a tissue.
"They didn't tell you?" Dee Dee asked Mark.
He was hesitant to answer, but knew that he could be nothing but honest with Dee Dee. She deserved that much. "They told me that you've said Rick is the reason that you lost your family."
"That's right." Dee Dee moved across the room and stood with he arms folded, her focus remaining on Rick. "I've known the truth all along, but I didn't say a word. I was angry...getting more and more angry at him by the day for what he did."
Everyone looked at her and then to one another in utter confusion.
With his stomach twisting in knots, Rick built his courage and spoke again. "Dee Dee, I don't know what's going on...what's got you thinking this way, but I love you." His eyes watered and his voice cracked. "I've loved you practically since the second we met and I'll always love you. God knows that I could never, ever hurt you the way you say I have."
Dee Dee stood up and slammed her fist against the back of the chair. "You don't love me! If you love me, why did you let me go?" She began pacing the floor. "You let me go, Rick! If you hadn't..." The words were caught in her throat and her eyes filled with tears as the painful flashbacks began. She took in a sharp breath as her emotions grew stronger; her voice beginning to tremble as she began to sob. "When I was here...pregnant with AJ...if you loved me, you would have asked me to...stay. I wouldn't have...gone back...to Alex! My baby would have been...born here and he'd be with us...with me...he'd be alive! You were supposed to take care of us, but you didn't! You didn't care! You let me go back to Alex!"
Mark, Rick and Anna now saw that some of the puzzle pieces began to form a picture of her suffering. They looked on as her pace increased and she expressed herself even further.
"I loved Alex, but...it wasn't like I loved...you!"She stopped pacing for a moment and focused on Rick, again. "You didn't want me, so I tried to love him the way...that I loved you, but it never happened! It never happened because... I wasn't meant to be with him!" Her heart raced as she stepped away from Rick and took a seat. She wrapped her arms around herself and moved her hands up and down them as if to try and warm herself. "I blame Alex, too! I hate him for...being so damned careless! He drove...in front of that...truck and my baby is dead! The both of you took my baby...from me! I hate both of you! I hate you!"
As the others took on more answers, each shedding tears of their own, they felt a sense of relief in knowing why she felt the way she did, but at the same time they couldn't begin to imagine what it must be like to endure such agony and a feeling of being betrayed by those who loved her.
Dee Dee found it harder to breathe as her chest was constricted with the thriving of her anguish. "You didn't love...me enough...to...to...make me...stay! My baby...is dead...because you...didn't...didn't make me...stay!"
(Continued...)